I used to be grateful for many things but not for everything.
I was self taught to take every lost I had on the chin.
Before there was an “all ten.”
“Many men.”
I had dark days, felt like I wouldn’t win again.

Learned blessings and lessons, I bought it all in.
Investing on myself so I’m not giving in.
Told my daddy we gon eat good again.
After I return again,
I might have to sin.

So I cry that I’m grateful for everything.
Cry for my block because we never got one ring.
I stayed in the trap but in my head still heaven sings.

So I’ll remain grateful.

Thank God that my plate’s full.

My past life distasteful.

Running fast like sonic, not understanding getting rings.
God showed me I can come from many things.
He pulled me up said, I can’t go for anything.

Even though my plate’s full, I stopped complaining because I’m grateful.
Even though my plate’s full, I realized it’s everything that I’ve prayed for.

Be careful what you wish for.

Even when I return, I’m grateful.

Died once, I’m grateful.

Past life, distasteful.

Til I return,
I’m grateful.

Vital tensions.
Don’t hit me after reading this saying you loved my poem.
They all hate your actions whether quiet or in the storm.
Racing but behind me, I’ve studied all of these people’s form.
Destined for success was written when I was born.

Met a lot of rappers, they’re actors but don’t rehearse.
The ones I thought I needed are really going from bad to worst.
Just for a recovery, I’d have to do magic first.
And that ain’t all real, so there’s nothing to make it work.

Took a break for weeks but it only felt like some days.
I had to learn resilience, was taken out of my ways.
How much for your soul is a question asked every day.
They don’t ever notice it’s written within their face.

Faded, feeling jaded nowadays,
No man is clean.
Really can’t keep track of who plays for any team.
Take them to the playoffs and still get traded off schemes.
Now every single good heart’s taken into extremes.
I was left for dead to question what I believe.
Now I have no desire or motives in making peace.
Forever knowing now to not trust anybody I meet.
Leaving me to know that there’s nobody like me.

A new year is coming.
We want all the money.
Telling every woman bag back.

We was lost.
We fell off track.
Let's hope we do not relapse.

How could I worry about shot clocks, when I’ve been fighting just to make it to the playoffs.
Getting fired and hired and laid off.
You’re too focused on materialistic and pretend things.
Trying to impress your friends and these women.
I say all the time let’s move different.
This won’t fix none of the things that I’ve mentioned.
The relationship’s more like tradition.

We fight and don’t talk but we're moving on.
I still stay to myself, I’ve been traded on.
I can’t rush into something I keep my patience.
But you’re giving techs, fouls and a flagrant.

We know I can hit me a buzzer to win the game.
But why would I win just to feel pain.
Trying to fix myself and my mind-frame.
Stay true to myself in my own lane.

We all know these other women all want me, but I act expensive yet they all adore me.
To tie the knot won’t complete this story.
Better tighten up, soon they can afford me.
A couple of years of dating.
We on thin ice like we’re skating.
Don’t want to break, I’m just saying.
Believe it or not, I’m not faking.
Spent my whole life for this training.

For shot clocks...

So you can keep timing me or move along.
I should be writing a better poem and songs.
Self centered, you’re right and I’m always wrong.
If anything, you’re the one taking too long.

For shot clocks...

Had a conversation with Midas;
It got me thinking different.
Lebron James flow, I guess that y’all the witness.
I’m contemplating so much, it’s hard to write a sentence.
Early stage of my twenty’s, yet still I feel a menace.
We blur the lines of life and death whether it’s right or wrong.
But I love you through everything;
still I’m holding on.

And for so long I just been locked away.
Been writing in notebooks trying to find my way.
Midas sat and he told me I shouldn’t sell my soul.
You need to just get the ball rolling, you getting old.
Your heart got cold, sat in the freezer on the early days of summer, to chill, now you writing but against your will.
And I’m crying.
And on the inside I’m dying.
Every body says be strong, and believe me I’m trying.
Midas said that I be lying.
To get infatuation.
I wiped my eyes and I asked how to change this situation.
He said it’s your destination.
Change up your formation.
And stop all that leaking on the internet about complications.
Found that open door.
But you don’t wanna walk thru.
I love you through everything should’ve dropped; somehow I thought I lost you.
But later it will cost you.
Know you feeling kinda awful
Ima come back and see just where this conversation got you.
But I didn’t tell it all.
I figured I would call,
And tell Midas I’m focused and I’m ready to ball.
While I sit, just all alone in a empty hall.
As all of my mishaps are posters on the wall.

I've been up for hours, not really my choice.
I sold myself short, thirty percent off to the devil, I constantly hear his voice.
This isn't my life.
I should've settled for two kids and a wife.
But I got complacent.
Everything in those moments felt good so why not.
Now I sit.
In the dark.
Alone.
Depression deep down, I can feel it to the bone.
With nothing to call my own.
I really wanna go home.
Other side of the country just trying to build my own;
Throan.

