Dear,
   Everyone
Who ever mocked me
Who ever looked down
Who ever made fun of me
Who ever made me cry

The tears I shed
Were not in your name
They were from my own blame
You never owned anything

I know you see it
How strong I really am
I'm quiet and afraid
But really you're amazed

I've battled wars you'll never know
Blood and guts unimaginable
You only see the wounds
Yet you're still afraid

Call me weak
Call me pathetic
Call me what you may
It won't stay

I am so brave
Knock me down
I'll fall so very far
But I'll get up so very tall

You're weak
You're stupid
You're pathetic
Above all, you're afraid

Don't pin that on me
I didn't ruin your destiny
You can't taint my soul
I'll still be nice but I won't
Be nobody's fool

Dear, everyone
      You will never break me
       So ******* *** I'll live beautifully

I wish for autumn
The flowing leaves
The crisp Smell
The chilly dew

Autumn is so rare
These days we only get
Hot air and heavy breathing
Burning sun and burnt skin

There's no win
If you love autumn
It comes and goes
Quicker then my woes

I wish I lived
In nonstop autumn
The oranges and reds
The fairies and witches
Roaming amok

something about the moon
Glosses over in fog
With bats flying above
Leaves me feeling in love

My heart aches for these days
But come they may
They leave and I feel betrayed
For then everything dies

Like my heart
In the winter cries
I can't help it
I hate everything in life
But the beautiful chill
Of October

I looked upon her
The glow on the lake
Long and vast

I looked to her left
The deep blue
Makes me feel small

All I saw
Was beauty and despair
Whispering in her air

I cried to her
I talked and pleaded
Her glow did not answer

Oh sweet beauty
She's but a msytery
And I fear my life

Even while staring upon her
Is but misery

Bitter bitter
Blues and hues
Too bright for me

Crisp crisp black
Truly shows my lack
Of life I live

I wish I was strong enough
To let the red flow
Down my skull

Restless restless
Endless drought
Orange sand burns

Grays all ive known
Sure I've grown
Into a darker shade

I'm done trying to play
If God exists he's been telling
I just never wanted to listen

This is my existence
No pinks or purples
Just melancholy gray

But hey it's okay
I'll keep sinking life away
It's just another useless day

None of this is real
I can't really deal
Maybe if I bleed I'll feel

I cry inside
I bleed inside
But I'm dead outside

If God exists
Please tell me why
You never let me die

I've prayed for it
Almost nightly
It's too unsightly

I miss my mom
as she gets older
I grow even colder

When will this all end
I can't ******* pretend
I have a shred of yellow

Let me Bellow
To the skies
All my cries

Nothings there
Everyones abandoned me
Maybe this is hell

I only know misery

Despite all the hell
The unspeakable evils
I do not tell

I found hope
I held on tight
Ignoring the obvious *****

I wrote poems of colors
And heart flutters
I tried to stop my stutter

For i thought
Deep down
I finally had a shot

Everyone says it's all in my head
That there's nothing wrong with me
I'll find someone eventually

Take the risk
Make the move
Not all men will treat you like this

Once again vunerable
Once again opened my heart
Once again fell completely apart

At least I wasn't laughed at
Not really enough
To keep me from crumbling

The dark cloud
Of blue despair
Still in my air

Won't let me breathe
Not allowed to love
Only known to bleed

Bleed out pain
And then restrain
Into nothing

Goodbye
I'm leaving again
I'll never find
A lovely friend

So long
I'm not strong
To let my emotions
Belong

I'm down
Down
Down
Again again

I'm so sick of this
I'm empty
Except for the pain
Running amidst

Panic attacks
Panic panic panic
Drained
Drained

I don't even have words
It's all the same
I'm hopeless
I'm hurt

Nothing will ever work
It doesn't get better
I'm only getting worse
Life is a fake flirt

Whistling whistling
Hope and love
Never letting me
Touch
The
Pleasant
Colors

I may only dream
But my dreams have become
Nothing but twisted
Trash and ****

They all say I'm.wrong
That I do belong
That someone will love me
I've waited and tried so long

