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Jul 2021 · 242
compass
japheth Jul 2021
you are south
to someone who's facing you from the north.
you are east
to someone who's facing you from the west.
no matter the direction
they're facing you,
it'll always be different.

but you,
know that you're the center.

you are your own compass.
no matter the direction
you go,
always remember
that you are in the middle of it all.
Jul 2021 · 188
7:55 pm 7/4
japheth Jul 2021
i'm crying. i think the tears have been itching to get out of my eyes but here it is now. i'm crying.

i'm regretting. i think guilt has finally overcome my selfishness but here it is now. i'm regretting.

i'm breaking. i'd like to think that this is just my heart's way of peeling it's old skin. after all the old skin breaks, i'll come anew. but right now, i'm breaking.

but here we are now, i'm everything that i wish i wasn't but i'm going through this pain again that found me in the darkest alleyway of my heart. i thought i hid well, but here we are now.

i don't know how to end this. i'm just hurt. i miss him so much.
Jul 2021 · 143
crumble
japheth Jul 2021
i've always been consumed
by my negative thoughts.

it's scary.

people see me as a mysterious person
but after the clock strikes 12,
the magic is gone.
you see the ***** clothes and rags...
everything is bad.

but im just wearing them.
i can take it off.
i can strip naked
leaving only my body: my vulnerability.

that's what i want to show,
but i think
this vulnerable body of mine
is too fragile
that once you embrace,

you can't let go

because the moment you do,


it crumbles.
how is everyone? i'm back. it's been a whirlwind of emotions over the past couple of months. i started writing on a journal again. it's only been a day but i have already wrote almost 20 pages worth of thoughts. i didn't know i had so much until i got to see the pages that i wrote on got thicker.

how is everyone? really?
Jun 2020 · 264
fire
japheth Jun 2020
‪why am i always attracted
to flames?
to ember?
to things
that are already burnt;
charred to the ground?

why is it every time
there’s a faint smell of smoke
li‬ngering in a room
i try to find its source?

why is it that my lungs,
that are already damaged
from being suffocated,
begs to be filled
with smoke
again?

scars,
pulsing to the sound of embers
crackle and pop.

i shouldn’t be playing with fire.
i should’ve learned my lesson.
i should’ve stopped when i can
already feel my hands burning.

but why am i still trailing?
my heart is heavy. trauma’s back.
Jun 2020 · 6.1k
hustisya
japheth Jun 2020
hindi ko alam saan magsisimula.
sa pagsulat ng ”tama na”,
sa paglakad sa kalsada,
o sa pagtipon ng mga tulad kong galit sa kanila.
saan ba ako magsisimula?

tama na. parang awa niyo na.
hindi ito tama, kaya tama na.
sa gitna ng mas malaking problema,
ito pa ang inyong inuna:
ang pagprotekta sa inyong mga buhay
na sadyang kay saya.

paano kami?
paano sila?
paano na ang mga taong lunod sa problema,
lunod sa sakuna?
hindi pa ba sapat ang paglunod niyo sa mga taong nagtangkang magsalita noon pa?

kung ako’y mawawala
dahil sa aking pagsalita,
sa aking paniniwala,
mga minamahal ko,
di bale nang ako ang mawala
kesa ang karapatan na dapat nasa atin pa.
I’m deeply saddened with what’s happening now with the world. The riots and looting in the United States, the protests in Hongkong, and the passing of the Anti-Terrorism Law in the Philippines.

I’m mad. I’m enraged. I’m helpless.

#JUNKTERRORBILLNOW
#BLACKLIVESMATTER
#ISTANDWITHHONGKONG
Apr 2020 · 240
scabs
japheth Apr 2020
i still carry
the scabs i picked
off the wound you
inflicted on me years ago
leaving it as open as the first time
you did it. see how my heart forgave
but never forgotten.
healing takes time
Apr 2020 · 233
job
japheth Apr 2020
job
if anything,
i forgive you.

i don’t care
if you’ve changed
or if you’re still
the same person
that broke me
years ago.

one thing’s for sure:

it’s not my job to trust you anymore.
Mar 2020 · 168
bandage
japheth Mar 2020
was hurting me —
leaving me for good,
enough for you?

did the skin of my former past self
that you demanded me to remove too early
enough to use as a bandage
for that someone who hurt you before me?

were my tears enough
to wash away your so called “sins”
and redeem yourself
from your self inflicted misery?

i know i was never enough for you.

that was the first thing i realized
when i saw the change of color in your eyes:
from dilated pupils to stares that were dry.
how could you say so much when all i heard was your sigh.

was hurting myself —
when i know you’re existence was no good,
enough for me?
please subscribe to my tinyletter if you haven’t!