I've made too many mistakes.
However, they all made me;
Somehow.
Blurred vision when I think of destiny.
Or maybe it's the fifth of Hennessy.
Why can't I just jump and know for a fact I got the remedy.

More life.
Longevity.
More juice.
I'm seeing two sides of me, but switching up or pick and choose.
I'm staring at a tree trying not to eat forbidden fruit,
While I'm sinking in the ground, could I be meeting my roots.
Maybe I should freshen up and clean my Georgia, Henry county unfilled shoes, just to get,
More life.
But I'm Only Human.

No my name’s not Bennett , but I’m really in it.
Never one to just go with the flow,
I’m just trying to win it.

Not wanting my relationship to be a situationship; it’s dangerous.
Can’t even see the monsters that you’ve made of us.

Raising up.
Raising brows.
Cover up my own smile.
Thinking I could fill the void by having me a second child.

My hearts full.
Full of emotion.
Full of neglect.
Full of myself.
Full of my friends and loved ones that are left.

Feeling out of touch, I’m trying to change my life and run it up.
The marathon continues , but I can’t be no runner up.

Dumb it down.
Sound it out.
Passion’s what I’m all about.
Crazy, but I want a happy home before I get a house.
Feeling by myself but it’s like ten people on the couch.

It ***** for me.
But soon I’ll reach my clarity, guess lucky me.

Stuck to me.
Looking up the definition of custody.
My words and my heart’s all I got left, don’t give a **** to me.

I need a hug.
Find comfort in myself but I can’t see the love.

Back and forth with self worth.
Thinking bout my son’s birth.
AMB, this thing will last forever long as I’m on Earth.
Almost had that took away.
I’m suffering like every day.
Mentally I’m in maze, trying to fix these evil ways.

Evil thoughts.
Thought about it all when my last breath was caught.
Almost in a hole for real, my demons had a hold of wheels.

Heal just to rebuild, but I ain’t got the time, I pop a pill.
Things been wrong for so long that I can’t even taste a meal.
Chasing thrills.
Heavy with the consciousness, maybe I am too chill.

Rolling down the steepest hill, premeditate my own will.

Up at a time that I shouldn't be.

Thinking about things that I shouldn't be.

Sad about things I've been sad about for a couple years, I been low, I been down and out.

And it cost funerals of love, had so many doubts.

But I'm still here, moving forward on a different route.


I would give it all up, to make it all work.
I wish I could say, that they knew my worst.
End of the day, it's my gift, my curse.
At the end of the day, I know my worth.

Through everything,
I love you shawty.
You know you do me *****, shawty.
I need you to make me, happy.
Over you, there will be nobody.

Think about each other when we shouldn't be.
Missing all the past when I shouldn't be.
I be on the go.
You be on the go.
We go back and forth.
Different road
They don't know how it goes
But still I got my pride
Knowing I don't wanna be alone.
Certain times we disagree and you just let it all go.
But you're sitting right beside you though.

I'd kick it with my friend and I'd make it all worst.
But still I tried to hide it but show my worth.
Seems you putting my last, but many say first.
At the end of the day I know your worth.

Running in the streets when I shouldn't be.
Trying to make it off of writing poetry.
Loving all the things that I shouldn't be.
Knowing that it only should be you and me.
I was feeling blue.
Didn't have a clue.
Trying to figure out what to do.
And I'm losing you.
Soon I'll do a show and I'll glo'
With you in the crowd.
While I'm speaking loud.
And deep down, you are really proud.
Coming this spring, Ima fling
Ima Seek my dream.
And no matter what, Ima love you through everything.

Dear family
I know I always seem busy
The devil is trying to get me
I'm M.I.A
And I know that you miss me.

I'm sorry that I've been distant.
Seems everything changed in an instant.
My life is so inconsistent.
I don't know what I'm missing.
Family time, I really don't mean to miss it.
My life it's needs some assistance.
But.
I guess my mind is in another place.
Thoughts off in another world.
I started seeing another girl.
Went up and down man what a world.
But now.
I'll focus on my crafts.
Slowly go up old rafts.
This poem's heart felt that I bestest could finish te draft.
This poem's to the ones I love.
The ones that I miss.
Wish it could all just be cured with a hug and kiss.
Sometimes I go up to the lake just to reminisce.
Of all the things I shouldn't have I know it's a list.
Meanwhile, I'm caught up in my self, in my world with no neighbors.
Stay to myself even if I get handed some favors.
Haven't opened up in a while.
Maybe since I was a child.
When's the last time that I smiled.
Drive in my car Til it's on E.
Resorted to consanants and vowels.
I know they wonder what I'm doing.
What I really be persuing.
Hopeing I can save myself.
Some relationships I've ruined.
Some days I wake up and just ask what am I really doing.
They say family is everything, I feel as now it is the truth.
I should spend more time with y'all.
But I spend it living out my youth.
But it's everything I love.
And it's everything I need.
Family love's the cure and drug even though it not ****.

Dream works; Lion King
Simba talks to Mufasa.
That's when I pulled my pants up, and started fixing my posture.
Then looked up above.
I struggle with love.
Struggle with hate.
Hard to debate.
Leave and change when I fall But I still wanna participate.

