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Sep 2019 · 223
Worth & Fear
Nyx Sep 2019
Her worth to you is far greater than mine
And perhaps her love for you as well
You tell me I'm yours, this is true
But these thoughts weight down on my mind

Names flash across your screen
I wonder who it could be?
Heart pounding with curiosity
Though I dare not take a peek

Blind my eyes and close my ears
Don't think too hard, it'll bring you to tears
Though I've seen those pictures still online
And I hear those whispers that are said so carefully

Almost as if they are afraid,
Of c r u s h i n g my heart


With words of comfort, he tells me silence
"You are wonderful, You are beautiful "
But the voices that scream tell me otherwise, crying out
Y O U  W I L L  N E V E R  B E  E N O U G H

Even if my heart is riddled with fear
Inferiority to the girl who once stood
I'll try my hardest to live up to her
To receive the same love and the same worth



But still.... it hurts


-
It just be like that sometimes
Aug 2019 · 87
Comments of you
Nyx Aug 2019
She said you were malicious
To be weary when I see you
Due to the things that she heard
And the comments you made

She told me that there is hidden
Underlying ill intent
He’ll do anything to get to you
She said be careful when I went

Though I never could see it
Behind my rose tinted glasses
That can’t be it now I imagine
I haven’t worn them since our classes

My heartstrings have been tied
Securely attached to another
I care for you that is true
But for my boy I see no other

And when I see you again
That’s if we ever do
I’ll hug you like old friends
That’s just what we always do

Because in my heart you’re still the same
That strange boy that I once knew
And our past filters nostalgic feelings
Though the people we’ve become are all brand new

To that pedestal boy that I once wrote
Endless poems from my heart
Perhaps I’ll see you again someday
But it’s been better that we’re apart
My dear old friend
The memory of our friendship will last
Even though we never did
Regardless of the comments and thoughts of our friends
Nyx Aug 2019
It’s the way she talks, the way she walks
It’s how her hair flows in the wind
There are so many things I don’t know where to begin

Her smile, saying it’ll be worth while
Her eyes that glisten with mischief
Her body and curves
It’s how she acts that gets on my nerves

And of all the people of the world
You are the one I fear the most
I’m so afraid you will take everything
Then unconsciously you’ll boast

It riddles me with fear
You spark a harsh light in my heart
Pitting holes within my stomach
Tearing me apart

And all because I’m jealous
Jealous of only you in this world
And whenever I look at you I think
I’ll never be enough

Poem after poem I write
Trying to extinguish this fright
But my insecurities keep me company
You set me on fire with your “light”

I’ll never get over this complex
This deep rooted thing of you
Feeling Inferior and worthless
No matter how many say it’s not true

Because thinking of it always makes me feel blue
All on top with the fact that I’m losing you

What a pitiful mess
Just lay me to rest.



-
I’ll never measure up to her
No matter how hard I try
All I do is meaningless
When in a moment she can ****** it away
Just like all the rest, over and over again
and the more she takes the more I break
Until I simply can't handle it anymore
Aug 2019 · 302
Falling like the stars
Nyx Aug 2019
In dreams, they tell us to live out free
Let our hearts rage on, flooding like seas
And with you by my side, the warmth ignites
Alighting a fire so far, the sun begins to shy

Little side glances, and bursting grins
Laughter and happiness, all of these things
From stolen kisses of many, as regards to many firsts
Hickeys and bite marks, it's all rather perverse

Through the sun that hits your eyes, a reflection as clear as sky
Crystalized in a memorizing blue, within happiness it lies
Breathing out another sigh, filled with contentment
Entranced by the one in front of me, How fleetingly pleasant

Entangled in bedsheets, within each other's arms
Fingers entwined together, How can a boy hold such charms?
Tracing the patterns on your skin, mapping out constellations
Running fingers through your hair, we've created a firm foundation

And in his presence, I am a child bubbling with glee
While my shield relinquish but refuse to let me free
Insecurities creep and that voice begins to echo,
Though not a moment of doubt is buried deep below

Just fear of abandonment that I can't help but shake
Fear that my heart loves you much more then I can take
And gazing into those orbs, that shine so true
With ever sweet words, that make me feel far less blue

