Pure music, is just three chords and some homemade truth
Much like the glory days, of New York Yankees and Babe Ruth
It’s like eating chicken one day, feathers the next
Or totally in love, ending in a divorce court, with no respect
She can make you cry, smile, think or dream, how bizarre
It can sound like being inside, an old worn out guitar
Being perfectly picked and plucked, as one should
Fully surrounded by good ole seasoned wood
Like a community is unity, which once went without saying
It’ll help propel the voice of the next generation, in the making
No matter where you are in the world, that’s admiring
Music could be the meaning, to what it’s all about, so awe inspiring.

RAINBOW FAIRY FLOSS BY THE SEASHORE    
From the 4th diary entry of Stewy Lemmon's childhood adventures.    
      
We had a whale of a time last weekend on a trip with my family to the seaside resort named Slipslopslap Bay. It is located about three hours from my home.    
     
Once we arrived at our rented holiday wood cabin put our clothes away in the wardrobe and placed our food in the fridge, we all decided as a family what we would do next.    
     
My Mum, Flo, took my younger brother, Lemmy, to the local carnival for rides, drinks and even some pink coloured fairy floss and warm apple pie. My two much older, identical twin sisters, Emma and Jemma, went to the shops looking for souvenirs and some new summer clothes to wear. Dad, Smoochy and I went down to the pier by the seaside to do some fishing and to look at the large ships passing by.    
     
After a bit of fishing, and catching a slimy piece of seaweed, we spent time viewing the large ships with the help of Dad's trusty, homemade, fancy, far out, funny binoculars. Dad was getting tired after such a long drive, so he nodded off to sleep on a deckchair by the seaside.    
     
I stood on the fishing tackle box to get a better view of the very large ships. A huge wave crashed over the bow of a large ship, and then several of its cargo boxes, fell off the side and into the ocean.    
     
Zooming in with Dad's trusty, homemade, fancy, far out, funny binoculars, I could read the words on the outside of each crate. They spelt out the names of colours, such as: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo and even Violet.    
     
On the bottom of each crate, was the name Fairy Floss, which was the funniest thing of all!    
     
From the corner of my right eye I saw a large whale swimming towards the floating crates. The whale began to smash all of them apart, with its very powerful long tail. The whale then swallowed up all of the different colours of the floating fairy floss in one huge gulp.    
     
It then emerged from under the water, but accidentally hit a shipping buoy marker that was floating nearby, flipping it into the air and back down again, right into it's blowhole.    
     
He swam towards the beach's safety swimming poles, and I thought, 'How I can help this whale with a shipping buoy marker stuck in its blowhole'!    
     
I fetched my fishing rod and cast it towards him, trying to hook onto the top of the buoy. But I couldn't quite get the hook attached under the top part of it.    
     
So I felt around in my back pocket and found my, very super sporty, single-shot, stylish slingshot that my Dad had made me last year. I shouted out to my new grouse pet mouse, Smoochy, you'll be right mate. Ready, set, go! whoosh went Smoochy, sailing through the air, luckily he landed on the whales back, first shot.    
     
I placed some cheese that Mum had made us for an afternoon snack, onto the hook and cast it again. On the third try, it hovered above the shipping buoy. Smoochy caught a whiff of Mum's cheese on the dangling fishing hook.    
     
He grabbed at the cheese and amazingly, placed the hook under the top part of the shipping buoy. I don't know if Smoochy knew what he was doing or if it was just an almighty lucky fluke.    
     
I pulled as hard as I could and wound and wound in that fishing line string. The stuck shipping buoy, came off with a pop. and sent Smoochy along for the ride.    
     
The force made me fall off the fishing tackle box and I landed on my behind. All of a sudden the whale blew a massive blast of multi coloured fairy floss up into the sky. It looked like a colourful rainbow haze just above the waves. Lots of people ran onto the pier to see what was going on.    
     
The whale then took off for the deep sea ocean, but I swear, as he turned his head towards the seashore, he looked directly at me and gave me a friendly thank-you wink.    
     
My dad woke up from the loud cheering noise of the excited crowd, but didn't believe me when I told him that I had hooked such a large catch with the help of Smoochy on our whale-of-a-time fishing adventure.    
     
Smoochy popped back into the safety of my top left-hand side pocket, and I thought I heard him say to me, as quick as a blink, 'please don't do that to me again'.    
     
I knew the fall backwards made me a bit sore, but boy I knew what I heard, and I will listen more carefully, to see if he talks anymore, for he is my, new pet grouse mouse Smoochy, after all.

Things were always so rosy
We could both be left alone
Until she started to get a little nosy
I had to be free and allowed to roam
We would be as one when we got cosy
But when I told her, she looked as stiff as a gnome

There is no pain in death
Just some pain while dying
I hope my papa wasn't lying
When I gasp my last breathe

Go ahead, come, blow my mind
Make my face glow, please be kind
She was so ******* forgiving
At least she was, in the beginning
I thought she was just drunk and dumb
Until she started to explore real red ***

There is no pain in death
Just some pain while dying
I hope my papa wasn't lying
When I gasp my last breathe

She searched the web for weird and magical potions
Even started brewing her own home made lotions
When asking her about her secretive creations
She would make a loud and noisy commotion
I feel like a deadman walking, just waiting for that extra dose
Just wanted to feel at home, instead my end feels so close

There is no pain in death
Just some pain while dying
I hope my papa wasn't lying
When I gasp my last breathe.

ROLL UP, ROLL UP - WELCOME TO THE BIG TOP PARK  
From the 6th diary entry of Stewy Lemmon's childhood adventures.  
 
Holidays were almost here again, and Mum and Dad loved to take us all to our favourite caravan park called Rolling River Retreat, where all of our friends from past years would once again be there with their families.  
 
My Dad made our very own caravan by hand, painted with artistic flair and built (of course) in his unusually built and outrageously painted, backyard, out back shed. It was such a sight for all of the people that drove past us in their cars, on our way to our holiday retreat.  
 
All our friends from the caravan park retreat, also thought our colourful caravan looked such a treat, that many of them phoned mum and dad and told them about the surprise for us kids once we arrived at the retreat. They had all decided this year; they too would have something cool looking and really neat at the retreat.  
 
Are we there yet, we would ask again and again, then after a little longer us kids fell asleep. We were then awoken by the sound of BomBom BomBom BomBom, and then we knew we were crossing the last old bridge from the nearby town and into the big and top park of all time. It was a very old and bumpy bridge and we all knew its sound.  
 
As we were crossing the old Rolling River Bridge, we noticed the water level was much higher than usual, and moving ever so fast. The locals had told us when we had to refuel the car that the rain hadn't stopped coming down for weeks and weeks. They also said that today the sun was finally coming out from behind those dark clouds and hopefully now it wouldn't be so bleak.  
 
So lucky for us and all of our friends, that we picked our holiday time when the sun decided to peak. As we rolled up to the world's top caravan park, we were all welcomed by the always friendly, park manager Andy and his wife Cindy. He had been the manager there for twenty-three years, and my Dad also knew Andy from when he was a child.  
 
We then saw our friends, with a smile on their dials and so loud with great cheer, when the Lemmon's had finally arrived. There was our great Spanish friend Pablo, who we would call Poppa Pablo, and who loved his various and very tamed pets. There was old senior, Jay Walken the Lolly shop owner, and the very funny musical brothers Anastasia and Houllio from Mexico.  
 
We saw Johnny "The Greek Carpenter" and his son Stevie, also Andy's old pen-pal friend, Joel from Texas, USA. We were allowed to call him, Cowboy Tex. he was walking with a slight shuffle, while wearing a huge 10 gallon hat. Last to see us was my favourite grown up friend, Marko. He would do magical tricks for us every year and his wife Louise and their son Jacob, who was studying architecture. It's something to do with drawings or designs, I think.  
 
They all gave us hugs and high fives, and said, now come with us, for you will all be in for a real treat. We turned the corner and there they all were. The old looking caravans of previous years, had all been cleverly painted with great  character and artistic flair.  
 
Poppa Pablo, who loved animals, painted his caravan to look like a zoo. The old senior, Jay Walken (the Candyman) painted his, to look like a van full of lollies. The funny Mexican, musical brothers Anastasia and Houllio, had painted a bunch of colourful and zany looking Mexican clowns, playing all of their favourite instruments. Which included, drums, trumpets, harmonicas and guitars on the side of their van. Johnny "The Greek Carpenter" and his son Stevie, decided to paint shapes, houses, hammers, nails and ladders of course. Marko, Louise and their son Jacob, had a very futuristic designed van with rabbits, hats, juggling *****, a box and a saw and a cleaver trap-door. All had been designed with precision and at very clever angles, that's for sure.  
 
The last caravan we saw was extra long, for it was Cowboy Tex's, and he even had a van for his pony named, Bubski. Cowboy Tex had painted his in Red, White and Blue and in the middle a large star from Texas, where else.  
 
That night we went to bed early after such a long trip, for tomorrow we were all going on a drive and having a picnic lunch in the local mountains and then into town at night to see the travelling circus.  
 
In the morning, we all made our way in convoy, towards the old and bumpy Rolling River Bridge. But it had been closed overnight by the police, because of the rain and the damage it had made. Dad spoke to the local policeman, who said, the bad weather had taken its toll, on the old bumpy bridge and it had damaged a few large poles.  
 
