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Nov 2019
I can't love you, Not yet
How can I when your words are so hard to forget?
They aren't malicious, or cruel
they aren't filled with bad intent
But her name keeps ringing in my head

You've fallen in love with me you say

You wouldn't tell me such lies
Though I can't bring myself to believe
Even with that heartfelt look in your eyes
You warm my heart, make me smile
You've shone a new light into my life
You are kind to me, good to me

Though your words conjure strife

I know in your heart you still love her dearly
I would have to be blind in order not to see it so clearly
There is no future in me, as you hurt from the one of her
And perhaps in the years to come you say

Who knows what will happen with her

I don't expect or want plans for a wedding or a family
I just wish that while with me now
You'd think of the us of now
, not a future of her
So how can I love someone who's heart can't choose?
She's like a haunting ghost that's long overdue

And you know it hurts me, it tears me apart
That you're still longing for her not so deep down in your heart
So forgive me for being hesitant and unable to return those words
But I'm only trying to protect myself from the hurt
Because I care about you so dearly it drives me insane
But I can't allow myself to fall in love with you
Not yet

I'm sorry that I'm trying so hard to protect myself, but I know if I allow myself to fall in love I will just be more torn apart in the future. There is no security blanket or safety for being with him forever, I know that and I don't expect that of him, I just want him to believe in us of now, but his longing for her and that future hope of getting back together is what kills me. He cares for me and loves me, but he still loves her as well, So how can I allow myself to be so vulnerable and to give my all to a boy who see's me only as tempory.
I'll never match up to her, so again I'm sorry but I can't allow myself to fall in love with you. Not yet.
Written by
Nyx  18/F/Shadows of the Opera
(18/F/Shadows of the Opera)   
         SafetyWithinWords, Janal Rajput, Surge, Fawn, AC and 3 others
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