Captivated by the you, that stands before me today
With every flaw and imperfection, I still decide to stay
As being perfect doesn't matter, as long as your enough for you
And as long as your heart beats wild and decides to stay true

And fleeting moments pass us by, such a gorgeous temptation
Though being with you alone is enough, such an amazing sensation
The future is a mystery as far as anybody can see
Though, in the end, we'll hear its great unfinished symphony

In the meantime, we will lay, in the darkness of night
Two childish lovers only at the beginning of this fight
Creating memories of many, regardless of our scars
Finishing each other's sentences and Falling like the stars.
Aug 2019 · 358
It seem to be so
Nyx Aug 2019
I'm tired of pondering, pestering over what's gone
Meaningless small talk, Give another yawn
Distance is feeling, forever unyielding
Just another unsalvagable friendship
I'm better off just leaving

Walk me around the river bend
Lockets in your hand, Tell of your wondrous life,
Oh and the things that cause you strife
I can hear it in your tone of voice, see it in your smile
I use to love to see you, Now it isn't worth my while

Now tell me that you love me, cry that you care
But in the moments I needed you, were you ever really there?
And it breaks my heart to tell you, It hurts my soul to know
But what we had is gone, encased within the winter snow.
Jul 2019 · 479
I'm Certain
Nyx Jul 2019
My heart keeps beating
Whenever you're around
As if butterfly's keep flutter
I can hear their gentle sounds
Flushing pink and red
Grinning wide from ear to ear
Hiding my face within my sleeve
Peaking out to see you near
Warmth amitting
Hands tightly held
Guiding gentle circles
It's pleasant, It's sweet
Like a syrup dipped candy
You're an overwhelming treat
I'm addicted to your taste
I can't get enough
Kissing you with much haste
A mixture of soft and rough
And I've never felt this way
This feeling that consumes me
Wanting to be near you
To see you, to feel you
I want to be your everything
Though only if you'd be mine
Slow and steady we go
There is no need to rush
But my feelings are certain this time
Jul 2019 · 111
It's crazy
Nyx Jul 2019
This is going to sound stupid
It's going to sound crazy
but I think...
I'm falling in love with you
Heart racing with a text
Smiling from ear to ear
It's so light, so sweet
I find myself yearning to meet
with another ding, my phone goes
Racing to see to my delight
Your name upon the lock screen
What a wonderful night

How can you already have me wrapped around your little finger?
Though I don't mind. I'm only wishing you were mine


~
Jul 2019 · 457
What a silly little heart
Nyx Jul 2019
You know
its really stupid
but after all this time
my heart still beats for you
What a silly little heart
He doesn't want you
and he never will.
How stupid I am
Jun 2019 · 325
What is love?
Nyx Jun 2019
Maybe it is
Different for everyone,
It's ambiguous.
It's not something
You can describe with words properly.
If you can feel it
In your own heart, then
Surely,
That must be love.

~
Jun 2019 · 275
You again
Nyx Jun 2019
Even after all this time
I still dance around the room
Attempting to catch your eye
While Subtly following you with mine

How desperate
Jun 2019 · 688
Light Fingers
Nyx Jun 2019
Light fingered
Swift and efficient
Conspiring against themselves
Nothing is ever sufficient

Take. Take. Take
Its Mine. Mine. Mine


Morally incorrect
But what a hefty paycheck
Greed is swirling
Such havoc they wreak

People & Things
They glisten and gleam
Yearn to hold them in hand
Thou the theft must be clean

Much like a bird interested,
Infatuated by the sparkle of things
Filling their homes, Their nests
Craving the beauty they bring

Such light fingers
swift and efficient
Never sufficient
Wanting more and more...

It's never enough.

