I sat by the window side at the bus
And ate some chocolate cake with gusto
Headaches from last night's partying
And suddenly I dozed off while eating

How strange...

Someone tapped me on the shoulder
I ****** and opened up my eyes
And saw you with your gentle smile
My face with smudges of chocolate

How embarrassing...

You asked if the seat beside me was vacant
I nodded unable to speak for shame and fear
Of opening my mouth full with chocolate cake
Too conscious how my teeth would look like

How pathetic...

Side by side, hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder
Instantly felt the warmth of your smooth skin
You glanced at me and smiled again very slowly
My cheeks were blushing of my indecent thoughts

How pitiful...

You asked softly if where my destination was
I answered politely afraid of looking directly
Too distracted by the musky scent you have in you
I wanted to ask what perfume you were wearing

How awkward...

The journey was tediously long and I had hangover
We sat there for five hours in companionable silence
But my insides were screaming with excitement
By your mere presence, I felt I was safe and sound

How weird...

"Excuse me sir, may I pass?" I nudged you respectfully
Your eyes widened a little bit and nodded in silence
I got off the bus and stared as it continued on the road
Regretted that I never even dared to ask for your name

How hopeless...

​I was young and full of dreams
Wanting to be with you always
So I let my black hair grow long
'Til it would reach your heart​

You glanced at me many times
And I was too shy to confess
I looked at the skies everyday
As I brushed my cascading mane

I imagined your hands on me
Your fingers were so soft
Telling me that you adore me
As you ******* my long hair

The sun gave way to the moon
Silky black turned to gray
But still my hair is flowing
Past my untamed bitter heart

I look sadly at the starlit skies
When I alone brush my long tresses
Remembering regrets of the past
And knowing you bind up her hair.

I am crying not because I am jealous of your lot. You deserve that happiness friend. You deserve that love that you have kept and nurtured for ten seasons of summer and rain.

I am not tearful because I am afraid that in time I will be alone. I will never be able to experience clandestine kisses nor embraces from another. I expect and prepare myself to be on my own.

I am weeping because as I assist you on your wedding day it will be the last time that we share that moment as maidens. The thread of being sisters of circumstance will be cut as you say “I do”. Somehow our worlds will part as your groom will take you by his side.

My feelings are stuck in my mind
If you have time to listen - be so kind.
You are unromantic is what they tell
But my heart knows no reasons why I fell.

You pass me by daily without a glance
A glimpse from you is one in a million chance.
My soul cries of craving for you - only you
Please Sir, hear my feelings oh so true!

Do not close the door of destiny on me
Open the ears of your heart and set me free.
I do not dare ask that you love me in return
Let me confess my emotions which brightly burn.

Love,
Your secret admirer

I am a farm girl or love to pretend that I am one

I graduated with BS Psychology degree in 2009

Yet worked in a retail company for many many years.



I dreamed to be a clinical psychologist you know

As I counted the stocks and boxes in the warehouse

And voided transactions at the check-out-counters.



I desired to help people on how to deal with life's problems

Yet I could not cope up with my own majestic failures

The reality hit like a truck when I did not pass the exam.



I wallowed in the mud of self - pity and bitter tears

As I planted those leeks, basil, onions, peppers and dills

And waited patiently for the babies to sprout and grow.



I sowed dreams yet I nurtured other things like nightmares

And I reaped unrealistic, unhealthy desires and I cried hard

What happened to those teenage aspirations that I had?

So wonderfully and fearfully made…
And through you God’s beauty is displayed.
Only Him and none can make you feel satisfied…
In trying times on His word diligently abide.
Roses are red and waterfalls of tears are blue,
Sometimes life is filled with lies that seemed true,
Everything passes but the Lord will guide you through.

Never ever forsake your family and friends…
Inspire them with your essence until the end.
Kneel when you can’t carry the yoke any longer…
On your knees and folded hands Jesus will take over.
Learn things seriously and take rejection politely…
A** smile on your face every time you hurt terribly.

So wonderfully and fearfully molded don’t forget…
And you are made whole even if life’s not perfect.
Love, faith and joy are your simple treasures…
Take them with you in your every adventure.
In giving your all expect nothing in return,
Nurture the seeds of every blessing earned,
Go and make your heart’s fire brightly burn.

I know for you this is queer
The words you are going to hear
I’ve never done this before
And I’m askin you not to close the door.

I got to let you know that I love you
Please don’t doubt it, it’s true.
I got to let you know I care,
And for you I’ll always be there.

I wanna give my love to you completely
Begging you to listen to me
I’m hoping to open up your eyes
To let you see my love is not a lie.

You made me weak beyond control
And I had you in my soul
I love you more than life itself
Be my man & I wouldn’t love anyone else.

Ninety-three years seem long
But life is short -
How youth seems strong
But life is short -
How you love and give,
Life is still short -
How "is" a few minutes ago
Became a "was"
Oh, life is so short.

"Ninety-three years seem long
But life is short -
How youth seems strong
But life is short -
How you love and give,
Life is still short -
How "is" a few minutes ago
Became a "was"
Oh, life is so short."

