We dance in a stage,

where our lives,
identities, desires, and sin
eats us
.
.
.
.
like the plague.

We never stopped dealing with this procrastination,
but what is this fleeting elation?

The clock is moving in such motion,
one would think that it's your imagination;
Was it all an exaggeration?

Love can't be the solution for all,
I'm alright dancing alone,
waltzing with echos in the halls

It might be lonely,
but I am enough to keep me company

Stay away from me,
If love would hurt, I'd love myself first
Shut the door; needing it isn't a necessity.

I'll have the red string untied,
free from the boundaries of love
Taking a meaningless joyride,
from dawn to midnight
taking in the world so wide
It's enough having a friend by my side.

-Br.

Deadlines
Procrastination
Anxiety
and Doubt

That is the reason I never change now
Yet, I smile from the pressure.
I surely don't enjoy this,
it doesn't really change with time

"you're so pretty,"

I was never the hopeless romantic,
but being in a state of this,
makes me panic

your hips in my hand,
I'd swing you to no end
I'll hold you, darling
...please hold me too.

Then, maybe.
I'll be yours,
and you'll be mine
once again.

If one can be drunk on love,
I'd rather stay sober
than having headaches
and the wretched pain
of a hangover.

I knew how stupid I was,
to believe you
without a second thought

But, I wish you'd remember
the touches of care,
the way I ruffled your hair

I wish they comforted you
as my words were fruitless
to express worry

when loose tears appeared
and slipped down your cheeks

I liked you
despite the lies told

Now, that's passed
I'm the one who remembers
and you forgot.

my back feels empty
my heart does too
the bed doesn't cover it
the pillow I shield myself with
never do

right now,
i can't be satisfied
it just hurts,
my heart hurts

...physically

I once believed
that I was unique,
now
a fool

i wish i was a dinosaur
free with broad lands to soar
dead but has the world to adore

yet here i am sitting on the floor
with thoughts stored
like a wooden box

i am at war with myself
such a chore

tears hide behind the door
i can't take it anymore

fear creeps in
was it anxiety?

choking on the sobs
which never existed

I nervously laugh
at my foolish self

With nothing to gain,
and everything to lose

I'm such a disappointment.

why am I crying?
I'm the one at fault,
i hate it

Too early

It was, is it not?
"No, you're wrong,"
I keep saying this to people;

Do I even stand correct?
Surely not.

I'm...
not yet.

Don't say it,
It doesn't feel so rewarding;
I'm not on a road
I am lost

Uncertain, and probably
delusional...
that's me

I'm standing still
it scares me that I can't move

Am I growing
or was I not?

Maybe, I thought I was.

What's with the words I speak?
I desperately think yet,
it cannot be written in ink

words are at the brink
of emptiness
so deep

What is wrong with me?

I'll wait for a few years,
to go out in the world
People are preparing me,
I know they need to

The world is confusing 'n such;
Many can be bad and harsh
But, now I prefer to stay in a big square box
fractions of solitude experienced in the dark
but uncertainty seeps through the heart
of an immature child that is yet to start

nothing was enough,
I really tried
maybe not much

as it is not sufficient
I do nothing
and tried

Everything.
everything, was it?

i sat idly on the floor
with headphones to
drown the thoughts and all

for my actions failed to express,
and so does my words.

I wish that I can grow
a garden out of words

that way,
I'll be as comforting
like the cold breeze
on a blissful night

then, seeing autumn
will feel so right

but, instead of those

I have this
glaring eyes,
that angers my father
every time

I'm envious of how people can be like sceneries,
so beautiful and alluring

yet, I am just...

I don't remember
many memories of comfort,
or maybe I'm just biased

since I forget how it is,
the time it ends

It's exhausting.

uoy ot gnis I
seuh derettahs fo yballul a
htrow dna ytilaudividni fo snoitcarfer

kni gniyrc neeb ev'uoy
em revo lla deraems
ynnuf s'ti, das os gnikool


                           
I sing to you
a lullaby of shattered hues
refractions of individuality and worth

you've been crying ink
smeared all over me
looking so sad, it's funny

'sit scriptor aspiret invicem'

       Should we?
              we already are.
                     Each other we paint;
                                  "blood from thee."

I've been playing music so loud,
no matter what I do, my thoughts never sink and drown
I haven't lived a quarter of my life
yet every day feels a little shorter

I'm scared.