I'm more alone then ever
Maybe I'm meant to be this way
Crying and swaying in pain
Every ******* day

There's no beauty to this
This song has no meaning
Not a good start
Nor ending

A true symphony
To my life
It began empty


And nothings changed

We write poems and songs
Of romance when our hearts beat
Faster and f a s t e r

It's beautiful
It's romantic
It's poetic

Unless the fast pace
Doesn't stop
Hours and hours
Pass me by
It gets faster

There's no calm in sight
My chest is clenching
Not for love
Not for beauty
Only cruelty

Days and days pass
It still last
Fasterfaster
Beatbeatbeatbeat

I can't win in this life
No matter the precaution
I keep falling
Into new depths
And deeper crypts

Of terror

Little sparkle
You
glow

Natures beauty
Is starting to
Show

Deep oceans
Skin deep
Wave into M~o~t~i~o~n

Splish splash
My lungs crash

The beauty
Is |p|a|i|n|

Choo Choo
Nostalgia from
An endless train
Recites lost memories
Inside my brain

They whisper
Like the ocean moves

There is faint light
Left from the sparkle
I once sew

I am confused
I am lost
I get so very cross

I see beauty
I feel at home
Then my thoughts
Travel and rome
My heart hurts
As i cry inside

For Im lying
I don't know
Where my home
Ever was

But late night warmth
From the fire place above
Frosted lips
And funny quips

Keeps me dreaming
And writing of fairies
I can find peace
I can find love
If i just keep my mind
On the one above

Cotton candy plush
Glossed lips crushed
Yours against mine
Colors redder then wine

Smooth tanned skin
Winter pale with sin
Beatiful mixture
Paints a vintage picture

Italian herbs blended
White roses bedded
Refreshing to the soul
Letting me grow

Foggy afternoons
Blowing up like balloons
I need to see clearly
I need this so very dearly

My pace is slow
My words are stuttered
My heart is flustered

I lose all my chances
I say everything wrong
I am a broken song

Would you wait for me?
If i smile at you nicely?
Will you hear through me?
If i gaze at you softly?

Why am i so invested?
Others are interested
But i like you
Would you like me too?

Am i waiting too long?
Or do i take this slow?
I really need to know

But honestly
I fear the most
You may never think about me
This crush is only pretend
In my own
Fantasy

I'm clenching
Aching
Stabbing
BEAT
BEATING

I've beem in a daze
Like a sumemr haze
Without
The
Sun

It's all so fast
My heart won't last
It's gonna explode
I must write one last
Note

I thought i was getting better
It was lifting with changing weather
Then they left
They kept leaving
Now I'm
Weeping

It's an emergency
No no I'm fine
My heart is just racing
Like it's
Dying

God is stabbing me
I forget how to breathe
I say I'm ok
My mind won't open

Where am i
Who am i
What day is it
Help me
Help me
HELP ME

IT'S RACING
IT'S HURTING
I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK
IT KEEPS COMING BACK
CRYING
CRYING
SOMEONE HELP
IT'S BLURRY
I WANT TO YELL

STOP
STOP
I CANNOT BREATHE
WITH THIS CONSTANT
POUNDING
ALL OVER ME

FROM MY HEAD
THROUGH MY TEETH
MY HEART STRINGS
A SONG
OF PAIN
SO BLEAK

it's fine
I'm okay
I'm only in
Constant pain
Wishing my life
Away

Haha bet!
Honey, that i love you
Bet on me
And I'll bet on you

I see you looking
With those eyes
You're nose be twirkin
It's no surprise

Darlin i know I'm a cute thang
You wanna take me for a little swing
Butcha won't speak up
Ah **** I've had enough

Haha bet!
Honey, that i love you
Bet on me
And I'll bet on you

Come on *** let me holla atcha
Smile at me with those loose lips
Walk slow so i can catchya
I hope ya into ***** *** i own a whip

I get a little nervous when i see ya
All i can think is being underneath ya
I know you feelin the same
Aha that's why i can see it in ya pants

Haha bet!
Honey, that i love you
Bet on me
And I'll bet on you

Lets just take a little bet
That I'm lovin ya
I'll give ya all my cards
If you do the same

I aint going down no one way train
So follow with me
And honey I'll show ya
sO many thINGS!