22 in 10 days.
Turning 22, in 10 different ways
A different shade.
A midnight black, to a faded gray.
I opened this chapter.
Dressed for the rapture.
Run and tell master.
While they're telling Ima take it all to the pastor.
Or am I dreaming?
Wake up Wake up.
Time to break up, from the shake up.
Don't let em see you down,
Get dressed,
And put on make up.
I'm evolving.
Starving like Marvin.
Sky is still calling
My name ain't Jim Jones, but one day I'll be ballin'.

Will I give back?
No looking back.
Dashing that.
Getting older now; getting bigger, steady hungry trying to pick up the pieces.
Pledge of allegiance to the money now.
Now and forever.
Finesse, but I'm still not that clever.
One day I'll be; probably never.

And nowadays 22 is still declared young.
But that won't change me from growing, I won't settle for none.
Nowadays 22 can feel old or feel young.
With these 10 days left I know it's better to come.

Thinking you’re the man and the plug like you’re kool.
Until your kids and family are getting followed home from work and school.

Better get up on your night job.

Some will press you and not even want your work.
Just want to see if you're about it.
From the dirt.

They're putting my brothers on a shirt.

Not even in a casket or a Hearse.
They’re getting cremated, not even given back to the earth.

It's making me question my worth.
So I medicate.
When I should meditate.
How much for our souls?
That was even the intro for my mixtape.
And lately I've been falling out with friends so it’s hard to take.
Some can but most can’t relate.
These days there’s no need for a debate.

Experiencing and talking from this perspective couldn’t even make me whole anymore.
But, I’m still around.
I smile, learning to love what’s mine.
I guess it’s true what they say.
I now know that love is blind.

But never mind that.
We're back on that player ****.
Heart jaded.
Hanging wit the homies and getting hell of faded.
Intoxicated love.

I drove around the block twice, just to find somewhere park.
I stumbled, trying rush and get ahead of my already lucky start.
Acting dumbfounded but yet I’m smart.
I'm learning to be top shelf, and put myself on the chart.

However now,  I no longer care.
Stay in the house, and grow out my hair.
And truth be told all along, I was fully aware.

Trying to become the best poet.
However, my self esteem doesn’t show it.
While I took this time to write a new poem so no one, not even myself could quote it.

So now I read with my head down.
But after this, again I will lift it.
I had a conversation with fans, and they told me I was gifted.
Now look at all this weight that I done lifted.

You miss two or three celebrations, buy incentives, you beg me to come.
Meet and greet with brothers really different, we be bearing arms.
My family be at the table talking ****,
guess that's the price of love.
Putting money in his pockets, but I'm stressed, so here goes a dub.
For years, been writing page after page just to get a head nod.
Stay out the streets, get killed, or suffer;
my reason for over night jobs.
Trying not to rob.
I've always dropped the ball so I gave it to God.
Hanging out the window with my stick, we was out in Cobb.

I wanted to be in the league when I grew up.
I wanted to be in the streets when I grew up.
I wanted to be like bro when I grew up.
I wanted all the hoes when I grew up.

I wanted to be like my daddy when I grew up.
I wanted my own family when I grew up.
I wanted to free my cousin when I grew up.
I wanted to make it out when I grew up.

Never knew what love meant, I had to grow up.
I never knew how to vent, I need to grow up.

I was acting like a little boy, I had to grow up.
I be feeling like a lonely child, I gotta grow up.

Had to get off the internet.
Thugging, Im not the biggest but pose a threat.
Maybe because I'm black or my colors repped.
Where fake **** will get you stretched.
Dealing with so much pain I can't recollect.
Roll me up a blunt of my deep regrets.

trying to focus, I need a check.
Dealing with all the glory and disrespect.
Been betrayed by ****** walking my silhouette.
How far can a Brutus stretch?
Steady learning my worth, others far fetched,
want to use my head just to get a check.
Got trial, I need to rest.
Temptation, money, drugs, and guns made me disconnect.
I still came right back, I had to die a sec.
**** could be worse, learned from the wreck.
All this going back and forth about who's the best.
You do so many shows but where people at?

Success has been over mapped.
A couple of turn in had me overlapped.
But I will make out the cloud;
too deep to rap.

Nothing is the same.
I don’t know where to draw the line.
Said I’d never love again, but gave another try.
Anything will bother me, they said it heals with time.
I know that this is temporary.
I know that one day, I will be fine.


Kissing isn’t the same.
No longer touch and to love, I’m blind.
Crazy how I use to think that you were so sublime.
Tried to run your course.
I even took detours on mine.
a hard place and a rock’s where I’m between, but I still climb.

So many prices I have to pay, to right my wrongs, correct these crimes.
Thought I’d never see these days, I can’t stay out my own mind.
Can’t seem to get out of my own bind.

