"yous" poems
If I could turn back time
I would hit Backspace all day,
Id put on Caps Lock
and SHOUT what I say.
I'd use the whole Alphabet
To tell you hello,
Press seven Numbers
Til you picked up the phone.
I'd Tab through the comments
I didn't want to hear,
And use the Arrow Keys
To drag your body near.
I would Delete the harsh words
I didn't mean to speak,
And Insert the "I love yous"
I before couldn't leak.
I would use Ctrl to
Keep reigns over my heart,
And I would Escape lies
That tore us apart.
I'd Print out your photo
And kiss it goodnight,
Use the Calculator
To check that we were right.
I'd Paint you a picture
of us, you and me,
Then I'd hit Enter
Just so you would see.
Those are the things
I would do in my strife,
If only Backspace
worked in real life.
Feb 13, 2018
Feb 13, 2018 at 8:12 AM UTC
Let love's sunset into my heart
With sullen greys tinged in pink
With last rays of warmth
Before there comes the chill
Let the last breath of fulfillness
Ease around my heart
Take away the sunny memories
Softly as the light fades away
Fading fast empty embraces
And kisses that have no taste
As softly whispered I love yous
Fall into the Atlantic sea
Come nightness surround now
My empty heart
Console my ache and care
So come now , sunset of my heart
Feb 16, 2015
Feb 16, 2015 at 7:57 PM UTC
Time crumbles over the years, eroding
under the weight of "I should have been
theres", and "backwhens", and "I miss
yous". And, as it erodes, it leaves the
bittersweet smell of what was, complete
with a little taste of memory on the back
of your tongue that will never quite go away...
Dec 10, 2013
Dec 10, 2013 at 2:45 AM UTC
Laid here counting roof tiles...
two at a time
my eyes heavy
but my lids in denial
of sleep
she whispers in my ear
are you awake
then adds
good
with a grin
WHY NOT abandon one basic need
for another
why not rest
upon anothers flesh
soft and warm
scented with the promise
of dreams
insomnia so cruely denies
Pillow pressed beneath her back
giving support
so sorely needed
amid the punctuated night time prayers
God called upon in blasphemous tongues
praised and cussed
in unison of mouths wet and open
Sheets that offer no warmth soon cast off
replaced by heat of breath
and perspiration sweet and salty
to the lips
kissing
nibbling
biting
nails find no fault inscribing thank yous
in reddened ink
Falling back exhausted yet wide awake
as by my side
cuddled in she sleeps
smiling
and I close my eyes and think myself blessed
for every night the first
for we two
have yet to sleep
together.
Nov 23, 2012
Nov 23, 2012 at 10:12 PM UTC
Dear father,
I still remember the last time I saw you
It's funny, because you looked just the same as you always did
Like someone
Who was never really mine.
Like a stranger in disguise
Who's reality only exists
When I close my eyes and fantasize about you being in my life
But I guess
When you heard you should live your life without
Regret
You mistook that for my name
And I wonder if you will ever understand the pain
Of knowing someone only when you imagine them
Or loving someone who thought
Never talk to strangers
Was a lesson best learnt by example
But they say actions speak louder than words
And you became so consumed by your own self worth to really give a **** about who you hurt
So you became the expert
At manipulating words
Like turning
I love yous into sorrys
And
Tomorrows into yesterdays
Until it was safe to say I couldn't count on you
Dear father,
Because of you
I constantly found myself falling in love with things that could never love me back
I became infatuated with sandcastle and snowflakes
Addicted to temporary moments
Addicted to broken
Thought if I learnt to fix things
Then somehow
I might find the manuscript
To piecing the shattered part of my being whole again
Because of you
I spent years trying to cover this skin that you left me with
Tried decorating these scars
With tattooed hopes
To remind myself
That sometimes
Some things
Were made to last forever
Because of you,
For years I avoided looking into the mirror
Because I never truly knew
If you could love someone
You only ever met in passing
You see
I mistook your ***** for water
I never realised I was internally drowning in your poison
I thought I needed you to stay afloat
It took me a long time to realise
That ***** was just your way of relieving yourself from blame
You became a box full of things
I packed away the day you left
But I've stopped trying to hold on to your burden
So I've taken out my smile
And I'll wear it with pride
And Dear father,
Did you know
That if you repeat a word enough times
Then eventually the word will start to lose it's meaning?