Haha bet!
Honey, that i love you
Bet on me
And I'll bet on you

Blood rush
From my heart
To my face
Like running a race

People i pass
Fast like a blur
Some faces i notice longer
Some make me somber

I try to hold it all in
Running down this track
I went a different way
At times i start to sway

I want to fall over
This race is nonsense
My face is dripping sweat
I'm beginning to fret

People boo me from afar
It makes me go slower
Some cheer me on
Helps me struggle along

Is this race worth winning
Or do i simply want reach the end
It's going by so fast
I'm afraid I'll come in last

I feel
       shining
S h i m m e r i n g
Galaxies
In my heart

I see yellow
S wi~rling
Magic
In your soul

I see the stars
In the colors
Of the day

   The milky way
Is but a step away
In your eyes

I see love
From all
Like a blackhole
Breaking me into it
Never escaping

Twinkling
   Twinkle
              Twinkle
Little beauty
   You are everywhere
I can see it in most everyone

But i don't think
They see it
In
Me

I cough
Dry heaves come about
I keep trying to cough it out
But it's empty

People ask me to stop
I try to hold it in
Then i choke on myself

I intake fluids
To heal my burning
I cough it back up

My throat is dry
She will not be soothed
Any medication
Will be thrown up

Good luck
Trying to drown out
The nuance
That my pain can cause

Shaking
Shivering
Dry
Throat

Breathe me in
Eat me whole

I'm quivering
From your deep soul

Numb
Sensitive
Crooked
Tongue

I'm thirsty
Fill me with your water

You call me lovely
Like a daughter

Red
Screeching
Paranoid
Shooting
Brains

Tell me your words
Devour my mind

Please look into my eyes
And try to be kind

Will i ever be loved?
Will i ever be anyone's first?
Will i ever be noticed?

they tell me it's in my head
But they don't see what i see
I'm always a last choice

Am i wanted?
Am i needed?
Am i special?

They say god loves me
They say he chose me
Yet all i hear is deafening silence

I scrape and claw
For attention
I end up ******
And scarred

Others merely exist
People go to them
Giving affection
Without being begged

Here i am
Where i always knew
Sitting alone
With a hangover overblown

I've never been noticed
Even if i act out
I could scream and shout
No-one will look

How can i live
How can i be ok
How can i breathe
How do i accept lonliness

Maybe one day
I'll write a song
Of love and warmt
And not wavering sadness
And desperation

Maybe..
            Some...
                         Day

I've been through hell
I've been laughed at
Mocked and rejected
Living in darkness

Been through it all
No rise only fall
Been homeless
Starved nearly to death

Starved of light
Starved of anything bright
So i stopped and asked myself
Why am i so scared
I've gotten out fair

Every rejection
Every horrifying disturbance
Every pain
Every hurt

I've gotten back up
Walked away from bad luck
Yet my heart fears
I think i realized behind my tears

I'm afriad to be happy
I'm afraid of anything good
Someone compliments me
And i run away

I rather be insulted
I rather be rejected
I rather be beaten
And bruised

I don't understand
Kindness or a helping hand
What are your intentions
Something evil i dare not mention?

If i feel happy that's not good
If i feel joy I'm sinning
And death and gloom will come
Grinning

Love is fake
Romance is dead
I don't like affection
Don't touch me I'll get mad

relationships are a joke
Emotions are too girly
Don't need help I'll do it myself
marriage is not shiny and pearly

I won't bother with you
I know you won't like me
Stop talking to me
I refuse to feel this giddy

You're really cute
But i sure don't care
Don't look at me like that
Now I'm twirling my hair

I'm not a stupid school girl
You're like all the others
You're happy to see me
Why are my eyes staring in wonder

Why did i drive out here
It wasn't just to see you
Wow I'm stupid
Aww you're happy to see me too

Now I'm driving home
Listening to taylor swift
Heart skipping about

  Should i enjoy this?