These hearts taken within the dark
hidden by the cloak of night
Treasures of the soul
Give me your light


-
Interpret it how you wish
Apr 2019 · 481
Life Boat
Nyx Apr 2019
I float in a boat
In a raging black ocean
Low in the water
With no where to go
The tiniest lifeboat
With people I know

Cold, clammy, and crowded
The people smell desperate
We'll sink any minute
So someone must go
The tiniest lifeboat
With the people I know

Everyone's pushing
Everyone's fighting
Storms are approaching
There's nowhere to hide
If I say the wrong thing
Or I wear the wrong outfit
They'll throw me right over the side
Nyx Apr 2019
You've hurt me greatly
Though your desperate needs,
You yearned for affection
Detesting the weight of your words
leading my heart on the run
False propositions of a title
Lies slandering our names
Associated with whats fake
Clearly it was all give and no take
I was always just a maybe
Always unsure

To you I was never a certain
Dare not define the word love
More the need to fill the void
With a heart that seemed to care
Take it carefully within your hands
Though without warning you begin to tear
Piece. by. piece.
The parts begin to fall
Blood dripping from within your palms
Before discarding it on the floor
Staining you with a rich crimson red
As you vanish off into the night
I dare not gaze upon your face again
Knowing the truth I would rather not fight
Settling the pain within me
Thats conjured up a storm
Swallow my pride and my despair
I'll let it go and move on
Though never again will I feel
The same gentle patient care
For dear sir, you have hurt me greatly
And on the second time round
I refuse to fight fair.

Not a single tear will fall for you again
I shall not waste myself on you



-
Mar 2019 · 1.5k
Troublemaker
Nyx Mar 2019
We use to wreak havoc together
At a small little school
With characters and phrases
Making the teacher look like a tool

Our Chinese school was hell
But ever Saturday we still went
Our partnership was one of destruction
Causing even the principal to vent

We sat at the back of the class
While all the proper students sat at the front
Determination in their eyes
Asian tiger parents forcing them to survive

While ours were much the same
Except a little more lenient
We passed everything so good enough
Our ways more devious

A team effort it was
We all passed with flying colours
Not without full blow hatred from others
Though we weren't bothered

And years have past us by
No longer do we speak
At most we have a snap record
But we only ever sent streaks

Though your basic asian look
closely matching with mine
except for you being a guy
and having black pitched eyes

We were close once before
We were a childish endeavour
Now reduced to nothing
Without a single word ever

And write as I will
About that old forgotten letter
and the missing you with my heart
but I can't get any better

As my will to talk to you is broke
I'm scared of the words I once spoke
With the shattered picture frame on the floor
I dare not defy those laws

Until you flash by my life again
For a moment, for a single memory or sight
I'll remember you in my heart
As meaningless as that is
For you will never know

I'll miss you forever
My little Troublemaker
Be happy and stay safe
- T
Mar 2019 · 1.1k
The Morrow
Nyx Mar 2019
My heart pounds eagerly
Awaiting the outcomes of the morrow
What is awaiting me
Love, hatred or sorrow?

Fear and anticipation
All wrapped into one
Securely tied with a ribbon
Now we wait for the sun

Marching on to the time
Allowing fate to lead the way
My heartbeat is all I can hear
Let's see what's awaiting me today.
Mar 2019 · 253
Chicken Soup
Nyx Mar 2019
Like a brightly colored bird
She's flaunting her feathers
In futile attempts
trying to make herself feel better
Luring them in
So gentle and soft
While the fallen look on
And I can't help but scoff
Another victim to the bird
Who pecks away at their lives
Yet they can't see through
All her truths and the lies
No sanity in the cycle
Just more victims and tears
I've grown numb to these actions
Which have repeated through the years
At one moment their everything
They seem to get lost
But by the end they sit silently
Weighing up the cost
And cry to me they will
And comfort them I say
Its not the first time this has happened, don't worry you'll be okay
And she sings and she sings
Lulling all around
Fake or reality?
All I hear is noise filled sound
As I've grown tired of the songs
That this bird seems to squark
Oh pardon me, I mean sings
You see an elegant beauty dancing
I see a headless chicken prancing
And with all the damaged its caused
I think its about time we had some chicken soup.
Mar 2019 · 189
Only her
Nyx Mar 2019
Consumed by jealously
Beckoned by grief
Where can I possible
Find my relief?

Where the thing that fuels me
Is none other than my friend
With my lover no less
Could this be my end?

To tornment and lies
All I do is continue to cry
To fight this tragedy
I call my real life

And help me if you must
As the ground is unstable
Lend me your hand
Only if your able

I'm falling to the ground
As the world tumbles around
Tossing me like some ***** laundry
Though to this boy I am bound

By the feelings in my heart
Running back in a flee
Why won't you love me!
I continue my pleas

And the answer I got
Was as simple as that
You are not her.
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