I've been holding on desperately for a long while, trying not to let go.
Static is my growth but I try not to let it show.
I fell into a deep depression.
Darkness encounters were often.
I can't describe these feelings.
These thoughts.
The people, spirits or monsters within me.
I truth no one.
I put nothing pass anybody.
They're all the same.
I'm convinced I'll never get married.
Developing a hatred for love so my heart, I buried.
From 18 to now my biggest fear was losing it all.
Little did I know, I had nothing already destined to fall.
At 21, everything came to a different light.
Lying to myself, and other like I am alright.
I have a lot of fears.
Fear of losing creativity.
Fear of losing touch with you and me.
Fear of everything within myself.
So I'm throwing in my hand and all of the cards that I've been dealt.

Don’t act like you stuck to me.
Don’t ever show love for me.
Maybe hear and there during *******.
I doubled back.
I’m not giving up.

At least two times a day, I be cooking up.
Died in the car but I’m brave.
I need to saved.
The last life played me.

Now I’m on a test run;
Learning quick as I go.
Feeling I’m running out of time with my babies.

I’m forever scared up.
Really gave up on love.
And I’m not waiting.

Forever my guard’s up.
Really by myself.
I was never just saying.

I carry a lot on my shoulders and head, but still I’m only just one man.


Tell who’s loving you better than me.
Who can **** wit me, tell me?
Just go ahead, let me know that I’m sharing.
If you honest I could never be jealous.
You sexing my bros.
Please don’t start me up.
How could I fall in love?
Truly back stabbed, I’m a warrior.
My next album for Aria.

Deserve it all, but how can I get it?
Dark places and spaces, I’m tripping.
Can’t trust a soul, and my life I can’t mention.
I ain’t even got brothers to witness.
Never had friends and I’m popping prescriptions.
Until I return, what comes with it?
Really been feeling defeated.
You never can learn me, just listen.

Checked out.
My hearts been evicted.
Volcano erupted, no limit
Like many, I beat myself up, Bobbie and Whitney.
The judge gave me an extension.
Went through every emotion to be in position.
No more striking out, I’m only pitching.
Until I return don’t miss me.
I’m tired of feeling so empty
And falling hard.

Painfully honest in my poems, why would I lie to you?
I’ve gotten rid of toxic things so I’ll survive for you.
Giving people the cold shoulder, thats how we had to move.
So many times you’ve gave your heart, and they turned their backs to you.

They’ll try to pick your brain apart and say they’ll ride for you.
Sell you everything that you need, they’ll lie to you.
No longer care and want all the smoke I’ll sit outside for you.
I was on my last, I was doing bad but I would provide for you.
I know so people who will take your art and ride on you.
Throwing the shade,
feeling rage, can’t pick a side for you.
They can’t be honest with anything, can’t confide for you.
Throw dirt all on your name the go and go hide from you.

Reminiscing on the days when we were back in school.
Trying to get points not scoring buckets but we loved to hoop.
Me and boys was running throw cars rooms and houses;
we was even taking shoes.
Everybody else wanted to party, we’re trying to make a move.
I seen my first gun at thirteen and we knew how to use it.
Use to look up to some cowards then I start writing music.
I look inside my own eyes and see that I’m tired of something.

Transparent relationship but yet you’re out here cheating.
We can break it down to the right and wrongs, there’s way too many reasons.
These labels hear all of y’alls trash but yet aren’t signing me.
Feel I’ve been tripping for so long but I’m steady trying to find my peace.
Kicking everyone out of my house;
I’m the one who signed this lease.
Until we knew who killed my friends I’ll never have time to grieve.
I’ll treat y’all music like y’all treat women, it don’t mean **** to me.
Showing I can do this without who, ***** who are you to me?
I’ve had so many peoples back yet they were stabbing me.
Just want to see my family smile they’ll soon be proud of me.
I know my dead loved ones are looking down on me
And I’m still waking through the fire, there is no matching me.

