If I was a celebrity, I wouldn't want to be idolized.
You may think that is dumb and you may be surprised.
But God is the only one who deserves to be the people's idol.
Worshipping him isn't only the right thing to do, it's also vital.
If I was a celebrity who people idolize, I would ask them not to idolize me anymore.
God is the only one who should be idolized because in the end, he will be our savior.

How do you spell benevolent master, it's spelled G-O-D.
I hope that The Lord means as much to you as he does to me.
While Jehovah God is mostly benevolent, he's also vengeful.
In the end, he will do away with the people who are cruel.
Evil people will pay on Judgment Day, it will be arranged.
But these evil people can have eternal life if they change.

Andy Griffith found success when he starred in "The Andy Griffith Show".
That sitcom is still popular today and it was created over sixty years ago.
It was one decade ago today when Andy Griffith took his final breath.
Andy didn't have a funeral, he was buried immediately after his death.
He starred in "Matlock" from 1986 to 1995.
Andy would be ninety-six if he had survived.
Ten years ago today, a famous man died.
Andy had Charisma and talent and that can't be denied.

I bought my newest dog one year ago, today is our first anniversary.
Last year, some nice people cut the price in half and sold him to me.
When I bought him, I only paid one hundred.
They sold me a Chihuahua and his name is Red.
I take care of him and he lives in my basement.
When I bought him, it was a hundred bucks that was well spent.
When I bought him, I was amazed at how fast he warmed up to me.
Red is very pretty with brown fur and today is our first anniversary.

She was a writer and she also loved to act.
While she was on a plane, she had a heart attack.
I thought that she was getting better but sadly, she didn't make it.
Her fans are devastated by her untimely death, people can't take it.

She had many acting roles but she'll be best remembered as Princess Leia in Star Wars.
When a person dies, it's always painful and it's something that people can not ignore.
Everybody wanted her to get better and we were shocked to see her die.
Now all of her friends, family and fans grieve because we have to say goodbye.

You starred as Batgirl and as the green babe in an episode of Star Trek.
You died of breast cancer and your fans and family's lives are a wreck.
Breast cancer is a big threat to women, it's what many have died of.
You entertained many people and because of that, you were loved.
In 1971, you starred in 'How To Frame A Figg' with Don Knotts.
You were very talented and many people appreciated that a lot.
I have an autographed photo of you as Batgirl and the book that you wrote.
You weren't alone when you suffered from breast cancer, many have been and are in the same boat.

When I fired my gun at a criminal, I accidentally shot an innocent bystander.
I made a horrible mistake, I was supposed to shoot someone else than her.
The person who I accidentally shot was only eighteen years old and I killed her.
The guilt I feel is too much to bear and I resigned, I'm no longer a police officer.
When I shot and killed that girl, it was a horrible accident, I did not mean to do it.
Even though the police academy trained me not to make such a mistake, I blew it.
I shed tears every single day because I feel remorse.
My wife can't take it anymore, she's getting a divorce.
My wife constantly told me to get over it but she was beating a dead horse.
I ruined my life, I've lost my wife and I had to resign from the police force.
When I accidentally shot and killed that girl, it was a tragic thing to do.
If you're a cop, I pray that what happened to me doesn't happen to you.

He was my papaw and he was my father's dad.
When he died in 1994, it was both tragic and sad.
If Papaw had survived, he would be celebrating his birthday.
If he hadn't died, he would've become 100 years old today.
He was born on July the 28th of 1923.
Today he would've lived for a century.
When Papaw took some medication, he became very sick.
He died six days after his birthday because he was allergic.
Dad was hurt by Papaw's death and so was I.
It's always painful to learn that a grandparent is going to die.

People are laughing but I don't think it's funny.
A ***** rotten crook stole my stolen money.
I was very happy because I successfully pulled a bank job.
But then that man pulled his gun on me and I was robbed.
I can't believe that it happened, it has been a terrible ordeal.
That crook stole the money that I worked so hard to steal.
This experience has left me bitter and appalled.
That thief didn't leave me anything, he took it all.
The cops caught up to me and I told them that the money was taken by that thief.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think that this would happen, it is beyond belief.
I failed to become a millionaire because of the money that he took.
I'm going to turn honest when I get out of jail, it doesn't pay to be a crook.

