The only thing that hurts worse
than losing someone, is the
anticipation between when
you realize they won’t last forever
and the point at which they are gone.

Like enjoying a nice night with old
friends, there is always the fear of
it coming to an end.

You try to drown it out, and for a
short time it works, but like
painkillers, in the end it
only hurts worse.

This sort of pain, is often kept quiet.

Humans are trained, to just try and hide it.

With that being said, the only thing to do.

Is put on a smile, and pretend it does not affect you.

Sometimes down the road of life
Just as things were turning around
Something stops you in your tracks
And runs your heart in to the ground

It takes all of your hopes
And all of your dreams
Everything you thought you had
And tears them at the seams

You try everything in your power
To bring back what you lost
You would in a heartbeat
Buy it back at any cost

This is one of those things
That you simple cannot control
You don’t have the power
But that is how it is supposed to go

You must sit and patiently wait
Hours, days and weeks on end
You’ll want so bad for it all to stop
Until someone comes along

And moves that painful roadblock

How I know I’ve made it
At this point, your settled down now. Whether you have a wife or not. Your sitting on the porch of your house, probably on a home made porch swing, out in the country, but not too far from town. You have a grill on your patio, maybe a smoker next to it. Your golden retriever or husky/Shepard mix sitting right next to you, just kinda lookin out as you swing.
You have a pond or stream near by with fishing poles at the ready should you decide to fish. You have beers in the fridge, but not too many because your past that now, 3 or 4 should be fine for you. You have a cigar case sitting on your wooden table in your house, maybe a cigar from every duty station and deployment you had in the military (if you stuck to that), but you don’t smoke inside. Your grass is nicely mowed, smells nice all the time. You have a man cave in the basement for the boys, but you take your wife down there too because it’s awesome. It has a pool table, gaming system, weight bench, built in surround sound, and ice cold beer. Maybe a 5th of crown Apple or Jim beam to drink with the fellas. Wachob is over pretty often, he lives pretty close to you if everything worked out well. You guys like to go fishing in the stream, even if you don’t catch anything it’s still fun. Friday’s you and Wachob will grill up some burgers for the kids and/or the boys depending on how things happened. Country music playing in the background. You talk about putting in a pool, but never really do for some reason. You have a side by side or quad in the garage, ready to take out for spotting or plowing in the winter. You also have a nice truck, not too ugly but not too nice. You take it in to town to work and because you don’t seclude yourself, you go out with friends and go to Lowe’s or Home Depot for home improvement projects. You visit your parents often, and you have them over often too. Your nephews and nieces come to fish and eat now and then, Wachobs family too. You, Jacob and Wachob sit their with or without your wives, take a good hard look around you, crack a cold beer and cheers because you all realize that you’ve made it.

Stuck under a cloud,
I go about my days,
trying to find,
the non-existent rays.

In a world where sadness
is thought of as weak,
as I am driven to madness,
help I simply cannot seek.

It’s seems as though,
I have nowhere to go,
in my line of work,
your taught to just let it go.

So I stow it away,
deep in my heart,
but now it is back,
worse than the start.

So here I am again,
stuck under this cloud,
spending my days,
trying to find..

those non-existent rays

I love you

I know I am young
And so are you
But I’m 100% certain

I love you

I know I’m leaving
So I shouldn’t tell you
But I hope one day you know

I always loved you

Mason,

I’ll remember your smile
that was always so bright
the sun became jealous
and crippled in spite.

This world was not for you
you were simply too great,
because you went to sleep
we’re now all wide awake.

The day that you left
you saved a thousand more lives,
we’ll always remember
the love in your eyes.

For now let this be
our final goodbye,
we’ll never forget you..
Fly high

I wish I knew
when I first met you
how much I’d hate
not having you.

The years went by
and your memory drifted
but now your one
of my biggest wishes.

You never know
how beautiful the
sky really
is until you notice
how it reflects off
of the crystal glass
water.

Sleepless I sit
Thinking of you
And all the ****
You put me through

I would have jumped
In front of a bullet
But you held the trigger
And decided to pull it

And just like that
We were no more
I closed my heart
And locked the door

Certain things in life,
situations, people, places,
find a way to dig
a home in your head.

No matter how much
poison you pour
down into their deep burrow,
they will always be there.

You block their voices out,
with that so oft needed
brick wall.
But eventually, the screams
find their way through.

Only to show you
how much louder and
stronger they have
become, whilst feeding
on every happy thought.

The clock is
ticking so fast.
It won’t be easy
letting it all go.

I dread the day when
so much has passed.
That I forget the ones
who helped me grow.

I would like to say
we’ll keep in touch.
And I would like to
think it will all work out.

But life won’t like
that too much.
This I know
without a doubt.

I’m trying so hard
to write about you.

But words can’t express
the way I actually feel.

So I’m going to stop here.

On a bad day, time
seems to slow.

On a good day, time
      decides to fly.

      What if we could trick
   time by finding enjoyment
in the bad days.

Maybe then we
   could live our lives
      just a little bit longer.

Never underestimate a
creative mind.
No matter how
many books you
memorize, creativity
will always be
more powerful.