Why every time I come around these girls are eyeing me.
Say I’m lacking on emotions but my hearts on my sleeve
No matter what, no giving up, getting back on track to me.
Even long when I’m dead and gone I’ll be a studio athlete.
When I was hurting, they were up, so what’d you have for me?
None of you can keep it a thousand so I had to leave.

Write and record what I’m feeling in my heart, I’m not thinking about a hit.
I ride and do whatever for my dogs like we relate to Vick.
I’m doing everything that I said, I also prayed for this.
No one knows about the hard and late nights we had to wait for this.
Anything less than 100 has to go, so all of you are dismissed.

I don’t know if it’s me being selfish.
Or habits of being selfless.
My intuition is burning, checking mileage on my wellness.

We all are careless.

I been on the road.
You can check the tire pressure.
I sit back, sip the tea and look how things were measured.

A friend of mine said “just trust me.”

So I’m patient now, don’t rush me.

But still in a dilemma to finish the race in first place.

The shoes are tight, you can check the lace.
Who’s real and who’s fake?
We all need a break.

They’re falling hard.
They break like a vase.
Banking and chase.
Well gone just as far go.

Tired of selling my soul.
I scanned so much like a bar code.

A woman said that I’m playing games so I guess we’re in story mode.

Far as stories go..
People are sharing feelings I’m like what are those.
Smell that **** a mile away without a nose.

The more that I love, the more that I hurt.
The more that I bleed, the less that I’m worth.
I hustled for mine.
Built from the dirt.
The more that I lie, the more that I curse.

The more that I need her, the more she won’t stay.
I live in the dark.
I stayed out the way.
Bitter, but only at times of the day.
Now my initials NWA.

Now I want it all.
I want revenge.
Take it to God.
Forgiving my sins.
I want to be one.
I want to be love.
I want to be young.
I outgrew my friends.

Now I’m harder to break.
I’m harder to shake.
My poems are wack.
You can’t relate.
I’m tired of hate.
I’m tired of snakes.
I was the dreamer that stayed awake.

I’m holding a grudge.
They want me to fall.
They want me to starve.
I see that facades.
They said it was love, so I wished on a star.
They wanted my soul.
They gave me my scars.

The more that I try, the more that I cry.
I’m aiming for heads, I don’t need a why.
I put that on my team.
The logo’s a tree.
A successors revenge.
It’s all growing from me.

Everyone’s testing my patience.
Lately, can’t see what’s troubling me.
Part of it’s mental
Part is emotionally
Maybe just some pure love that I need.

Unfortunately I had to bleed to believe.
That’s why my hearts on my sleeve.

Suffer from hate.
Suffer from lost.
Brutality from the police.

I had to run and reflect on some things that’s putting a burden on me.
Recovery
Surgery

Life going fast as a 10 speed
And I can’t breathe
I can’t leave
And I can’t run
Surrounding myself with just 4 walls

They tell you to spread peace and love in prosperity
But if I hit the ground then I’m gon fall
With no pick up
This a stick up
For the ****** that’s coming to take all the money
If I bet a dollar for everything that you was raised
You couldn’t take none of it from me.

Or maybe you could.
Just like America
Destroying my mental
Create a criteria
Then you compare us

1200 dollars  just last me a week.

We wanna conquer, but hard to defeat
Protesting ain’t hurt enough or a speech.


If I goto the corner store, give every black man a dollar that’s homeless would that even teach.
They lie thru their teeth, so I gotta preach


You calling it anger and screeching, that **** is a reach.
Everyone’s at the top.
Won’t look beneath.

Until I got murdered cold blood in the street.

My last name is guilt trip.
Full first name resentment.
As bad as I wanted so many things, I never go the distance.

It’s even got me writing my poetry different.
Exposing myself to new limits and questioning everything in the universe and in between.

Now I have to distance myself.

My self pity and selfishness is what got me here in this position.
Having nightmares of demolition.
Misguided on intuition.
Love is something I’ve been misusing, only for my satisfactions or competitions.
Only thing in this loaded gun of mine is premonitions.

