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Feb 5 · 58
When
Maybe it's wrong to say
I'm empty
Truth is I'm feeling
Everytime I hear a song
I want to cry
My heart shakes
But

I'm unsure
If I'm sad
Or I'm okay
Maybe I'm missing someone
Maybe I'm in love
Maybe I'm tortured
But Why

Can't I tell
What the **** I'm feeling
Or if I'm even feeling
Where am I going
I just don't know
Am I

Chasing the stars
I used to look above
I felt the hope
But now
I feel scared
Like I'm dying soon
When

Will I feel secure
Feel at home
Feel happy
Feel sure
That I'm wanted
And loved

When will I be
Who I'm supposed to be
Please
Feb 5 · 42
Buried
Here I lie
Cold and used
Broken and abused
Lowered into  the grave

I think I was brave
I hope I was kind
I wish I was loved
Now I look upon the stars above

I was chasing you all my life
Now I'm even further away
As I fall into this dark hole
I'm decaying now
Soon to wither away

What can I say
Except my coffin is empty
My jewels are gone
My riches never existed
And my loved ones never showed

I had no funeral
I died in vain
I felt so much pain
But soon it was over
Quick to blow over

Dead I may be
Rest I can't find
Rain comes down
But dries up in the ground
I hear no sound

It's lonely down here
But not as lonely as the chase
Here I accept my fate
I'll never find the stars
I'll never be on mars

It's gross and cold
Dark and *****
I didn't even make it to thirty
Before the grass went brown
And I lost my small crown

It was all but fantasy
Because I hate reality
I couldn't accept it
Until it sank slowly into me
I'm buried alone
With no purity
With no love
And most definitely
No hope
Feb 5 · 35
Fairie
Tip
  Tap
Tip
      Tap

I ponder over the puddle

Splish
   Splash
Splish
    S p l a s h

I fall in and crash
I'm but a little fairie
I sure do feel blue
I look unto you
But know not who

   Drip
       Drop
Drip
    Drop

Tears fall down

Tick
  Tick
Tickicky
    Tock
I feel like a rock
Stuck and glossed over
Am I meant to be here
Or in another lake
Sinking forever

Flip
   Flap
Flip
   Flap
I want to find my wings

Blank
   Blank
     Blank

I feel stuck in a lake
Lost my way
Dripping into the puddle
Til it's deeper
Deeper
   Deeper
Deep
From puddle
To lake
Now a ocean
Of emptiness

I'm a purple fairie
Locked in a bottle
Grasping for air
Sinking in despair

I talk of my obscenities
No one listens
Just watching the show
I apologize
I'm here for you
Nothing I do
Is true
Not anymore
My sparkles
Sank to the bottom

Now I'm dripping
Not of Earth
But of tears alone
My puddle is dry
Except for the tears
I had to cry

One day I'll say goodbye
Before I do
Will I ever find
My beautiful shining wings?
I can't escape my bottle
The pressure is too strong
afraid of all I've done wrong

I've been trapped too long
No one wants my fairie song

La
  La
Lala
  Lala

Fix me
Please
Find me
Oh please
Make me
A real fairie
I'm lost
Jan 9 · 33
Feel
I'm scared to feel
I'm scared of anything real
The days are dark
The nights are cold

I want to cry
But you find me
And place me in your arms
To hold

When I run away
When I feel ignored
You smile at me
You notice me
Suddenly I forget
The others that hurt me

I'm scared
You'll grow bored of me
I've never showed my real self
To anybody
You seem to like me
That's Insanity

You say I'm you're only friend
That's really sweet
But I feel more
When I'm laying next to you
Breathing you in

Sometimes I forget
The deep pain I bare
When we're goofing off
I can't help but stare
All i think about I you
And never my old sins

What I'm saying is
I think I really like you
Maybe deeper then anything before
But I can never admit this
I'm terrified of this feeling
And I'm still unsure

If you'd feel the same
Jan 9 · 114
I like you
I like you
When we first met
I like you
When you made me laugh
I kinda like you a bit

I think you're cute
When you're a dork
I think you're cute
When you say my name
You're cute

I'm nervous
When you touch me
I'm nervous
When we're all alone
I feel nervous

I blush
When you text me
I blush
When you kissed my cheek
I blush
When you tell me I'm cute
You make me blush

It hurts
When you say we're only friends
It hurts
When others flirt
It hurts
When you're not around

I like you
When you're rambling
I like you
When we watch movies
I like you
When you hug me
I like you
When you're with me
I think I like you a lot
Hwving emotions is horrfying. I'm end up getting hurt I'm sure
Jan 9 · 42
Cold
Crying crying
Knees fall down
I'm on the ground

Trying to pick up my pieces
Broken everywhere
I'm so scared

Drunk drunk
Emotions flaring
I can't breathe

I need comfort please
Don't leave me alone
Not this time

Laughing laughing
I'm falling into you
You stand away

I'm so lost
Everything hurts
Where do I go

Fix me
Somebody
Please
Tell me
How I keep going
Without your help
I'm nothing
I'll fall into trouble
And think it's love
Screaming and twisting
But it's warm
And I feel so cold
I can't leave
The cold scares me
I only liked it before
Because you were there
Now I'm alone
And scared
Dec 2019 · 82
Adore
Hello Daisies Dec 2019
You remembered what I said
Two weeks ago
I didn't even remember it

When I cry and feel sad
You feel bad
And offer comfort

You laugh at my jokes
When they don't make sense
Never pretend

You listen to me
And never complain
Even when I'm a pain

You say sweet things to me
I don't have to beg for it
You state clearly how you mean it