I don't trust Hillary Clinton because of the allegations that she's facing.
A future with her as President is something I would have a difficult time embracing.
Bernie Sanders is the Presidential candidate for me.
I've contributed to him and voted for him in the primaries.
Many years ago Sanders opposed segregation.
That was awesome and deserved celebration.
Congress passed Sanders' first piece of legislation for the National Program of Cancer Registries.
All 50 states now run registries to help cancer researchers gain important insight because of the effort of Bernie.
He was re-elected to serve eight terms as a Congressman by the people in Vermont.
Bernie Sanders has integrity and that is the kind of President that I want.

Mom carried me for ten months, I was one month late.
Tomorrow will be my birthday and I'll be turning forty-eight.
In just two years from now, I will have lived for half a century.
It was 576 months ago when my mom gave birth to me.

You starred in Worzel Gummidge with Jon Pertwee.
Sadly, you died in 2001 at the age of thirty-three.
You starred in Four Weddings and a Funeral and sadly, you had a funeral of your own.
You were one of the greatest actresses that Great Britain has ever known.

You also starred in Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit.
People loved you because you were sweet and cute.
You died over a decade ago of an acute asthma attack.
Sadly, you passed away and you won't be coming back.

In the beginning, God was the only one who had the gift of existence and he shared that gift with us.
God also gave the gift of existence to Jesus and the angels and if you ask me, that was generous.
God could've kept the gift of existence to himself, he could've been the only one who exists.
But God is a God of love, he didn't want to keep that gift to himself because he's not selfish.
Even though God gave us the gift of life, many people stab him in the back every day.
People had better give up doing drugs, ******, killing, lying and stealing, they'd better change their ways.
God blessed us with the gift of existence, he sure does love to give.
That's why we should thank him for every day we're allowed to live.

King Solomon was wealthy and he also had the gift of being wise.
But during his later years, he didn't do what was right in God's eyes.
Solomon's foreign wives decided to interfere and ****.
They managed to convince him to worship false gods.
God made enemies rise up against Solomon.
And the kingdom was later taken from his son.
Solomon's son said that he would work the people harder than ever before and they rebelled.
The kingdom was taken from Solomon's son just as God said it would be, King Rehoboam failed.
King Solomon was once a great man but not during his final years.
God was angry because he was the one who Solomon chose not to fear.

I won't pledge allegiance to the United States flag, I only pledge allegiance to God.
Certain people may think that is stupid, ridiculous and odd.
I will only pledge allegiance to The Almighty Lord.
When it comes to making it to the paradise, I'm on board.

All Hell broke loose when my friend stole my winning lottery ticket.
He collected twenty million dollars and I told him where to stick it.
But when my wife ran off with him, it was the last straw.
He was going to pay even though I had to break the law.
I owed a lot of money and that lottery ticket would've gotten me out of debt.
I found out where he moved to and I put two bullets in his head as he slept.
The gunshots woke up my wife and she said she was going to call the police.
I'd been consumed by rage as I pulled the trigger and now she's also deceased.
I'm in jail now and the other prisoners fear me, I make them all cringe.
My friend and my slutty wife ruined my life but at least I got revenge.

My neighbor died on April 8, 2021 and his name was Joe.
I learned about his death and I'm saddened to see him go.
He wasn't just my neighbor, he was also my friend.
It was sad when I learned that his life came to an end.
For the last year or two, he was staying at a nursing home and his house was empty.
I learned about his untimely and unfortunate death when I saw his obituary.
Joe was a welcome change from the people who formerly owned his house.
Joe moved next door in 1996 and a few years ago, he lost his beloved spouse.
Now he's in Heaven with his wife, both of them are in a better place.
Joe was my neighbor and friend and he was a credit to the human race.

I'm happy to say that I quit smoking half a year ago.
It's been six months today since I last smoked tobacco.
When I was presented with the opportunity to quit, I decided to reach out and grab it.
All that I needed was some nicotine patches and faith in God to be able to kick the habit.
I quit smoking even though it's not an easy thing to do.
If you're a smoker who wants to quit, I believe in you.