Now I need and seek clarity.
I once again need therapy.
I now too lack empathy.
I had to even just look up the definition, to make sure I use it correctly.
Tired of only giving to what won’t accept me.
I just hope that when the choir and the eulogy’s next me, we know what love cost.

I got caught up in the streets.
I got greedy.
Started doing wrong and evil.
I love all my ******.
Want to hug my ******, they don’t understand the meaning.
I was living fast, going through the motions;
Never played wide receiver.
I’d go back in time if I could, rewind for good and stop the grieving.
Thinking suicide but I’m strong I know my two favorite people need me.
Plus I got a mom, dad, and two sisters.
I hold my pain like a secret.
I had to realize that the universe was trying to tell me what I needed.
I be alone a lot.
Armani caught me talking to demons.
I lost Gage.
I lost Karon.
I lost Mario and Rod.

I lost myself.
Almost lost my life right before I got locked up.

I had a talk with the reaper.
He’s thinking about killing me next.
I said you’re real for sure.
But I’m already killing myself.

I be talking to God.
But I still did the work of the devil.
Now I’m trying to get my life together.
Everyday now is stormy weather.

I’m not suppose to question God;
Hope you listen God, what’s it take to get healthy?
I walk around with fire, I can’t trust nobody.
Paranoid, it’s sad I can’t help it.

Granddaddy died in the house after school.
After that I took the room.
I was waking up feeling paralyzed drowning in my own tears.

And I’m sorry that I never listened.
But that don’t mean I need hell.
I can’t really talk to my daddy, since he became twelve.
I talk to God daily so I know he hears me, but I don’t never find answers.

I had a circle full of fake friends.
They wasn’t even gang or scammers.
I was trying to feed my family.
But I still wasn’t trying to do better.

You was suppose to be my partner.
Got hooked on drugs and moved jealous.
We was suppose to eat together and have the team and family rocking name brand and better.

I feel my words be to simple.
But they say I’m complex.
I’m just misunderstood.
Need balance and I’m taking the steps.

Im trying to do better.
Trying to stack my cheddar.
I wanted us all to eat together.
Trying to change the weather.
Plain old sweater, use to wear it for whatever.

I’m trying to keep my head up everyday.
Deep down inside I’m going Kanye crazy.
Said I need therapy and people scared of me.
Quiet, but I got a whole lot to say.

So many bottles and rello wraps.
I’ve been reminiscing while I’m writing raps.
Evidently how my poems slaps.
Im trying to reach your hearts but I lost the map.

I drown myself in poison.
I feel traded on, Derozen.
It’s safe to say my heart’s still frozen.
Now drugs and bottle’s have gotten provoking.
I was chosen.
Twist my tops to open.
All of my feelings are mixed with potion, and got me smiling.

Now I’m stuck on islands.
I feel so castaway.

I’ve watered down my life.
I’ve come from pain and sacrifice.
Can’t even tell you about my life.
It’s sad to say though, I’d do this twice.
Forever drowning.

I’m out for revenge.
I want the crown.
I’m down for the breach.
I got receipts.
I want my peace and I want some equity.
I’m working on trust and changing trajectory.
I’m not going to change.
I wanted a name.
I wanted the brand.
I studied the game.

I need a pen.
I need a pad.
I have to get a lot out of my brain.

I never had fame.
I don’t want clout.
I distance myself.
No one was reaching out.

I want the smoke.
I got the juice.
The more that eat, the more that I seek.
Stuck in the muse.

I want to be Drake.
I want to be Cole.
I want to be Dash.
I want to be Hov.

I want to be Meek.
I want to be him.
I want to be you.
I want to be me.

I wanted to live.
I wanted to ****.
I want to forgive.
I want to be chill.
But I don’t know how.

The more that I lie, the more that I save.
The more I protect, the more I neglect.
I’m harder to keep.
It’s harder to sleep.
It’s harder to breathe.
I’m out for respect.