This isn't perfect
By no means
You make me a confused mess

But for once in my lonely life
People have noticed me
And not ran away to hide

They don't forget
Or make fun
They just like me

What's going on?
I wait for the trauma
But they bring no such thing

And so I found you
And told you I liked you
You didn't laugh at me

You were very happy
And bragged about having me
Because I'm cute and sweet

That's what you said
And I almsot beleive it
Because everyday I hear it

Kind words
Not cruelty
Coming from every which way

I feel selfish
Not sure why
I guess having this attention

I feel like it's sin
But I think it's ok
To feel good about myself

Though you confuse me
I thank you, dearly
For you are genuine and like me

And aren't cruel nor a monster
Just a kind, normal man,
Adoring a shy soul.
Dec 2019 · 65
Finding myself
Hello Daisies Dec 2019
I lose myself more everyday
I feel less and less
But still pain

Months pass by
Days are gone
All I ask is why

I feel guilty
For I am losing me
But maybe I'm finding something

Someone new
Someone happy
Someone less shrew

I'm becoming emptier
Day by day
But some hope is still in the way

Maybe
Just maybe
I'm growing

Into a person
And not just
A lonely
Sad
Miserable
Shell
This isn't good but I haven't written in so long so I thought I'd try ..
Nov 2019 · 40
New
Hello Daisies Nov 2019
New
Lately my face has been blush red
Like a rose

My heart has been calm yet excited
Like a river flowing

I start to cry
I can't decide
If what im feeling is good
Ive never felt like this before

Is it happiness?
It is joy?
I'm so scared
Maybe it's just a another ploy
To hurt me again

I can't describe how I feel
Not truly
Because it's so new
I know it's warm

Just please don't hurt me
Like everyone else has before
Nov 2019 · 103
Speechless
Hello Daisies Nov 2019
It's weird you know,
I could always write poems
About so many crushes
The words flew so easily
The feeling seemed flawless
Always ending terribly

Yet here I am now
Wanting to write about you
Ready to make so many poems
For you
But I'm absolutely speechless

What have you done
I think I love it
Always the words come easily with every new crush I had. But it never went anywhere ans they hurt my feelings. This idek how it happened nkt usually my type, but I find myself flustered and giddy. But also liked and not made fun of.

This feeling is too new to me, I am speechless but I think ... happy?
Sep 2019 · 113
Empty meanings
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
I wish I could feel
Something besides
The tearing pain
I'm just a gross stain

I watch them laugh
I watch them love
I watch them believe
I watch them weep

I can't feel anything
I think I'm a fake
My heart is gone
I do not belong

My anxiety has been so high
Everything makes my skin crawl
I want it all to be perfect
I scrub and scrub
It never feels enough

I'll never be enough
Noone talks to me anymore
Everyone has left
I'm not needed I guess
I'm meaningless

I let myself go
I can't handle crying anymore
Lost in tears on the bathroom floor
It's the only place I feel safe
Everywhere else is an empty cave

Nothing brings me joy
Nothing makes me smile
I know I'm truly alone
My head keeps splitting
Why am I not quitting

I lost where this poem was going
It's like my life
It's empty and not really flowing
It bothers me deeply
That I'm ending this
Without any meaning
Sep 2019 · 35
Enough
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
It's hard to hold onto the good
Too difficult to remember the joy
The giggling and laughter
The jokes and memes at 3am

When it's night and I'm alone
All I remember is crying in a bathroom
Everyone leaving as I stop breathing
Wondering around aimlessly
Falling to the ground shamefully

Ever night I sat there
Crying harder then before
As I looked at that hotel door
Waiting for my savior
I prayed and I wished
My insides were in a twist

I thought maybe
If I sat in a random hallway
More drunk then I can explain
Maybe someone would come
Looking for me worried
Hugging me to safety in a hurry

There I sat
Staring at the vending machines
Crying and breaking
Hours ticking away
No one ever came

Picking myself back up
To end another lonely day
An ounce of love is what I crave
Maybe some attention if I feel brave

I'm so insecure everyday
I wouldn't know what to do
If it ever came my way
Yet I always try
But my best isn't enough

It's never enough
Sep 2019 · 240
My turn doesn't exist
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
I'm getting tired
Tired of writing about the small things
That fade away before the end of the day
Every touch
Every smell
Every blush

Gone before I get to grasp

When will it ever be my turn
To fall in love
When will you ever
Look at me and see someone
Who's enough
Sep 2019 · 1.1k
Teased
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
I like being teased
I like being poked
I like the little nicknames

It's cute when you steal my hat
It's cute when you runaway with it
It's adorable making me chase you

You pushed me out of my chair
They asked if I was mad
Nah it was funny
Now I'll kick you back

I got sad and fell to the floor
You pushed me over even more
Til I rolled around
I started to laugh
Trying to fight you back

Sadness gone
Giggling strong
Now your  hiding my things from me
Making me blush nervously
Did you take it?
You big *** faker

I'm drunk as hell
Everyone else left me
You were trying to sleep
But stayed up with me
As I called you all sorts of silly names
And started tons of childish games

6am you had to be up soon
Who needs sleep
When we're laughing
Feeling High as a balloon

I wanted to *******
But I was so lost
Felt so insecure
Yet you kept with me
When I thought you'd leave
Hey at least grab my *****
I'm leaving at noon
I'd like to leave an impression on you
You silly goof

When you called me kitten
I felt overly smitten
It rang in my head
Even after I left
I wish I let you
Touch me deeper
Deeper inside me
Then just a silly tease
My head said please

Yet I still felt better
Knowing we both wanted to
Sep 2019 · 108
Warm
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
I've been numb
I couldn't feel myself
Love was gone
*** was wrong
Where am I?

