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yurf Jul 2018
All of sudden reality happens
Ruining my mind that's already jumbled
"where the hell did i just go?"
I ask to myself no one listens
Obsecurity is still in me
Recognizing situation where i have been
Looking up the sky it's already dark
Worrying something, i need to get up
Home, i need to find home
Stepping forward to pass the crowd
The longer i go, the quieter it's so
Taking my glasses off because its fogged
Focusing my lens but the blur shows
Now melancholy does it again
Lack of knowledge about locations
Lack of someone to be asked for
And there is no light to guide me on
Vision, direction, companion
I wish i could make them clearer
But in reality, they just disappear
(i already self-published this poem in my blog;
The thuds in my chest stopped being my heart a long time ago-
my feelings ceased,
and maybe me,
the initial person I was,
is knocking on my ribs
begging for freedom.
Throughout all the voices in my head,
his is the lowest,
getting tangled in with all the
killers that took him,
torturing him until he's nothing but a headstone.
You don't see it,
but I do,
how I open my mouth to speak,
and he's accepted I just won't accent my words the way he used to.
My disappointment tore up your eyes,
as you saw the person I was
formed by a web of lies I loved to string up,
and tried to pretend I wasn't struggling to
get out-
All feedback is welcome
I wanted to do something emotional, I hope this conveys that.
A presence
a continuous torment
until, even with cessation
only a tenuous self
is present
leaving only the resin

The maniacal
is an infestation
festering around in my head
Its existence,
a creation
created at inception,
hacking my brain
Forever a trap
creating a

to all mankind
Not acting
like a man
Not one word
that's kind
Committing crimes
and getting oneself
A deviation
creating a deviant
Shifted values
due to a devalued

An esoteric
seemingly sentenced
on this journey
by judge and jury,
not by one's peers
because the many
not able
to peer
into this individuality
The duplicity
of duality
that is my reality

Challenging myself
to a dual
One in which
I both
win and lose
But in the end
not breaking even
or coming out ahead
Always ending
further back

Its back breaking
and always aching
Pain from which
not capable of
Effort I’m taking
Of myself making
Time for a new king
For kinsmanship
is aloof
And this man’s ship
has sailed away
Sipping a port
at a shipping port
And yet
slipping away

Deeper still
In the depth
of still water
into the abyss
Lost and gone
But not missed
Is this the end
of our fable?
Or will our “hero”
enable himself
and in the end
be able
Deciding who to be?
Cain or Abel?
For the hurricane
is hurrying along
Its aim always the same
Constant pain
A payment he feels
for the displaced
which just in case
is placed
same place
he went

Ink in the face
A disgrace
When suddenly
encased in his brain
are racing thoughts
of a plan
he’s ace’n

A label of insanity
given by those
who claim sanity
when the reality
is their thoughts are free
and optimize
a sanitized
and homogenized
And in the end
it doesn’t matter

Offering suggestions
in which they
feel threatened
Pathways congested
and protested
Testing them
Even worse,
A problem beset
upon them
Time to steady
the flock
Roll n’ Rock
Inoculations we’re getting
Start the injections

“It’s been an honor”
Mounting my Lipizzaner
A disarmer
A charmer
The armor
‘mi amor’
Leaving me
wanting more
But as they keep score
the task is daunting
A life that’s haunting
with such splendid decor
Yet, can’t take any more
Their taunting
is leaving me sore
So to the atmosphere
I open that door
and flying up above
I soar

Forever more
Feel pain no more...
Written: August 17, 2018

All rights reserved.
False Poets Feb 2015
two little ugly creatures
astride me shhhh-oulders
residers and deniers,
into each ear, they whisper~creep,
do don't do don't you'll be sorry,

never in uni~sons,
now look how sorry~sad you are...
dear old dad

when done with the outside torturing,
slip right in and down the ear canal,
up to the brain, thought~mongers,
(what's a monger anyway?)
the voices of my depression,
you can't, you couldn't, you lose,
yo yo you lost you are o v e r,
my body snatched, my past erasing,
turn me into mongrel,
half~man, half~dead
a monger-el,
a contemptible god,
contempted, contemptible
that's the word refrain
of the men in my head
winter Dec 2015
bones creaking,
thoughts creeping
from the back my mind
and take form in the shadows.
my thoughts seem to be leaking.