I'm standing in the dark.
Somehow, I’ll find a way to shine.
With you and many other things, I wish I could rewind.
While you continue to get drunk off wine.
And no matter how I feel,
What I say,
What I do,
No matter what I try.
I’m wrong every time.

Tell me where I should draw the line?

I Never imagined this.
Everyday I'm getting older.
This California weather and myself both just got a little colder.
Deja vu.
My whole body see through.
Don't even want to go outside anymore.
Wishing and living Godspeed for my existence.
I'm far from perfect, which is why I can only speak to and relate to the lost and distant.
I Love You Through Everything will get my back consistent.
I've been a historical disaster for longer than this instant.
I had to leave before the summer was over.
Pack my bags along with my heart and threw it over my should.
Move forward.
Find yourself.
A cross between being too emotional and being emotionless.
Bottle it all up and put it in the cold keep safe is all I know to not crash the ship.
But defense wins championships.
Make it to what feels so close.
To only find out I'm loosening my grip.
Can't even trip.
Pick up the pieces.
No Life in November, that's the feeling and date ironically the thesis.
I lost a lot.
I need more.
I need more drink.
Need more ice.
They say take chances in life so for once I rolled the dice.
But I lost one major but I'll forever at least try to fight and stand tall.
Was I working too hard?
Not enough...
Or not at all?

Lately they’re tripping on Seb.
Lately they all want him dead.
Lately he’s been taking meds.
How much for your soul wasn’t theirs.
Look at the horns and their scared,
like I was the monster that’s under their beds.
When they were kids,
their dreams are deferred, in humbling waters they tread.

Lately I haven’t been smiling.
Putting my mind in alignment.
Thoughts are real loud but I’m silent.
Don’t have the time for rewinding.
Lately I haven’t been joking.
Keep to myself, and I hate being open.
Lately I haven’t been smoking.
Hit me a black and a ***** start choking.
Picked like flower, I’m chosen.
Heart feeling jaded, I’m broken.
Shy but my poems’ outspoken.
All of them serve you token.

I sit all alone on these rainy days;
Earthly temptations are getting controlling.
Sooner or later I’ll fade away, but for now I’m just waiting my moment.

That time was such a year full of excitement.
Sitting in English class writing poems and enlightenment.
Even though I was soft spoken I found myself as a teacher's pet.
After hearing these words you would think I need a vet.
Was the trending topic on every male student's mind wonder if the teacher figured that out yet.

I'd never been one to read my thoughts and writings out loud.
Until she pressured me one time to the class and after said she was proud.
As minor as it seemed, over timed it became major.
Now far as poetry writers and rappers in our graduation class I am called the savior.

Was so anxious to go to class, especially when that project was due.
Was my first piece of poetry work, classmates called me Guru.
The whole time, this teacher knew and said I was destined for success.
Now I have this profile and forming a group called TDS.

Why'd I feel like a teacher's pet?
Because in my head this teacher was my school mom.
Because of her you can type in my name following a dot com.
Even though she helped and was kind and loving to every other student,
I took her kindness, words, and light she shed on me and turning it into a movement.

Sat a couple seats down and smiled at me during graduation.
Every time you spoke to me about my writing you made me feel I could conquer my generation.
I never did much is class, except read what I've been writing every time you would ask.
Knowing to myself you could believe in me and encourage me as a teacher like no other.
Believe it or not, you re-birthed me in my writing form, you're my linguistic and poetry mother.

Sooner than later she left.
Rumors he and her family moved to France.
After a long while I decided to take in your words of consideration and give this a chance.

To make a long story short, you are truly adored and missed.
No longer a kid, I'm grown now, til this day you're appreciated so I had to display this.

I said I put a lot of things behind me but,
I lied so..

My life is complicated.
I’m lost in this generation.
I mean..
I hate my state of mind.
I’m lost like a balloon trying to find its way,
And you see..
Today is my birthday.
But I’m trapped in my mind,
I can’t seem to ever have a good time.
I’m not the type that you bring home to mama in my opinion.
I’m damaged goods I must say.
I’m woman crazy.
My body’s lazy.
And that’s no where near it all.
I been in sadness for years just hoping soon you would call.

I wish I had someone that would love me.
And I mean really know and love me.
Like, effortless.
But I’m so blind and messed up from another chick.
And that along with everything else caused such a riff.
Now my ex and everyone around me has the power.
Now I’m guarded and get faded for hours.

But I mean..
Besides crazy, got anger issues,
I’m spoiled and I;
Run from my problems when I’m the only thing that can solve them.
I sat one time all alone but with a full revolver.
My life is out of order.
I lost my faith in some things,
Mainly in pure love.
I’d sell my soul just to have your heart but that ain’t enough.

While I got missed calls from any and everybody.
Don’t wanna listen to anybody.

It’s so many reason why I’m complicated.
I mean..
Or maybe I’m just high again.

That’s really only the other feeling that can help me while I try and fill up this space.
Until I’m sitting in the mirror staring at my own face.
Wiping all my tears on a day to day base.
I got so much sadness and hatred running at everyones’ pace.
This is my last poem before I lock myself all away.
It’s complicated.