It has been an entire decade since we last spent Christmas together.
Less than three months later, you died and you were gone forever.
The last Christmas that we spent together is something I hold dear.
Time certainly does fly, it does not seem like it has been ten years.
After spending many Christmases together, your life came to an end.
After you died, it took nearly two years for my broken heart to mend.
You once cooked Christmas dinners and we opened gifts that were under the trees.
The memories of the years that we spent together are very important to me.
When you were only 64, you had an abdominal aneurysm and I lost my best friend.
Merry Christmas, Mom, it's sad that we can never spend Christmas together again.

How can you enjoy playing that PlayStation 4?
You stole it from Best Buy, it's not yours.
That PS4 doesn't rightfully belong to you.
Stealing it was lousy and a criminal thing to do.
You sit there and play it and you feel no shame.
How can you get pleasure from playing that game?
I hate to be a snitch, but I'm going to turn you in.
If you go to jail, maybe you won't steal again.

Because of my upbringing and education, I'm a man who has substance and class.
But nobody will believe that if they learn that I have a hairy ***.
I have hair sticking out of my **** crack and hair on my **** cheeks.
I'm afraid that this information will be discovered and posted on Wikileaks.
People must never discover my secret, nobody can know.
And if they discover my terrible secret, they will have to go.
Yes you heard me right, when it comes to preserving my secret, I'm prepared to ****.
When it comes to my secret being discovered, I must make certain that it never will.
My sheepdog has less hair on his entire body than I have on and sticking out of my ****.
Don't you dare reveal mt secret to people or I'll come to your house and you will get cut.
I have an awesome job that pays over a million dollars each year.
But if people learn about my hairy ***, I can say goodbye to my career.
My wife has agreed to keep my secret but she complains and we bicker.
I shaved my *** a couple of times but when it grew back, it was even thicker.
My *** is hairy and my wife looks and smells like Jabba the Hutt.
Nobody can ever know that I have an extremely hairy ****.

I was your supporter and now you tell me to support Hillary Clinton, you're out of your cotton picking mind.
Several weeks ago you said that she's unfit to be President, you're a hypocrite of the most fundamental kind.
How dare you tell me and your other supporters to support Hillary after you said that she's unfit.
If you were standing in front of me, I would give you a piece of my mind because you're a piece of **.
I was already upset at you but now I'm enraged because you told me to support her.
You have a lot of nerve to tell me to support that woman, you're a hypocrite and that is for sure.

I owned a funeral parlor and I earned a lot of bread.
I got paid a whole lot of money to cremate the dead.
Each cadaver that I got rid of earned me five hundred grand.
I cremated ****** victims and for years I was in high demand.
OJ wanted to hire me.
But he didn't like the million dollar fee.
I always got repeat business from the Mob.
I fried those corpses when I turned the ****.
You'd better believe that when I cremated a body, it was much hotter than a sauna.
I'm extremely surprised that nobody ever wound up hiring me to cremate Madonna.
When I got through burning a corpse, there was never even a trace of evidence.
But the Police broke down my door as I was frying somebody and it was intense.
After being sentenced to fifty years in prison, people nicknamed me 'The Baker'.
If you need to get rid of a corpse, you'll have to call another crooked undertaker.

It was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
My life went straight to Hell because of the lottery.
I got $100,000,000 when I won the Powerball.
But after just two years, I'm broke, I lost it all.
I bought expensive cars, mansions and a yacht.
I went broke partly because of the things I bought.
I also had family and friends begging at my door.
Two years ago I was rich, but now I'm dirt poor.
When it came to my money, I should've been tight.
But I was generous, I handed out money left and right.
I gave $250,000 to my church but ended up being sorry.
The preacher used my donation to buy himself a Ferrari.
I shouldn't have chosen to get my money in one lump sum.
Now I'm living in a cardboard box because I'm a ***.
I also lost money because the Government made me pay tax.
I wanted to go after those Government Officials with an ax.
The Government took the money and I told them where to stick it.
If you want to avoid being in my shoes, stop buying lottery tickets.

Today my Chihuahua and I celebrate our 4th anniversary.
But something happened two weeks ago that was scary.
I had to rush my dog to the vet because she was sick.
She almost died because she was paralyzed by a tick.
She couldn't move or eat and I was scared she would die.
I was afraid that I would end up having to say goodbye.
She got better after people prayed and there is one thing that I understand.
I'm celebrating my 4th anniversary with a wonderful dog and I'm a lucky man.