We all went back to our holiday park and started to unpack. All of the childre were very upset, because, they had missed out on seeing the circus. Then, my Dad and his friends had a long talk, while sitting together around the campfire. They were trying to figure out, what they could do, to cheer up the children.  
 
Meanwhile, the kids decided to spend the rest of the day in the Rolling River Retreat's, games room. After chatting and playing, for quite awhile, we heard all sorts of noises,coming from outside. But my Mum told us, don't worry, just keep having fun and talking together.  
 
Later that afternoon, we heard someone yelling out,'Roll up, Roll up, Welcome to the Big Top Park'. We all rushed outside, but couldn't believe what we were seeing. The circus, had somehow, come to our park.  
 
We all started walking, towards the funny clowns who were falling down. There was even a Candy shop selling all sorts of yummies, like fairy floss, lollies and even teeth candy.  
 
We all took our seats at the front, and started listening to the funny clowns, playing a musical beat. Then a big voice shouted out loud, let's all thank the parents and friends for bringing the circus straight to you. After a while, we realised it was my Dad. He was introducing all of the performers, who would entertain us, in style.  
 
The funny clowns playing the musical instruments and falling down were the brothers, Anastasia and Houllio, and the man serving candy was none other than, the old senior Mr Jay Walken, of course.  
 
The show was starting, and the first act was, Poppa Pablo with his variety of animals. His Great Dane named, Duke, was jumping and rolling all about, his orange cat called, Tabby, was boxing with some hanging *****. His Guinea Pig called, Pauly was whizzing around through plastic pipes, and so much more. Then his little yellow baby duck named, Dina was following Pablo, wherever he went.  
 
Poppa Pablo, then grabbed Smoochy from me, and put him on a large See-Saw. He then got his Great Dane named, Duke stand on the other end. 'Whisssshhhhh, I wasn't here', Smoochy seemed to yell out, but I was ready for him. Luckily, he landed in straight in my top left-hand side pocket.  
 
Next act, was dancing from my two, much older, identical twin sisters Emma and Jemma. I found them rather boring, so I yelled out, ' next act please'.  
 
Even my Mum, Flo was giving it a go. She had held in a large bowl, my favourite fruit snacks. Then, all of a sudden, she tossed an apple into the air, then straight after that, a whole banana went up. She then grabbed an orange, that's three at a time, wow, she was juggling her fruit, real fine. It was something, I have never ever, seen done before, I hope they don't fall!  
 
The funny clown brothers, then asked the audience, for a hand. I put up Lemmy's hand and Smoochy's as well. They put Lemmy in a very small homemade car, then following behind was, Pablo's orange cat, named,Tabby, and then his Guinea Pig called, Pauly. All looking so relaxed, in a car, each of their own.  
 
At the front of the cars was, Cowboy Tex and his faithful Polish pony named, Bubski. All of the cars had been hooked up, near the back of his tail. Around and around, they did two laps, as they sat quietly.  
 
The last act of the night was, Marko the Magician and his assistant Louise. He performed some wonderful tricks, and even pulled a cute rat, out of a top hat. I then yelled out, 'wait a sec!', I think that's my best friend, and new grouse pet mouse, Smoochy.  
 
Then, my sister Emma, was introduced into this part of the show. She stood in one of the two boxes, set up on stage, and with a black cloth, Marko, then covered the front of her body. With the magical words of "getoutofheregooverthere", and in a flash of an eye, she quickly reappeared, in no time at all. But in the other wooden box, that was so far away. Wow, Marko is the best magician, I have ever seen. I wanted to know, the secret of that trick, but he didn't even give me a clue.  
 
At the end of the night, Andy the friendly park manager, got on the microphone and said, 'can we all please applaud, these wonderful acts'. Starting with, Archie Lemmon, Johnny "The Greek Carpenter" and his son Stevie for building and painting the circus arena. Also, Jacob for the stage design and forcarefully planning all that.  
 
Wow, what a great night had by all, but, I don't think Smoochy, will ever talk to me again. Mainly, because it was me, who put up his hand, for that very scary circus, high flying act.

As we shout and dance about life’s mysterious game
So greedy we all are for riches and our fifteen minutes of fame
You won’t have an ounce, once you are buried and gone
But for me sharing and caring is plenty enough in this life

Maybe a bit at a time like around half of what we got
Would be ample for someone without having the lot
Then you’d realise this life is not all that it’s cracked up to be
It might take a lifetime but hopefully you would someday see
So for me sharing and caring is the real stuff of life

When you are long and gone beneath this soil we call earth
Society should admire you and pray for their own spiritual rebirth
Imagine a world full of people being able to have a second chance
I’d think we’d rid the world of war, so go on make a stance
Hopefully you appreciate what you have in this your daily life.

I don’t know why, just like before
I don’t understand how she cut me off
I’d found a diamond in the rough
Just kept given my heart n soul and stuff
We both reached for our seatbelt and we both buckled up
We were roller coasting, with small hiccups and a bit of muck

This wasn’t an act from a performing monkey
Just thought wow and thanked god, I’m so lucky
This was performed by a guy who had a crush
Didn’t think about a wedding day, there was no rush
Just so happy and thrilled, for whom I had met
The way we looked at each other, you’d never guess

But suddenly, she told me, she ain’t into me no more
She wanted it to be like before, but got the itch to explore
So she’s out there somewhere, free roaming about
While I’ve decided to stay in my bedroom, just moping about
Next time I’ll keep that in mind, when dating a girl
Still be myself, but don’t get into her so deep, not like before.

Get out of my life
Shut the front door
Or you'll be in strife
Like I've told you before

So she don't want you back
I could have told you that
Your fault for being so slack
Now who's wearing the top hat
At least ya don't have to put up with her girlie pack
The new gals at the bar will just think your some stray cat

Get out of my life
Shut the front door
Or you'll be in strife
Like I've told you before

But I miss her so much
I miss her soft touch
I know I was a bit rough
But she messed with my brain
Getting lost down memory lane
Like a boxers hit with no real true pain

Get out of my life
Shut the front door
Or you'll be in strife
Like I've told you before

I'll treat her with more respect
I don't won't our relationship to be wrecked
Do you think she will take me back?
I want to get our relationship on the right track
But first I want to see how I go with some other gals
Maybe she would be happier, if we were just good pals.

SILLY SEASON, SLIPPERY SLOPES AND SOME SNOW SLUSH    
From the 7th diary entry of Stewy Lemmon's childhood adventures.    
       
WOW, it was already Christmas Eve. It goes to show, 'time flies when you're having fun', for winter was amongst us again. This year's weather was awfully cold, with the temperature dropping to only two degrees, it was freezing outside. I said, to my parents, 'it seems to be a silly shkeason for this time of year, and without any real good reason'.    
     
My dad, had gathered some wood for the open fireplace, that he had made for us inside. We then all sang songs and ate our multi coloured marshmallows, straight off the wooden sticks, to make us feel yummy, once inside our tummy.    
     
My mum Flo, said, with her cheeks as red as a rose, from the heat of the fire, which was making her cheeks glow. 'Do you want to go to the snow, for a couple of days'? We could have so much fun, in the white, cold snow'?    
     
So, the next morning, Dad packed up the car, with ski's, gloves, boots, jackets and even some ski chains for the slippery wet road tar.    
     
Mum, packed some food, drinks, our tooth brushes and even a hair brush and a comb. Then we hopped into the overloaded car, and headed off west in search of the white, cold snow.    
     
We finally arrived at the Shivermetimbers Ski Lodge, and the manager Monty Lopez, was there to greet us, and gave us the keys to our regular ski lodge. It's a funny job, by the way, for a bloke that can't even ski, due to vertigo, unbalanced and all.    
     
Once inside our weekend ski lodge, we quickly lit the enormous fireplace, which was built, smack in the middle of the very large lounge room.    
     
Mum and Dad had their own bedroom, my two much older, identical twin sisters, Emma and Jemma, had the ski loft, while my little brother Lemmy, Smoochy and I had the fold-out bed, that popped out from under the couch.    
     
Early next morning, we all ate bacon and eggs and drank hot chocolate, except for dad, who preferred his hot cup of tea.    
     
After breakfast, the manager Monty Lopez, told my Mum, Flo and my two, identical twin sisters, that they can have, free ski lessons down the back tracks, for an hour or so.    
     
     
But after only about, ten or fifteen minutes, with the, Shivermetimbers ski instructor, Stefan Pettersson, who was from North Poland, they just simply gave up.    
     
Not just because, every time they tried to stand up, all three of them kept falling flat on their backs. But, because Stefan Pettersson, could not speak a word of English, unlike his distant English speaking cousins in South Poland.    
     
I'm sure he was a great ski teacher, but maybe, needed to learn the language of the South as well. Then he could explain to the tourists, from English speaking countries, what he needed them to do, to stay on their feet.    
     
Meanwhile my Dad, along with his old and very funny friend, Trevor Thomas Timberlake, whom Dad has always called Triple T for short, were hiding in the retreat's garage, making another Christmas surprise.    
     