And I've stopped wishing I was still young enough to understand
What the word father meant
And now no know
That if I ever see you again
Then you will look just the same as you always did
Like someone
who doesn't deserve to be mine
Jan 16, 2019
Jan 16, 2019 at 9:52 PM UTC
There is a place between a relationship
and just friends
A place just past friends with benefits, but
still a few blocks from a relationship
Its saying cute and silly things
with only a hint of actual meaning
Its smiling at your message
but knowing you only half way mean it
Its staying up until 2 am to talk,
and not regretting it in the morning
Its unspoken I Love Yous
replaced by
I like you,
but not enough.
Oct 5, 2014
Oct 5, 2014 at 8:52 PM UTC
hi my name is broken and
i once caught my father using all his teeth hands lip and tongue on a woman that was not his own
outside my bedroom window,
i spent the night trying to convince myself that
love is real love is real love is real
because after that i wasn’t ever really sure.
hi my name is survivor and
i was once a punching bag for my stepfathers anger and houses in the country will forever terrify me
all because of a random man and his prying fingers and his sticky gum,
and then there’s this third set of bones and dark flesh that made me so afraid of my own skin i had to tell myself
i am beautiful i am beautiful i am beautiful
because hate and death wasn’t my only option.
hi my name is butterfly and
i once broke every bone in my body falling so hard for a girl with the loveliest voice i’ve ever heard but she had other bodies underneath her
thick brown belt
she wouldn’t let herself feel all the things i felt,
i spent thanksgiving in a mental hospital chanting over and over
i am lovable i am lovable i am lovable
because without even trying, she had managed to convince me that i wasn’t.
hi my name is destroyer and
i chose water over blood because blood burned and drowned and buried me ten feet down all at the same time and i didn’t want to die because of them
anymore
i split in half all the walls and windows and doors to my home,
i needed to do and be what was best for me so i told myself again and again
i’m not alone i’m not alone i’m not alone
because all i felt was the aftermath of being the very thing that broke up my home.
hi my name is lover and
i tend to give too much of me way too quickly because i don't fall in love, i dive with feet facing the sky, head towards the concrete
and i wonder how i end up being so broken and incomplete
so i wound up all the glue and all the tape,
i muttered over and over in between each breath
fate isn't fake fate isn't fake fate isn't fake
because my heart always seemed to pound a few beats behind, a few beats too late.
hi my name is suicide and
i stepped in front of trains and bullets and knives and i hate yous and you’re nothings all looking for a father that
never really wanted me
he broke my throne, i cut more than just my hair, i no longer want to be here,
and i screamed at the top of my lungs because
it’s worth it it’s worth it it’s worth it
it just doesn’t feel like it anymore.
Aug 5, 2018
Aug 5, 2018 at 6:57 PM UTC
In the in-between stage where there is just enough alcohol in my veins to try and convince me that what we had was good.
The sweet spot.
Too little or too much and all I see is the problems and why it ended in goodbye,
but here-
here I see “hey princess”-
all the “I love yous”
“I’d do anything for you”
“You’re worth it, no matter the cost”
and I know in an hour or two I’ll be thinking clearly again-
but **** right now-
I know why I stayed for so long.
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 11:10 PM UTC
this life is taken for granted
with harsh words and
heavy hearts of unforgiveness,
unappreciative thank yous
and too many
i love yous
left unsaid.
and we never really realize.
too many of us
never
really
realize.
Apr 30, 2011
Apr 30, 2011 at 12:52 PM UTC
I really never use the word hate
But boy do I hate when people ask me if I’m okay
Mainly because I can never gather the words
To tell them how I really feel. But if
You’re looking for my answer to that question
It goes a little something like this.
“No I’m not okay. I’m breaking into a million
Pieces right in front of everyone and no one notices.
I’m losing weight and it’s not from working out.
My thoughts are creating a hurricane in my brain
And I can not calm the storm.
My heart is a battlefield at war with my mind
And I’m afraid I’m losing this battle.”
But wait there’s more...
“My nose hurts from snorting to many lines of insecurity, my arms are weak from trying to pull myself out of all this self doubt and worry, my wrists are wounded from the cuts I allowed others to make.
My smile has been playing hide and seek for awhile now and I’m still searching for it... by the time I find it I may just be 6 feet under.. which doesn’t sound like
A bad idea... I’m tired. I want to sleep.
I think I’m going to take the rest of this pain medicine
Because this pain is to deep, the wounds won’t heal
And hell im tired of feeling. So I think I want to sleep.
