To the niqab girl whom I met in Cagaya De Oro City
You were in front of me as we waited in line for hours
We smiled first politely and then we began to talk,
We Shared different insights in almost everything:
Your face veiling practice in Islam fascinated me
My headcovering as Christian piqued your curiosity
Conversations turned to fashion, extremism, and Filipinos,
You saw my face and I saw your beautiful eyes
Yet we never asked each other's names or Facebook accounts,
We were different yet somehow we mirrored each other;
Different religions yet linked by passion to serve God
Different ethnicity and language yet tied by nationality.

It's been weeks since the Marawi siege and I think of you
Hoping that every niqab girl I see in Iligan is you
We were strangers that rainy afternoon of June 2016
Yet I grieve for your loss - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Words are not enough to comfort you sister of the stars but
May your Allah guide and protect you in these times
May my Jesus cover you with His precious Holy blood,
To the niqab girl whom I met in Cagayan De Oro City
Perhaps we'll never see each other again in the future but
Thank you for letting me see the beauty of cultural diversity
And that coexistence is possible if we have open minds
And living in harmony is attainable if we open our hearts.

I am just a nobody who tries to be somebody
But then my efforts are not seen
My struggles are buried in the dessert.
          I could taste the sounds of time in my mouth
          I could pick out the grime and mud between my teeth.

What have become of you? My coach asked
Have I become a better or a worse person?
In these hapless times I couldn’t identify at all.
          I could stretch my hands towards the sun
          And feel the fire exploding on my burnt fingers

You belong in a better place, a friend commented
Oh yes I believe in what she said
But what kind of place will accept me?
          I could finally lie down on top of an iceberg
          And melt with it when the sun shines

          In time I will melt
          And nobody will feel it

I loved you faithfully for years but you love another,
And told me to stop my feelings because it's a bother.
We were friends yet you chose someone else - - - her,
And said that she's the one,  the road to your forever!


Sometimes you held and kissed her gently in front of me,
I was standing there fighting hard to control my jealousy!
My eyes might flicker, my smile falter and my voice break,
Actions I could hide by sighing but feelings I never fake.


I wanted to shout to you "Please look at me and love ME!"
Or do something to set my emotions, my love for you free.
I wanted to run and passionately rain kisses all over you,
But as always white turned black and red changed to blue.



I am still here standing and that my heart isn't really aching,
Looking at you, I just only hear it  quietly and rapidly breaking.
You never knew that tears fall every night from thinking of you,
For despite all the pains you unknowingly caused, I still love you.

I am listening to an old cassette tape in the living room
I am all alone... nobody's home.
I want to shout to the world, I want to slap someone, to punch anybody.
My guts are bulging, my nose is flaring.
I could hear my heart beat in my ears.
Lub-dub Lub-dub Lub-dub Lub-dub
My foul mouth is ready to fire a bazooka.
Is this the life I have chosen?
Yes and no, I cannot answer one.
Maybe is my bet.

I want to reach the stars and taste
The flaming fire in my mouth
I want to **** the sun and be done with it.
BOOOOOOM!!
My ****** body is hesitant to do things,
Yet my mind rumbles and grumbles from
The ground to the heavens.
Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggghhh!!
I am past of my blooming years literally,
Yet here I am so late and blind and coward
To face the changing world.

Yes indeed I am a ******,
And life is slowly ****** me.

Red bean bun and meat bun you always share
With me when we were young
When we sat at the sidewalks and
Watched the world passed us by
Talking different things under the sun.

Red bean bun and meat bun you lovingly gave
To me when you prepared to leave town
When from seedling you you grew into a tree
Testing your wings to fly like a bird
Wanting to see the whole universe.

Red bean bun and meat bun now you shared
With me when you came back home
When my heart fluttered to welcome you
At the same time crying when you found her
Realizing that you only treat me like a lil sister.