While Smoochy, Lemmy and I were trying to peek in and see what they were doing, we heard loud noises like, Boom, Buzz, Bang, Clunk, Clink, Clank, Smack, Swat, Slap and even Heave-**.We couldn't wait to see what they had made for us, after all of that noise.    
     
As we were walking back to grab a soft drink and bite to eat, BANG the garage doors opened, and that's when we saw our Christmas surprise.    
     
For it was Trevor Thomas Timberlake, dressed up in a very colourful Santa outfit. But, if you think that was funny, 'who do you think was pulling Santa's even more colourful sleigh'?    
     
It was the manager Monty Lopez's, eight very small pet Chiqaua's. They didn't look like they were that strong, to pull Santa's sleigh and Dad's old and very funny friend, Triple T.    
     
All of the kids and I were so pleased. I even noticed Smoochy, with a bit of a glee. Santa Trevor and his chosen helpers, my two, identical twin sisters Emma and Jemma, gave out the presents, to all of the children that were staying at the,'Shivermetimbers Ski Lodge'.    
     
Later that afternoon, my mum, had made a big barrel of fruit snacks for everyone to share. We were all about to start to eat, when all of sudden, we heard an almighty big crash.    
     
For Monty's eight very small pet Chiqaua's, were spooked by my grouse new pet mouse named, Smoochy. He had startled them all and made Triple T's Santa Sleigh, stack right into the table. With the fruit barrel sitting on top, the big crash had tossed the barrel of fruit, onto the ground and it rolled down the slippery snow ski slopes.    
     
Everybody rushed over to see all of the mess. But it actually turned out to be quite good looking, more or less. Because, Mum's fruit snack, had all spilled out and had created a really cool, very cold and quite a colourful, rainbow snack in the snow.    
     
I named that accidental creation of a mess, 'The Sensationally Spilt Rainbow Snow Snack on the Slippery Ski *****'.    
     
We had all decided to head back to our family's very large shack and have chicken nuggets with tomato sauce of course, instead of Mum's colourful fruit snack.    
     
In the morning, we went and saw the mess from the night before. My Dad and Triple T had come up with a clever idea, They had made some square wooden boxes, in such quick style.    
     
We gathered up all of the mess and packed it all into the wooden boxes. Then we made some very cool, fruit coloured, solid snow bricks. We were going to make some igloos out of the colourful bricks, and try and spend a whole night sleeping inside them.    
     
It wouldn't be that cold inside an igloo, we thought. Eskimo's do it all of the time, and they don't seem to catch that many colds.    
     
When morning had come, we had awoken to find the very cool, fruit coloured, solid snow bricks, had all melted away and we were lying in, not so very cool, fruit coloured, soggy, snow slush.    
     
We laughed and cried and hurried inside to get ourselves dried. I called that creation, 'The very cool, fruit coloured bricks, that just didn't stick'.    
     
Mum said, gather up all of that, not so very cool, fruit coloured, soggy, snow slush, and I will create you a new all time favourite, colourful fruit creation.    
     
She had put the slush and the fruit into several ice trays, and had placed solid sticks over each block and made them stick out a bit, from each of their ends. She then, cut holes in the middle of some plastic cups and placed the cups, on one of the ends.    
     
After a while, our very cool, frozen fruit delight, was ready to bite. We all had one, and yelled out yum, good on ya Mum. For, not only did the cup catch the melting ice, it also caught any fruit that fell off the side.    
     
I named that creation, 'Colourful Ice-Drips & Fruit-Drops in a Cup'. That's my Mum for you, always likes a good clean mess.    
     
Dad said, what a great idea, and that we should all listen more often to our Mums. Then, my Mum joked, 'if only your dad would listen to me more often'.    
     
That night, I was back in my fold-out bed, that popped out from the couch, I slept like a bug in a rug. Even Smoochy, crawled into bed, and gave me, an ever so tight hug, on our very last night, of our silly season, ski holiday trip.

A guitarist from Alabama, kept on giving, even whilst laying in the hot sun    
Although he was taught the ropes, by the original Robbie Johnson    
The young teenager named Lockwood, from Turkey Scratch    
Was a maestro studio muso, but couldn’t lite a dry match    
He never made the pop charts with the record paying folks    
But a legend in the music scene, recording with other blokes    
Still, some people like me, would chuck a silver nickel in a jukebox, for a wopp    
In the beginning, most bands were sleepin’ on the rope.

Man, you keep on spillin’
More than you’re a fillin’
So, you should never ever get all ya money
Where ya be gettin’ all of ones honey
You’ve inherited a handful of ritzy
An amount I’d say is just a little itsy bitsy
But I was born with a face full of glamour
So I guess now, I’m ritzy and glamorous, and so much more

You always did have a small mind, no matter
If I had to choose between you and my ex, I’d take the latter
‘Cause your always showing off to your friends
Think ya  cool, cruisin’  Rodeo Drive, in a pimped out Benz
Little mama’s boy, hiding below those colored skin sketches
Paying for a little salad on the side, ‘cause they all let ya call dem *******

I own it now baby and I know its all from you
You owe me much more than what’s already overdue
You made me who I am today, even if it took over a decade
You showed me the figures I spent on your entertainment tab
But ya never were really that good at basic math
So before I left, I let the police know, you’re a sociopath.

I have seen enough of this charade now
I’ve seen all I needed and wanted to see
My thoughts are reminiscing my life, mainly with smiles of glee
Hopefully once I’m gone, I’ll be told why and even how

I exited via the green keepers, one way garden gate
Even though I heard gods free advice
But from the start, the devil rolled the dice
Now I’m getting dragged back down, to a fiery eternal fate

We all wish we could’ve stayed put, for eternity
Knowing the landlord would keep us sheltered forever, with certainty
But he gave us all a choice on how to live
So your job in life, is to teach, love and unselfishly give.

Oh Mary, Mary, quite demanding
How does ya man stay put?
With blue pills, and dollar bills
Pity, those pretty ******, helping his cardiac output

You’ve got something about Mary, in ya hair
Where? Oh, there!
Oh well, I really don’t care
It’s not the only thing, I like to bare
Look up to the ceiling, if ya dare
If ya mother ever saw, it’ll be your worst nightmare
Good comes with the bad, life sometimes, just ain’t fair
Thank God, it’s only hair gel, try looking outside the square

Oh Mary, Mary, quite demanding
How does ya man stay put?
With blue pills, and dollar bills
Pity, those pretty ******, helping his cardiac output

Mary had a scary *****
Its hair was, fully overgrown
And every where that Mary came
The **** was sure well known
She happened to give it, a shave one day
That went against the grain
It made the clients drool, then play
To see her **** hairless, once again

Oh Mary, Mary, quite demanding
How does ya man stay put?
With blue pills, and dollar bills
Pity, those pretty ******, helping his cardiac output.

SORE BARE FEET WITH YELLOW TAIL        
From the 2nd diary entry of Stewy Lemmon's childhood adventures.          
          
Its been almost two weeks now, since our unforgettable funny night of the colourful fruit falling down on us. So, I decided to take Smoochy for a walk through our village and then up and over the town's nearby grassy green hills.          
           
When all of a sudden, I noticed a strange, gigantic and really colourful object in the near distance. I picked up Smoochy and put him in my top left-hand side pocket. I then took off my thongs and raced like the wind, towards this strange, gigantic and really colourful thing.          
           
As we got closer, I realised what I had come across. It was a gigantic and colourful, hot air balloon. Maybe, it had crashed on top of our town's grassy green hills, that very morning. I yelled out, ‘Hello is anyone in there’? But, not a squeak or holler of noise, came out of that gigantic and really colourful hot air balloon.          
           
I was curious to have a closer look inside, so I took Smoochy out of my top left-hand side pocket and put him nearby. I climbed up into the hot air balloon with bare feet and all, to see what it was like, inside my incredible find.          
           
Whilst looking straight up towards the blue sky, I saw the hot air balloons large engine, that once it was switched on, would make a huge fire. A fire which you could imagine, would make you ever so warm. All of sudden, a gush of wind took hold of the gigantic hot air balloon and it started to take off.          
           
I yelled out to Smoochy to help me, but quickly realised, he was only a grouse, new, pet mouse and would not understand me. The balloon started to bounce down the hill and was nearing the edge. Smoochy had jumped onto the end of a dangling rope and was hanging on by the skin of his teeth, while I was hanging on, for my dear young life.          
           
I screamed out to Smoochy, ‘Start climbing up the rope and don’t be scared’. Finally, Smoochy made it into the balloons basket and popped straight into my top, left-hand side pocket where he felt safe, once again. So, maybe Smoochy does understand me after all. The hot air balloon was getting higher and higher and further away from my home, heading towards the famous Bearfeet Ridge mountain tops.          
           
Ouch Ouch Ouch, I yelled out to Smoochy for help, again, again and again. Because, when I was running in bare feet, towards the strange, gigantic and really colourful object, I stepped on some prickles and it didn't at all, feel like funny feet tickles. I carefully pulled them out, one by one; all those pointy, painful prickles that were making my bare feet sore.          
           
I had an idea to get us off this fast moving hot air balloon. I pulled out my very super, sporty, single-shot, stylish slingshot from my back pocket and put one of those pointy, painful prickles into place on the slingshot that had been stuck in my feet.          
           
