In the in-between stage where there is just enough alcohol in my veins to try and convince me that what we had was good.
The sweet spot.
Too little or too much and all I see is the problems and why it ended in goodbye,
here I see “hey princess”-
all the “I love yous”
“I’d do anything for you”
“You’re worth it, no matter the cost”
and I know in an hour or two I’ll be thinking clearly again-
but **** right now-
I know why I stayed for so long.
I’m tipsy and we’re flirting again and I’m sorry.
It was the way we were two people with the same heart beat-
the same wave length-
that’s what I miss.
I miss knowing you were in the same room without having to look for you.
Now the silence is deafening- it’s how I imagine it feels after conjoined twins are separated.
I used to be able to tell how your how day went from just a look,
and now I battle with myself to send a text because I don’t want to bother you.
Someone cut our fate yarn, but not my heart strings
I can't write in the silence.
I write best, when there is music playing through my headphones.
When, part of my brain is preoccupied singing along to whatever is on the radio-
and to some that may seem counterproductive.
It's like suddenly, my inhibitions and fears of saying the wrong thing disappear and I can write freely.
Like being drunk, without the consequences.
I wish I was in the point in my life, I could simply say the words I need to say, instead of typing them.
This probably doesn't even make sense and I'll probably delete it later on
I used to convince myself you only crossed my mind when it was swimming in liquor-
well that’d be okay,
‘cause even I can’t control where my mind wanders when my body is made up of more ***** than water,
but if I’m being honest you’re on my mind, even in the middle of a dry county.
But, just so you know when I shoot a text out of the blue in the middle of the night-
I’m not expecting you to reply,
it’s just me, letting you know, you’re still on my mind.
I’d say right person at the wrong time, but you don’t believe in soulmates
Yesterday we talked about your ideas on the Multiverse theory and how the universe’s on either side of us are similar to the world we live in and as you go further away from our universe things get more and more different. Some days I want to move to one of those universes on either side of us because it feels like my heart has been switched with one from another universe. The universe where this worked out.
Now I’m not saying I want you back or even that I still love you. I’m just saying that your theory is wrong because the matter is fluid it isn’t absorbed when it comes into contact with our universe. I know this because some days because I have the heart of the version of me who ends up with you.
How odd a feeling,
it’s a lot like a switch in some respects.
Some days- it’s all butterflies and sunshine,
other days a hurricane of sadness because I’ll never have you.
But lately, the switch has been stuck in the middle,
as I don’t feel giddy and high off love, nor do I feel sad.
I think I’m finally getting to the point where,
if you were to come back, I could love you again,
but your absence does not haunt me anymore
It’s almost 5 am.
I remember the weeks I stayed up this late just to talk to you.
To hear your voice, and see your smile.
Crazy how a few bad mistakes and bad timing change your world.
Regardless, today I’m not staying up for you.
I’m staying up for someone far more special.
I’m staying up to watch the night to turn to day.
To watch the blackest night, turn into my favorite shade of purple, before turning pink and yellow, and finally breaking into a blue sky.
To remind myself even my worst day is only 24 hours long, and that the night will always turn to day.
As a reminder- that I can tackle whatever is thrown my way.
All by myself.