Marry me
Marry me
My shining beauty

Dance with me
Dance with me
On this spinning merry go round

I am a fairie
And you are a wizard
Together we make magic
In a world thats a blizzard


Shine with me
Shine with me
On top the moonlit sea

Run away
Run away
Together into the forest

I'll twinkle my wings
As you wave your wand
I'll never lose your reflection
In this glistening pond

Hello there world
I wake up to you
Everyday

Soemtimes my dreams
Get in the way
This bed i want to stay


I awake and head off
Let come what may
Keep denying im afraid

won't let my body fall
Or sway
The world keeos going day to day

Im miserable
Im sad
Im beaten down
It's getting bad

Yet i must keep going
I don't know why
Every second i start to cry

I guess I'm still holding on
To some hidden hope
That I'll wake up
Smiling without lying
Before i say goodbye to this world

Dear father
I love you
I say it everyday
It must be true

I've been hurting for years
Finding love in people
Who only wanted to use me

I've been blaming myself
I've been blaming everyone else
Never admitting the truth

I don't hate anyone
I promised myself i wouldn't become
Someone who could

My memories haunt me
Every day you taunted me
And disregarded my feelings

I sat in a corner
I was only a child
Your eyes were wild

Wild with anger
I always felt in danger
Never for a moment at ease

Yet i wonder where i get anxiety
You only did as you pleased
You claim you love me

I tremble around men
I tremble around loud noises
I never knew what joy was

I heard you yelling
And all the evil things you were telling
To my mother everynight

You ****** wished i didn't exist
I took too much food from the shopping list
I was only but a burden in your way

Yet you cry for us to stay
I was your precious little girl
Once told me i was your whole world

Then you snapped
You never came back
You broke me apart

Tore apart my whole heart
I still can't admit it
The person i hate the most is

Because i don't hate
I won't be like you
Clouding yourself in anger

Every broken memory i have
Is me crying while you laugh
You never did encourage me

If you did i can't remember
God i feel like a traitor
For saying how i truly feel

I need to let it out
Yes i dare to pout
You won't shame me anymore

Dear father,
I hate you

Empty
           Void

I was nothing
But silence
Silence screamed
Pouring death into me

Daggers on my tongue
From my mouth they sprung
I couldn't stop

No one listened
Shadows consumed
Then left me for the moon

i cried everynight
Begging for god
To listen
Anyone to please listen

My cries bellowed
I saw demons
They laughed at me
Leaving me in agony

I lost my music
I had it long ago
I must have left it
Buried in snow

Snowflakes fell
The beauty lost in the dirt
I had once heard magic
Until all i saw was tragic

Piercing pistols of silence
Gripped into my body
Leaving only blood wounds
Open for monsters to consume

I'm so afraid everyday
I'm starting to awake
Climbing the mountain
To hear the musical fountain

Splashing and consuming
The water up there is clear
Rushing and cleansing
My body is trembling

I am seeing musical notes
They are colorful as a rainbow
It was dark and cloudy
Until the rain hit my body

I'm following the rainbow
I see a *** of gold at the end
I'm so afraid to keep going
What if i fall with never knowing

The embrace of gold
The warmth of success
I've destroyed myself
I can't even trust a rainbow
The colors could be a false show

Moon look upon me
Im fall
          l

          l
          i
         n
         g
Into you

Sun hide me
Im bUrning
       N
       D
       E
       R
your light

Dear stars
You s h i n e
I want you
Forever mine

Galaxies in the sky
Fantasies in your eyes
Twirling blue and black
Depth they do not lack

Clouds bring me rain
Pour unto me reflections
Puddles Within
Are you my other world twin

Thunder scream and roar
Into my soul
I feel thy strength
Soaring overboard

Elements of the sky
I look above and cry
Some tears of sorrow
Others of hope for tomorrow