Bang, my first shot made a hole in the balloon and it started to drop down slowly over the treetops. But then, with an almighty, Thump, it stopped with a jolt and came to a complete and sudden halt.          
           
The dangling rope Smoochy had used to climb in with me, had tangled around a tree branch. It had miraculously landed, the hot air balloon right on top, although, on a very steep angle. I stood up and wiped the sweat off my brow and thought, ‘Wow, what a fun ride'.          
           
I climbed over the edge and onto a large limb and started to climb down carefully, branch by branch. Then, I heard very loud moans and growls coming from way down below. As I looked down, I felt excited and very lucky, but at the same time, I felt very nervous deep down inside.          
           
Smoochy, had peaked his head out and started to tremble, for what we were seeing had to be, that 'mysterious and rarely seen, yellow tailed, bear family'. Which a few older towns' people, have claimed to have seen.          
           
But the bears were looking, oh so very hungry, patient and keen. Then from afar, I heard people yelling out, 'Don’t move Stewy, stay where you are, for we’re almost there'.          
           
It was my Dad Archie and Sergeant Bill Stilrite from our local police station. Luckily, Dad had seen Smoochy and I, with his trusty homemade, fancy, far out, funny binoculars through the small, round shaped, backdoor window of his unusually built and outrageously painted, outback, backyard shed.          
           
He couldn't believe it, when I jumped into the balloon and it started to move. So, he had raced to his car and yelled out to my Mum Flo, ‘Call the local police now, on 000 and don't be slow’. Then my Dad started following us by car, from well down below.          
           
The police Sergeant Bill Stilrite along with my Dad, had both managed to follow us, in their very fast cars, right up until we came to a complete and sudden halt. The screaming of my Dad and Sergeant Bill Stilrite, had scared off the mysterious and rarely seen yellow tailed, bear family, making them all bolt.          
           
Now, safely back home and with an amazing, gigantic and really colourful hot air balloon tale to tell. I just don't know if my family and folks, will ever really believe that Smoochy and I saw the mysterious and rarely seen, yellow tailed, bear family, oh well.          
           
At least Smoochy was there and knows our adventures were fun and for real. Hopefully one day, I will write some books, about my childhood fun adventures and then, just maybe, try to sell them, for a buck or two.

The Frog That Took A Giant Leap For Their Kind"  
 
Forever being laughed at for not being able to leap  
Always last in the frog army sport, called ‘Jumping over the Jeep’
The little jump frog was embarrassed to belong to such an army  
So he packed his things and headed off on a long journey  
He crossed all over, the large wetlands of Florida USA  
Even made a makeshift home, made out of some hay  
After feeling a very warm heat, from about a mile away  
He came across some steps, but when climbing, they began to sway  
Frightened by a loud bang and an almighty explosive roar  
He hopped inside the nearest room, via a big white door  
Then, all of a sudden, he felt his feet, effortlessly lift off the floor  
Floating past a small window, he couldn’t see the earth, anymore  
After a while, the room hit the ground, with an almighty thump  
Looking out, he saw a strangely dressed man, pray and then jump  
He followed the man and went on down a few gigantic steps  
After making his biggest ever leap and without special effects  
Luckily, the frog was caught on camera, so became the first of his kind  
To reach the faraway moon and take a great leap, if you don't mind.  
 
 
 
"The Hare That Looked Out Of Place"  
 
The local country fair had arrived in town  
But one animal was looking angry and down  
For the farmworker had placed the hare at the fair  
With another breed of animal, without any care  
He looked out of place, while sitting in the dog pound  
To the hare it felt more like a very scary hunting ground  
One child yelled out, "That's a very small doggy, Mummy"  
No it's not, said Mummy, but it'll make the dogs meal taste so yummy  
She ran to the ticket seller and said, "There's a hare out of place"  
He said, I think your hair is fine madam, but here's some gel, just in case  
When the farmer found out, he ordered the workers to quickly catch it  
And to make sure there's no more hares where the dogs will sit.  
 
 
 
"The Sheep That Escaped From The Bars"  
 
The large family farm was not really up to par  
Because the farmer would keep the sheep behind an iron bar  
They wanted to escape from behind the metal brass  
And wander about and eat more of the fresh green grass  
Eating packaged food was not treating them well  
But they were getting upset tummies and not feeling that swell  
So they hatched a plan so they could graze on the vast land  
A billy goat agreed to fetch a plank of wood and give them a hand  
In return he would get all the leftovers of the sheep's fake food  
So one by one they took the plunge and escaped for a better mood  
The goat had a ball opening and then eating so much more  
And the sheep could be heard for miles, laughing Baa-Baa galore.  
 
 
 
"The Monkey That Lost His Grip"  
 
His name is Chip and he just can't get a grip  
He has to hold on tight for the entire round trip  
His friends in the troop said he wasn't very hip  
Always having to wear a parachute with a safety clip  
He tried to branch out one day, but fell and hurt his hip  
Then one day he got up early and decided to leave without the equip  
Now the monkey named Chip was so brave and he ran with a skip  
And he swung from branch to branch without any major slip  
His friends were in awe of his huge lunges and gave no more lip  
So from that day forth, everybody said he had great grip to do his solo flip.  
 
 
 
"The Cheetah That Wished For No Spots"  
 
Cleaning his teeth using long green grass as dental floss  
The healthy Cheetah often wished he had no more spots  
He was tired of hearing, while playing Hide n Seek, the sound,  
Of his animal friends yelling, "We give up, for you can't be found"  
He thought, maybe he could wash away his camouflage dots  
By soaking himself for a while, in some warm water and soap in pots  
It might be a long shot to remove those game wrecking blots  
But at least his friends would have fun playing in Africa's back lots  
No said his friends, you were born with all of them  
And after all, your spots make us all different, Amen  
So stay like you are and we will find you one day  
But never ever try and wash those unique spots of yours away.  
 
 
 
"The Zebra That Painted Her Stripes"  
 
She looked in the river and saw her reflection  
Her skin colour made males look in another direction  
For her colours were not really that bright  
With her body stripes painted in black and white  
So the next day the lady zebra decided to get a makeover  
By getting colourful paint and brushing it all over and over  
Now she felt like a beautiful diamond of a gem  
And maybe others would take notice, especially the men  
But the day she went back to her favourite watering hole  
Everyone thought she belonged on a merry-go-round pole  
Then it started pouring down, the hail and the wet rain  
And washed off all her colourful paint down the drain  
She wasn't that sad when she heard the laughter of other zebras  
For she was now world famous, from all of the tourist cameras.  
 
 
 
"The Mouse That Was Forever Getting Trapped"  
 
The poor little mouse was forever getting himself trapped  
He couldn't stop from smelling the cheese, even when wrapped  
His concerned mother told him to visit a hypnotist  
To try and help him get off cheese, you get the gist  
If he gets trapped again, he might not be able to tell the tale  
Because if the help he receives fails, his face will turn pale  
So let's hope this short tale of some very sore mouse tails  
Helps the other obsessed cheese loving females and males  
Can the poor little mouse keep away from the snap?  
Let's all hope that he doesn't forget, after taking a quick catnap.  
 
 
 
"The Panda That Got Bored Of Giant Plain Bamboo"  
 
Sitting under the tree eating gigantic bamboo stalks, sat a cute Panda  
But eating one thing all day long was boring for the cutie named Sandra  
So the workers at the zoo tried to change her diet to see what it would take  
They tried strawberries, oranges, pizza, meatballs and even rib-eye fillet steak  
But none of this food worked, to make Sandra the cute Panda, less bored  
The workers were confused why the delicious food was simply ignored  
She started to lose weight and became very agitated  
Quickly the zoo staff asked for help, but really they had to be educated  
For pandas only eat bamboo and not much of the world's fine food  
By just adding a bit of spice would've changed her boring mood  
They hurried back to the zoo kitchen to prepare a spicy dish  
Chopping and stewing and even adding a few drops of relish  
Sandra loved the change in her daily food of bamboo  
And was happy again chewing on her new tasting food at the zoo.  
 
 
 
"The Owl That Didn't Give A Hoot"  
 
When the sun went down and the moon came out  
Some owls could be seen in the trees hooting about  
But a strange noise one owl gave, was worse than a toot  
For the owl, for some reason, didn't give a hoot  
This strange sounding owl instead, made more of a screech  
A sound that the English owls have never been able to reach  
For this different style speaking owl, is on holidays from afar  
And his spoken language is so unusual to ours, by far  
The other owls wanted to know how to screech like this alien bird  
For they were so bored, with only knowing how to speak one word  
So they all took quick language classes to learn how to French speak  
And their guest also learnt to belt out a bit of a hoot, from his foreign beak.  
 
 
 
"The Spider That Stood Too Tall To Crawl"  
 
A large daddy long leg spider named Paul  
Had such long legs he stood too tall to crawl  
He looked like a gigantic monster, standing way up top  
All other spiders who saw him, would come to a complete stop  
Frozen in their tracks, insects would free fall and dive  
And go so low between his legs to hopefully survive  
The spider himself would get a face full of cobwebs  
As he walked so tall into his own hand made project  
Enough he thought, and off he went for a professional opinion  
The doctor said, he had a name for his rather tall condition  
It was called nothing at all, you are like this on earth  
For all daddy long leg spiders are like this since birth  
So he was told to bend down more often, stretch and do some exercise  
And to watch out for that high floating killer insect spider pesticide.  
 