My peach tree only had one peach and my brother decided to pick it.
I grabbed it out of his hand and you know where I decided to stick it.
My brother was really ******.
He had to go to a Proctologist.
He took me to court and the judge ordered me to pay the doctor for removing the peach from his ***.
That made me very mad and I started giving that judge sass.
I threw a punch at the judge when he held me in contempt.
But he had a black belt in karate and now I walk with a limp.
When it came to that **** peach, I should've let my brother eat it.
This has been a bad experience and I sure as hell will never repeat it.

Adam and Eve were thrown out of the Garden of Eden because they angered the Lord.
Jehovah blocked the entrance to the Garden of Eden with Angels and a flaming sword.
When it came to trusting somebody, they chose the wrong one to trust.
They chose to trust Satan so they eventually died and returned to dust.
After being exiled, neither they nor their off spring could return.
That teaches people a valuable lesson that we must learn.
We must trust and obey Jehovah instead of Satan or we will not receive our reward.
If we put our faith in God, our paradise won't be blocked by angels or a flaming sword.

There was a young man who was obese.
He ate too much and now he's deceased.
He went to his favorite restaurants and ate a lot of food every day.
He died at the age of thirty and it's not surprising that he passed away.
His family told him that his gluttony might prove fatal and they begged him to go on a diet.
Even though they told him over and over that his obesity might end his life, he didn't buy it.
One evening when he was through eating, he had a massive heart attack and hit the floor.
He died instantly and his wife and children grieve because their patriarch isn't alive anymore.
He scoffed at the idea if dieting and he suffered a horrible fate.
He might not have died if he had made an effort to lose weight.

If video games were like crack, I would've been dead long ago.
If video games were like crack, I would be buried six feet below.
If video games were like crack, I would've overdosed and wouldn't be alive.
If video games were like crack, I wouldn't have been able to survive.
If video games were like crack, somebody would've had to call my next of kin.
If video games were like crack, I wouldn't have played video games ever again.
If video games were like crack, I would've been like a man who can't swim, I would've drowned.
If video games were like crack, my ex-wife would be happy because I'd no longer be around.

When my Chihuahua died during the Summer of 2020, I was devastated.
When I had to say goodbye and bury her, it was something that I hated.
At first, I wasn't going to buy another dog because it hurts too much when they die.
But I bought another Chihuahua to try to ease my suffering, that's the reason why.
When I bought Hazel one year ago, I started feeling better.
She's sweet and she loves to lick me and she loves it when I pet her.
I bought Hazel five and a half weeks after my former Chihuahua passed away.
Hazel is my Chihuahua who cost $200 and I bought her one year ago today.
When I lost my former Chihuahua dog, I felt so miserable that it drove me to tears.
Hazel and I are celebrating our first anniversary, I hope that she lives for many years.

God is so glorious that when he forgives, he also forgets.
When he forgives a sin, committing that sin is something that we no longer have to fret.
When God forgives, he forgets and he never again thinks about the sins that we commit.
We have to confess our sins to him and try to do better, our sins are what we must admit.
But to be forgiven, we must first forgive others, that's what we must do.
If we refuse to forgive, God won't forgive me and he won't forgive you.

God will never forsake people but many have forsaken him.
We need God now more than ever because things are so grim.
Many have chosen to forsake God and live such sinful ways.
But the Lord isn't like that, he's in my heart and he's here to stay.
Some people do or sell drugs, some are greedy and some steal.
Others commit ****, adultery, arson and some even ****.
But those people will eventually suffer because of their wicked ways.
Every one of those people will face God's judgement and they will pay.

This Christmas Season, I wish my parents were still around.
But they both died in 2013 and they're buried in the ground.
The last Christmas I spent with them was almost a decade ago.
When a man loses his family, it's sad and it's a devastating blow.
The Christmas of 2012 was the last Christmas I was able to spend with them.
Mom died the following March and Dad's cancer got worse and I also lost him.
It's sad to know that they're both gone and we can't spend this Christmas together.
If you still have your parents, truly appreciate them because they won't live forever.

