No one knows this pain inside
I want it to be real.
I want him to ask me
But he won’t “too young”
They say it maybe it’s true
But I want this to last forever
I want to be with him
Til we grow old and grey
Surrounded by our kids and grandkids
On a sunny day.
But we both want to do things with our life
So I guess we’ll wait, but it’s going to slow
I want him to ask
But I know he won’t.

I hate causing you pain
My old friend
I can’t seem to think straight
Nothing can help, I’m insane
I don’t want to hurt you
I don’t want to hurt
Is it better to pretend nothing happened?
Or should we never speak again?
I have no idea, but I know I can’t do this anymore
I don’t know how to look at you
Without an aching in my heart
So I must say ado.

Banging my head against the wall
Going through the blood withdrawal
Crying out, screaming out.
My time is ******* running out.
All I hear is the call,
Please let me take the fall.
This terror and pain
It's always crashing through my brain
Not having the will to go on
Can I make it to see the dawn?
Tears falling, crashing
Splashing on this page
Metal in my wrist
Steel through my heart
Take me lock me up
Keep me in the dark
This terror and pain
it's always crashing through my brain
Not having the will to go on
Can I make it to see the dawn?
45 pills and 53 cuts
Blood on the carpet
Don't wake for your touch
When my blood pain'ts the sunrise
Will the tears form in your eyes?
This terror and pain
It's always crashing through my brain
Not having the will to go on
Can I make it to see the dawn?

Somehow the snow did
On the day you said goodbye.
Turn a ****** red.

Fingers harshly kiss my skin,
As the sharpened words sink in.
My mind in a tail-spin,
and my heart broken.
This wasn't supposed to happen
This isn't who you were
But now it's who you are
And the bruises are mapping
The hand prints on my wrists.
The redness of my eyes,
is not from relief,
but from the pain you inflict.
A father is the first man their
Daughter will fall in love with.
But you were the first one to bruise
my heart.

Waxy sticks with wicks
Candles flicker in the dark.
They save me from fear

Don’t you dare
Even think
Of turning that chiseled back
On me
I loved you
Cared for you
Now you walk away
Just walk away
Can’t handle my fury
Run to you
Scream and punch
Scratch slap
Bawling crying
Grab my wrists
Pull me close
Say “I don’t love her”
“You’re my only, you’re my all”
Lift me up, spin around
Kiss me hard, my head spins too
Let you go, and I say
“Don’t you dare
Even think
Of turning that chiseled back on me.”
Look so deep
In my eyes
And you swear
One final time
“Never”

Two days I sat
Talking with Death
I told him I loved him
He called me his Beth
I wanted his love.
All for naught.
He made me his queen
Now here I rot.
I thought he loved me
It turns out
He just wanted to get out
Out of his role, I sold my soul
To the man that brought me into this world.

Devil’s spawn, Devil’s spawn
Sweet and sly as a fawn
As a child mercy mild
As a man **** all he can

Nothing could help me see
Through my blinded eyes.
Please go on take the key,
Unlock my twisted lies.
Can’t you help me leave
My insanity behind?
Death will conquer all
Hell takes every soul
I want to have fun
Before this eternal damnation.
But then again Life’s a living Hell
When you live in a fallen world
Some say sins are forgot
When He died on Calvary
But I am one to believe He didn’t take all!
Death will conquer all
Hell takes every soul
I want to have fun
Before I succumb
To this eternal damnation

He’s too scared to ask me to dance
He thinks I will let him down.
I wish he would take a chance
Just ask me to dance
Here, now, standing in the rain
But we just stand there
Gaping like fools.
While water’s collecting in pools,
Then finally he grabs my hand
And spins me quickly around.
It’s so sweet, our first dance.
Dripping, soaking wet
Love does make you see things.
So now I know it wasn’t him but me.
He wanted to dance, but I was scared.

I miss you so bad.
My heart aches so much.
I didn’t say goodbye.
I hadn’t strength enough.
So I looked away.
A foolish coward with nothing to say.
Thought maybe you could hold on
Just for another minute long.
So wrong was I
I should have said goodbye.

Lost and alone,
I am caught in the shadows.
I stumble and fall,
But you  don't catch me in
Your warm embrace.
When did it get so dark?
When did life become so bleak?
Since when did
My ever present smile fade away?
I kiss the unforgiving pavement..
Ears ringing, and I cry out.
I wish you were here,
Picking me up and holding me
Close. Soul mates, that's what you called us.
Then you turned and ran away.
Now I battle this rage, this "red"
You aren't here and I need you.
So much for soul mates right?
So I steel myself and I stand upright,
And force myself to go on.
To go back to the world of the living.
I am awake again.
And you? You were just a dream.