 
 
"The Elephant That Couldn't Make A Trunk Call"  
 
While playing a game of elephant soccer together  
Using a coconut for a ball which was as light as a feather  
The elephant herd had finally ran out of pace  
One player named Noel didn't stop until he fell flat on his face  
When he got home later that night after his great fall  
He tried, but couldn't make his routine long distance trunk call  
But nothing came out and he went into shock  
Noel the elephant thought he had swallowed a rock  
So off down the road to the local doctor he went  
Also complaining about his loss of his favourite flowers scent  
The doctor first said, it could be all in your mind  
But after shinning a light he saw what it was, well down behind  
For it was the coconut the herd had been playing with before, with Noel  
After a tickle on the trunk, Noel shot it out and somehow scored a goal.  
 
 
 
"The Koala That Was Always Bare"  
 
Kyle the Koala loved to just sit in the trees and eat his leaves  
The tourist would come and take photos without having to pay any fees  
But he once took a peek at one of those friendly tourist's cameras Polaroid  
He saw some family pets wearing fashionable clothes and was rather annoyed  
For you see, Kyle then noticed, that he was always totally bare  
Dogs with jackets and cats with gloves, but he had nothing at all to wear  
So he decided to make all of the paparazzi pay for their shots  
When he saved enough money, he dressed up with the lots  
He purchased some pants, a hat and T-shirt and a colourful woolly scarf  
He felt more natural and not as bare, but mainly because, he made all of the tourists laugh.  
 
 
 
"The Rabbit That Stared Into The Light"  
 
When Warren the rabbit went out on the town  
He wore a lucky tail, pinned all the way down  
Hiding from cars, buses and motorbikes driving past  
Then hurriedly crossing the road, hoping not to be the last  
For if you were left behind, you'd be all alone to cross again  
And be able to have the strength to not look into the lights of the men  
But on this night he kept on staring straight into the light  
His mother always told him, to wear sunglasses at night  
The car stopped and out stepped the driver and along with his passenger  
Warren couldn't move even a bit, luckily for him, it was just a messenger  
The driver picked him up and placed him on the other side of the road  
Thanks, he said to himself, next time I might've got no respect, like that man showed.

Girl you broke my heart last time  
Can I trust you again from the flip of a coin  
I sure do still have pain  
From jagged little tears of my heart  
And the memory of that moment in life  
When your luck ran out exiting the door of the boy next door    
   
And now you want me to once again trust  
How long before I catch you with another lust  
If I do indeed take you back into my arms  
Will I need to shield my love from more harm  
For if I’ve only got thin skin for protection  
Girl I could end up as a lonely recluse  
A lonely recluse, girl, ****  
   
Girl and those loose lips of yours  
Your heart needs to be locked from opening doors  
You’re such a cutie, you’re much nicer than before, the girl I will always adore, a real needle in a haystack  
You think you know what it takes to be mine  
But you know you have some flaws  

  
I shouldn’t have to pray or pay to investigate    
Girl you got such a pretty face  
Would take me a whole lifetime to find again  
But I’d rather start searching, the entire human race  
Than put up with the lying and dishonesty by you  
   
And if I don’t find my journeys soulmate  
Or pass some by, that throw me some bait  
I’ll live my life alone and at least in peace  
Girl I would rather a lonely reclusive life, than hell.

To the gal who was always by my side
I say, thanks to you, I can almost stem the tide
You were there for me, in the good times and the bad
Even though it was the sixties, it was more than a passing fad
Those distant memories are still etched upon ones mind
For you have made me the man, that you know is so kind
A better person, than the one you never really knew before
So my utmost gratitude, to the gal who I’ll always adore

Don’t feel guilty, it’s not your job in life
Be yourself for me, for I’m the one in strife
I’m not scared of death, just the act of dying
So live your life, ‘cause there’s no use in lying
Back on the mountaintop, with a storm rolling in
We were sitting on the porch, so why not sing
The dark clouds are hovering, so let it be
Waking early every morning, saying, why not me

When I’m six feet under and the days are still golden
Remember it was my parents who got me enrolled in
No signature needed, just pay the balance, when it’s due
All I wanted was a simple life, even if it wasn’t brand new
Learned from elders, reminisced from the youth, nothing to lose
Mainly lived my life, in the here and now, walking in my shoes
Felt joy of love, ached pain of loss, add some envy and greed
Farewell my family and friends, your memories are all I need

With the devil at the crossroads,    
it was time to ring Aunt Bess   
I said, ‘wasn't that fast’
for she was gone in under a sec    
Her Mojo brand was leaking at last    
from it's vintage and rare, hot powder box    
The judge, once declared, after viewing the downloads    
that the devil was innocent, from the lower dock    
All black power got its roots, down in good old Delaware    
starting with Bobby Johnson's, rhythm n blues bootleg selection  
While a crooked cross hung out and about Times Square    
at the corner of Hazelhurst and Hoover’s T- Intersection    
Hoodoo Gurus, sitting upon an unmarked gravestone    
in the eerie dark, around about midnight    
Mumbling, they once could move one's hipbone    
Kings of the world, almost at their height    
   
I haven't played in a minute, 'cause of men in black suits    
so you'll have to wait a while, for me to chill    
We should all support local grassroots,    
‘cause one day, they might actually decide to ****    
They were the good old days, without any crime    
that's when New York came out to play    
If she could only turn back time    
and just keep going on, her very merry way    
This misguided world would still feel alive    
It would be such a hell of a better place    
by teaching us how to actually friggin’ survive    
in today's chaotic, fast paced, rambunctious, rat race    
Falling in love and falling out    
Freedom will continue!    
Of that, I have no doubt    
Freedom will continue!    
Of that, I have no doubt.

Goodbye, addiction, my killer vice
I've come to realise it destroys ones life
Because a little starts a web of lies
As your true inner self slowly dies
And the person inside hides from itself
Blaming the cards you were dealt
Coming from within the drug of deception

In my search for meaning I just couldn’t wait
Took a gamble with an old schoolmate
Behind the now derelict, but once busy hardware shop
I blew it all up, until my head was about to pop
Then my heart felt like it was jumping out of my skin
That’ll be the last time, never again
Until my mind craved the drug of deception

And while in a crazy trance I saw
Three headed creatures, six eyes or more
Creatures stalking without a cause
Creatures nearing without a pause
Creatures appearing from nowhere on my trip
My mouth tight lipped
Caused by the drug of deception

"Help" said I, "I want them to go
Caused by a lost souls woes
Take notice my friends, save yourselves
Take my advice for it could help yourselves."
But my addiction like so many in life
All fall into the drug of deception

All of us in society at times have troubles
Try and find a way out of your mystery puzzle
The choice is yours alone, so never ever handball
All of us in some way, are marooned on an island
Wandering around trying to contact the mainland
But it’s free to move to another thinking way
So instead live every moment, of every single day
Better than being lost to the drug of deception.

It seems more like a spiritual being, than a big bang meaning
He wrote be kind, so don't go changing it, trying to convince ones mind
Who will create all your free choice in the world?
They wrote to convince ones mind, but who’ll create your choice in this world?


Why have human beings only one thought, is it because there is  only one true meaning?
While every believer with unknowing blind eyes, trying to persuade everyone else’s mind
But who’ll create all the free choice in the world?


Strangers always taught me, to be mindful of what I speak
Just hop on board and preach about, our great son the saviour
My friends always taught me, to be mindful of who to trust
Telling me, ‘To be mindful of what I speak, because it might just make peace’


Human beings are not so trusting
They tell false teachings, that convince someone’s mind
But their words are not my own
Their thoughts try to convince someone’s mind


After many sights and after many fights
The truth was on my side
But, who can deny, when it's a lie?
Their scams and plans
Because we all create free choice in the world
So listen to ones advice, just agree with your life's vice
Your life vices


They said, ‘My words would bring me down’
Then, they even screamed abuse at me
They forced on me, a holy comic book
It’s passion was felt deep down inside
So, go and create all free choice in the world, people


Strangers always taught me, to be mindful of what I speak
Just hop on board and preach, about our great son the saviour
But, the pastor never told me, I'll go to straight to heaven or hell
He's already sent his archangel, who just came to see me
Then I realised what I had to yell
This was always deep down inside
God always treated me like a long lost son

Human beings are not so trusting
They tell false teachings, that convince someone’s mind
But their words are not my own
Their thoughts try to convince someone’s mind.

THERE’S SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON AROUND HERE  
From the 5th diary entry of Stewy Lemmon's childhood adventures.  
  
One week, after our exciting trip to the seaside resort called, 'Slipslopslap Bay', Smoochy and I were keen to do some more fishing, at the small pond in our village. So, we got dressed, had some breakfast, brushed our teeth and headed off. We took along with us, a basket full of snacks, my Mum had prepared earlier, for us.  
   
We sat by the pond and cast our fishing rods out, to see what we could catch. We even saw, 'Buck the Duck' diving for lunch. While sitting on the deck chairs, with my socks and shoes off, relaxing and waiting for the fish to bite, I saw my fishing line, starting to bend.  
   