If dreams can only be true,
Then in my life I can have you.
If dreams can be so real,
Then it’s your love I can feel.

I can see you face to face,
In any time at any place.
I can always be with you,
And prove what I feel for you is true.

You’ll never be a character in a book,
For which I am very hooked.
You’ll never be in my imaginations,
But a part of the real world’s situation.

I can touch your face with my fingertips,
And I can kiss your lovely lips.
I can be a heroine in your life,
And save you from sorrows and strife.

If only you can leap through the books’ pages,
And have life to the end of ages.
If only you live in reality,
Then I am able to erase my fantasies.

I can wait ‘till the ends of time,
Until this poem runs out of rhyme.
I can love you forever,
Like the song The 12th of Never.

But all I can do is dream,
Dream ‘till the fire runs out of gleam.
Until my life here is longer no more,
I am sure you will always be staying in a bookstore.

9:30 pm when my mom called me at work
Telling me to leave for a couple of weeks
My father had less than 5 days here on earth
Dying from pancreatic cancer...

I felt that the walls around me came closing in
I heard my spirit and soul got crushed into pieces
I felt the universe stopped for a couple of minutes
Yet I moved because my shift's till 10 o'clock...

I texted my buddies if they were free that night
I needed someone to lean on or cry on
I wanted someone to comfort me in any ways
None replied except "him"...

The one I secretly called my "Mr. Left" for years
Whom I confessed my love two years prior
Who didn't want my romantic feelings for him to grow
Who I stayed friends with despite his rejection...

"I'm at a nearby park just strolling," he texted me
My heart beat wildly with certain decisions to make
Should I go and accompany him around the city?
Should I accept the comfort he's going to offer me?

I closed the store and blinked back the tears
That starlit night I walked around the blocks in daze
Until I arrived at the park which he told me minutes ago
And then I stepped back and went inside a karaoke bar...

I sang in the darkness for two hours - completely alone
Pouring my grief, fears and heartbreak into nothingness
He never texted me again and I knew then that it ended
A Premonition of a dying friendship with him...

A person gets easily fall when he/she is vulnerable
My mother's words rang between the melodies
He was available that night yet I chose myself
To be with me, to be in touch with my own grief...

Soothing myself, "He would never understand anyway..."
Rationalizing, "I'd fall for him again if I did go..."
Better be alone and cry for many things in the night
Than to mistake his comfort as romantic love...

You are so **** and hot to look at
When you gorge on that strawberry
I remember the time you showed me
How you like your fruit to be -

You licked it making sure it’s wet
I gasped when the coldness hit me
You nipped and peeled the skin gently
My ***** heaved wantonly at the touch
You ****** with ardour all the juices
My mind ran havoc not knowing what to do -

You stare and wink at me naughtily
That devilish grin now you just make
You know that I recall what you did
When you tasted and I was your fruit

Twenty seven years:
Of doubt and fears
Silence and tears
Future is unclear.

New identity embrace:
Not just a fad or craze
Done walking in a maze
Yep happily I am an Ace.

I buried him somewhere…
When I go to bed at night,
I checked the closet and he’s not there,
I tried under my bed and he’s not there.

Surely he’s dead for I buried him somewhere,
I am a woman now and not a frantic child,
It’s been a long while since I have not visited his grave,
Pray then, why must he appear now?

I tried hard to move on with life,
I persevered to love and accept myself,
I opened my heart to forgive my own,
My being is as wide as the skies.

I found solace in the plateau of my existence,
Why must he visit now?
Truly, I buried him somewhere,
And I swore he’ll never see me again.

He’s there trying to taunt and torture me,
He’s the one who mocks me,
He scoffs me when I search for happiness,
He laughs when I try beating myself.

Nightmares haunt me even at day,
He was the devil himself,
He, a vile and a disgusting man,
Who touched and fondled me in my innocent years.

He violated my freshness to rotten,
And it took me years to pick up the pieces,
Now that I’m almost whole I couldn’t understand,
Why must he resurrect in my dreams?

I am a woman and I still live,
Yet fear still envelopes my being,
I can never forgive and I will never forget,
But surely, I buried him somewhere…

My superman, my duke, my demigod!
Ahh your visage was absolute perfection!
"I'm in control, you're in my world now"
I chanted in my thoughts many times -

I approached you with so much confidence
Femininity was my golden armour
Seduction was my double edged sword
Slowly, lustily, hungrily - - - -

WAIT!

****! This dream was my realm
Then why was she here with you?
I gulped down my surprise because
You stared and smiled at me gently

"Oh, my prince charming" I thought
You nodded at me and said respectfully
"My fiance & I would like to order our lunch..."
I didn't hear you because I fell on a black-hole!

I suddenly woke up with tears on my cheeks
I didn't know which was worse actually
My dream last night about you and her or
The reality that you will never be mine - - -

I have no right to be jealous,
Of you and that perfect woman.
She is definitely yours,
And you are hers of course.

I have no right to be jealous,
If you brushed your fingers through her hair.
You look at her divinely in the eyes,
And mine are misty for my heart cries.