I saw you
I'm supposed to hate you
Yet you were there
When I was alone and scared
Everyone left
We had secret talks
Dizzy and silly

My heart raced
I was deeply insecure
Not worth a dime
You made me feel fine
Like a sweet red wine
I laughed with you all night

I didn't give you anything
I expected you to leave me behind
As I start to unwind
You still stayed and kept me
Smiling and dancing
Goofing and giggling

I wish I was sober
And not so somber
I would have given you myself
All that I had
But I'm still glad
You chose me to be around
And didn't ask for a **** thing
Besides my company

It's wrong
Let him go
They all scream at me
But you made me feel
For the first time in so long
Something very real
You made me warm inside
And I didn't have to hide

Thank you
Been feeling so numb and no one has helped. I haven't felt emotions or ****** in so long, but I saw them and talked with them and they made me feel so many emotions, I was still so insecure I couldnt have *** so I thought they'd leave me but we still hung out all weekend and they still messed with me and teased me and made me feel almsot happy. Yeah we have a messy past but it was one weekend and they were the only person to actually just ...pay attention to me. ❤️
Sep 2019 · 544
Presence
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
I could feel you
In my heart
For tbe first time in years
You came to me
Awoken my eyes

Broke all the lies
Running in my mind
I felt your wind
Blow through me
You calmed me

My heart sped up
But my tears began to stop
I felt you there
You answered my prayer
Maybe not
But
I'll beleive it

For one night I wasn't alone
As I've been shown
Maybe there's always someone
Watching over me
Keeping me safe
So I'll fight
Fight til I die

I pray you're always by my side
Sep 2019 · 548
Fighting with myself
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
I'm wrestling with myself
I want to do things
Fun, wild, new things
But no
No no no
That's too crazy

Stay in bed
Sleep yourself away
Remember the consequences
In your head

I want to let it go
Live the life I missed
Loosen up
Go with the flow

I get so close
I feel it in my bones
Tattoos, ***, parties
Being a little naughty
But I leave it at almost

I'll almost do it Everytime
Then I say it's not right
Then I feel sick and cry
It's a hard learned chime

It rings and I quit
I must not sin
I must not live
I'm too afraid
All I feel is a pit

I'm so confused
What do I want to do
There's fighting in my bones
It's leaving me broken and bruised

I just don't know
So asleep I'll go
It hides all my woes
In my dreams maybe I'll go
For peace and snow
In here the real me can show
With no regrets or fears below
I just don't know. :( And this fight is leaving me so depressed all I can do is sleep
Sep 2019 · 239
Lost myself
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
Who am I
Where am I
Why am I screaming
Why am I doing this

This isn't me
But I don't know me
But I'm panicking

Why did I do that
How could I
Be such a little ****

Is it wrong
Is it me
What happened to my sanity

My head's twisted
Swirling and curling
I'm afraid of everything

I feel guilty
I need my humility
I've gone too far

If I keep being reckless
I'll end up ***** and bruised
I don't wanna be used

Not again
I must be good
I can not sin

I don't want punishment
Please forgive me
For I've lost all my sanity
I think I'm actually insane
Aug 2019 · 222
Loose
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
You're a ***** ***** ****
I feel it in my gut
The desire
Bring me higher

Come inside me
Baby find me
Expand my horizons
Yell at me more it's fun

I probably shouldn't
Younger me wouldn't
But I'm so curious
**** me til I'm delirious

Take me out back
My mind's out of whack
My dreams are wet
Touch me without fret

I need to let loose
On you
Aug 2019 · 74
Pretty things
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
I like
Pretty things
I like
Sparkles
I like
Makeup
I like
To have fun

Stop ******* telling me it's wrong

I like
braids in my hair
I like
Men with long hair
I like
To have ***
I like
To dance with others

Stop blaming me for your troubles

I like
To be free
I like
To laugh
I like
Partying
I like
Being away from you

You can't hurt me the way you used to

I like
To live
I like
To be normal
I like
Being loved

And yet I still beleive in a god above

And you can never take that away from me
I'm doing alright, had a good day yesterday finally had some fun! But I still got my issues every night as usual lol
Aug 2019 · 52
Stay strong friend
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
I was so shy when I met you
I think you were shy too
The awkward silence
One day made a break through

Talks in karate
Talks in the swings
Laughing at others
About the stupidest things

We thought we were so cool
Like two kids skipping school
But grown *** women
Walking down the highway

We bonded
We cried
We saw some dark sides
We never stopped
We drove and felt alive

I'm happy I met you
Thank you for being you
You brought me to life for a bit
And I treasure every moment of it

You're a beautiful friend
Stay strong til the very end

❤️
Aug 2019 · 394
Best friend
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
Hey darling,
Not sure if I ever told you
You know I'm afriad of being bold
But you should definitely know

I've never trusted anyone fully
Never let myself go completely
I don't beleive in any of the mushy gooey

But you, I guess you got me
I'm afraid to let it take control
When I do it's never wrong
You're where I belong

From swinging at night
To playing tic tac toe
Dressing you in clothes
Telling secrets no one else knows