I jumped up and held on ever so tight. I think, I caught a big fish, and it was going to be a hard fight, indeed. I yelled out to my pet mouse named, Smoochy, 'Please help me pull the fish in'! Here it comes Smoochy, 'watch out for its fin'!We then put the fish into the bucket. Oh! What a good win.  
   
Then, another fish got snagged on the hook, one-two, then three more. I reeled them all in. After we had finally caught, seven very big fish and even a little one, off home we headed to show my family our slippery little surprises.  
   
Mum, counted them all, but to my surprise, there was only seven big fish, inside after all. The little one must have been left behind. Then my Mum, told me to go and clean myself up, and to go put my shoes and socks back on.  
   
That night, after dinner, we were all going to town. We were going to attend, the annual village dance competition at the,' Shiftnabout Dance & Music Hall'. My two, much older identical twin sisters, Emma and Jemma, had been practising all day, so they could have a good chance of winning the trophy for 1st prize.  
   
While all the contestants, were up on stage strutting their stuff, my mates and I, were at the back pretending to imitate them and doing some really cool Hip-Hop. Then, my mates said, 'Pooh-wee, did someone step on a duck'? The bad smell was all around us, but none of my mates, were willing confess up.  
   
While driving home in the family car the smell was still near us, and Mum and Dad yelled, 'who was the naughty one, who let one go'? Mum said, 'There was something fishy going on around here'! We all looked at Smoochy, waiting for an answer, but as you know, he couldn't tell.  
   
Nobody confessed up, just like my best mates wouldn't, so dad put the car windows down but the smell still hovered around us. My twin sisters said, 'It smelt like Fish 'n Chips'! My little brother Lemmy just blocked his nose.  
   
We arrived safely back home, after a rather smelly ride, Mum said, 'Okay, everyone put on your pyjamas, brush your teeth, put your clothes near the washing machine and Stewy don't forget your clothes, in the bag. Then off to bed, for it is getting very late'!  
   
Next morning Mum, started her day by placing all of our ***** clothes into the washing machine. There was Lemmy's pants and singlet; the girl's dance dresses; Dad's tie and trousers; and my fishing jacket, jocks and socks, to mention, just a few.  
   
Mum could still smell that unusual odour, with a bad, fish like smell. When Mum, had pushed the buttons, and had closed the lid, the washing machine started to rumble and wash, everything inside.  
   
But then, she heard a tapping noise, coming from under the lid. She, quickly turned the washing machine off and opened the lid. Then, we heard, an almighty loud scream, coming from the laundry.  
   
It was my Mum, yelling out, because she had just found that, little fish. The one that I thought, had been left behind. I said, 'He must have jumped out of the fishing bucket, into my bag, then right inside my clothes'! Maybe, he had been curled up inside my long socks and then popped into my jacket.  
   
We all laughed and thought of that dreadful smell the night before. So, it wasn't my mate's smell on the dance floor, it wasn't even my family's smell, whilst in the car driving home. It was the little fish's smell, that was accidentally, left inside my socks.T

As the gangsta dies
On a hot and humid Florida mornin'
A poor grievin' young wife is torn
This is ghetto
And his crew cries
Because if there's one thing that they don't need
It's another corner boy to bleed
This is ghetto

Society, don't you understand
The hood needs a helping hand
Or they'll grow to be all angry young men one day
Take a look at them and me,
Are we too black to see,
Do we simply shut our mouths
And speak in another way

While the hood rolls
And an inspired young boy with a funny jive
Deals on the corner as he collects high fives
This is ghetto

And his crib burns
So he starts to scare the folks with fright
And he teaches how to deal
And he teaches how to bite
This is ghetto

Then one night in conversation
A young rat screams out loud
She buys a toy, steals a heart,
Tries for fun, but it won't even start
Then her man tries

As the crew gathers 'round a stupid young ***
Face down in the pillow with a ***** in her ******
This is ghetto

As the neighbourhood sighs
On a hot and humid Florida mornin'
Another poor grievin' young wife is torn
This is ghetto

Do you want all those dudes hangin' in front of ya momma's crib?

Keep yo' churrin' off the streets and away from where the big boys fib

I'm the king of ******* and deserve a whole lot of respect

My girls got a badonkadonk ****, it's so ballerific, it's what I expect

I told her to stay the hell away from my precious new hooptie

She tried to give me the third, but I just waved the no finger and popped her *****


Pimpin' aren't easy man, it's just that I've got that **** juice, all the girls be wanting

Art lovin' Landis, was the best **** scratcher & foolin' all the museum high pillows

The women from the hood, come work for me, b'coz they're all the ghettos widows

The jury couldn't charge him, but the so called art experts keep up their taunting

Some have so much ice on their hands, I could do a figure eight on my skates

If he would only paint his own, he would truly be one of this centuries greats


They told me if I don't pay, they're gonna pop a cap in my RRSS

Man, I am RRSS out this month. I ain't got no kinda funds, I be on the nut, like glass

These streets are crazy out here, it's just the way, it's the nature of the street

While the popos and bulls are dancin' like great white sharks

Barbering to us and cuttin' us no slack, be real with me son, **** narcs

But we don't like to look like a punk in front of our boys, that'll be defeat


Gangsta’s killing cats for real, all over the hood, where they don't belong

**** your **** juice, your game is too strong

He's the drug lord out here, the big boss dog

The rest of his crew are little more than corner boys

We are the ultimate big tymers, me and my son, cruisin' in da fog

My boo be real and we be ballin-outta control with our toys


The cars windows were so dark, I could've got shot by a gun

All the backstreet junkies now payin' for the big guns on the run

We just heard Boom Boom Boom, we know not to bother

Is he a relative? Yeah man, it's her dead brother

We don't see anything, it's the hoods mentality

Everybody's a curb side lawyer, but when we go to court, we lose that ability


Man, that chickenhead was booey, I want my 50 bucks back

Chickenheads will always be on the prowl for some easy berry stack

A **** is a way of life, made bad choices, now tryin' to survive

This is Philadelphia, where we won't & don't shake hands to the jive

Last year we were also known as Killadelphia

So go home, breeze and call it a night, without no fear.

I see ya got sum papers today
We could smoke a li'l sum, on da way
You ever been wit a black gurl or r'ya gay?
Well I know a few, that'll **** for a buck
They do something strange, for some change, when ya ****

Went to a former co-worker's house to smoke da dope, after work
His patio furniture was in the backyard, for us to sit on, I felt like a ****
There was a rusty, seat-less and underworked exercise bike
An old wooden dining room chair, that I kinda like
Even a leaking, 5 gallon Home-Depot bucket, purchased by li'l Mike

I'm not some closet psychopath
I've got a job, you know
i'm a backyard dentist
An artist of sorts
At least for da mob
The money's good, if you know your math

Everybody's acting like gangs are a new phenomenon
Almost everyone in the USA is affiliated in some way, with an ancient gang from Babylon
We've got the FBI, ATF and the LA bashful police department, that were all illegally installed
Far out Religious groups, Democrats, Republicans, barbering da same old bull, just to keep us enthralled
Everybody's obliged to and got to, have their own little clique
Friggin’ always gang-banging, in their own subtle way, it makes me sick

For the record, about all those so called crimes
I was convicted on two counts, of ****** abuse
In the first degree, for offensive touching, without consent, no excuse
I've been shot at, more than five or six times
By some dudes who were nervously hanging about
You know, just like a Starsky & Hutch comedy stake-out

But my God is great, he sure has the knack
He let me come straight back, wid out no flack
So, I've been selling crack, at the high school gate
Since i was in about, i'd say,"ninth or tenth grade"
I don't know where this journey will end, maybe way before it's due date
So, i've already started digging my grave, with an old rusty, but trusty *****.

Yo, I’m tha new ghetto, sworn in king
Mi Hollywood name is Mr. La La
I don't need 2 listen 2 no lo ****
‘Cause all ya barberin’, is just blah blah
I take wat eva hood rat, be wantin’ 2 ***
Just don't tri and steal mi hard earned bling

You're so friggin dope, well thank you, mi new sister girly
You remind me of an ex Brady, she 2 waz a dirtee little birdy
*** into mi crib and I shall show ya tha best time
Grab a smoke and choke on dat hot ***, it won't cost ya a dime

Ride-by just dun, bi sum kids on a bike, it seems
Leaves images I witnessed, carved into mi nightly dreamz
Wild streets aren't designed 4 everybody out there, but me
Dats wi they invented, plain old grey sidewalks, 4 free

I feel totally naked widout it, I'm not a bad **** dirtee turtle
Dats wat mi mama once said, but even I'm shell shocked, can’t ya tell?
But wat ya see, is wat it really means, or so it should
So yes, it's good 2 be tha king of tha whole **** hood

One day I spilt the beans , on sum loyal corner crew boys
I told tha popo, I know dats so lo lo, but they killed using one of mi toys
If you’re not encouraged in life as a child, like most of uz
You'll always be in a cage as an adult, so wats the big fuss?