I fight injustice in the West and help people who are in danger.
When my brother was murdered, I became the Lone Ranger.
I bring outlaws to justice wherever I go.
I couldn't do it without the help of my Indian sidekick Tonto.

People constantly think that I'm an outlaw because I wear this mask.
They want to take it off but they learn that removing it isn't an easy task.
Tonto and I always beat the bad guys by using our wits and our fists.
When we're done, the outlaws have handcuffs slapped on their wrists.

I ride Silver who is my trusty steed.
We always help those who are in need.
I only use silver bullets and so far Tonto and I haven't failed.
We will always protect the innocent and send outlaws to jail.

Some people think that The Devil doesn't exist but he's not imaginary.
At the moment Satan rules the world but that is only temporary.
After Jesus returns, Satan will be defeated and destroyed.
In the meantime, his wicked temptations are things we should avoid.
The world is in a terrible shape because Satan causes people to sin.
But at some point in the future, he will lose and Jehovah God will win.

I hope that you'll believe me but you probably will not.
I have a dog and she has been smoking all of my ***.
She's my doggy and I do love her.
But I can't get high because of her.
My money has been wasted because of all of the **** that she stole.
I hide my joints but she finds them and smokes every one that I roll.
Some people call me a nut, they think a straight jacket is what I need.
Others think that the dope dealer spiked my ****.
But I'm not crazy, my dog really does smoke my grass.
I'm very angry and I'm on the verge of kicking her ***.
If you're looking for a free dog, I gladly give you this stupid *****.
But if you smoke ***, you'll lose money so you'd better be rich.

Nine years ago today, you ceased to be a member of the human race.
You died from an abdominal aneurysm and you went to a better place.
You're in Heaven and life up there is a nonstop party every day.
You're in a better place and you went there nine years ago today.
Time does heal wounds but a loved one's death will always leave a scar.
But I'm happy that you're living the good life in Heaven, I know how lucky you are.
When I learned that you were going to die, it was something that was hard to face.
But you're much better off because when your life ended, you went to a better place.

I remember how much Dad suffered during his final days.
After months of receiving chemotherapy, he passed away.
Regular chemo stopped working so they used a more powerful version that made him feel worse.
It wasn't long after he received the more powerful chemotherapy that he ended up in a hearse.
When it came to being diagnosed with Leukemia, it certainly wasn't something that was foreseen.
Today is the ninth anniversary of my dad's death, he died on the thirteenth of July in the year 2013.
When Dad learned that he had cancer, he made me promise to take care of Mom after he died.
But she died four months before he did and we didn't know she was ill, we were all mystified.
When a person becomes so ill that he or she dies, it's hard to comprehend.
When Dad drew his last breath nine years ago today, his life came to an end.

It was a day that I was bound to dread.
I woke up in the hospital and found you dead.
I told the nurse that I thought you had died and she examined you.
She found no pulse and she confirmed what I believed to be true.
Your death occurred ten years ago today.
After living for 64 years, you passed away.
I woke up my brother and told him that you died.
When I went home, I licked my wounds and cried.
I had to accept the fact that your life had come to an end.
You weren't just my mother, you were also my closest friend.
I loved you and people know how important you were to me.
You have been gone from my life for one tenth of a century.
You died even though I begged God to save you when I prayed.
Rest in Peace, Mom, today you've been dead for an entire decade.

If people ask me if my Christmas will be merry,
My answer to them will be "Not very."
The last Christmas when you were still alive was back in 2012.
My brother and I no longer have you and it's ******* ourselves.

I would give anything if I could spend another Christmas with you.
I know that you'd also love to spend another Christmas with me too.
My life would never be the same on the day when you were dead and buried.
I wish you a Merry Christmas, Mom but sadly, my Christmas won't be merry.

If you or a loved one is dying, it is very scary.
But I promise that death is only temporary.
In the future, we will be resurrected and we and our loved ones will be reunited.
You and they will be in perfect health, the thought of that is enough to get me excited.
When I'm reunited with my mom, it will thrill me.
If you worship Jehovah, you will live for eternity.

A man has kidnapped two people and is demanding 50 million for their safe return.
But people have discovered who the two hostages are and they are not concerned.
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are the two people who have been kidnapped.
People won't give a plug nickel for the safe return of those two pieces of crap.
Clinton and Trump won't be coming home any time soon, they are trapped.
If somebody does pay the ransom, he or she will certainly deserve to be slapped.