You are loud
Most colorful
With unexpected surprises
Bringing curiosity into lives

My eyes see
Into the moons eyes
The light shadow
Bring me warmth sitting on my
                                patio

Sweet sleep
Sweet dreams
Nothing is as dark as it seems

Blurry eyes
Letting go
Waking up from the nightly flow

Sweet rest
Sweet sorrow
It'll be different by tomorrow

Queasy stomach
Crackled lips
Getting ready for more quips

Sweet love
Sweet comfort
In real life it seems only a desert

The day is scary
Shackle on armor
and head out still startled

Sweet night
Sweet warmth
Maybe my dreams will find my worth

Everyone walks a certain way
I akways decide to skip instead
A hop and skip is more fun
Until everyone starts to run

They run faster
Leaving me in the dust
I slow down
And begin to rust

I've always been different
Never realized just how much
I want to fit in somewhere
But I'm afraid to be bare

Show everyone my skin
Show everyone the colors
But colors are also made with scars
Scars came from to many wars

Battling myself
Everyone made fun
I was always a sad little freak
Never glamorous or Chique

Stab you
STAB
BURN YOU IN YOUR BLOOD

YOU USED ME
I KNOW
YOU ******* ***

REAP WHAT YOU SEW
I'LL TRAMPLE EVERYONE
THAT'S HURT MY SOUL

Ignore me
Throw me aside
Take your fist
And ******* me inside

My face burrowed in despair
My eyes sank into the floor
You sat and laughed right over there

Same as all before
Use me for your needs
And then ignore

Act like no harm was done
While you make way
Using another to ***

I'm tired
  Tired
     Tired

stop using me
Stop throwing me away
Stop ******* ignoring what i say

My eyes shined for you
But just as quick as they did
You threw me in the trash bin

Everytime I let free
The love hiding inside
forced everytime to hide and cry

anger brews my boiling blood
My mind is screaming
Only frigid cold up above

They won't talk to me
So I'll make them scream
******* ***** won't let me breathe

COME CLOSER
I'LL STAB YOU IN THE HEART
YOU CAN FEEL THE SAME AGONY
TEARING ME APART

SHARP PAIN STARTS IN MY CHEST
GOES INWARD
YOU DONT SEEM IMPRESSED

LET ME KEEP STABBING
STABBING
    STAB
         BING
YOU'LL BE ALL ******
AND CRYING

MAYBE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND
HOW PAINFUL CUTS CAN WOUND

CRY OUT FOR ME
BUT MY ATTENTION
HAS CHANGED COMPLETELY
YOU'RE JUST
TRASH
   NOW

I'm sorry you're dying
But how pathetic
   Leave me alone
      Oh stop crying

Haha i lied
I tried to hide
I am just so tired
Of crying

I kept the facade up
Really believed myself
When i said
I wasnt bothered

yet i stood there
My heart breaking
At each word she said
About laying in that bed

With you
Seeing you
Ignoring me
And wanting her

Talking to her
Like you did me
It wasmt just jealousy
But pure hurt

Now I cry
And i ask why
******* why
Everyone makes me die

A little more each time
My heart really hurts
How cruel to me
You didnt have to be

I was happy with what we had
You pushed me away like trash
And she took my feelings
And ripped them apart

Ruthelssly she came at me
Eyes wide open shamelessly
Telling me her exploits
As she stomped on my heart

In front of everyone
I smiled as she pounded
Twisted and churned
With a burning sledge

Maybe a bulldozer
It hurt more then anything
Yet i smiled becuase
What can i do
Jokingly tell you off

Is about all i can manage
Becuase it doesn't matter
To anyone but me
Lets face it
I'm nothing

Replaceable to all
Everyone waits for my fall
They see me crawl
And hit so many walls

They all laugh
Hurting me is ok
Beating my face in
In the middle of the day

It's cruel and unsual
But for me it's normal
Everyone watches
Noo ne cares

I'm in pain
I expected this
I did think of course

That when you moved on
You'd be a bit kinder
Then taking full force
And ripping me in half

