I know you think
That pimping off your sister,
Becky,
Is the best way to help your Family get out of Debt,
But I'm sorry, Jethro,
She just ain't my type of gal.
I think that you think
That my refusal to have sex with your sister
Is evidence of my homosexual tendencies.
From your warped perspective,
If I don't want to have sex
With a girl with a body like your sister,
I must be a Pussy
Or, at least, a Wimp,
But I'm sorry, Jethro,
Your sister, Becky,
Just ain't my type of gal.
You probably think that I ain't earning any money.....
That I have to borrow from my Daddy
Just to afford the chili  I eat for  Lunch,
But This has nothing to do with the price your asking
For your sister's sexual services, Jethro.
She just
Ain't my type of gal.

People keep writing.
I don't know why the hell why?
They ain't got much new to say,
If you ask me.
They just say it in different ways.

Sloppin the hog
huntin the dog
Yo there redneck, my lady is fine
Huntin the dog
sloppin the hog
I don't make trouble, most o the time
Sloppin the hog
huntin the dog
She drives me crazy with all o her moves
Huntin the dog
sloppin the hog
I ain't lazy, sliding o'ver her grooves
Sloppin the hog
huntin the dog
Burying my bone, drinkin moonshine
Hair of the dog
sloppin the hog
Flavour stuck on me, like essence of pine
Sloppin the hog
hair of the dog
Early in morn, to rise and shine
Hair of the dog
sloppin the hog
Peeing air freshener, burnin a line
Sloppin the hog
hair of the dog
All thanks to God, I didn't go blind
Peeing green fog
burnin my log
Sinning all night, drinkin spoiled moonshine
Hair of the dog
sloppin the hog
Burnin my log
peeing green fog

This, is not funny :D much...

Say your prayers, Jewboy!
You ain't no match
For people like Us.
Our Lord, Jesus Christ,
Told us that there shouldn't be no Homos
And that women shouldn't be having no sex,
Except with a husband,
But Jesus didn't say nothing about
"Environmentalism".
All this stuff about Gaia being the Living Earth
Is for those Paganistic Pansies, Jewboy.
It don't mean nothing to us.

I asked my Stock Broker if I could
Invest in a Genocide fund.
He responded, "Excuse me?"
I told him that I felt
That I could profit a great deal from Mass Murder.
He understood me and agreed.
"Sir, if you want to Invest in Genocide,"
"I would suggest that you invest in diverse sectors of the Economy."
"There are a lot of ways to kill people, you know?"
This nerd was talkin' my language now!
I was gonna' invest in killin' people"
And get rich doin' it!
It would be like
Killin' two birds with one stone.

I ain't really crazy bein' crazy.
Hell,
I've been crazy for a LONG time,
But I ain't REALLY crazy.
It's the Psychiatrist who are crazy.
That's why they keep prescribing me all those pills.
Me....
As long as I got my gun,
My dog
And my Bible,
I'm just fine.
Just don't try to tell me what to do!

I ain't gonna' lie to you
I'll make a killin' off of killin'
If I can.
Why the Hell not?!
It's been goin' on since Cain and Abel.
So it says  in the Good Book.
If people are gonna' be killin' each other,
Might as well make money off of it.
Right?
Gotta' make room for all those new little babies bein' born
Even if they're just gonna' be the next ones
Who  get killed.
Most people
Actually  enjoy murder
A heck of a lot more than sex.
If want sex from my wife,
She'll push me away,
But,
If I give her some money to go on a shopping spree,
She's say,
"Thank, dear!"
So,
I try to please the Woman.
Why the Hell not?!
I believe in Femianism.
People been killin' each other
Since the Beginning of Time.
I just make it easier for them to do it.
Middle East,
Far East,
Northeast.
Wherever the Hell the Bastards want to Kill Each Other,
I help 'em out.
I don't feel any sort of Guilt.
I sleep as peacefully as a Python.
As a matter of fact,
Sometimes,
I sleep WITH my Python,
Bertha,
Sure, I make sure she's well fed
So she don't eat me,
But I kind of like that slippery feeling
Of her skin against my skin.
It might be some sort of a sexual fetish.
I don't know?
I ain't seen no psychiatrist yet.

Our family got the news today
Our bubba's gettin' hitched
Young Daisy Mae, she's near fourteen
Got our boy bewitched
He's sayin' that he loves her
He's making her his bride
She's the first to get him this close
Though not too many tried

We've got to get things ready
Send invitations and make candles
We've got to get the good jars out
The one's that still have handles
The minister is on alert
We've got to make some shine
Grandpa says he'll make some up
But, it will not all be mine

Gonna have a wedding, a real old fashioned bash
With all sorts of kissin cousins drinkin from their secret stash
The food will be impressive, there'll be turkey, pig and cow
The family won't get bigger, since we're related anyhow

This time there'll be no shotgun
Like the last time for old Ben
This time the guns are empty
Not the way they were back then
The banjos will be tuned up
There'll be music in the air
The cops won't try to stop it
I think most will all be there

The ladies will be planning
Just how to serve up all the grub
While Bubba has to find a suit
And therein lies the rub
He's never worn a suit at all
Not even for a day
He's only dressed in coveralls
And that's how he's gonna stay

Gonna have a wedding, a real old fashioned bash
With all sorts of kissin cousins drinkin from their secret stash
The food will be impressive, there'll be turkey, pig and cow
The family won't get bigger, since we're related anyhow


It'll be a wang dang doodle
A hell of a good time
It'll only be completed
When they run out of the shine
there'll be singing and some dancing
Underneath the harvest moon
We can't wait for it to happen
It cannot come too soon

There'll be readings from the bible
Which the minister will read
And as good holy Christians
Everyone will heed
There's sure to be some fighting
Before the couple say "I do"
I mean, they are both cousins
I'm gonna go...aren't you?

Gonna have a wedding, a real old fashioned bash
With all sorts of kissin cousins drinkin from their secret stash
The food will be impressive, there'll be turkey, pig and cow
The family won't get bigger, since we're related anyhow

Ron Sparks Jul 2015

I know
the feelings she
stirs in my loins when I
look at her are wrong 'cause she's my
sister

Sometimes I get silly when I write poetry . . .

There's strange noises round these parts
Tales of zombies too
Haunted cabins, ghostly sights
All sorts of witches brew

We all laugh when we hear stories
Stories that we know aren't true
There's a drink that folks all know
And it ain't called witches brew

There ain't no redneck zombies
That I guarantee
To make a redneck zombie
you need the recipe
A shot or two of good old jack
and a shot of grandpa's lightning
that's a redneck zombie son
Drink two and it gets frightening

moving lights out in the wood
strange visions on the beach
swamp gas, that's what I would say
redneck zombies....that's a reach

tourist folk see things a plenty
they believe all of our tales
like the one about that boy Ahab
going chasing that white whale

There ain't no redneck zombies
That I guarantee
To make a redneck zombie
you need the recipe
A shot or two of good old jack
and a shot of grandpa's lightning
that's a redneck zombie son
Drink two and it gets frightening


if there was such a thing as zombies
wandering round out here
i'd figure it was just my kin folk
after a case or two of beer

zombies like to eat folks brains
and tear them all apart
now to a redneck, that there's work
and rednecks aren't that smart

There ain't no redneck zombies
That I guarantee
To make a redneck zombie
you need the recipe
A shot or two of good old jack
and a shot of grandpa's lightning
that's a redneck zombie son
Drink two and it gets frightening

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