Writing and losing feeling.
Of heart breaks and commitments,
A couple catchy songs with my brothers;
It would be nice if you listened.
Or even ever read my poetry.
Behinds those words is a broken me.
I can barely see, what my future holds.
Im no longer chasing hoes, I’m trying to find the yellow brick road.
But lost awareness.

Now I’m a drunk.
Now I’m a pothead.
And all the seeds I planted, they are now dead.


Having mood swings like the weather that’s floating me.
I no longer wanna be.
I swear it’s complicated

Don’t drown yourself pretending to be deep.
It’s too complicated.
And I can’t swim but I rather drown in her sea.
It’s so complicated.
Should I retire and settle down from writing.
It’s too complicated.

I took a trip down Dreamville.
So if you're reading this, it's too late
I already pimped a butterfly while sippin' on ***** sprite, two of them.

I found myself talking to a man name Lucci.
Confused by his name but star struck because his whole outfit was Gucci.

I had Nicci with me, I kissed her every now and then.
She isn't my girlfriend but to the world I pretend.
Until the end, until death does us part;
I smoke and drink alcohol til my head is cloudy and I drown my heart.
Telling myself this is the end, but really it's only the start.

I want drug miney.
I want new car money.
I want fresh start money.
Can buy famous art money.
Unfortunately women cry and pour out their heart to me.
Then tell me how much how much they hate it they are apart from me.

Time and time again I slip into  flaw.
I get angry for no reason, you can tell by the clinching of my fist and my jaw.
Forever leaving people in aw, and somehow they still wonder.
Can barely find a meaning or scratch the surface; I'm too deep under.

Little did I know, my alarm went off and I awake to a new day.
Missed phone calls and messages and all of them are just to say hey.
No reply.
We ask why.
Some cry.
Sometimes I feel like I want to die.
That's probably the reason why many think I;m shy.
No more see you later's, just a farewell and good bye.
The truth and things to endure for life cannot be seen by the eye.

Somehow I see it all.
Ashes to ashes, one day we'll fall.
But through it all;
I get down on my knees and make a call.

I put everything behind me, yet my back is against the wall.

I wrote these poems on a summer night.
I was high off life.
Grinding making better music;
out here trying to spread the movement.
Want to show love, but you need improvement.
Don’t even know the real meaning, you need to hit up google.

People are really dropping out on both sides.
But I don’t worry, our team has mob ties.

My pen’s been working, I write your recent rhymes and all mines.
Speaking on me is something that they all tried.
I guess y’all just making moves on y’all own time.
Just know, this coming January there will be no replies.

A short poems for once.
No more story telling and 30 for 30’s.
But I have banners around room to retire all of your jerseys.

A lot is being said but no addressing.
A lot of feelings involved, but there’s never a confession.

Realizing there’s a lot in my possession.
After dropping the tape, now using God as my protection.
Whether light or the darkness, there’s always more than one lesson.
Pent up aggression has us building walls in every section.
Leaving nothing but so many questions.
But there is no question, I done got out the oppression.


I’ve really had real snakes of people in my grass and entrance.
Continuing to be in dark spaces with the demons could’ve gotten me a sentence.
The grass has been mowed so please tell me how low does it go.

But little did I know all of that was just the beginning.

Seen this movie too many times and know where it’s headed.
This is Gods timing young man, he even had said it.
I've fallen back so many times but never got the credit.
I was down for a long while but now I don’t regret it.

I really wanted to..
You can fill in the blank.
But those who know me, know I actually never tank.

Too smart for my own good,
maybe I was ahead of myself.
Maybe the lotto and top picks can’t take me to shelves.
Maybe being guarded up and jaded is bad for my health.
I don’t have a poker face, I make the best out of the cards that I’m dealt.

I stopped compressing myself, and I started healing myself.
I can now see through all of y'all and see through myself.
Don’t even have to write any more, I can speak for myself.
Learning to love through everything, how could I ever get ahead of myself.

I was raised,
in the outdoors.
Next to you and her.
One man holding a hand gun.
While She was giving birth.
To a younger boy to be just like you,
we still wonder what that's worth.
I wonder if you ever knew you was a role model to me first.
Some days I'd wake up in the morning, to see you in papers and the news.
While I'm looking in the mirror realizing I've got everything to prove.
You'd tell me;
You'll have the torch after me,
just grind hard and do you.
Which is funny now because I would only see myself in the rear view.

It seems like blessings keep falling in my lap...

I make poems for free, more so really on freedom.
Obstacles and demons surround me, Somehow I beat em.
Inspired by Chance, so I'm taking every chance like a rapper, moving through the chapters while doing my praising dance.

I started from the bottom.
Now I'm here, not the top.
Clothing brand, book and album, all ready to drop.
Jesus loves.
Jesus saves.
While we're stuck in our ways.
Let's all catch the wave, pray, hope and smile for better days.

Basically training but I've graduated.
Like the last kid getting picked, but I participated.
Patiently waited, for elevators, now I'm taking the stairs.
With every step I'm growing up that's why I cut my hair.