Her blond hair is thick and flowing
Like her voice which calms the senses
Her lips are red, pouty and kissable
Her figure is curvy yet proportioned
Her disposition is sweet, polite and kind.

And I am wrong, aren't I?
To let her captivate me even as a woman
Because you noticed what I said earlier
And she glanced back at you and smiled
And I let her take you away from me.

She's beautiful, isn't she?
That's why you made her your wife
And not I...

I was a flower starting to bloom, curious on life, wanting to love, starving to dream of worldly and unworldly things. The little girl inside me was dancing with glee as I waited to be eighteen. An age to be an adult.

I wanted to be free.

My flower withered in these ten years past. I wanted too much of everything yet I never saved anything for myself. I gained something and I lost a lot. I reached almost the peak and here I am back at the beginning.

Freedom has its responsibilities.

I never thought there'd be the day,
That I'd be meeting your gaze.
It was accidental I'm pretty sure,
Swift like blinking yet so pure.

I've always admired you before,
Your skills make my spirit soar.
Now it seems you are so near,
Every encounter in my brain is clear.

I'm young and the road is long,
And she has your heart all along.
I'll keep my admiration for a while,
And lovingly watch you with a smile.

You are a friend to other people but are You my friend?
You treat them with special care but do you treat me thus?
You give them all: time, love, effort but why do you give me little?
You say you love me truly or do you really love me?
Or do you love me because you want something from me?

I hear 'Dear Lord', 'Please Lord', 'Help me Lord',
'Forgive me Lord', 'I love you Lord';
And yet in reality - honestly you do not really care...
You call me when you are hurt, discouraged, failed -
Yet you do not think of me when you are happy.

Am I just a Genie or a Santa Claus to you?
Do you even like me -the "me" - the real me?
Or do you come to me because I am very rich?
Do you even believe that I am real and alive?

You cry when your friends hurt you
Yet you never recognized that I dry your tears -
You deny my attempts to bring you closer - -
It's ironic that you say I cannot understand what you feel - -
I created you in my own image, my strength, my love, my emotions, my prayers

When you feel that others do not love you
Remember - you turn away from me many times
And the feeling of unrequited love you have from others?
I oftentimes feel this one way love from you ...
It hurts, isn't it? That you love and they give back a little - - ?

I know the feeling....I do know the feeling...
But I love you even if you are like that...

I must have touched the heavens today
It weeps for me as I remember you.
Sturdy mask hides a broken spirit
Numb heart embraces a crippled soul.
How many seasons do you have there?
I only have two: sadness and emptiness.
I cannot count from one until eternity
I just let my tears enumerate it for me.
They say prayers move jagged mountains
The pills don’t make me fold my hands.
I gained experiences in life but I lost you
How long will I wait to see you again?
Three six five days and counting…

You held my hand when I was two,
Securing me with your love so true.
A world of beauty and heart so pure,
To my silly pains your smile was cure.


Years flew so fast and I was thirteen,
I was young, impulsive and mean.
Hurts and scars were emotional,
Your soothing words made me well.


Now that I am already twenty two,
I'm miles and miles away from you.
I oftentimes think of your embrace,
Every thought is a moment's bliss.


I have my own battles to fight,
You taught me to cling to Christ tight.
When tears fall because of missing you,
I just remember how you held me when I was two.

Don’t you ever see,
What you have done to me?
I always think of you,
Every moment, through and through.

In the beginning of the day as I wake,
I see your face before the morning breaks.
In the evening, after the sun goes down,
I pray for you before to sleep I lay down.

Even though from me you are far away,
I desire that you’re with me from day to day.
Holding and embracing you in my arms I envision,
I know, I know they’re part of my illusions.

It’s hard for me to say “I hate you”,
And deep inside I love you, I really do.
I tried to vanish you from my mind,
But in my heart it’s you I find.

To another man I searched for the love I wanted,
But I guess my wishes are not granted.
For what’s in my heart I cannot deceive,
The feelings especially for you I conceive.