I have no right to be jealous,
If you kiss her ever so softly.
You whisper her words of caress,
I'm locking my soul in self-made fortress.

I have no right to be jealous,
When you speak her name gently.
Drawling each syllable with care,
I wish to have that girl's name to be fair.

I have no right to be jealous,
When you give her the whole universe.
You offer her the most simple "I love you",
I yearn to reply freely "me too".

I know when life abandoned me
When dreams and the future slipped away
When the joy and freedom died

I exactly know the time when fear called
When confusion clouded my eyes
When loath lived in my heart

I know when hope and despair united
When tears fell nightly of shame
When love is just another word

The moment when secrets are revealed
The cure of it is nowhere to be found
When I found out of my chronic illness

Hello, how are you? I’m fine thank you
What? Oh yes, this is our first meeting
I’m amazed how destiny plays a trick
My friend is lucky to have known you
And you’re blessed to have met her too

But you’re a sly one if I may say

I heard that you had plans hand in hand
You know those building futures together
Flowers she wanted to use for decorations
Red shoes she desired to catwalk the aisle
Kisses she wanted to plant on you daily

Castles in the air that’s all she has now

I want to be bold and shout at you mightily
How can you leave her without saying goodbye?
You’re jilting her at the altar of her dreams
My shoulders are stiff from her silent crying
I want to be angry with you but I know I can’t

You’re there lying peacefully in your coffin.

BER months are moving fast
Making me remember the past.
Never thought August would fly by
Easily disposed making me cry.

Wherever you go, whatever you do
You won't know my heart is with you.
You were the light at the end of the tunnel
Yet you doused the flame - so cruel!

Loving you quietly but my eyes are loud
Your success always makes me proud.
You said we will always be friends
Yet you left me hanging dry in the end.

Adieu, farewell, so long, goodbye
Don't come back even if you try.
I love you still but I won't be here
In silence, I kiss you and dry your tears.

I was your admirer during college years
Discretely looking at you limping away
To your classes looking alone and aloof

One afternoon at the canteen, I blocked your path
You blurted something while I stepped back
Your words made me feel giddy and restless!

You graduated first and I grew up also
And I thought I forgot my silly crush on you
Until I saw you limping inside a mall - - -

There were romantic comedy movies in my head
I, the heroine and you the Hero - imperfect pairs
Strangers at the university and ended as one - -

But you had a girl friend, my friends announced
I smiled while looking at you limping away again
My prince was at last taken by someone else - - -

Today I learned from my BFFs that you are gone
An accident yesterday and proclaimed as DOA
You're so young at early 30s and I - - - sigh- - - - -

One of my regrets in life is not telling you about me
That I existed somewhere in your timeline on earth
I wanted to confess and yet was afraid and now this

I admire you secretly and now I cry quietly
Sadly, we only exchanged two words in this lifetime
It was at the canteen when I blocked your path


You said, "Excuse Me!" and I just stood there speechless.

And all the journeys I made were worth it:
The offerings to the Gods above
The whispers to the Gods beneath
The curses to the humans on earth
The idolatry of my heart to others
Fornication of my dreams with impostors
Robbery of my hopes from other couples
Almost ****** of the thing called "love"

You awaken me from the slumber with a kiss
Tears cascaded as your lips brush softly
But the silver droplets belong to you
"Why are you crying?" I asked of you
"I thought you were lost to me" you reply
If this is what it feels to kiss you my love
I will hold on for another decades for it
I will endure another 500 years of waiting

The texture reminds me of you
Soft, silky fragile yet durable
The design makes me think of you
Very flamboyant yet inspiring.

I kept these gifts for the past years
Eight summers to be exact
Cherishing them like you cared for me
Afraid of losing the scent of you.

You’ve come and go like you always do
Leaving me waiting and craving
Please don’t bring kimonos anymore
Your presence or your heart is enough.

Your friendship is like a kiss of death
It is better in the beginning
But slowly poisoning me with your affection.

And when I cling to you for strength
And when I need your breath in me
You silently draw away and leave me.

Better put a sting on my tongue
And punch me on the face than
Leaving me in silence and confusion.

I put little folded papers in a jar –
Yes and No in minute scribbles
Let the game of human and God begin

Will I marry in the future?
Shake! Shake! Shake!

My heart flutters in anticipation
Surely a Yes will come out
Let my supplication be answered

NO!

Another round with the same question.
Shake! Shake! Shake!

Hope still embraces my beating heart
This is still the second round
Chances of having a Yes is great

NO!

Another round for “Will I ever marry?”
Shake! Shake! Shake!

I am anxious now for the next result
Third is the final answer
But I want to experience love.

NO!

Oh, let’s play again Lord next year.

Can you smell the scent of passion?
Mine - my pheromones sprinkling tonight
Baptizing you with my ardour and lust.

Let my voice guide you sweetly to your end
Whisper to you the delicious promises
Whiteness and warmth comfort me for tomorrow.

Can you feel the slightest touch?
My feather-like kisses blow your mind
Engulfing you in satins, laces and ribbons!