Time feels as if it's fleeting but, it's dreadfully slow.
How fast does this pace go?
I'm still not good enough,
it hurts

No one is chasing me.
These shaking hands can't hold a spoon;
I'm forcing myself to take a spoonful of knowledge,
to be something...
someone

I've been playing music so loud,
no matter what I do, my thoughts never sink and drown
I haven't lived a quarter of my life
yet every day feels a little shorter

I'm scared.

Time feels as if it's fleeting but, it's dreadfully slow.
How fast does this pace go?
I'm still not good enough,
it hurts

No one is chasing me.
These shaking hands can't hold a spoon;
I'm forcing myself to take a spoonful of knowledge,
to be something...
someone

swallow
no, don't.

you ended up vomiting;
isn't it great?

It's too early to soar high, bound by a plastic cage.
I stood by the lake and left myself to drown.
.
.
.
.
stay there for a while

each note is a touch
that vibrates the mind
strands of hair stands
a whisper to both ears
amidst the silence.

I've lied
but don't we all?

As we grow,
a part of us dies.

Like an onion skin
layers of lies envelop me
They said that I've changed,
yet I don't know which way

I've played pretend,
tried masks and
eventually forgot
which one was
truly mine.

uoy ot gnis I
seuh derettahs fo yballul a
htrow dna ytilaudividni fo snoitcarfer

kni gniyrc neeb ev'uoy
em revo lla deraems
ynnuf s'ti, das os gnikool

mecivni teripsa rotpircs tis

                            ?ew dluohS
                 ;era ydaerla ew
          tniap ew rehto hcaE
eeht morf doolb

turn it up,
like music within a crowd
dance like those people in the club

cloud the thoughts
with noises

...so loud

-Br.

He wasn't sure,
and this is what irritated him.
This sense of helplessness is what he despised.

"You're not fond of this, but all you talk about is yourself, right?"
.
.
.
.
.
You.
.
.
.
.
.
you,
.
.
.
.
.
you,
.
.
.
.
.

you.



How egotistical.

I'm not selfish!
You haven't experienced the weight and woe
that accompany me with each tick of the clock;

I was--no;
I always disapproved of the things I've done,
I've regretted trusting with such nativity,
I always offered too much

I wanted to be accepted,
so I did what I thought I should do.
I tried changing myself,
I attempted to be like them, and
to somehow be similar.

It was of pure envy,
I wanted to be like them
Attractive, and having
countless friends

I wanted and needed;
And, instead of being envious,
I was greedy or maybe both;

I kept on suppressing my own emotions,
I push back the tears before they even form.
I would look unpleasant if I allow them to fall.

With an effort to perfect myself,
I desperately tried to improve with
the talent that I possess.
I was frustrated
each time it looked--so horrible.

Yet, blinded by my own perfectionism,
I overlooked the progress made.

"What a fool,"

I want to let go of something I hold endeared,
it pains me so,
but it'll hurt me more
if I don't...
let go

Write it down;
in my dictionary

maybe I'll magically do it
...someday

the scent of strawberry lingers,
but I didn't like how smoke
crowds your room

one drop of fruitless satisfaction
two spoonful of unease
three teaspoons of emptiness
four quarts of loose tears

a handful of frustration,
pints of jealousy
gallons of heaviness
dozens of music,
and a sea of thoughts

but a drop is enough for me to drown
My teeth hurts...

they say that simple is best,
that's why its not a surprise
that I feel so complicated...

Reaching out,
what was out of reach
the mountain of air
built by the ignorant, I
-

                            a waterfall
forms an empty sea

-
shouts of anguish
                         , whispers

                     to

               m e

-
a faucet
with nothing to;
bleed

-
n(a)ive girl
weeping from the sounds
of mockery

Everyone is walking,
and I'm here
standing alone

Time crashed
like waves--in the ocean
whilst it halted as
the shouts of silence began

I stood there til' the sun came to withdraw
from the moon's night sky;
All there is was the cold night breeze,
while the moon and stars accompany me

-Br.

Rich, powerful,
with stunning beauty of a goddess,
That's you.

Yet, I do not hold any permanent loyalty.
I give them to anyone I see fit,
and you---are not worthy of that luxury;

"Not anymore."

I tell the made-up stories of raconteurs
pouring their hearts out on empty paper

I help people learn, love, and laugh;
They dream with others as a source of
happiness, hope n' stuff

'your name' appears in books
that makes people cry

I am somehow a sanctuary of
people with dreams that remain fruitless
They use my name to fantasize about the times
they can never fully feel;

I, y/n.