Compressing my heart
Between the palms of your hands
Tear it into tiny bits
Until nothing else stands
Repeating the words under breath
Love me, Love me not
Debating with your heart
Careful not to get caught
Take heed in my words
And my cries in the night
Spew apologies with guilt
Don't take it too light
Distinguish for yourself
Between right and wrong
Boundaries and respect
Aren't particularly strong
Know my pain on the surface
Change nothing within existence
Haunted feelings unkept
Cause me to grow distance
Decide is what I want
But choice isn't simple
I won't be the one I know
Unfair and Unjust
Knowing too well
Hatred or rejection
I wish not to know
In silence, I shall keep
As feelings begin to grow
Wishing to love you endlessly
And for you to do the same
But I know its hopeless
As your voice still calls her name
A ghost he says
Floating about
An exorcist I say
Is what I'd love to shout
But I know more and more
That's impossible, I doubt
I just want your love with no strings attached
My heart already feels it, But I can't allow it to be unlatched
Secured in the vault, unwavering at its bolts
It can't, I won't allow it to be released
Not until the ghost is gone
Though that won't ever happen
Unless I want to become scorned.
I care beyond the brink of love
I don't wish to leave
But this pain that constantly echos
Causes me to grieve

Please...
Just don't hate me for feeling this way.

-

Stop for a moment
Look around
Observe, Stay silent
Try not to make a sounds

look at that boy on his phone
Sitting in the back, completely alone
But little do you know he's listening in
He knows all the details and places you've been
If you look closely enough you can see his sly G R I N
So watch out for him, cause he knows of your S I N S

Look at the Queen bee of the school
****** uptight, she thinks that she rules
Her possy of friends will surely destroy your life
So beware of her, as the barbie dolls B I T E

Look at the students that blend into the back
Their words and stares will cause you to crack
Mindless zombies acting through spite
Controlled by gossip and tragedy delight
So choose wisely who you befriend
Cause otherwise it will surely be your E N D

Look around you, You're surrounded by liars
Backstabbers, Fuckbois, *****'s galore
But you know what. Its really okay
Because you still have your friends at the end of the day

There are many different people that will still have your back
Some may stay while others will attack
Observe and look out for those around you
And then in return. they will do the same for you

So hold on tight your in for a ride
Its going to be up and down
And sometimes you'll even cry
But I promise you,
You're not going to die

You'll make it through this
Trust me I know
The acts will keep changing
But don't forget

You're the main show.

It's like poison
Toxic, deadly and addicting
Coasing through my body
Clouding my mind
Taking over

Its consuming me
Within this detrimental thing called love
An Unstoppable force
Thats made its way into the deepest crevices of my heart

Its burning my lungs
Suffocating, tightening its grip
Firmly planted down
And unwilling to let go

A hallucinogen, stimulant
Drug trip made for two
Infused within my soul
Glowing with a venomous hue

Its posion is bitter sweet
The promise of affection drawing me in
Filling me with contentment
Before the consequences set in filling me with resentment

Its intoxicating
An endless haze of love, destruction and despair
A drug that ive become reliant on
The pain and suffering to prove that i am there

Allowing me to reach my high
Happiness and never ending bliss awaits
Though with every high comes a even worse low
Its leaving me on the ground, greif ridden and despondent
Desperatly yearning for what was

Stuck on repeat
In the same mindless cycle
Drawn in by the same toxic poison
Merely by a different name

My addiction called Love

Its been
Days, weeks, months
Since you left me behind
Left me head over heels in "love" with you
You had me thinking that i knew you so well
That I was the best thing in your life
That I was the only thing that you trusted

You had me thinking that you loved me
that you truly did care for me
that our countless messages meant something
that our phone calls every night weren't just out of boredom

You had me thinking that I was worth something
that for once I could be somebodies that person
that every time you walked me to class
and every time you waited for me at the end of the day was because you needed me

I want to scream that you used me
that you lied and it all meant nothing
that you manipulated and stayed cause I was the only one there
that I wasn't the one who made myself believe something that isin't even there

Its been so long since we talked or seen each other
All the reality and words of what people say all start to make sense
I trusted you with everything, took your word above all
But I wonder if that was the right choice to make
If I should have trusted my other friends after all

But your gone now, Theres no need to stress
All the words and things no longer hold any meaning
You don't care about me,  You don't even bother to text
My hollowed out heart doesn't bother anymore
Not after its been broken to it's very core

Sometimes I close my eyes at night
All I can see is your cheerful face
Grinning and laughing, as you did when we were friends
The memories we shared, things like watching our show together, falling asleep in the middays sun and playing video games till we finally won.

And I know that in these moments I was truly happy
I was content, in love and I wished for nothing more.
But as I lay awake I can't help but wonder
Did you really not love me, did you find me a bore?

Was it all really a lie?
Did you truly not care?
Was I nothing more than just a person who happened to be there?
Cause I loved you, loved you so much that it ******* hurt
I blindly gave you everything till I was completely stripped bare

So do enlighten me
Do tell me blunt and clear
Tell me your true feelings
For the whole world to hear

I've been suffering in silence
Not allowing myself to shed a tear
I refused to believe that my love meant nothing
The very thought fills my soul with fear

Tell me so I can cry
Tell me so I can finally move on
Tell me the truth behind it all
Tell me so that I can stop loving you

Cause in my heart you are still
My beloved pedestal boy

Holding a long forgotten bottle
Spritzing it into the air
As the particles sparkle like pixie dust
Glistening gently as you stare

Breathing in the luscious scent
That reminds you of the past
A nostalgic fever rushes over
From the days you wore it last

Flooding your mind like a river
Overwhelming you with youth filled visions
From the you who wore this delicate scent
The you who couldn’t make decisions

As the scent fades away
You return the bottle you found
There it will continue collecting dust
Placed gently without a sound

Consumed by jealously
Beckoned by grief
Where can I possible
Find my relief?

Where the thing that fuels me
Is none other than my friend
With my lover no less
Could this be my end?

To tornment and lies
All I do is continue to cry
To fight this tragedy
I call my real life

And help me if you must
As the ground is unstable
Lend me your hand
Only if your able

I'm falling to the ground
As the world tumbles around
Tossing me like some ***** laundry
Though to this boy I am bound

By the feelings in my heart
Running back in a flee
Why won't you love me!
I continue my pleas

And the answer I got
Was as simple as that
You are not her.