You're my best friend
Always have been from the beginning
It's not that I don't love others
You're just so special to me
Closer then my sister and brothers

❤️
Aug 2019 · 125
Skeletons
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
Another poem noone asked for
Then again I live a life
I never asked for
So I'll jot another one down
Until im in my casket
Wearing my black gown

I thought I'd get better
You know, once I decided to leave
I left my abusers and isolation
But I guess I was lost without it
So I made my own abusive creation

They all won't stop haunting me
I kept thinking I was alone
But that's not the real problem
I'm stuck with the skeletons in my closet
I guess my misery seems to adore them

I want you all to know
I've tried so very hard everyday
To make the deep dread go away
I tried to be so optimistic
But the misery is here to stay

I ask God every night
Why it's so dark through my eyes
Surely this isn't how everyone sees?
There's a monotone to this world
I feel so melancholy as I flow with the trees

That sun may shine bright
But I only see gloom roll over my sight
Maybe if I was a different child
I'd be able to see hope and faith
And not have my trauma in another pile

I have never really been ok
All I remember is fooling myself
Pretending that I was kinda real
I think I almost felt alive once
I really let down my shields

I got bitten and torn apart
I became blood guts and strewn about
I was supposed to heal and get better
After I left I only became entirely hopeless
The best is over the worst came together

They sent me a love letter
Informing me
I'll never be alone
Because they are always with me
My skeletons have found their forever home

And they're never gonna go
....
    But maybe I should?
Aug 2019 · 79
Freak
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
I wish I was normal
I wish I was in your world
Happy and hopeful
Free and beautiful

I'm such a freak
I wish I could change
It's not fun in anyway
I wish the kids asked me to play

Here I stay
Lost and astray
Afraid to misbehave
I'm just a nobody slave

I wish I was normal
I wish I was in your world
Happy and hopeful
Free and beautiful

God I'm such a loser
I cry every night
Look at me Ima fright
I got demons I can't fight

The sun doesn't give me light
I must run and hide
The kids all like to laugh
As I fall and hit the grass

I wasn't chosen last
I was never chosen at all
I wish I was ten feet tall
But I'm not interesting at all

I'm such a freak
Freak
  Freak
      F r e a k

All I ever wish
Put it on Santa's list
I'm completely helpless
I can only reminisce
Other's lives

still  I wish I was normal
I wish I was in your world
Happy and hopeful
Free and beautiful

Maybe I'd be better
Maybe I'd be clever
Maybe I'd be at peace
And not such a freak
I don't really like this or vibe with what I wrote but I was tryna write song type lyrics ? Idk
Aug 2019 · 75
Depression
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
I'll clean it later
I say everyday
As months pass

I'll watch it later
I say every night
As years go by

I'll come out next time
I say to people
As I avoid them

I'll get it together soon
I cry at 3am
As I fall asleep

I'll be happy again
I lie to myself
As I long for death
I've been in a deep depression for over a year now can't seem to shake it
Thought starting a new chapter would help but no
Aug 2019 · 59
Thank you
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
I lose my sanity
I seek only vanity
Monsters and demons
Fighting and dying
Screaming and crying

I start to unwind
Nothing eases my mind
I lay down to die
Drinking the poison
It quiets the noises

Then I hear from you
I decided to write out of the blue
Your response brings me out
The spinning clears away
I love the things you say

You remind me
That I'm real
You remind me
That I can heal
You remind me
Of how to feel

I start to laugh
I stop my reckless crash
You have no idea
The gift you give me
All you did was befriend me

I'm not sure how to put it
How could I ever word it?
You bring me my sanity
When I've lost all my hope
It's like you give me one last rope

Not for death
But to climb

  Thank you
Not my best but basically I've been in a dark dark time and got so plastered yesterday I was drunk in my car crying lol but sometimes a person can give me hooe and make me feel ok again. Reminds me that I'm alive and fighting for a reason and it amazes me how they do it when they don't even know it.

Bless.
Aug 2019 · 120
Flame
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
I thought I was finding myself
Only to lose it all over again
Or is it working ?
Is this all part of the process?

The pain, tears and stress
The candle light I held
Burning til I fell
Now the flames gone

But if I can hold on
Hold on to any match in sight
There's always a chance
For the flame to start again

Maybe I must pretend
Maybe I must befriend
Myself and noone else
Until I can find my light
And finally let it burn so bright
Aug 2019 · 128
Crumble
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
I'm C
          R
       U
         M
      B
           L
     I
       N
   G G G G
   O O O O
   N N N N
   E  E E E
     E
        E
      E m p t y
Aug 2019 · 154
Weak
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
Stop asking for reassurance
Stop asking if it's wrong
Just do what you want
What's your problem?