Feathers Falling
Kissing Water
Krickets chirping
All asunder
Quiet peace
Silent  bliss
Never-ending perfect kiss
I fall into
Those eyes so blue
An ocean waiting
For me to be consumed
With feelings of passion
Fiery passion.
Wings silent
Whoosh through air
Keeping us high
Up in air
Hold me tight
Don’t let go
Never-ending starry show
This is bliss
This perfect night
Those eyes so blue
I fall in love
Every look every touch
Feathers falling
Kissing water.

A deep gashing hole
My heart keeps on breaking
I think I’m insane

His wings were broken in his descent from Heaven.
Maybe Fallen, but forever an Angel.
Searching for his Grace, to be restored to his Heavenly post.
He chose the love of one over most.
I see the flames burning in his eyes
That ethereal fire.
I feel the singe of his kiss
Every time my lips meet his.
Maybe one day he will return
But for now, he is my Broken Angel.

I don't show weakness,
Others come first.
I cannot falter,
Others come first.
When I am weak and weary,
I push on.
When I am sick and frail,
I carry on.
I refuse to acknowledge my humanity,
Because others come first.

The day was black
Her heart blacker
She hesitated
Her hands poised over the drawer
She knew what it held
She knew it would hurt
But she opened it
Pulling out the contents
She dropped them in the bag.
Moving on she packed her duffel
Opening her phone she dialed his number
“I’m ready, be down in five.”
Dragging the bags to the window
She dropped them out
Tumbling after them.
And running down the lane
She jumped in the back seat
Knuckle touch for her man
Tire’s screamin away they ran
Now she’s gone, she’s long gone
She’s a runaway, a ***** lil runaway
She’s a runaway, a ***** lil runaway
And she ain’t neva comin’ back.

Silence,
Beautiful,
The swishing of the snow
Falling, swirling down.
It is dark, and I am alone.
I had forgotten what peace was.
Throughout the noisy school day
And the crowded workplace.
But then I come here.
And I hear,
Silence.

Well I have no clue how it came up
But there are flames pouring like blood.
Like magic healing in our lips
Intertwined like death is on our heels
I never thought that I could feel like this
There are sparks flying like a blow torch in a barn.
I love the way you comfort me
Whenever I’m sad and down
When I’m mad I say “back off”
You say “not until you calm down”
I make a face
Then you smile
And all the while I’m crying
You hold me tight
And gently rock away my fears
You don’t care if I ruin your shirt
As long as the pain stops flowing
Then we are one sitting there
Loving each other
Is it just me, or is this room heating up?
We’re flying
Sparks like a blow torch in a barn

Spell it out g-o-o-d b-y-e
Today you said goodbye.
Today I refused to cry.
When you said you loved me you told me a lie.
Now we are apart
And I don’t feel anything in my heart
Just an insane numbness.
That feels really good in its finesse
I don’t know if that made sense
So let me tell you in simple words.
I will even make different phrases- not that you deserve it.
Im done.
Im over you
You aren’t my heart
You aren’t my number one
I don’t love you
My heart is not broken
I will never love you again
I will never cry over you
I will never need you
I will never want you
In other words
Good bye

Death’s sting is one
That is not easily forgot
Betwixt the absence of love
And the question of Hell
Needing you here
Hell is my constant companion
Satan’s pow’r will rule and reign
I am resigned to the Antichrist’s soon rule
That peaks over the horizon of the morrow.
I still believe God is near, and He needs for us to learn
He will overcome
Seven years of living Hell someone who will claim the Christ’s name
But we mustn’t believe what he says,
We must stay strong as one.
I do believe he will come again
Until then, it is a Hell
Burning on the Earth.

Knowing what I know now
I wish I could go back and tell myself then
I would walk to myself and say “You need to be kind.
You need to be strong.
You need to be faithful, You need to be wrong.
You need to take responsibility, You need to be a smart mature young lady.
Because if you aren’t you’ll regret it.
And it will chew, and rip and tear your mind to shreds.
Trust me I know, I am the future you.
Be glad your smart, but don’t be prideful. Power is not always easy to handle.
You need to be good. I would know I am the future you.
If you do as I say, then we will have done some good in this world,
wait never mind! I just realized.
If you do what I say, then I’ll have no way
to get back to my own dang time!

Why do you hurt me?
With your words and actions?
Why do you push me away?
You keep me locked in a tower,
Away from the world.
Why do you isolate me?
Why do you put me down?
Why don't you see me
As a human being?
Imperfect like you.
Why do you make me
hate you?