Yeah. That’s what I want to do sleep and be at peace” But instead I’ll smoke this blunt filled
With fake I love yous and it’ll be alrights, to numb the pain for a little while. Instead I’ll drink this whiskey until I’ve drowned out all this feeling. Instead I’ll just say goodnight and sleep to forget about being alive for a little while. But trust me “I’m okay”
Nov 14, 2019
Nov 14, 2019 at 6:58 AM UTC
Every shower is another failed attempt to
Wash off my sins.
Scrubbing my body raw
Until I can no longer feel the hands
Of every man I meant nothing to.
But those hands were gentle and
Can't even be compared
to the fake I love yous
burning between my thighs.
*I'm a ***** ***** that can't be cleaned*
May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 8:30 PM UTC
Fill the silence of our discontent with the sound of a swishing liquor bottle and the popping of pills.
We are rocks in each others’ sinking worlds but I’m
not your rock anymore.
You threw me out of your life
The night I let you
Hold me
The night I let you
Touch me
The night I let you
Fell the love I have for you through the touch of my lips
The pads of my fingers
And the walls of my ******
The night I gave you everything I had
And asked for nothing in return.
But I’m not yours anymore
I’m just a ***** on her knees begging for something more than ***** flavored
I
Love
Yous.
I’m not yours anymore
I’m not begging or crying with my heart torn open
Ready for you to pack another bowl within it
Waiting for you to forget
hername
myname
yourname
Waiting for you to slip past hateful sobriety
Waiting for you to drag me down with you to the bottom of a bottle
Waiting for you to
Love me.
Waiting for you to smile and tell me all the things I want to hear
and trust you.
But I’m not yours anymore and I hate you.
But today when you
Smiled, spoke to me like a friend
While she looked on from the corner
I felt my heart eager for more ashes and resin of some
late night whispers
that sound so sweet
but in the morning light
float away like the smoke that slipped
out of your mouth and into
mine
My legs ready to open
But then I remembered
I’m not yours anymore.
For you
I’m not worth
the lighter
Cigarettes and love
You stole from me
But I don’t give a
****
Because **I’m not
Yours
Any
More.**
Nov 14, 2012
Nov 14, 2012 at 4:43 PM UTC
Slang Or common talk
Yay all knows that peoples talk funny
If yous are from the south.
They cut off the lights and jaw jack alls night long.
If youns need to find something.
We cans find it down the road a piece or maybe over yawner.
So if you think I talk funny or in slang.
You alls need to catch the seconds of taters and grits and pig fat.
You alls come back now you hear.
And yes bring granny and the boys well have a shing dig.
Aug 17, 2014
Aug 17, 2014 at 2:24 PM UTC
I once had a lover that on the most ordinary of days
Out shopping for underwear
Looked at my reflection in the mirror and said
I love the boy in you
And I love the girl in you
And everything in between
Later they asked me what love is
And I said I think that's what love is
Seeing everything in between the reflection
Seeing somebody clearer than they see themselves
I said tell Me you love every piece of me
The skin I shed
The skin that hates this chest
The “it's a boy” they never said
The “I love yous” they never meant
I've spent so much time trying to find the in between where there's no haircuts
Or funny ways of dressing
Or anything confusing about my chest
I'll just keep choosing to ignore the way they say
You're so beautiful
In the same breath as potential
As if it's a credential for my anatomy
Instead tell me I'm the cutest boy you've ever had in your bed
Tell me my body isn't woman it's just the wild
Tell me flesh is nothing
I'm made of light
Tell me my light is beautiful
Touch my soft
Touch my belly button but not like they ever touched me
Touch me like I'm the kind of soft that can turn hard
A tin roof against the rain
Beating a thunderstorms refrain into music
They told me I have too much bark
Too much bite
I'm too pretty to fight
So tell me instead I'm the softest pebble you've ever skipped across your body
And ripples are born of my feathered fists and my hammering heart
Tell me softness has no gender
Tell me our body's never knew what gender meant
I want to be gender bent over till it breaks
And takes the freighttrain words of haters
But don't you cringe under the jagged teeth of their stares
**** my love into your body and hold it there
Always write a poem in my body
And use the words they spit at us
But instead infuse them with a welcome song to tell my body it's found home
Everything we do rhymes with ****** rhymes with **** rhymes with queer
These labels belong to us
The fear in these labels does not belong to us
I'm here to witness you try to live in a body you call home without trying to run away
I wish my body was made of clay so I could fit it into the box labeled
“I love you no matter what”
Will you love me no matter what
If I want you to bend me over backwards until I break the reflection the mirror tries to make of me
And find it's just glass
Like my see through skin
Try to see through my skin
Tell me you see me
I'll see every piece of you
Soft
Hard
Apart
Together
Girl
Boy
But never in a box
I'll take that box labeled “I'll love you no matter what” and I'll break it down
Leave that truth around your bones
Until you believe it can't break
That truth will be our home and we can live in that between because that's where love is.
