i hate you because you’re
so easily breakable
so easily bendable
so easily swayable.
i hate you because you let me crawl inside your skin and lay my marks there
i had dirty fingernails but you didn’t care,
you just wanted to feel me inside you.            
                                                                ­ disgusting.
you just wanted to feel what i could do.                                            
                                                                ­    revolting.  
     i hate you
       i hate you
        i hate you
       i hate you
     i hate you
       i hate you
        i hate you
       i hate you
     i hate you
                                                             ­       i love you
                                                             ­     i loved you
i can no longer show you how soft your skin is under the sheets
or how easily i can wrap myself around you as you fall asleep,
because you are                                         nothing to me.
you tell me words i know not to believe
but it’s become impossible for me to trust anything you tell me.
if your heart really did have that many scars
why would you trust me to mend you?
to help you?
to love and protect you?
iamdead iamdead iamdead iamdead iamdead
all at once you kill and revive me
you breathe and suffocate me
you beat and mend me
i can’t believe i let you love me.
and i wasn’t sure if you realized what you were doing to me and my poor heart
and maybe i could swim in your blood like your drugs do,
if you want me to.
i still take lyrics from old folk songs,
and braid them into your hair
sometimes you sing along,
but on most occasions your mind drifts elsewhere.
i really don't mind,
i just wish you'd take me with you,
but you shake your head so violently saying you're just not capable.
it’s fine though
i really don’t care
i just want to be closer than your clothes are
closer than your skin is
closer than your veins are,
if that’s okay.
because i think i love you so much it aches,
so much it pains,
so much that it slowly becomes not okay.
but maybe i could just swim in your blood like your drugs do,
i really really want to.
and love me if that's what you wanna do
and i don't even know if i want to kiss your lips or just your skin
because i'm
     falling
       falling
         falling
           falling
         falling
       falling
     falling
but i don't want to hit the ground again.
are you sure your arms can hold the weight of my love when it's wrapped in wet clothes?
and are you sure it's the best idea to take this where the wind goes?
i'm not yet sure if love is a real thing
it's just a
   beautiful
  fictional
deadly
play,
and you still kiss me like i'm sane
but i know it's all just another game
so don't be surprised if i refuse to participate.
and you're like a
         cynical
           patronizing
             inconsiderate
           impartial
         callous
song,
but your vicious words still gently drag me along.
and i'm not sure if you're really toxic
or it's just all in my head.
because
i love you
love you
ove you
ve you
e you
you
ou
u
or maybe i love when you're in my bed.
there's a difference between someone telling you they love you and them actually loving you
i haven't figured it out yet though
i’m made of sidewalk cracks and moments i should’ve taken
i’m made of broken rings and the wrong girls i put my trust in.
because i didn’t know what love was until i kissed a girl made of thorns
and i didn’t know what happiness was until fear started sleeping without locking the door.
i’m no where near what the world makes me out to be
what it expects from me
and maybe that’s okay.
i’m made of crappy coffee and the constant pressure of being something else
i'm made of holes in the foundation and girls that kiss me just to watch me melt.
because i didn't know what lust was until i touched skin made of broken glass
and i didn't know what hope was until i fell a little too fast.
my story ends before it even starts
because forever is only real if you look like art
but i look like broken promises in an empty hallway
and maybe that's okay.
and strange what desire will make foolish people do
i’m only 14 but
kissing you is so much fun and
i think i found the one.
but it’s still too soon to tell, considering your touch makes me feel like i’m in hell but
i think it might be real love.
i’m only 15 but
i walk the streets so mean and
you’re the only that that can engulf me entirely.
but you don’t do it too often, claiming my skin is too soft but
i think it might be real love.
i’m only 16 but
there’s still train tracks in my teeth from that time you ran away with me and
i think you still smell like gasoline.
but i lit you on fire ages ago, and it’s been years since you wrapped me with that train but
i think it might be real love.
i'm only 17 but
i understand toxicity much better and
the way you kiss me feels all too deadly.
but you like to make me die, you say its better than watching me cry but
i don't think it was ever real love.
you ask someone about love and they tell you about heartbreak
i want to introduce you to all my bad habits so we could be one,
i want your demons to meet mine and to make a new kind of love.
if our hearts don’t kiss by the time the world ceases to exist,
i’m afraid of who i’ll become.

i want to kiss you until your lips turn blue,
i want to take all the oxygen you once knew.
if i plant seeds under your skin,
maybe the flowers would convince you that i love you more than a friend.

i never wanted to be what your nightmares and dreams are made of,
but i guess when you love without your brain there's things you didn't think of.
my heart wanted you more than the rest,
but you shook your head and said you don’t think that’s best.

what was i supposed to do?
my whole world revolved around you.
i want to place your hand over my burning heart,
so you can understand a simple spark can tear your skin apart.
i prefer rainfall over sunshine and maybe that's why i choose you every time.
heart shaped kisses
really miss my mistress.
drowning in a sea of loneliness i call my home
might be better than sitting on a plastic throne.
but if she's here too then that's perfect for me
because she's one of a kind- extraordinary.
i imagine she kisses like a rattlesnake
addicting and deadly but i don't think she's the type to compensate.
i'd never make her do such a thing
only mostly for the fear that she’d never act the same.
because when she hangs over my hips tighter than my belt
i get the most intense feelings i've ever felt.
i’m starting to think she’s engraved in my bones
and if she leaves i’ll have to go with her because i have to go wherever my collagen goes.
i imagine she cries the way stars fall from the sky
beautifully and mesmerizing when they speed down her chin and make you want to die die die.
she tends to bring the end to make the beginning more livid
god i love her
heart shaped kisses
i just really really really miss my mistress.
there's an ocean inside of me, put your ear against my chest and listen, it rages for you.
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