I'm just so afraid
The last time I made a mistake
I was violated and tormented
I can't trust myself anymore

As a kid I wasn't allowed
To think for myself or decide
The one time I let loose
I fell and got broken and bruised

What if it happens again
No one will help me repent
I can't feel or be open
This fear is permanent

My mind collapses
I fall apart
My day is gone
I'm just not strong

I thought I'd grow stronger
But I only fall apart longer
Every night it gets worse
Every one laughs at my curse

I want my childhood back
I want my innocence
I want the love and bliss
That I had to ******* miss

It's not fair
I never accepted til now
The emotional abuse
That torments my mind
Is no joke oh no it's not kind

It grows stronger
As I grow weaker
I'll never have any of it back
I'll never grow into a beautiful ocean
I'm a mud piled puddle
Only to live with struggle

Step on me
Run your car over me
Break me deeper
Til I become weaker

At this point im useless
I've lost all my faith
I'll never find my place
I'll never find comfort
For I hate myself too much
It resides within me so deep
I truly know I'll never be loved

I just ask the stars above
Stop mocking me, please
Let me sleep
Aug 2019 · 184
My autumn
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
Caught in the midnight dew
The sense of autumn is in you
I get lost in the silk of your hair
For your eyes are too much to bare

My tummy twist and turns
Butterflies every single turn
As the leaves fall And the cold follows
A glimpse of you scares away all my sorrows

You're like every Taylor swift song
I know you by heart, as I sing along
You remind me of every happy moment
Your smile makes sure I won't forget

You're calm, fun, and charming
Never too alarming
You're a breeze into many souls
You're my autumn
Let me be your ghoul
Aug 2019 · 464
Please
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
AAHHHHHHH
ahhhH
AHH
AH
A
PIECE OF ME IS BITING
AND ITS CRYING INTO MY FLESH
I CANT STOP BEATING MYSELF INTO DEATH

MAKE IT STOP YOU ******* ****
I WANT THE NEEDLES TO STOP PIERCING
I WANT MY GUMS TO STOP BLEEDING
BREATHE DEEPER AND DEEPER
I WANT SOMEONE INSIDE ME
FEEL MY PAIN FOR A CHANGE
WHILE I TAKE YOUR WHORISH PLEASURE

IM SEARCHING FOR TREASURE
ITS BLOOD AND GUTS ANS MEN
TALL DARK DRUGGED UP
GIVE ME A HIGH
I'VE BEEN TOO LOW IN LIFE

IM DISGUSTING
IM MUTANT
IM GRUESOME
TAKE MY ARMS AND BREAK THEM
TAKE MY NECK AND CRACK ME OPEN

**** MY INSIDES
IM ****** UP
MY HOLES ARE BURNT
MY HEART IS GONE
SPIDERS CRAWL UPON ME
I SCREAM AND SEEK SANITY

H E L P
H E L P
H E L
H E
H E HURT ME UNTIL I DIED
I DON'T REMEMEBR BEING BORN
I ONLY KNOW DEATH
AND THE TASTE OF YOUR BREATH

ASHXHXJ[DJDNKDJDM_FN!DN]
Djsksnsn
DksoJSJSNSNS
SKSKSKS
SJ­SISOI
AISSK
Aisji
Fhi
Di
I break down and break down
Into meaningless nonsene.
I pray that one day it'll calm down
And form meaning behind the scrambled
Maybe even the smallest amount of peace
All I can say is please
Oh God please
Not doing well
Aug 2019 · 64
End my song
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
Curled up as a fetus
Tears fall and fall
My skin continues to crawl

I cry until I'm ready to puke
My gums I chew until I bleed
I'm in so much need

I'm crying for help
Except there's no one
I'm crying to die
I don't want this life

My lips are dry
My eyes burn
My body slugs
Hide me under a rug

I'm cold
I'm sick
I'm screaming
I'm a *****

I'm so tired
I cannot sleep
My body falls into the floor
I hide away from the door

Waking up is a chore
I'm deeply dead inside
I'm burning burning in flames
Every **** thing is to blame

My body is ceased of life
The flowers died before they bloomed
My existence was always doomed
Someone take a ******* gun and shoot me

My Brain is blood guts and gore
My feet are anchors tied to the floor
My tongue is ***** stealing the air
I please to God why is life so unfair

Demons demons attacking me
I'm pleading pleading endlessly
Please please help me
I'm so far at a loss you see

After all the trauma
After all the hurt
After all the stabbings and wounds
Please tell me it gets better soon?

My body is empty
Is shivers and shakes
It needs some emotions
Or I'll keep drinking the evil potion

It's all that keeps me warm
It stops the twisting in my skin
I'm tired of the knives sinking in
Please stop letting them win

I've gone on far enough
I think this is my ending
I'm done blabbering on
I wish I could permanently end this
Diseased  song
Aug 2019 · 1.3k
To my abusers
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
Dear abuser,

Because of you I shake at night
I see so many deadly frights
My arms quiver with needles bleeding
I can't beleive I didn't think you affected me

Every night I come home
I shower and cry about my life
Every person I talk to I distrust
I know suffering is a must

There is no silence
I only hear my weeping
And your yelling echoing through
I have new triggers I don't understand
Was this always your plan?

I yell and scream at things I love
I can't beleive in any God above
My heart panics if anyone's upset
My breath is stolen like I'm in a corset

I can't stand to be alone
But I can't stand to be too close
I'm afraid of anyone's touch
Every problem is just too much

I can't have a good day
Anything good  changes and rots
Into the memory and fear
I hate myself if that wasn't clear

No matter how much I build myself up
How strong I may become
I feel so weak and alone
I feel like I'll never find my home

I stay up and ponder if I ever could
Tell everyone about the hell you gave me
Maybe that would help me
Or maybe they'd just laugh at me

I rip my flesh open
I bruise and hurt my own heart
I give so much of myself to everyone else
Because of the guilt I feel
Cause it was all my fault

I black out and forget things
My stomach twist and turns and stings
I have no energy to enjoy anything
Nothing in life is a blessing

I've emptied my body of any emotion
Because whenever I have any
It's endless crying and falling apart
Noone can break this ******* shattered heart

I'm afriad someone's behind my back
I'm afriad they're ready to attack
I'm afraid all I ever do is lack
I'm afraid of every ******* thing even a tack