Attacked Mr Bigs crib and forced his family out, widout any doubt
Nobody likes a smelly snitch, 4 they will be hunted down and blacked out
They chose a new leader 4 da team and told him, ‘Ya better be able to cope’
But, he waz a brother, who neva new how to tie up all tha loose rope

I came on back and killed tha whole **** hood
A true gangsta haz pride and doze wat he should
I just rode on bi, in mi lo ridin’ convertible Jaguar cat
Shot up and sliced up, all doze forma ****** of mine, and dats dat

Life's game wasn't meant to be easy
I know the plan was not to be ******
But just being out there, you automatically have a name
Even though you aren't to blame
You will blink an eye, when you don't even try

I will share with you my plans and rough draft
It was a chaotic city where trouble began to unfold
In that garden scene when tongues should not have told
Now I'm talking to you, so sit down beside
You must listen and learn from deep down inside

Place yourself in my holy shoes, the original pair that have helped you walk
And invented the term, "Talks the Talk and Walks the Walk"
Where smiles came easy and the girls would just talk
But I don't expect you to follow my path
You know exactly what you are capable of
Truth

Look around
This isn't the way to be happy
Realise
You can have a fun life and still get my respect
‘Cause no man should be willing to accept
That you can't cruise around and make a mistake
Let yourself go, but remember the truth won't let you slide

As long as you've got your truth
In the fortress of ones kingdom, where else
In that loving soul, that will take you to your goal
Now I'm speaking from ones own journey
You've got exactly what you need inside

Truth flowing in your blood, where it will never be destroyed
Where you can let it run free and it can easily be deployed
Even if you slash and burn, it will always reproduce from within
You know exactly what you are capable of
Truth

Where do you think I have been
At your side since birth, even though I am never seen
In your early years while learning each day and night
High above, down below, yes that was me holding you tight
Truth in your veins when you think of me
‘Cause I've always been there for free
Now you've unlocked the truth alright

I hope you share with others my plans and rough draft
Tell them all, it was a chaotic city where trouble began to unfold
In that garden scene when tongues should not have told
Now you can talk to them and let them sit down beside
They must listen and learn from deep down inside

Place themselves in my holy shoes, the original pair that have helped them walk
And invented the term, "Talks the Talk and Walks the Walk"
Where smiles came easy and the girls would just talk
But don't expect them to follow your path
They know exactly what they are capable of
Truth

Give them the truth
They've got the truth
They know exactly what they need to do
Tell my son's, I'm always there
If they choose to know their truth
They will adhere.

Yo, word up with you, my drug running mule  
It'll cost $30.00 ok? I've got it right here, so don't drool  
Put that **** in your mouth, too *****  
Yo get bumped with that ****, yo aren't gonna get any Cuban cigar  
Done, another bag of crack, sold  
Be on ya way, you've been told  
 
I'm Skillet and I'm 19, I've been doing this ****, since I was 15, man  
You've gotta feed yourself, 'cos nobody else going to be able to do it, like I can  
We grew up without mothers and fathers around us, do you feel me?
You've got to be your own father figure and steal, you see  
Get your own money out here, however you like  
'Cos no one's gonna to give it to you, not even brother Mike  
  
I get crack on credit, and sell it for $10.00 a rock  
After a long day of moving product, back at the trap house, we use a big lock  
The real work begins, splitting the take. 1st up, the crew take their cut  
Between the 3 of us, we're gonna split a $400 profit, off the ounce  
It works out at about $13.00 an hour, not bad for a daily rut  
We count on volume to make ends meet, for me and my louts  
 
It's not too much, but it's about the quick flip  
We aren't really thinking about making too much money, it's just a real trip  
We're worried about getting it in and getting it off  
So we can stay with it, you feel me you toff?  
The rest of the cash goes up the chain, to the crews drug supplier  
He's a regional distributor, that works with the cartel, it's a no brainer  
  
You have to pay him or you'll be six feet under, you'll be smoke man  
******* smoking for that account man and his Mexican clan  
Where we're from you've gotta keep it with you, not he  
Or somebody will run in your trap or something, you feel me?  
In 2014 there were over 2,500 shootings in Chicagoland  
Everybody out here are either thirsty, robbers, killers or Alice in ******* wonderland  
 
You gotta keep your eyes open for the haters, you might see  
They'll try and take you down, 'cos they ain't eating, you feel me?  
It's all out war everywhere, except ******* communist North Vietnam  
That's why we call it Chiraq, because it's so ****** up over here, ****  
You don't know where it's coming from, man  
Your ***** would cross you for a couple of bucks  
That's how it is, yo gotta keep your pistol close, even when you call the ******* waiter  
If not, ya gonna get got, much sooner, than later.  
 
Skillets homeboy Breeze, is always ready with a gun  
He's had plenty of practice and not just for fun  
I use this all the time. ****, if I had to swap with someone, that belong  
**** be getting hot, you can't keep the hot ones for too long  
There's my baby though, as McDonalds say, 'I'm loving it'  
All we need is that money, man, that's all we care about and ***** ****.

Sniffin’ my cologne
Hair full of da gel
In like Flynn tonight
For my homies aren’t that bad
Their just a little ******* mad
Playing with sharp knives, oh no
What’s making ya bleed
What’s making ya bleed
They'll be floating through later
Maybe laying down, little white lines
I be a chillin’, by about half past nine
I’ll be a jiggin’ sum ******* da sofa recline
Yeah, your ever so kind and real kinda dope
What’s making ya bleed
What’s making ya bleed
What’s making ya bleed
What’s making ya bleed
Maybe it’s from da *****, that don’t know any better
Why no one tell him, she was my date
She done dead now, for **** sake
Thoughts about what we do and where to take
Like how now is she gunna be undiscovered
Authorities and her family, smell a whiff of her on my coat
Like sum dead wraparound ******* fox
So now I’m on the Popo’s radar
Everything I do now, even taking my mama to church
Hope she prayed extra hard
I need to teach those *****’s, who to cut and who to trust
Like I'm a god forsaken ******* preacher
I lost da last girl
I feel ****** and torn
What’s making ya bleed
What’s making ya bleed
Not again...

You can call us all, including our dog, your hero men  
So when you need help quickly call 9/11  
Rescue we try and save you we hope, from Gods sun filled heaven    
but sometimes we lose out to the devil in this ash scattered hell    
Climbing the steps and spraying the fire, that nobody's skin should've felt    
Bringing you out, one by one, just hold on tight to my safety belt.
    
We are there to protect you, not to distress you    
Dressed in blue, pistol and taser at side, all in full view    
We arrest the speedsters, traffickers and all the gangsters    
Let the judges decide if the sentence should incur extra time for visitors    
Your lawyers, barristers and familiar jailbird friends    
Will testify, use false alibi to get you off and to make amends.
    
We're racing to the scene with the medicine in the back    
Inside bed, needles and portable CPR machine, just in case of a heart attack    
We will revive the dead, patch up a sore head and even help mother with newborn    
So let us through with ease and don't for a second put your hand on the horn    
For one day, it might be you or your family or even a long lost friend    
That is waiting for the moving medical miracle machine in the end.
    
We dress in disguise, mainly in tree green and dirt black    
On the back of tanks, falling from the sky and we won't take any flak    
We're here with orders from the guy at the top    
So don't get upset at us, when we come back with a hop    
We fight to protect the freedom of all mankind    
Just doing our job and hoping not to leave, anybody behind.

If we are alone, we’ve been hiding away from outer space
But if we aren’t alone, they’ll find our hidden bit of space

WATER OFF A DUCK’S BACK      
From the 3rd diary entry of Stewy Lemmon's childhood adventures.      
      
This week's fun times and great adventures with Smoochy started at the small village pond, just down the road from my home. Which remember, is nestled amongst the trees on a hill in a little country town called, 'Shimmerleedimmerlee'.      
     
While down at the small village pond, I was feeding Buck the Duck, the wild duck that I have been feeding since I was about four years old. I noticed the water level had dropped down, since my last visit to the pond. I was worried the small village pond may not have enough water in it for Buck the Duck to swim in and drink his daily water.      
     
Soon, I was getting hungry, and I also had to feed Smoochy and Buck the Duck some of my Super Duper Triple Cheese sandwiches, made with a smidgen of strawberry jam and a small spread of vegemite between each layer of cheese.      
     
My mum had packed along with the sandwiches a bottle of berry juice and small cut up pieces of apple and banana, a small bunch of green grapes and lots of watermelon sliced into little triangle shapes. All placed together inside a clear plastic bag.      
     
Before opening the bag you should always turn the bag just three times upside down while at the same time moving all of your fingers between the fruit, from side to side (a bit like playing a trumpet) but with a nervous twitch, I guess) then turn the bag left to right five times only but never ever right to left. There you have it, my creation I call the "Colourful Take-Away Fruit-Blast in a BAG".      
     
Then, once that part is done you can eat it to your heart's content or until you are as full as a goog. If you like a bit more adventure, you can also perform the easy and exciting, but very secret add-on part which is called the JiggyJiggy Side Kick Extra.      
     
I will give you the secret JiggyJiggy Side Kick Extra instructions at the end of today's fun adventure diary entry, but only if you can keep it a secret. It's one of my favourite afternoon creations of all time.      
     