I'll give him praise, all the way til I'm gone.
Hopefully before deceasing, the family is on.
We'll eat good.
Thanksgiving, yet it's misunderstood.
Blessings on blessings forever, falling down like they should.

Sitting all alone, trying not to fall apart.
Why do I hate so much with all this love up in my heart.
Suppose to be flying high.
With my head up to the sky.
Far away, I'm on my own, staring st the crash phone, guess my minds gone.
Middle of the desert.
Ain't got no time to dust off.
Uncomfortably living, how much does this life of mine really cost.
Seeming close to nothing.
Need to find my niche or something.
Soon as time reveals, I'll pump it up like I'm Joe Budden.
But still cooling though.

Cooler than a ceiling fan.
In life, I'm just the middle man.
Chase your dreams they said, so I did but I never ran.
Now I'm sitting in the stands.
Hide my face, I use my hands.
Snapped back to reality and kept walking in the sand.

Hello father
Don't mean to bother.
How are ya
I know that you're mad at me.
Forgive me please man you atta.
You gotta.
Embarassed.
Is what I am I want to perish.
Every conversation I cherish I'm trying not to be spiteful of all our small talk.
I know we're over due a long talk.
And every where you go somehow people know you are my dad.
It gets me thinking about incredible moments we've had.
But on the real I'm trying so hard not to bug you.
But do you think you can stop nagging at my drug use.
I'm two weeks clean.
No longer a phean.
I'm 21 but yet I feel 16.
And I love you I swear.
You know I know you're there.
And when the time is right, you know that I will take care
Of anything we need, in our family.
I started writing poems, when I do shows will you stand with me.
Can I get a little money for my new honey that's hell of fine.
And I forgot to mention I got divorced from my job and my last dime.
My mind's going crazy but outside I look calm.
Everything is running out from time to my lip balm.
Disappointed but never leave me.
I will need ALL your love and the word whenever the devil just gets me under pressure.

Stressing for some days.
Then I caught my case.
I been on the run trying to give myself some time to think.
Sitting in my room, all I did was drink and pray.
Call home twice a week and tell my people I'm ok.
They ask me if I'm stressing, I'll say hell no I'm straight.
But they can tell I'm different because it's written all in my face.
I been working out.
I been gaining weight.
Been having dreams and nightmares about my death and case.

Ain't nobody send me no mail.
Stressing with my back home girl.
Trying to see and conquer the world.
But it all is seeming like just like jail.
Writing down my plans, hoping I don't slip again.
Drop some money on my poems and books and trust me I'll bounce back again.

Things aren't looking good.
But still I keep the faith.
While I'm sitting up in California, trying to fight my case.
Running through this maze.
Just miss my mom and daughters face.
I come out every weekend out my cell just to party and to drank.
Back and forth with peoples words and court,
They talking bout some rank.
I ain't did that since with the homies I was raised.
Everyone across the country,
They seem so far away.
As I'm sitting up in California, trying to fight my case.

I use to think I needed a break from love.
Now realizing I need it more than ever.
Wear my heart on my sleeve and compliment it by throwing on a sweater.
Running like Usain Bolt through the pressure and the weather.
Saying to myself I can do better.
Knew better.
Vendetta against myself.
Don’t know my wealth.
Was in a dark place knowing my lifestyle decreased my health.
My process is just to heal and rebuild.
Protective of myself but should focus on my damaged shield.
Young, wild and free
And I’m reckless; I don’t wanna yield.
Living fast as ever as the world was my playing field.
Needed to slow down, before I get killed.
So I disappeared and wrote about it and all of a sudden I chilled.

Immature to the gospel, because I only clap and stand when everyone else in church does.

Emotionless.
Are the evils of Lucci around me?
Or in me?
Perhaps I'm his disciple.

Premature and oblivious to the Lords word at times.
Is that why I often self destruct?
Trying to convince myself my sins are forgiven; it's too many for me to even understand or get a grasp on.

My words fall on def ears,
Loud mouths,
And only a few sincere hearts.

What's my purpose?
What's my calling?
My destiny.

Running until I can't anymore.
A voice of voices.
An atom of a huge and growing generation.
A sample and strand of the youth.
One of God's unthinkable number of loved and sin forgiven children.

You don’t like my hair.
You don’t like my face.
You don’t like how I talk.
You don’t like my taste.

You don’t like how I think.
But I still ask why.
You be on my back.
That why I get so high.

You don’t like how I’m quiet.
You don’t like how I dress.
I may seem like a menace,
but I clean up my mess.

You don’t like my page.
You don’t like my songs.
You don’t like my poetry.
You only string me along.

You can’t feel my heart.
You can’t clear my head.
After a couple more writings,
I’ll be long gone, dead.

You don’t like when I’m outside.
But you don’t like me blue.
You ignore all my pain.
This story ain’t nothing new.

Trying to no longer let you make me sad.
Tired of back stabbing friends, and people making mad.