Its okay
I'm sure you're a great guy
It's just me
My eyes

They speak to people
They tell everyone
To hurt me
In the sickest ways

I must have a price to pay
With god
I don't get normal
I get eternal damnation
And I'm still alive

When i see her face
Smiling with yours
My heart doesn't just break
It sinks
Into a dark hole

Taking my life and soul
The rest of my body
Falls angry and stabs
Stab
Stab
     Stabs
Until i can't breathe
But i didn't want to cry
Therefore i drank
Because the poison
Soothed the anger

Id rather poison myself
Then let it out
Yet a song played
I wrote the words out
In my diary

And each mark
I put down
Reminded me
And brought a smile
Into a frown

Each memory escaped me
And then returned
Darker and unsettled
Now they hurt
But
Theyre in pen

I can shred the paper
Theyre still written
Even blowing through
The wind

So each mark i made
With each memory i tear
broke free
Now here i am

1am and I'm crying alone
The worst part is
Im so used to this
Yet it always hurts more
Each
*******
Time

I was so happy
I wore yellow
The day after
You touched my heart

Now i remember
Yellow was never
My color
I only know
Deep blue

The yellow is raining
The rain won't stop
It's cold and hailing
I keep failing
Everything

The storm is breaking
Im in it and shaking
The ground is quaking
Inside it's aching

Deep inside
That yellow dress
Is torn and bruised
My fingers bled too much
To fix it

I'm so sorry.
My pain never goes away
Im so sorry
The endless crying won't stop
Im so sorry
You hurt me
And I can't
  Stop
     Missing
              You

Im sorry
I'm a fool

Sometimes to truly
Find who you are
First you have to see
How far you can fall

The scary part is
Not knowing
If you're strong enough
To keep going

If you'll still climb
Even if the fall
Was deep
You won't hit that wall

I didn't see
I begged
And pleaded
For just a shred

I saw my friend
Find herself
After her darkest hour
She saw her own wealth

The worst year of my life
It has been blinding
My soul was twisting
And winding

I tried to end it
End it so many
Many
Many
Times

I never could
I didn't understand
Yet some nights
I saw light within my ****** hand

I felt warmth
As i cried
I knew deep down inside
Id be alright

I lost myself
To find it
The missing piece
I forgot i hid it

I'm still shaking
But finding color
My daydreams exist
And now shine like lovers

I got ****** up
So deep in rage
I let all my ugly loose
To heal my torn page

I can see
I can almost feel
The strength
I'm starting to heal

Never knew myself
I was an empty book
The words are appearing
And i can finally take a look

I have my issues
My anxieties
And selfish behavior

I'm still crying
Still worrying
And afriad

Lately though Ive felt it
A difference
Maybe a spark

I've grown
Become stronger
And more confident

I was empty
No one noticed me
I felt smaller then anyone
Smaller then a bee

I failed every thing
Thats what i felt
Everyone told me
I was worthless

Situations havent changed
No people are still cruel
Here i stand
Still going

Last year i would have left
Took my tears and ran
Broke down at every word

Now i feel a spark
I feel noticed
Becuase
I noticed myself

I told me
Hey I'm so proud
And then i saw

Others saw the spark
Now they see
I exist
And it's shocking

They like me
They talk with me
I work hard
And i don't fall
At
Every
Hurtful
Word

Its not that it doesn't hurt
It's just i now see my own worth

Pound
Pound
My heart beats
But it's not bad

Churn churn
My stomach twirls
But it's kinda nice

Dizzy dizzy
My head feels
But it's kinda fun

i feel nervous
Forget how to function
It's been forever since
I wrote a verse

A verse of twinkling
A song of curiosity
A fluff of fuzzy feelings
Ive got this funny feeling

You see
You're adorable
But i don't even know you
I want to try
But I'm so shy

I don't flirt
I run and hide
I think you're cute
How do i make this work

I gotta crush
It's almost nauseating
You got me flustered
But I enjoy this rush

So tell me, ***
How do I
Get more out of you
Then a look and
Run