Jan 22, 2016
Jan 22, 2016 at 8:52 PM UTC
I dated two robots yesterdays
Both were programmed to service me well
We did things
In the same
good old
learned order
of doing things
And after sunset
we kissed
at the beach
With one -
our feet touching
With the other -
our view inviting
the rush of salty waves
Alas
Both robots could suddenly
not speak
One even bluffed
he had a virus in throat
AI intelligence?!
jaa ha ha
The other was hanging just with
With variations of
what do you feels
Tell me your fantasy s
‘Don't think
tell me whatever comes first’ s
And
I believe
And
I say
But
Mine is what he can't understand
His’ is
I think a drink on the beach
But unfortunately I don't drink
Using coconut biotica only
These days
Ahhahhaa
...
While they chatted so well!
Without any error of a word to spell!
…
I dated two robots yesterday
That sighed only to say
I can't believe I am holding yous
How much I missed yous
Hugging robots
Vibrating robots
Robots with small mouth and twister tongue
Ready to penetrate into mine at a slightest chance of an opening
A disguised disgust of my sincere failure
not towards the robot but myself
Hiding you still under my palate
from where the soma of your love drips
Now as if forcefully been replaced
to a taste of this preprogrammed chatalike
Have they lost their voice because of my best dress
or maybe the fantasy of the sandy bikini
which they will never see
in the dark wherein
Both hiding their face
But I see
By my loose body parts
Maybe a lookalike
But I ain't no robot
Oh my sandy bikini
Oh Chosen so carefully
To rejuvenate their fantasy
a different pattern for each-
yes. I do take care of that!
Stays now
as an Everly Brothers’ dream
In my mind only
But
My ‘okey ‘ is an ensuring
‘yes yes’ the Indian way
Of course
They did their best
Seriously
Thus
A big CHAPEAU
For the zest
That obviously still can break china hearts
I took it as a test
To get to know me better
Let me be broken through your dream
Let me cry and shake and perceive an angry cloudy color world
let my remains of china burst
I dated two robots yesterdays
while expecting for a man
Thankfully though
these are yesterdays
Today I met a true man
A gypsy
We will date sometime
Play tabla and darbuka
Drink dance and sing
And sleep
To salute the sun
early in the morning
At the beach
Jan 17, 2016
Jan 17, 2016 at 2:58 AM UTC
I wake up
Each morning,
Head to my closet,
And arm myself
With clothes
Thick as brick walls.
I rummage
Through various
Pairs of greeve-like
Pants
Looking for
The right foundation
On which I
Will build
The day's
Exoskeleton.
Fix my hair
Like the rest
Of mankind.
Hair that
Acts as the cloak
That ascribes me
To anonimity.
Before I leave
I put on the
Weight of
My outer person,
The one which
I have carefully
Built out of
Various yous
And none of me.
The skin
That I Have worn
To see my soul
Forlorn.
I go, parade myself
Like a sentinel
Emblazoned
With all the
Merits;
Look and behold
A hero that
Beckons to all who pass
A hero who
Hides all the dross
Of the Inside.
The inside
of whatever is left
Of my
Dying kingdom.
I go as a bastion
With jutted spears
And sharpened pikes
Wounding those
Who advance
Whether in peace
Or in strife.
No, I will not
Let anyone
Through the gates
Of my starving
King.
All my life
I was being
Built as a
Stronghold.
Father, as a mason,
Taught me
That strength
Is measured
Through how
Much pressure
My structure
Can endure.
Mother, as an artisan,
Raised me
As a dam
That will not break.
Taught me
That my worth
Is measured in the
Volumes that I can keep.
Suffering be now
The mortar
That binds all my griefs
Together.
Pain, *****
Barricades
Around my thirsting
Prince.
Comrade,
Stay as a facade;
Hide the muck
That have accumulated
Throughout
The years.
Lover,
break me down.
Strip me of all
My armor,
Break down the walls.
Turn my spears
Into soft dandelion *****
Wade through the tar
And see
Through the veil.
Unseam
All my scars;
Bleed me dry
Until you reach my core.
See me for
Who I am.
Witness the king
That I have
deprived.