I can feel you
I can hear you
Needling through my skin
Piercing my head with sin
Burning my body
Every night I relive it

All the pain I'm feeling I can't quite explain
Because at this point I consider it normal
Everything is quite plain
I'm tired of the pain I sustain

I'll never have kids because of you
I don't deserve love becuase of you
I can't see anything but pain
I can't enjoy anyone's touch
I know it'll never be love
Just let them all **** me
And I'll call it enough

Except I'm not enough
I'm disgusting and damaged
My skin is peeled and broken
Scarred and red
Too many tears I've shed

I'm labeled a freak and crazy
Life is kinda hazy
Am I real?
Can I ever heal?
I don't think so

I just want you to please go
All three of you
I see all of you In everyone I meet
The yeller the ******* and the molester
You're in the eyes of every person
I can't find comfort
Because you'll always find me first
Everything I do I realize I'm very damaged. I really do have PTSD and it's why I keep panicking and why I feel isolated and closed in and I haven't figured out my triggers but they've been torturing me with nightmares and needles in my arms and panic and black outs I can't stop reliving it all
Aug 2019 · 333
I miss you
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
I miss you
I miss the heart aches
I miss the stomach aches
I miss your absence
I miss the way you'd dance

Surely I miss you
I miss the sickening dew
I miss the crying on the bathroom floor
I miss me hiding behind the doors
I miss the anxiety
I miss my text left unread

I miss the "love" in my head
The  pain in your bed
The empty throbbing afterwards
The touched but not too far
The left unsatisfied and scarred

I loved the smiles you brought me
I loved the child you saw me as
I loved the women you'd rather pass
I loved the tears that made you laugh
I loved ever single unspoken desire
Never brought me higher

I deserved every manipulation
I deserved every tear
I deserved every touch
I deserved you so much
I deserved the confusion
I deserved your advantages
I deserved every bandage

I apologize for my obsession
I apologize for my opression
I apologize for my misbehavior
Obviously I knew better

It's my fault it went too far
It's my fault I'm forever scarred
It's my fault I wanted you so bad
It's my fault I ever made you sad
It's my fault I told my dad
It's my fault I got mad
It's my fault
It's my fault
It's always my fault

Thank you for using me
Thank you for abusing me
Thank you for accusing me
Thank you so much
for not leaving me untouched

You gave me what I wanted
You gave me everything I needed
You gave me attention
You gave me suppression
You gave me pain
You gave me deep stains
I can never ******* clean

I'm so sorry I spoke up
I'm so sorry I woke up
I'm so sorry I broke it up
I'm so sorry I exist
I'm so sorry I can't reminisce
About anytime before today
I'm sorry I'm this way
I'm sorry I misbehave
I'm sorry I tried to be brave
I'm sorry I got in everyone way

I miss before you
I miss before I knew
I miss my life
Before you stabbed me
And I apologized to you
I miss you
When I was close enough
To be able to ****** you
The way you murdered me

I missed you.
Aug 2019 · 188
Needle and thread
Hello Daisies Aug 2019
***** my body
The needles thread through me
Pierce me Pierce me
I'm crying in thread
Inside I'm mostly dead

I knot inside
Shooting the needle down me
Slicing softly my skin bleeds
I'm aching on my knees

Help me help me
No one hears me
All I ever cry
Help me help me
The thread is twisting

No one's to blame
It's such a shame
After all the twisting
My thread is slowly ripping

Center in my arms
Give me more scars
Stabbing stabbing
Where's my mommy and daddy

They left me to bleed
They broke their seed
needles run inside
Laughing and breaking my sanity

I'm dying I'm dying
God help me I'm crying
The needles are physical
Not metaphorical

Bruise my skin
I let the craft win
What is it creating
I'm still awaiting

I think it's trash
My colors all clash
If you throw me away
Will it stop the gruelling pain

Please I beg
God please lay me to bed
I've had far too much thread
My blood is turning to lead

The needles crept in long ago
They put on a menacing show
I want to go home
But there's...no where to go

My needle can't be tied off
The thread only falls
Blood platters
My heart clatters
I'm left untied
God please you know how hard I've tried

Tie my thread off for good
Please, if you would
Stop the sew
End me and all that I know
I'm in a lot of pain I think it's anxiety but my God it hurts like needles in my arms and tben they feel like a heart attack
Jul 2019 · 146
Dancing with "wolves"
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
I want to dance
Dance with wolves
Under the stars
Swirling around
Brim stones burning

I hear the howling
I fear the growling
The Sparks around
Crumble beneath the ground

Up here I dissapear
There's too many
I'm a lone wolf
Always dancing alone
I've emptied my own pond

It was never deep enough
Too shallow to share
Everyone became bare
Found an ocean
Swam into it
Paddled away happily

I want to dance with wolves
Around the warmth of the moon
Warming trust
Becoming stronger
My pain lingers
Only gaps in my fingers

This heart inside me
It's cold and empty
It's so common to say
Be that it may
But..
Doesn't mean it hurts any less
Who must I impress
How much can I press
That I'm scared
I'm so alone
I just want to know
I want to be shown
Love and comfort
But I've lost

So much of me
It's too late
I lost any chance
Of dancing
With others
Happily

Help me
Please God
Someone save me
It hurts so much
I can not hide it with silly metaphors
Break the code
Break the show
I'm broken
I'm hurting
I'm unable to love
Unable to believe in up above