I have a castle
in my mind
which has turned me blind.
dark corners
occupied with foreigners.

these evil creatures walk free
torturing me;
protection is seldom,
shine is not welcome,
and there is no hope of rebellion
The uniVerse Sep 2016
This world is not meant for dreamers, poets or lovers
only to be torn apart
slowly dissected by death's scythe
worn down by the language of life
words, weapons and worries
all designed to destroy us
losing yourself in a flurry
a chaos of accidental karma
taken by the hand and led astray
I never wanted to harm her
I just wanted it my own way
a perfected illusion
trying to mould life to suit our ideals
but it's those same ideas that ****
torturing us during the night
and rotting our insides by the day
the maggots of the mind
make bait for the fishes
the world is full of sharks
this world is malicious
as I wade through the dark
you devour me whole
spit out my bones
and consume my soul
then leave me alone
for there's no more you can take
there's nothing of value left
when I rise I will be awake
or else my name is death.
Chloë Fuller Jan 2018
I get flashes of our first meeting

like airplanes you mistake for twinkling stars

covered in paint our glazed pupils locked

wooden steps that swayed like the curve of my back

your mouth halfway inside me at 6 am on a spring morning

or was it winter?

stumbling back into my arms in a place we call 'sanctuary'

And that's always it.

Why can I only look you dead in the eyes when they're crossing?

We could stopped the universe, because we do every time we kissed.  

Like we can't stop sipping

Hangovers like ropes around my head

What's going to happen when we wake up?

When the dust clears?

Why are we still torturing each other through rye flavored teeth?

Relief is paradox and a vicious cycle
inspired by "Sober" by Lorde, and "Relief Next to Me" by Tegan and Sara. I will be using this piece in an upcoming performance.
thepeachcobler Dec 2018
i keep on playing myself
maybe even torturing myself
but no
you're torturing me
my feelings
allow myself to see some brightness
but no
you have build walls around it
i cant let him isolate me from the world
but at last he has.
my feelings heheh
Carter Ginter Jul 2016
You are
Positively radiant,
One of the sun's beams
Parting storm clouds
And shining down on
The fields below

You expel sweetness so intense
That you could bloom flowers
In the palm of your hand
But the kindest soul you possess
Leads you to provide them only for others,
unselfishly brightening the world more and more each day

My love, you are the epitome of beauty and passion
Raging against the winds that
Threaten our hearts
But we are warriors,
with love shielding the bullets of hatred
And arrows of ignorance
That try to destroy us

Our love,
one that burns deep as fire
Scorching everything in its path
Only to create more beauty beneath
The ash

Whether we share the same air
Or watch the moon at separate moments
Our hearts still beat the same
Thriving off of tested patience
And locking arms after times of worry
And painful sorrow

My darling, you provide a safe space for my broken soul
Sheltering and nurturing it back
Until I finally feel myself again
I owe you the world, and
one day,
Even if not today,
I will give you everything I am

Our dreams flourish in a hope
I knew not of until you entered my life
One that promises endless kisses, beautiful love, furry kittens, and
Moments that feel like the end
but will never truly be so
Because while those times may trap our minds
Torturing them until we scream in confusion
I guarantee
I will never not love you

you understand my past,
intensify the present,
And help create our future
In your perfect mind

And in your gorgeous ocean eyes,
Deep and infinite,
I will swim forever
For the love of my life
Johannah Jeanty Jan 2018
Crying, hurting inside
Emotions I tend to hide
Being normal I tried
Which led to my suicide...

Tendencies, it is SO ME.
Alive, I don't want to be
They keep on torturing me
Especially my own family...

Mother, she won't believe
She makes me want to leave
True self I cannot reveal
What greatness can I achieve?

Think a little harder, start trying,
Someone you know is dying
Open your ears, open your eyes and try to
Don't let us be lost to suicide

Silent screams,
Not just my dreams,
What I experience's real
It makes me what to ****,
Let this, my body be still
Just a reminder for persons who know someone suicidal, don't keep it a secret. This may be a message sent to you too late, but you can change that. If you ARE suicidal, I don't have much to say on that except tell someone else.
As we toss and we turn,
Our conscious adjourns.
Thoughts start to disfigure,
When closed eyelids flicker.
Memories of time gone distort,
Visions of future form and contort.
Within the mind we easily create,
Wondrous love and passionate hate.
We’re free to judge all we have been,
Even the parts that we hide, the deleted scenes.
Too enlighten our deep seeded sorrow,
Or darken our ever awaiting tomorrow.
Spoken in tenses past and present,
It may be nonsense or possibly relevant.
When we spin ourselves tall tales to fantasise,
Time as we know it so easily passes by.
When torturing ourselves with merciless power,  
Every minute feels like an hour.
Ultraloner Feb 14
how deep this goes,
how insane this is,
how painful can it get,
how more cruel can it get,
how thick is the glass,
how calm is the surface,
how wild is the depth,
how curvy is the floor,
how insane is ťhe wait,
how lonely can a sunrise be,
how torturing are the sunsets and fridays and your pain
and how much hope can mondays bring, how lonely is my snowman,
how deep are my pockets,
how violent are our silent moments,
how crazy deep are your eyes,
how how brutal are my thoughts,

Hi, how are you?
I love you so crazily Nusho
Can't get you out of my head,
I'm torturing myself again.

