It's funny, because you looked just the same as you always did Like someone Who was never really mine.
Like a stranger in disguise Who's reality only exists When I close my eyes and fantasize about you being in my life
But I guess When you heard you should live your life without Regret You mistook that for my name
And I wonder if you will ever understand the pain Of knowing someone only when you imagine them Or loving someone who thought Never talk to strangers Was a lesson best learnt by example
But they say actions speak louder than words And you became so consumed by your own self worth to really give a **** about who you hurt
So you became the expert At manipulating words Like turning I love yous into sorrys And Tomorrows into yesterdays Until it was safe to say I couldn't count on you
Because of you I constantly found myself falling in love with things that could never love me back
I became infatuated with sandcastle and snowflakes
Addicted to temporary moments Addicted to broken
Thought if I learnt to fix things Then somehow I might find the manuscript To piecing the shattered part of my being whole again
Because of you I spent years trying to cover this skin that you left me with Tried decorating these scars With tattooed hopes To remind myself That sometimes Some things Were made to last forever
Because of you, For years I avoided looking into the mirror Because I never truly knew If you could love someone You only ever met in passing
You see I mistook your ***** for water I never realised I was internally drowning in your poison I thought I needed you to stay afloat
It took me a long time to realise That ***** was just your way of relieving yourself from blame
You became a box full of things I packed away the day you left But I've stopped trying to hold on to your burden
So I've taken out my smile And I'll wear it with pride
And Dear father, Did you know That if you repeat a word enough times Then eventually the word will start to lose it's meaning?
And I've stopped wishing I was still young enough to understand What the word father meant
And now no know That if I ever see you again Then you will look just the same as you always did
Like someone who doesn't deserve to be mine
This is a spoken word piece I wrote for my father who disappeared like a **** in the wind. One I struggled to write. Full of things I've always wanted to say to him. One I am yet to read to him and now no longer feel the need to.