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Sam Oct 10
It's raining outside like buckets
                                  - - - like hard and fast and almost even
                                   - - - like rain you'd best not be caught in
                                    - - - like the beginnings of a terrible storm
except there's no thunder, no lightning.

It's just rain, and you are inside, safe with a soft blanket
(you are not scared and shuddering
  you are not crying and wishing not to be alone
  you are not holding in choked breaths, hugging yourself tight.
)

it is raining, and it rains most days, here.
the trees around you are so green, like nothing you're used to.
you have a room to yourself, and no one who loves you who lives close.
(and you think you might love it here.)

this, where you reside, this is not a place you can call home.
(not when your heart still yearns for the place you grew up, so long ago.
  not when most of the people that make up your family live oceans away.
  not when you have just barely lived here a month, not quite yet.)
but -- but -- this place, it feels safe.

you can't remember living anywhere where all you felt was safe, before.
you - really - don't want to let that go.
  Oct 5 Sam
ohellobeautiful
recognize
the untold power
in your own strength
plant seeds in the hurt
where others threw dirt
use your tears
to water the cracks
your heart once lacked
because
those are the places
your light shines through
your darkness is a reminder
that all you’ve ever needed
is radiating from you
Sam Oct 5
I am learning how to smile and mean it.
I am learning how to say I miss you and not let the desperation choke me.
I am learning how to cry less in dark rooms, and laugh more in sunlit rain.

  I am learning to catch myself before I fall --
I am learning not to fall.


And most of all, I am trying, overall, to be  b e t t e r.
(please, god, please - let it be enough.)
  Jul 17 Sam
Anna
I named my flowers
After you.
After all, there's strong resemblance -
Both of you are made of plastic,
Colorful and fake.

I named my onions
After you.
After all, there's strong resemblance -
Both of you had made me weep,
Blinded by the burns.

I named my scissors
After you.
After all, there's strong resemblance -
Both of you have torn apart
Endless hearts of paper and people.

I named my coffee
After you.
After all, there's strong resemblance -
Both of you held my consciousness
Captive in your hands.

I named my one-night
After you,
After all, there's strong resemblance -
Both of you took what you wanted
Then took off and never looked back.

I named my poems
After you.
After all, there's strong resemblance -
The amount of pain that you both made me go through,
Is just how far
I've grown.
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