I had a disconnect with my friends.
They’re choosing sides.
I wanted to ride.
I wanted to slide.
I’m looking for God.
I’m flirting with death.
I threw away pride.

I’m changing my mind.
I’m guiding my steps.
I’m practicing patience with so many reps.
Now I got a plan.
It’s forming a tree.
Covered in blood, it’s all on the leaves.

Heat waves.

I look to the sky for the answers beyond me.
The ways that I am are the demons that haunt me.

Misty feelings over shower these days.
I’ve been hiding my face, I can’t seem to retrace my steps in the mud because of fog.

But still proud of myself and all of the things that we’ve changed.
You put my heart in a rage.
Lately feelings have changed.
Us together has never existed.
I just ask on this one day you give me permission.
But you can’t play the field when you’re stuck on the sideline.

Lately I’ve just been over things.
Mood and weather controlling things.
Hardly can stand the rain either.
All my poems expose my ways.
Hope we’re growing for better days.
I lost the love of my life and every friend so I had to pray now you mean everything to me.
You change the climate.
Your mountains, I climbed.
Our problems I write it.
Everything’s in private.

Even Drake said it, this **** means everything to me.
Literally everything.
Now I don’t know where we stand, I use to hit you about everything.


What’s a real man to a cave man?
Tell me what’s love to a love child?
Running from pain that will last while, through this stormy weather I can hardly smile.
Type your address into maps with purpose.
Apprehensive and it makes me nervous.
I don’t know what else do after this, it’s my last poem, I guess I don’t deserve it.

Lord,
pick up, I been calling all night.

I just wanted to go home.

I lack motivation and concentration;
Leave me alone.

Innervating all my words just to keep myself strong.

I guess you reap what you sow.
I gotta get it and go.
No time to panic and fold.
I put these tithes on the road.
All that glitters ain’t gold.

Stayed loyal.
Stuck to the code.
With timing, only God knows.
From the concrete, what grew was a rose.

Once was a fool.
Depression the state.
My views misshaped.
I only cling’d to a tool, she saw it through my shirt and asked if it’s new.

My heart jaded.
Thoughts segregated.
Fed into greed and the hatred.
Before I knew it, all our love went and faded.
Feeling out dated.
Drunk off of words in California, I created myself a mind state and named it that special place that’s in Georgia.
Or in Houston.
Sprung off of something I loved in spring.
I was in love with some things that my eyes had never seen.
Now concluding pipe dreams.

The pessimistic definitions strictly of my poetry,
You’re forever something that’s controlling me.

I’ve been going through something.
Hiding from myself.
I’ve been going through something.

Feeling strange.
Found and lost my way.
I feel all emotions.

Needed God.
Stretching out my arms.
I feel all the sins.
Needed God.


Kiss me like you miss me.
Hug me like it’s my last days.
**** me like we got superpowers.
Never mind, that all fades.

Second coming.
I went through a lot.
I been up to something.
Mind running.
I want to pray for nothing.
Learn my own buttons.

Must be born again.
That goes different ways everybody.
Must be born again.
I was never trying to be somebody.

Must be born again.
Be your own savior, find the voice.
Must be born again.
I died in January, God’s choice.

Must be born again.
But if you don’t then this for you too.

We must be born again.
Life will turn into an interlude.

I can put words together.

I can put words together.
My actions confusing with words, vendetta.

If this was a war, we lost.
Diffusing a bomb with cost.

Catching it all, but no Randy Moss.
Lately I’m always *******.
Trying to find balance between these worlds is difficult; covered my passions in scars and pain with ridicule.
Lately, they ask what’s got into you.

A cloud in my mind but it’s spiritual.

Diamonds all in my heart are biblical.

Trying to find peace in residuals.

I won’t let them finish me.
The world on my back.
They stepping on cracks and it’s breaking my back, but somehow my heart is attached.

That’s how I perceive a relapse.