Please God let my soul rest
I cannot stress
How much
Everything ******* hurts

   My dreams are dark
I'm tired of "wolves"
Of pretending
I just want
The final ending

Please
:(
Jul 2019 · 121
Falling
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
Fa la la la
Fa la la la
Fala la la
Falala
Falling
Fall
Fell

I'm breathing in hell
Just make it through
This last week
It'll stop being bleak
Just.make.it.through.one.more.day

Fa la la la
Fa la la la
Falala la
Fallala
Falling
Fall
Fell

I can not tell
Where I am anymore
Everyday blends through the door
I'm afraid to open it
I'm too tired to explore it
Lay me to rest
I'm done with my best

Fa la la la la la
Fa la la
La
La
Fallalala
Fa la la ling
Fa
La
La
La
Li
N
G

    Help me
     I'm buried in someone's destiny
       Is it mine?
        I lost track of time
         Who am I?
        Why am I?
              Is this me?
            Or somebody playing hide and seek?


            I'm still falling
Not sure if by choice
      Or
by
some greater
force
    Tying me
down
  Until im nothing but a
mere
f
r
o
  w
    n
Jul 2019 · 157
Reality
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
Reality breaks
Reality is fake
My heart is a pancake
Thick and crumbling
C
R
U
m
b
l
e

Afraid to feel
I can not heal
Life around me
Starts to peal
Leaving nothing but
Exposed flesh
OooozING

Lay me on the floor
It's my source of comfort
It's close to the earth
My only warmth
Keeps burying me
D
  O
    W
           N
           N
          N
            Never have I felt
  A sense of true comfort
My brain unravels
Either numb
Or sadness
Mixed with madness
Mad
     Mad
Mad    mad
Mad
Sad
It's buried so deep
Which reality is real
Can I really feel
Like I used to
Or was that a dream
Hmmmm
So it seams

I'm lost
In this dimension
Blue and gray
Swirling snow in May
Falling
Under water
Bubbling in my

Lungs

I'm too high strung
I'm too far gone
Everything feels wrong
Where do I belong
I keep singing the song
But I forgot the chorus
My brain tries to floor it
I out wore it
Now it's torn
R I P P E D to s hReDS
I'll get on my bed

And wait to be dead

Maybe then I'll find
Everything I left behind
Jul 2019 · 83
City
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
Giants in the city
They think, oh isn't this pretty
So many giants in the city
City
   City

Massive, brutal, but not very witty
They can't help get lost in the nitty gritty
Of the city
City
   City

I can't help but want to dance
Dancing in the night romance
Perfect In the city
City
    City

I should be Afraid of you
  So intimating what can I do
Lost in this city
City
   City

But God you're so pretty
You may be be giant
But that's what I'm in love with
Every flaw is a new wonder
To discover
With joy and confusion
I don't want another illusion
Let me get lost and found
While I climb you from the ground
In this city
City
     City
In very tired and I have no idea what I just wrote so here you go
I was seeing things early and it looked like a giant and so yeah
Jul 2019 · 174
Privileged
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
*** I need my vacation
It's been forever
Since I've had my pleasure time

Have you ever lived without a dime
Lived without eating
Lived while barely breathing?

It's not fair I need my weekend off
I haven't seen my boyfriend today
I'm too young for this

Did you have a home growing up
A loving mother and father
Comfort and clean water ?

Please look around you
Realize what you have
Stop acting so entitled
Most people haven't eaten in awhile

You have love
You still have hope
You have money
And friends

What would you do if that all ends

Im sorry about this
But it simply amazes me
How people don't appreciate
Every little thing

Because life is so difficult
I can't even believe
The things you have
If I may speak honestly

I'm happy for people
Who have good health and love
But for goodness sake
Appreciate it and stop
Complaining so much

It's hard to watch
When I can't even find lunch
That  you're ******* because
It's been a year since you've visited
Florida
I'm sorry I just I grew up very poor and alone and homeless so I try to appreciate so many things I didn't really have a childhood and to hear these people speak just upsets me.
*But my VACATION* LIKE most people don't get vacations?
I'm only 20 I shouldn't have to work full time...
I'm only 22 my life shouldn't be pain suffering and near homelessnes
You're going to college you have friends money a future and a family

Please appreciate that.
Jul 2019 · 244
La La La
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
La la la
La la la
I'm going down
An endless road
I do not know why
I must go
La la la
La la la

There's burning
And crashing
And brutal death
But I'll go
Until my last breath
I guess
La la la
La la la

I'm in absolute misery
I finally realized it's pointless
Open your eyes stop singing
The warning bells keep ringing
La la la
La la la

Everyday a smile
Just to appease them for awhile
Until night falls and I'll consider
How I'll fall

I'm alone now
Only walls surround me
I can stop singing
This cheery mockery
Jul 2019 · 284
Pit
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
Pit
This pit in my stomach is tasty
It inflates me
Leaves me gasping
In tragedy

I'll sing a peaceful Melody
It won't calm me
I'll just pretend willfully

The voices ring to me
Screaming screaming
They never seem to stop you see
This pit grows steadily

Twisting and burning
All throughout me
I pretend optimistically
Until I bend

Lay me down
Let me sleep
You hear me weep
As each voices whispers
I quiver
Quiver
Quiver

I must adore this seed
That lets me bleed
For it's all I know
So I'll reap it and sow
:(
Jul 2019 · 265
Abuse
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
The scariest part of abuse
Is you always think
Well that's can't possibly be me
As you lay there
S
   I
N
   K
I
  N
G
  Into iNsAnItY
Jul 2019 · 87
Destructive kingdom
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
Sometimes I think I'm making it up
Tbe abuse I've lived through
The demons I've seen