How do you not fall in love
         with a person you’ve poured your
                  entire heart into.
         How does that person not fall in love
while doing the same to you.

My sadness triumphs because
I long
For the one thing
I know I will never have.

I’ve been there.

I’ve been stood up,
singled out,
and I’ve felt unloved.

I know the pain,
the small things cause.

I’ve met the people,
that just don’t care.

Believe me when I tell you,
I’ve been there.

But after the torture,
and after the pain.

A light will shine,
through the rain.

All your torture,
and all your pain,
will save someone else,
from feeling the same.

In the pitch darkness you
conquer the earth.
Raining life and death
from your dark dwelling in the clouds.
The plants grow by your love,
and the forests burn by your wrath.
The earth flourishes because of you,
and without you, man
would wither away like a lonesome
leaf deprived of it’s means to sustain life.

Yellow and black,
too heavy for science yet
weightless to the air.
You fly.
You protect.
You die.
Your senses are keen,
and your smile is bright.
You work all day,
and rest all night.
Mr. Bee, how do
you do it?
How do you manage to
stay so happy and optimistic.
Your squished and smashed,
hit and bashed.
Yet your smile is omnipresent.
Mr. Bee, teach me how to live
happy in this cold and sad world.

It seems as though,
every day, something else
decides to give way.

Like an old wooden
bridge, crippling over
top of a dark pit.
Life can break,
letting you fall into
that deep abyss.

The one wood
plank, meant to hold
you high, gives up
and lets you die.

Life is the bridge,
you are the plank.
I have fallen,
and have you to thank...

Every morning I wake up, thinking of you.

I make it through the day, because of you.

Your beauty, your serenity, your relentless and never ending pleasure festers within the deepest parts of my brain...
24/7 your drowning the pain.

Your love only lasts a few hours,
but 10 seconds is all it takes.

Without you I die,
my head pounds,
my hands shake,
and I cry.

You’ve built a home in me
and from that I can’t go back.

You were my first love,
you are my current love,
and I promise, you will be my last.

I made a wish
that must come true.
I made a wish
involving you.

I made a wish
i cannot say.
I made a wish
not worth throwing away.

It’s been on my mind
since the day we met.
I pray to God
i never forget.

I made a wish
that’s coming true.
I made a wish
involving you.

My thoughts float.
Like a stray balloon
wind swept from a child’s hand.

Once tied to my
rope burned wrist.
But removed by life
ever so swift.

I hope for just
a bit more time.
That thought I had
now gone from my mind.

My thoughts float.
Like a stray balloon
wind swept from a child’s hand.

There will come a day
when it’ll all be over.
You’ll look back and
remember what life was like.
You’ll remember the happy.
You’ll remember the sad.
You’ll want so bad to
relive all the moments you had.

As people we are born to live.
As people we are born die.
It’s an unfortunate yet
simple fact of life.

Smile.
Laugh.
Love.
Do things.
Try new things.
Be sad.
Be angry.
Be depressed.
Get hurt.
Feel pain.
Enjoy the good.
And enjoy the bad.

Do everything you can
as often as you can
while you can.

The day will come
when it will all be over.
You’ll want it all back.

So I’ll leave you with this.

Don’t live your life
like you could die tomorrow.
Live your life knowing
it doesn’t last forever.

The sound of the waves,
crashing at your sandy feet.

The feeling of the warm,
misty air brushing your face.

That ocean smell that you can’t quite
put your finger on, taking you away.

The bright sunset reflecting on the glistening water.

You close your eyes, take a deep
breath and wake up.
Only to find yourself closing your
eyes, trying to go back to that place.

The broken heart
sinks deep.
Like a broken boat
lost at sea.
Drifting down into
a pit of darkness.
The broken boat
lost and heartless.

In this life
I find it best.
To keep your heart
inside your chest.

The emotions you show
are taken and kept.
By the evil people you
think you know best.

They’ll rip your soul
into tiny pieces.
Because now they know
your biggest weakness.

So take my advice
because I know best.
Keep your heart
inside your chest.

The way I wake to wind
  blowing over the glassy water.
The flowing thoughts begin
  creative had to be the father.

To make an element so clean
   the idea is beyond impossible.
Us humans may only dream
   of a creator so incredibly
unstoppable.

Beautiful night, a beautiful sight.
I lay down my head to what delight?
But a star gazing down on me, only I am unable to see.
What star must this be, able to see me.
The north, the south, the east and west all pointed at my chest.
My heart beats as I fall asleep, to the stary sky with a gazing eye.

Watch the leaves fall in the brisk autumn air.
As the smell of sweet chamomile tea flows past.
Notice the patterns in the grass as the wind swings over.
A windy path through a forest of songs.
I'll forever wonder how the leaves get their color.
A bunny stops in the middle of the path.
It looked me up and down.
A feeling of disregard came over me as it ran away.
Am I disturbing the forests peaceful day?
Feeling unwelcome I decided to leave.
What's that?
A voice from coming from the trees.
A language that can't be understood.
The tree screeched as I turned around.
I felt as if it was saying not to leave.
I had to go but I assured the tree.
One day I'll be back, in the form of a leaf.