They say time heals all, but I guess that’s one thing we never had.

But I have..
Worser things to stress.

I was trying to be so blind.
Learning how to be kind.
But contemplating up in my mind.
Why did I hang around some fakes.

It took Mac dying to get a phone call.
And to be honest, you was better saying nothing at all.

But I'll keep it all inside.
I will laugh on my own.
While you and your little clique stays scavengers at my throne.

Wrapping up another writing then I think of something strange.
It’s funny how, everyone you bought around said they was the same. Little did I know, you all would change.

Constantly hearing dad, fussing, cussing
My mind is under destruction
My heart and soul in combustion
But I rather not have this discussion
It's nothing

My mind's racing.
Elevating.
Everything is complicating
I'm wondering, what should I do
I'm lost and don't have a clue

I need Nicci
Where is Nicci
Baby girl please come and get me
Everything is getting tricky
And stuck in stress mode strictly
Just maybe once,
I can just find my way and then open a door
Without me slipping and failing landing on the floor
Maybe or
I can hit the lotto, take care of my people
Sad to say, that's just a fable far from the sequel.
Maybe not,
This made me strong
Even thought my journey is getting long
Ride along
Am I wrong
These feelings even helped me just write this song.
Will I fade
Sinful made
On blurry roads trying to get paid
Feel afraid
The past is haunting saying I should've stayed
But I run
Loaded gun
Skin getting darker just from the sun
Ain't no fun
When my own self is dead to me, when will life ever be heavenly
Thought I was cool
Such fool
Feel like I'm skipping school
What to do
What would you
It's like I break every rule

When will I
Fall over the edge
Head in the clouds I'm swinging my legs
Feeling like everything for me is dead
Thought of this all while laying in bed
Feeling so dead
Everything's red
I'm losing everything except my pride
Wondering who on this journey will ride
Questioning why
Need more lines or can you feel my vibe.

People and soldiers loosing lives got me scared of loosing mine.
Nothing I can change, but I think about it all the time.
Truth be told, I'm a target myself we all just wanna shine.
I have yet to even reach my prime.

Small facts but in reality this topic's major.
Was forced to scream out I'm a death dealer and a hell raiser.
Prayed every night, hoping the lord forgives me for my sins.
Playing the cards right but still not guaranteed to win.

Plenty times Lucci tried to become my best friend.
But I love my father and there's no way that I could let him in.
He reached out to me with all I wanted and ever needed.
Sadly I ran with it, but turned it good and still succeeded.
Before that, he stripped me from what I wanted.
Nowadays, those things hit me and I feel haunted.

I replied to it all with slight reaction.
Went from stressed to blessed I made it seem like a simple action.

The fire rises, I heard from someone I once idolized.
The devil was taking me under by surprise.
Institutionalized.
Sometimes I'm proud to admit it.
Nothing can save me.
Nothing is safe.
I fall to my knees for forgiveness,
Hollering and screaming,
Dial 911 in seconds my phone's ringing...

I’m shady because I want more?

I’m the snake because I chose not to slither?

I wasn’t built to fit in your circle anyway and for years you didn’t encouraged me but laughed when I was “out of shape.”

I didn’t even want the last laugh, I ended all my moves pretty shallow.
I thought the grass was mowed so tell me, how low does it really go?

See from this love village a boy grew a rose from his own soul and soil with no water or seed from his fellow peers.
To only realize, he was prince all along and when he tried to show others the way
They ignored him.

As times goes on, the circle gets smaller.
We will never forget The Marathon Continues.
However, everybody can’t go.
Everybody isn’t built nor ready for this race or this fast pace.

Still painting my pictures perfect, they never needed us.
We couldn’t get inside the doors but now they’re greeting us.

Ash to ashes.
Burning dust til dusk.
Only love we see through the lust.

More than just a poet, these words aren’t enough.

I was the one with the dreams.
I was the one with the schemes.
Battling things on my own, feelings alone but I had a whole team.
I never said anything.
Move in silence, do my own things.
Trying to find my way to millions.
Trying to spread my own wings.

Bad habits for daily routines.
I’m always running from therapy.
Losing my balance while searching for clarity.
Now, they tell me I lack motivation,
I was just anticipating and waiting.
Waiting for timing and something,
I had no clue what it was and somehow I was losing myself.

Reforming my brand, destined and full of success.
Branches but aren’t any leaves.

I needed help.
I wouldn’t accept it, people were turning their back on me.
Act as if it didn’t matter.
My insides were shattered.
I stay to myself and now look what I got.
Use to think I was worthless believe it or not.
Now I really open my notebook and jot.

Praying for Dre because they want him to rot.
Praying for Seb because he wants his spot.
Pray for Amodre, he messed up his shots of going to college, succeeding and winning a lot.
Maleek doesn’t know if he’s human or not.
This clarity came and it got myself closer.
I needed closure from things I was burying deep down inside while destroying myself.

Grow out my hair.
Stack up my wealth.
Practicing loving myself and my health.
Watching for snakes, I’ve been working on stealth.
Playing the hand and the cards that I’m dealt.