Caress the face
Of the prince
That I have denied.
Satiate my famished spirit,
Oh, you, lover of my soul.
Nov 12, 2014
Nov 12, 2014 at 8:18 AM UTC
Don't read this in pursuit of love, happiness or inspiration
I do write this for your admiration.
So I say this once, dont be disgusted nor discouraged by what you see here below
Away stricken with anger I go. . .
Id like to take a second to say **** you* you and you
For its because of three yous that this anger ensues
I'd tried to endure it, I tried to be nice
I've now heard it not once but 3 x twice
If you have something to to say keep inside
Otherwise shut the **** up and strap in for a ride
I'm not keen nor willing to find another love
But hey what the hell we'll give him a shove
No other love will ever be better than hers
Dont need no more ******* saboteurs
I will do as I please, and love who I like
Pushy *** know-better-than-yous I thoroughly dislike
So I'll say it now and again and again
From all that stupid *** ******** I'd ask you to refrain
Now thanks for the pathetic waste of time
Didn't know taking back someone was such a ******* crime
Jan 5, 2016
Jan 5, 2016 at 7:03 AM UTC
Me: take me with yous hahaha jk
Him: yeah sure haha :)
Me: oh yay :p
Him: yay
Movies yay :) :)
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015 at 3:17 AM UTC
Spanish
Creo que no he sido lo suficientemente clara contigo,
tal vez no entiendes cuando te digo que te quiero.
Pero te quiero, aunque no suene asi.
Mis te quiero se escuchan como buenos días,
duerme bien, te ves muy guapo hoy.
Mis te quiero se sienten,
cuando te acaricio el pelo,
cuando te rozo con las yemas de los dedos,
cuando te acomodo el cuello de la camisa,
cuando te beso un hombro entre risas.
Mis te quiero no se dicen,
se muestran en las horas que paso arreglandome para ti,
en las noches se me han ido escribiendote,
en el remolino que siento dentro cuando llamas para decir que ya vienes.
Mis te quiero no son directos,
pero estan presentes en todo momento,
y si mi boca no te lo dice con palabras
te lo dice en cada beso.
Pero si no es suficiente para ti,
permite que te lo diga, de frente,
sin dejar lugar a dudas.
Te quiero.
English
I believe I haven´t been clear enough with you,
maybe you don´t understand when I tell you I love you.
I know I haven´t been direct,
and you are not a man that goes in circles.
But I love you, even if that´s not how it sounds.
My I love yous sound like good morning,
sleep well, you look handsome today.
My I love yous are not seen by everyone,
they are felt when I caress your hair,
when I touch your fingertips,
when I fix the collar of your shirt,
when I kiss your shoulder between laughs.
My I love yous are not said,
they show in the hours I spend getting ready for you,
in the nights that have passed me by while writing for you,
in the twister I feel inside when you call to say you are on your way.
My I love yous are not straight,
but every moment they are there,
and if my mouth doesn´t tell you with words
it tells you with every kiss.
but if it´s not enough for you, let me tell you,
face to face, with no place for doubt,
I love you.
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 1:53 AM UTC
your ears were by far your best feature
they could deflect all my nervous trifles and absorb the jokes no one else got, the confessions I whispered through the phone, and the significance of being on the other end
(please remember)
I am not compiling a list of clichés with which to barricade the door when loneliness knocks
This is not a love song,
so please don’t use those ears to search for one
those ears were second only to your tongue
it possessed the unique ability to mold sound into exactly what I needed to believe
the confessions it sculpted
and glazed with calculated vulnerability fit so comfortably in my ear
that tongue was a love song and a mace rolled into one
(please remember)
not to use it to sing my praises, and I’ll grant you the same courtesy
your feet are so beautiful, too
the elegance with which they propelled you into someone else’s day dreams was inspired
with a screech, your tires left me reveling in exhaust
the fumes choking me, I never got a chance to say
that coffee from the place you used to-
we
used to like
is bitter now
it tastes the way goodbye did as it rolled off my tongue and chased your retreating back
I add more sugar
but the clinking of the spoon echoes the “I love yous” whispered to someone else
the sound fits in her ear the way your hand used to fit in mine
the spaces between my fingers now resemble apartments whose tenants have been evicted
the landlord hardened by rejection wears a coat sewn from the time and wears a mustache curled into the shape of desire
these lonely flats are plagued with shadows
(that’s what happens when the sun is so **** close you can taste it, but there’s something else in the way)
(please remember)
this is not a love story
(please remember)
I don’t want you back
I want coffee that won’t stain my smile
I want my favorite songs not to be harmonized by the sound of your breathing
I want my posture not to sing a Taylor Swift song and
I desperately want not to be the girl writing you poetry
(the kind that you would never listen to anyway)
your ears were by far your best feature
everything else is blurry to me now
I can’t picture your edges anymore, or differentiate where they separate from mine
Your ears were second only to your tongue
Your feet are so beautiful, too
With a screech, your tires left me reveling in exhaust
Oct 31, 2012
Oct 31, 2012 at 8:34 PM UTC
The flames be flyin' hot tonight,
so the horns be heatin' up just right!