I am one of those women, who admired you so much,
Yielding for your love and for your touch.
I am one of those unfortunates by whom you cannot love,
For I know there’s someone out there you wanted to have.

So, here I am sitting in a corner,
Certified member of the group Wall Flowers.
It’s you I always wanted to watch,
While you are still seeking for your perfect match.

I’m hurt when you never even glanced at me,
But at least looking at you is free.
I don’t mind if the oil price increases,
But I do care if to me you give only your kisses.

I see your eyes sparkle when you speak her name,
And mine are getting misty for your love I cannot even claim.
It’s enough for me that you know who I am,
The truth is, inside me I’m having a spasm.

I don’t know why for you I fell,
Even to myself the reasons I cannot tell.
It just happened one day,
That I felt something for you in a different way.

I admit I’m a great pretender,
And you are a Heart Breaker.
Leaving those women weeping,
Never minding what they are feeling.

It’s hard for me to act as if everything’s normal,
And deep inside me, I’m having a burial.
I am not mourning for the dead love from you,
I’m grieving for the wasted affection I wanted to share with you.

If I continue to cherish you, I know the consequences,
But still I took the risk by taking the game of chances.
Now, the time wheel is still turning,
And WE don’t know what the future may bring.

Hope is that lonely star in the darkest night,

The golden *** at the end of the rainbow,

The sentinel whenever the past drags me down,

The invisible thread that connects me to life.





It was there when my dad was lying on the hospital bed,

It lingered when I saw him drew his last breath,

It was there when I knew of my chronic disease,

It was there when I learned that I had reproductive problems,

It accompanied me when I was on the operating table,

It was there when I almost lost my brother from stomach ache,

It embraced my mom as she tearfully praised the Lord,

It wiped away our fears and tears in each challenge.





I should have let go when it seemed distant,

I should have let skepticism and bitterness controlled me,

"But this is just a phase," I always murmured in haze,

Despite all of these setbacks,

As I battle with my own demons - -





When anxiety wants to marry me,

When insecurity wants me to be his mistress,

When physical challenges want to bind me,

When my faculty wants to ******* my soul's core,

When my spiritual tank is as empty as the blackhole,

When everything else fails in this world - -





Even if my own self is my enemy,

Even if the flames of pain devours my spirit,

Even if I have to eat muck to exist,

Even if I have to crawl on my belly,

I will fight just to grasp that light at the end of the tunnel.







by SanshiQuimbo (aka Yawina Rada)

This is written for @WPPoetry's contest.

#wattpadpoetry2019

#februaryhasaffection

Where does this loneliness come from?
I have not prepared a feast of welcome.
If I knew it would visit me this time,
I could have saved my best wine.

Where does this emptiness stay?
I have not readied my garlands and leis.
If I knew it would come to see me,
I could have saved my roses and daisies.

Where does this sadness creep?
I have not made any beds to sleep.
If I knew it would give me a call,
I could have saved anything at all.

I told you I didn't do anything wrong,
Yet you believed their lies all along
I was the love of your life remember?
You promised to cherish me forever.

One mistake - and not even on my part,
Tales told viciously just to break my heart
I was on my knees on that 23rd of July
I begged you to listen to my soulful cries.

What did you say on that bleak rainy day?
That I cheated on you and I must pay
Again You never wanted to see my face
And You would never offer a saving grace.

I accepted your harsh decision in blind tears
My heart bled from your punishment severe
I bowed my head not in shame nor regret
I had no dues to pay nor did I have debts.

Years passed and we met accidentally in a store
Your look of shock or surprise I just ignored
I pretended that I never saw nor heard you
But my heart beat faster for you oh so true!

Two years I suffered in silence and fears
Clinging only to my twin boys oh so dear
Proof of our affair to you was suddenly revealed
My pride won, I've my sons from you to shield.

Tell me frankly, what did I ever do to you?
You have your eyes set on me to pursue
Grayish pupils which always left me on trance
Now, You are asking for a second chance?