Built for success.
Been on the road of becoming goat, I must confess.
Passing the tests that the lord has given before disappearing to catch up on rest.

I got inspired and started writing at the airport.
A mile high.
Like I tried to write a lullaby for you and I.

Do or die?
Til death do us apart.
I’ll let you decide.
Tried to ride the wave, but they tanked and couldn’t catch the tide.

Slicing everybody up some humble pie.

Hold me down through my troubled times.
Or you can be another victim to my stubborn pride.
A Nipsey quote.
Cleared the air but now, I want all the smoke.
It’s one love but still missing substance, are you even woke.

Lacking all the talent, recreate your passion.
People die from what they fake,
and put it in a caption.

Rags to riches in my own fashion.
Avoiding all distractions.
Done overreacting over selfish and childish actions.

I been trying to find the perfect way to open this.

At the same time, I really don’t think that anyone notices.

Behind these word’s a person that had lost themself and the only thing they could do is run and fight themself for their pursuit to happiness.

A simple man.
No love from his own wife.
Well maybe not in his love language at least.
They can’t even hold a conversation.
Take the *** away, there’s nothing left to lay in.
Debating with himself like everything is a complication.

She’s angry.

Always feeling you’re down and out.
Your outer shell is hard, but inside you’re crying out.
And can’t even find comfort to just talk about it.

Comfort is a thing these days that seems so challenging.
You have to find the middle ground for both of you to balance in.

To find a partner who’s on target with everything you’re missing is inevitable.
Can’t even find a cure or therapy not even using ThereFlu.
I know a lot about it, I been there too.
When the only thing you’ve got is right there staring right back at you.
Surrounded by mirrors.

In a fitting room with hits and misses like target practice.
Only thing you seem to do right is moving backwards.

Fronting for people who don’t have your back.
Nor your best interest.
Especially when they’ve never experienced your position.
This all takes persistence.

And to these, one person beings who swear that they’re so in love, when everything hits the fan how do you stay above?
Maybe you can help the next, or spark their mind to understand that everything starts from your mental and deep within.

So where do we begin?

This love cycle’s something that just happens to us over and over again.

Break the walls.
Your fitting room shouldn’t expose and fragile yourself.

Take that weight off of your shoulders and put it back on the shelf.
Give it to God.

I sat and use to pray hoping that the stars aligned.
My love wasn’t a sure thing, but now I’m living right.
When I needed it, no one couldn’t give me any advice.
But they always had something to say any other time.
Everybody that I met on the way;
Is trying to get in the way.
Use to making big bucks now I’m working minimum wage.
The man downstairs must really love testing my patience.
Someone down there must be in need of some entertainment.
Forgiveness for my sinful ways.
So much hate in heart but I still love, that’s how I was raised.
These days everything I think has me feeling a way.
Still learning and still growing on a day to day
But..

With my grandmother out in Carolina is where I belong.
Was out there in LA not knowing what was going on.
I was doing things so wrong.
And it’s all because I chose a side.
I just couldn’t put my pride aside and confide in me.

Perhaps it wasn’t my time.

Don’t act like you stuck to me.
Don’t ever show love for me.
Maybe hear and there during *******.
I doubled back.
I’m not giving up.

At least two times a day, I be cooking up.
Died in the car but I’m brave.
I need to saved.
The last life played me.

Now I’m on a test run;
Learning quick as I go.
Feeling I’m running out of time with my babies.

I’m forever scared up.
Really gave up on love.
And I’m not waiting.

Forever my guard’s up.
Really by myself.
I was never just saying.

I carry a lot on my shoulders and head, but still I’m only just one man.


Tell who’s loving you better than me.
Who can **** wit me, tell me?
Just go ahead, let me know that I’m sharing.
If you honest I could never be jealous.
You sexing my bros.
Please don’t start me up.
How could I fall in love?
Truly back stabbed, I’m a warrior.
My next album for Aria.

Deserve it all, but how can I get it?
Dark places and spaces, I’m tripping.
Can’t trust a soul, and my life I can’t mention.
I ain’t even got brothers to witness.
Never had friends and I’m popping prescriptions.
Until I return, what comes with it?
Really been feeling defeated.
You never can learn me, just listen.

Checked out.
My hearts been evicted.
Volcano erupted, no limit
Like many, I beat myself up, Bobbie and Whitney.
The judge gave me an extension.
Went through every emotion to be in position.
No more striking out, I’m only pitching.
Until I return don’t miss me.
I’m tired of feeling so empty
And falling hard.

The age of 25 I grew fonder of self love.
Neglecting myself had me lost on what was above.
Lack of my peers over years applying pressure.
My mind’s on autopilot, that’s the closest I’ll get to a Tesla.


My self denial and  selfish trials put bolts in me.
All this love,
Is this girl playing a joke on me?

Truly my deepest darkest fear is I lose it all.
Breaking me down where I thought I was all along
I can’t even express with my words, maybe a song
Maybe everything that I needed I had all along.