Skeep-deep-do-bop-bee-bop-do-skeetle-scat-woo-woo, hell-bop-ba-ska-da fra-la-la-la-la-la-la-foo-foo, yous,
look-see-dee-wee-boys doin' da voodoo,
look-see-dee-wee-girls playin' wid hoodoo.
Cuz, I'm a scat-man,
it's a fat fact ma'am!
Yeah, I'm a scat-man,
it's a fat fact ma'am.
And I dun gives a ****
if there's no reason to the scat-plan.
If you come across the fancy bowler hat,
dun be afraid to start stuttering the big skat:
Batta-tat-tat looksee-da-flat-uncool-rat
givin' his square-eyed-glare to-the-scat-cats ~meow~
skee-shee-flyin'-the-sillee like a banshee,
singin' sillee-skee-shee-all-fancee-free -
and we putssss on the br(e)ak(e)s
just
like thissssssss (!)
and
in h a l e ....
Go! Go! GO!
Skeep-deep-do-bop -bee- bop-do-skeetle-scat-woo-woo,
hell-bop ba-ska-da fra-la-la-la-la-la-la-foo-foo,
look-see-dee-wee-boys doin' da voodoo,
look-see-dee-wee-girls playin' wid-hoodoo.
Yeah, I'm a scat-man,
it's a fact ma'am! x2
Yeah, I'm a scat-man,
it's a fact ma'am.
Jul 31, 2012
Jul 31, 2012 at 6:35 PM UTC
If I can punch a guy in the eye for 50% off WiFi imagine would I would do for pride thanking god for these blessing
At the dinner table
Then choked a dude out with a cat 5 cable
For the marked down kitchen table
Daddy got a new pair of shoes
in exchange for some black and blues
Had a happy thanks giving
a few F yous
got hit in the head by a granny
Over some slippers in isle two
She punched me in the face
And rolled over my shoes
as she cheered
from her wheeled chair
So i pushed her chair into some tissues
I gotta do what I gotta do
Besides
Another 60 off the label
you would do the same too!
I'm loading up on everything,
even bought some blues clues,
Buying **** I don't need,
cause it's the thing to do.
Going off just like my cable
Forget family time on the holidays
I more I save it's like I'm getting paid
Buying **** I don't need
Then return it in may
critics criticize these little guys
Nov 28, 2014
Nov 28, 2014 at 2:18 PM UTC
No men.
But when the
conversation starts, they dominate.
Worm their way into every sentence, every silence.
Every caught breath, exhaled pause.
Names, nice-to-meet-yous, passed round with sandwiches and tea.
Hole-riddled autobiographies, wadded out with circumstance and need.
Explaining themselves, defending their actions. In turn. And I?
Have never felt so young.
To my left, and working clockwise: Affair-with-the-boss, Heart-condition, High-risk-of-genetic-defects,
In-the-middle-of-a-divorce-not-sure-why-she-slept-with-him, Grown-up-children-can’t-bear-to-go-through-that-again,
and back to me. (Boyfriend-has-two-kids-wants-no-more)
He noticed that I’m pregnant.
Was pregnant.
Was.
We chew our way through sandwiches. Different coloured fillings, no flavour- choked down with lukewarm tea.
We know it’s a test.
We have to talk, smile, eat, drink, laugh (not manically)
if we're to go home.
I can’t do it.
I want to cry. But I’ve been told off for that already (curled up on a trolley, examining bloodied fingers)
I drift, I think.
Jump out of my skin when she speaks to me.
"You must eat" she says.
"You must eat."
I search for myself in their eyes,
re-make myself from fragments and reflections I find there (Four parts child, one part b-tch)
"It’s OK" I tell her, "It’s OK.
On my way home I’ll get a Happy Meal.
I’m collecting the toys."
Jan 7, 2012
Jan 7, 2012 at 4:11 PM UTC