Ok, back to the day's fun adventure. That afternoon was extremely hot and I decided to take Smoochy home for a lie down in the backyard hammock which is hanging up between the two large trees and under the shade, near dad's unusually built and outrageously painted outback backyard shed, to cool down and rest.      
     
I told my dad Archie, that the water level in the village pond was at its lowest I have ever seen it in all of my years being there feeding Buck the Duck. Dad said he would take a look when he had time and let me know what's going on.      
     
The next week I went down to the nearly empty village pond, but Buck the Duck was nowhere to be seen. When dad got home from work he told me he had driven past the pond on the way to work that morning and told me the pond was losing its water because of the consistent hot weather we had been having lately. Dad said the water was evaporating rapidly and that's why Buck the Duck has left to find another home with plenty of water to swim in and drink from.      
     
I said, we have been feeding him since I was about four years old. It also feels like we have lost part of our family. Dad said, ‘Don’t  worry, I'll think of something, just give me a few days to work it out’.  
     
So off dad went, into his unusually built and outrageously painted outback backyard shed, to start thinking of a solution and try and get Buck the Duck back home where he belongs. He looked inside the grouse little pet mouse house he built for Smoochy and studied the tubing he designed for Smoochy to get from the top level down to the lower floor.      
     
All of a sudden, it clicked inside dad's very smart head. He went to the hardware shop and purchased a variety of things. Busy for days and even working at night in his unusually built and outrageously painted outback backyard shed.      
     
The day had arrived and dad took Smoochy and I down to the small and empty village pond, to show us what he had done.      
     
He had built a maze of small, medium and large round pipes made out of new coloured plastic and he had even painted them with cool cosmic colours with unusual designs.      
     
He had looped and even double looped the three different coloured size pipes as they went down the hill and into the small village pond.      
     
Dad knew that the hot sun would keep evaporating the water from the small village pond, so he used his brains and connected the pipes up to the homes bathroom and kitchen drainage water pipes. He had even installed a filter to pump clean recycled clear water back into the pond.      
     
Dad told us, the small green coloured tube was for the clean recycled water and Smoochy was to use the medium, yellow coloured tube to whizz down and finally the largest red coloured tube, was for the whole family and friends to use. I named dad's creation the "Tremendously Terrific Triple Tumbling Turning Travelling Tubes".      
     
After days of having fun, I slid down for the last time, via the large red coloured tube to swim in the pond and guess who bobbed his head up from the water? It was my good old friend, Buck the Duck. I was so happy to have our friendly small village pond duck, back at last.      
     
Oh I almost forgot to tell you the instructions for the add-on JiggyJiggy Side Kick Extra creation. Have you got a pen and paper at the ready?      
     
Here it is. Hold the bag upside down and make a small hole in the very right-hand corner at the bottom of the bag, get a straw and put it in the hole. Then place a cup near the bag and slowly pour the juice through the straw into the cup. Once done take the straw out and place it in the cup. Then make the small hole into a much bigger hole and empty the rest into your bowl.      
     
So now you have fruit in a bowl that is not too soggy anymore from the "Colourful Take-Away Fruit-Blast in a BAG" and if you could follow the instructions correctly you also have a cup of fruit juice made from the JiggyJiggy Side Kick Extra creation or for fun you can call it, if you can pronounce it.      
     
The "UpCDownPunchaHolePutinStrawPourtheJuiceinaCup"      
     
There you have it, but remember to keep it a secret ok?

If true, if true, then prove it to me  
Tell me, when did your life have any meaning?
In the mind, in the mind  
Where everyone’s dreams are so kind  
But in the end it won’t have the same meaning for all  
      
If true, if true, can you show me real proof  
I'm conveying to all what I envisage each night  
In the mind, in the mind  
Where everyone’s dreams are so kind  
But in the end it won’t have the same meaning for all  
       
If true, if true, then prove it to me  
Tell me, when did your life have any meaning?
In the mind, in the mind  
Where everyone’s dreams are so kind  
But in the end it won’t have the same meaning for all  
       
My journey was essential, for it to end at an actual destination  
I’ve learnt a little, lost more than I got  
My heart was strong when needed most  
And my good name enshrined for eternity, I hope  
       
If true, if true, then prove it to me  
Tell me, when did your life have any meaning?
In the mind, in the mind  
Where everyone’s dreams are so kind  
But in the end it won’t have the same meaning for all.

Channelling Nostradamus from the sixteenth century
Did you see what you just wrote
Or did you just dream what we see?
When your prophecies come true
I'll say, You only had one view
So good luck to you and your future note
One shan't believe from an invisible visionary

When I wish upon a **** star
It makes me appreciate who we are
Everything that she'll be requiring
I'll think about you and make it inspiring

The ******* ***** always seems to wear lingerie
That always looks, just a little ******
But never ever, do they slavishly try
To imitate their true identity or culture
Not like those Kardashian dogs, that dress up
Always trying to stylise society, for a very large fee
Speaking of canines, where's that poodle named Paris
She had some real talent, didn't she?

When I wish upon a **** star
It makes me appreciate who we are
Everything that she'll be requiring
I'll think about you and make it inspiring

I wish upon a **** star of mine
Whilst screaming up to ones heaven
Most pussycats lives, end in about nine
But my time was all over, within almost seven
Maybe I really could, make it all alone
On this place god calls, my extraordinary rendition?
Or shall I live this false life, as some sort of robotic clone
Not truly knowing oneself, therefore, failing my own audition?

When I wish upon a **** star
It makes me appreciate who we are
Everything that she'll be requiring
I'll think about you and make it inspiring

Well, just get back on that bronco horse, named Toff
Dust off that hat, once worn by certain gent
For they will forever try and attempt to buck you off
You the rider, of this very serious event
So, forget about the fame and good times
and the overhyped lives of most Hollywood stars
Live within your means and save your silver dimes
In your half empty or half full, glass money jars

When I wish upon a **** star
It makes me appreciate who we are
Everything that she'll be requiring
I'll think about you and make it inspiring

When I wish upon a **** star
My dreams start to become truth by far.

Cats strayin’ high on Canal Street
Gangsta Grillz feelin’ tha beat
Open air market on Sunday night
African Bootleggin’ sellin’ alright
Sweet dreamz were set on fire
Life’s on tha line, if dats wat ya desire
Coming back to life, from deep down inside
Jesus hung with me, he waz on mi side

Let’s all do tha Whoolywood Shuffle
Don’t get in tha way or you be in trouble
Humpty Dumpty is back together again
Delivery is nuts, no buts, Amen
Drop tha bass, like a hot sorta guy
While white lab boys, be makin’ ya buy
99 cents, where’s tha beef in mi vege burger wrapper
Rubber-banding out so loud, **** dat mad hatter

Mi baby mama could neva just sit
Let tha hood hear just a wee lil bit
Crack it on up, in tha main trap house
Blue magic for real, like Mickey tha Mouse
East coast flow, wid a Southern kinda drawl
Come in or move on, just don’t crawl
Queens n Bronx, echoed down on Canal Street
Dum Dum Dum it was such a bubblin’ beat

We were ordered by military law

To elope, even before our boat had hit the shore

The bullets knocked us about, thats for sure

Dead cobbers scattered adrift, from the infantrys 1st corp

Now some mates from my own platoon, 1, 2, 3 now 4

Nobody should ever have to witness such gore

Did not matter if you were rich or poor

You were just a target, in this almighty war

If the politicians demanded, they would easily send more

Finally, the west encircled the mad beast, with a rambunctious roar

But they let the Reds go forth, who savaged all the women, like a wild boar

What was the main aim and what was the true meaning, deep down at its core, for this unholy friggin’ war?

Painting lies on the doorstep of the countries elite
Old men hiding, while the hood destroy for fascist belief
Draw a thin blue line along the precincts orderly beat
Our enemy become enraged, then suburbia can’t sleep
Mention of war, makes Colonel Sanders feel so good, right!
It helps the makers of guns, especially all the men that knelt
Once the losers hand back their bibles, tools and money belt
We will become the same as the southern island overnight

Who are you going to vote for
It don’t really matter no more
The new world order will figure it out
And program the machine to adjust the count
Then one world government of socialist, no doubt
Only chance is to open up a bible and lets meet on the mount

So be very careful what you think you are truly wishing for
Once you enter, there’s no way out, it’s a one way door
Not long after, you’ll see it’s not at all, our promised freedom
All the grasslands and concrete jungles, renamed Yankeedom
Line up for food, water, healthcare, is this US or far left China
Now we’re not allowed to pray at night, come back Messiah

Who are you going to vote for
It don’t really matter no more
The new world order will figure it out
And program the machine to adjust the count
Then one world government of socialist, no doubt
Only chance is to open up a bible and lets meet on the mount

Be wise who you vote for and watch for the dead they count
If the system is rigged, the powers will have a case to mount
Bring back the old way days, one on one honest debates
Stop the press or there will be another war between the states
Black, white, yellow or brown, we all live in this freedom town
Don’t let the thugs, loonies, murderers or media, get us down
We are a Democratic nation, with freedom of choice
So take off your mask, stay in line and show your real voice

Who are you going to vote for
It don’t really matter no more
The new world order will figure it out
And program the machine to adjust the count
Then one world government of socialist, no doubt
Only chance is to open up a bible and lets meet on the mount