I am other in virtue of
what thoughts etch
themselves onto
the inside of my skull.
Dunno what my problem is.
Hand me a pump or a scalpel,
Whichever you have to hand.
Vitruvius Oct 7
The second light of sunrise filters
through the blinds of a broken transom window, gliding the kitchen.
There’s an instant
in which bottomless jars, worn out dishes
and a headless Mickey magnet that has fallen off the fridge
Seem to levitate in a sea of dusty honey.

I haven’t witnessed the scene.

I think about all the other ordinary prodigies
That must be happening somewhere.
A trembling chrysanthemum blossoms in the frosty gardens of Nagoya.
Six grey wolves fail to hunt down a white deerling.
A middle aged man whispers into a hollowed stonebrick, then covers his secret with mud.
Two  giraffes disappear in the middle of a starlit Colosseum, to the astonishment of a roman dilettante.
Twenty years of boredom; then an ex con feels the tact of dewy grass under his feet again.
In a balcony over the Seine, two lovers prepare a padlock.
Some skinny kid from La Matanza scores a last minute free kick to win the neighborhood derby.
A pretentious teenager watches The purple rose of Cairo for the first time, and  discovers his true calling.
Days before dying, an old man stops by a bakery and inhales the same caramel fragrance he would inhale in the afternoons of his childhood summers.
An older brother decides to throw a game of Mario Kart to his sibling.
On a deserted reed bed, a blackbird sings the most beautiful tune in the world. There is no one there to listen.
A single mother finishes cooking breakfast for his son, and decides to let him sleep for another five minutes.
A physics grad student solves the meaningless quantum noise model that’s been torturing him for weeks, and stops wondering why he didn't choose to be a lawyer
Two old friends share the same espresso in a hidden Manhattan coffeehouse, perhaps for the last time.  

None of this everyday miracles are
happening to me.
Eyithen Aug 2018
Unreciprocated love
It's a popular topic,
In songs and poems

The hurt you feel is so strong,
Always longing and looking.

What they don't tell you
Is how much it can hurt,
being on the other end.

Knowing that you could never understand
What they see in you
Or the depth of their affections

Knowing that you have broken someone.
You've fed the monster called fear,
And you know that you have only given them
more reason to doubt.

"I'm Sorry" you say.
Because it's the only thing you can say to someone,
When you have bruised their heart.

I wish you could understand,
Rejecting you hurts me.

We blame each other,
trying to find fault
until one comes to the conclusion,
Control is impossible.

Just like you can't force someone to love you
You can't force someone to unlove you.

So I let the anger go
And release you from your torment.
"End things on a good note" I tell myself.

So I do just that,
But no isn't in your vocabulary.
You will always be wanting and wishing
And hoping for me to change,
While I wait for you in turn.
But I guess we're both stubborn that way.

So I say goodbye to what we used to be,
Because we will never be the same.
Knowing that whenever you see me,
you will always want us to be more.

So rather then torturing you with a
distant, strained, friendship.
I scribble down my thoughts,
stick a stamp on it,
And watch it leave.

I had the last word.
I hope it brings you closure.
This is the last you will hear from me.

I hope I stay kind in your mind.
I hope I will be remembered as the girl who cared.
But I hope I fade out of your thoughts,
And be remembered as a dream.
I had a friend who loved me as more than a friend. I rejected him once, then twice, but we remained close friends. Then one day he took things to far. So I shut him out. i sent a letter expressing how I don't blame him nor do i hate him, but he was drowning me and I needed to breathe. So i broke for the surface.
Ana Laag Jan 31
I miss you,
Every single day.
Longing for you,
Is like torturing me,
In every possible way.
But I promise,
To be strong,
To be faithful,
To adore you,
To love you,
In each day of my life.
The daylight is slowly fading.
Yet another day,
Lost in the waves.
I will wait for you,
Until you come home.
And drive these worries away.
Speakers pumping
Blood rushing
Thought flowing
Mind thinking
Like drugs
Being addicted
No relief
Same over
And over
Pain growing
Memory torturing
No escape
Going crazy
calcium Jan 9
Mysterious but not a prince
To think I saw you as the pure one
I really was blinded by my illusions
But I always thought it was me
I was wrong,
It was you all along
You enjoyed torturing me
I was your puppet
I ended getting burn
when I said I wouldn't
You laughed as I cried
Was I nothing to you?
Why did you approach me that night?
You ruined everything since then
I won't dare
let you come my way anymore
I prefer to walk alone,
Than to walk with a
mysterious monster.
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