The world is nearly as bad today as it was during the days of Noah.
People must turn away from their sinful ways and turn to Jehovah.
If people don't change, they won't live in paradise and that's not an exaggeration.
People must put an end to stealing, watching ****, doing drugs and fornication.
People must give up binge drinking and gambling because those are also sins.
If people don't change their ways, they won't live in paradise, they won't win.
People must stop killing, ****** and committing other crimes.
People must change or they will be harshly judged when Jesus returns at the end of time.
Jehovah God is my master and my friend and he loves and cares about us.
But he won't let people live in paradise if they're people who he can't trust.

Thank you, Jehovah for giving me such a wonderful mother.
Out of all of the women you could've given me for a mom, I'm glad that you didn't choose any other.
You gave me such a terrific mother, she was so special and unique.
You gave me a mom who was beautiful, kind, thoughtful and meek.
Thank you, Jehovah, the kindness and love that you've given is something I probably can't repay.
But I do love you more than life itself and that is something that I'll always be proud to say.

When I was a child during the winter, I hated the sun because it melted the snow.
And when the snow was melted by the sun, school was where I had to go.
As a child, when it snowed, school was closed and it was sure to excite.
But when the snow was gone, it was back to school and that sure did bite.
When I got to stay home from school, I could play my Atari and it was fun.
But when the snow melted, I had to return to school because of the **** sun.
If other children are like I was, they become very happy every time it snows.
And when the snow melts, kids become like Homer Simpson, they yell "Doh!"

Jesus cured a blind man who had been blind since the day of his birth.
Jesus put clay on his eyes that he made when he spat and mixed the spittle with earth.
Jesus told him to go wash in the pool of Siloam after he put the clay on his eyes.
When he did this, he could see and people were in for a very big surprise.
When they saw that he could see, some thought that it wasn't the same man.
When they saw that he now had sight, it was hard for them to understand.
But all that they needed to understand was that it was a miracle that Jesus performed.
Because of Jesus and his father, a man could see who had been blind since he was born.

After we die, the world will forget about me and you.
But God will never forget about us and that is true.
God will remember us after we die even if the world lasts a million more years.
God will feel pity for our loved ones who mourn our deaths and shed their tears.
God knew about all of us even before we were in our mothers wombs.
And he will eventually raise the dead, we will walk out of our tombs.
God will remember everybody and he'll prove it when we're resurrected.
When this happens, life will be glorious because God will see to it that everything is perfected.

One terrible night you decided to drink and drive.
You hit my sister head on and she didn't survive.
That liberal judge only gave you a slap on the wrist.
But now I'm going to **** you because I'm ******.
You are a monster, you didn't feel any remorse at all.
I just fired my shotgun and your brains are on the wall.
Now it's my turn not to be remorseful, in fact I feel pretty good.
I would gladly **** you again if I could.
Because of people like you, hundreds of thousands of people are dead.
And because of people like you, many more won't have a future ahead.

You were like a daughter to me and I was like a dad.
Your death was heart-breaking because it was so bad.
I got the idea to call you my baby doll because that was what Mom called her cat.
In August of 2013, my house became your new home and that's where you died at.

It has been one year since you died.
You were a great dog and that can't be denied.
I found you dead in my kitchen at about ten o'clock.
I would've rather had my head bashed in by a rock.

I was very upset and I knew that I wouldn't get any sleep so I stayed up most of the night.
I buried you the next morning and I'm sure that other pet owners can understand my plight.
When a person has a pet that's as special as you, it is sure to please.
I'll never forget you even if I live to be 100 and have Alzheimer's Disease.

You were an awesome actor but I regret to say that you died twenty years ago.
First, you were Doctor Who and later you were Worzel Gummidge the Scarecrow.
You died of a heart attack in your sleep.
When people found out, they began to weep.

You died two decades ago on this very day.
You were British but you died in the USA.
Your contribution made quite an impact.
Many people loved you and that is a fact.

When you died in 1996, you were cremated.
Because of your death, millions were devastated.
I watched every episode of Worzel Gummidge even though it was a children's show.
You brought magic to every role you played, especially as The Doctor and that loveable Scarecrow.