There's no way
Anyone's been through that
Or maybe im overreacting
And i should just have a laugh

Until I see you
Facing the same demons
Unable to break through
Who would have knew

Itd be us two
Seeing though the thickness
And cruelty of abuse
How do we unwind

From a life so unkind
I hate to say we've had it worse
Worse then most
But it's not a boast

We never had eggs and toast
Highschool friends
Or visiting the sea coast
We had no normalcy

Even though I finally broke free
My dreams they haunt me
They tear me down
And I see demons wearing crowns

I still have so much hate
I can't even contemplate
Still surving them a dinner plate
Like a slave

I'm growing
It's such a struggle
But I must confess
I'm no longer so hopeless

I wish the same for you
As your seeking forgiveness
But mostly freedom
From their destructive kingdom
Jul 2019 · 204
Erotic gloss
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
Cherry bliss
Red summer lips
Reaching for a kiss

Lip gloss glaze
Lost in your haze
You start to graze

Mascara smeared eyes
Leaking from the skies
Raindrop tongue in disguise

Romantic red gown
Tracing through that frown
I hope to be seeing you around

Every touch of you
Is a new exciting hue
Lost in your Misty dew

*** and glitter
I have no filter
**** me through the winter

All year round
Lost and found
With you until I hit the ground
Jul 2019 · 188
Deep love
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
You're beautiful
You're smart
Charming
And funny

I love the way your hair twirls
I love the way your lips curl
I love your style
And the way you make me smile

But anyone could tell you this
But on a deeper note
I'd like to reminisce
Of all the lovely bliss

Looking at you was like the stars
Like driving in speeding cars
So exciting but always gone
Too fast

My feelings for you are vast
They seem to always last
Since I was a little lonely child
I met you and my life became
Wild

With emotions
I didn't know I even had
You are so amazing
You're not perfect
And I love every single flaw
That makes you who you are

I like seeing you happy
I love hearing your goals
You could marry someone else
And while heartbroken as I may be
I'd also still be so happy

Your soul brings me warmth
Maybe this is too much
But you're the first one
Who ever made me feel
Love

The first to excite me
Make me laugh and feel
Less lonely
Maybe you know
Maybe you don't

Doesn't matter
As long as I can know you
And be a friend
I'll be happy
Until the end
Jul 2019 · 109
Living in the sky
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
Soemtimes I cant help
Looking down
Always with this frown

Sometimes I start
Looking up
And I see the stars

Every hard time
Every horrible mistake
Everytime I break
I look up
I reach up
I see the stars

Theres no wars
There's no liars
Only bright beautiful fires
Filled with wonder

My life is filled
With one constant major event
Of breakdowns and sadness
Only to be broken
By the sky's madness

I'm reaching for her
All throughout my life
Been told it's wrong
Who knows where those stars belong
But I think that's the point

They keep be going
They keep me breathing
Without knowing
Who they are

It's the msytery
The excitement
Of such entities
Something so much bigger
Then me
And that's the magic
That keeps me breathing
Jul 2019 · 297
Forever crush
Hello Daisies Jul 2019
Its midnight
I sit in my car
Swaying to Taylor swift
I think of you

I breathe in a smile
One I haven't felt in so long
I forgot this feeling
It's so pure

I can't stop gushing
And swirling
I'm not just hearing music
Now I can feel it

I'm like a teenage girl again
Excited and blushing
The feeling so innocent
Peaceful and adorable

All you did was smile
I breathe your smile in
My heart became full
Like it used to be around you

It's not a dark desire
Or a desperate want
It's a sweet kiss
A innocent bliss
A autumn evening
That keeps me believing

Love is real
When I see you
I can never have you
But that's okay
Because being around you
Is joy enough

You like me for me
I don't need to change
And that's so kind
Thank you
For being you
And making me
Believe
This boy I've loved forever just oof ok
Just reminds me that I can feel love when I thought j lost my magic but I still have it thank.you
Jun 2019 · 397
Puddle
Hello Daisies Jun 2019
Sweet little child
Your laying on a cloud
It rains endlessly

You can't come off it
Sinking through it
You pray

Their darkness thunders
Turns your heart to blunders
Am I the bad one?

You fall asleep
Falling as you weep
You're in a puddle

Cold and broken
Always misspoken
Is this better ?

Never been perfect
But you always work it
Until they throw dirt

And you lie in your puddle
Seeing your struggle
You feel disgraceful

Always so sorry
Wishing my puddle
To be an endless ocean
Jun 2019 · 102
Walk on me
Hello Daisies Jun 2019
Walk all over me
I ask you to stop
That made you feel guilty
I'm so sorry please continue

My pain does not matter
I'm just a empty platter
Use me and take what you need
Grow only your seed

I'm sorry I tried to grow
I'm sorry I wanted to go
You demanded what you want
I'll take it like a servant

For a moment I stood up
Firmly on the ground
I stood on your toes
You exclaimed all your woes

I went too far
I'm so sorry
Run me over with a car
I deserve to be walked on
Beaten on and ran on
Until I black out

Please go on and pout
About
How I tried
To believe in myself
And it upset your self worth
I guess I'm a ***** because I tried standing up for myself once in my life and I got told off about how awful I am :)
Treated me like **** I get upset but I'm the awful person and I literally feel like I am too
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