it’s basically free form essays and dear you’s.

tinyletter.com/japh
Mar 2020 · 342
metro
japheth Mar 2020
‪huminga ka.‬

‪hindi porket nagparamdam siya, ‬
‪susubukan mo kung may pag asa pa;‬
‪kung may natitira pa.‬

‪sa oras na ‘to na lahat ay magkakalayo, ‬
‪na lahat ng tao’y may distansiyang higit sa isang metro, ‬

‪isabay mo na rin ang puso mo. ‬

‪di lahat ng bagay, may pagasang bumalik sayo.‬
english translation:

“metro”

breathe.

just because you felt his presence,
you try to see if there’s still a chance;
if there’s a hope left.

in these times where everyone’s apart,
where every person has a distance of 1 meter,

do so with your heart.

not everything has a chance to come back to you.

- been a while since I last wrote. i checked my messages now and i cried because someone told me they like the pieces i write. im sorry for not writing enough. i promise to make it up to you all once this pandemic is over.
Mar 2020 · 267
balconies
japheth Mar 2020
i think
the city at night,
the views
from all the balconies
i’ve stayed and
stared at aimlessly,
knows me
more than
anything
and anyone
in this world.
Feb 2020 · 236
bouquet
japheth Feb 2020
a bouquet of roses
with buds never opened
for our love
that never happened.
happy valentines day
Feb 2020 · 189
dating
japheth Feb 2020
if you’re dating a poet,
don’t worry about
writing them poetry.

for you,
my dear,

your smile,
your laugh,
your tears,
the way you hold their hand,
the way you embrace their whole body — no, their whole being,

is poetry enough.
been awhile since i last wrote poetry... i keep thinking about things that i should write but i keep postponing them, so now, like my bio suggests, i shall write whenever it comes to my mind immediately
Jan 2020 · 459
audience
japheth Jan 2020
you have seen my tears fall
more often than my friends.

you, my dear balcony:
audience of
lights from houses and buildings,
cars passing by,
the moon,
and the stars.

but tonight, my dear audience,
i have to apologize.

for my spectacle of  melancholy
has shifted
to a grand finale of celebration.

request an encore.
Dec 2019 · 275
sun
japheth Dec 2019
sun
the sun envies
the way your smile
shines and gives
warmth
to my body
more than it ever could.
starting to write positively again. also created a tinyletter account! if any of you are interested in receiving dear yous and free written emotions, subscribe here: https://tinyletter.com/japh
Dec 2019 · 324
scream
japheth Dec 2019
i scream quietly:

inhaling my cigarette,

the puffs in between

become my cry for help.
Dec 2019 · 204
christmas
japheth Dec 2019
you seem to have already forgetten that the christmas spirit never left. it has been there deep inside you. growing in the same pace as you are each year.

the toys that bring you and your spirit joy has been replaced with the gift of fleeting time — which moves rapidly avoiding your helpless grasp for it to stay put — a sudden realization that everything is fickle and one day will soon turn to ashes.

you seem to have already forgotten that the christmas spirit never left. it has been there deep inside you. sipping red wine laughing at your misery.

christmas comes once a year. the spirit smiles, with a glass of wine in hand, waiting for your next demand.
****** babble
Dec 2019 · 251
pasensiya
japheth Dec 2019
kahit na gusto kita
ayoko na maghintay ka
sa wala,
balewala.

simula pa lang nung umpisa
naglaro na tayong dalawa
diba?
pasensiya na.

di ko naman sinasadya
na mahulog ka sa isang tanga.
akala ko ay kaya kong
bigyan ka,
isang bagay na ako pala’y wala.

kasi di pa natin oras.
masyado tayong nagmadali.
ngayon pareho tayong mali.

pagmamahal kong ningas kugon,
pakinggan aking tugon:
unahin ko muna sarili ko.
gusto kita, pero mas gusto ko sarili ko.
Dec 2019 · 148
funeral
japheth Dec 2019
i’m crying now not because you’re hurting me.
i’m crying for the me who’s grieving because he held on to empty words. look at his hands: even though you already left, casket sealed, buried six feet under. his hands are still holding the crumbs you left piece by piece in that same red brick road that showed promise but brought him to where he is now. a funeral: of what seems to be you — for the lack of a better term — the idea of you.

so the next time you say that you’re ready to put up with me. my dear, kindly understand. that you’re putting up with me now, me from then, and me every time i see the glimpse of the future.
draft. i just feel the need to post this
Nov 2019 · 283
dinner
japheth Nov 2019
you invited me to dinner, lovingly.

a lavishing one.

excited we both are.

you asked to go to the restroom.

i agreed and waited patiently.

knowing we have the most delicious steak being made and i’m excited to eat it together with you.

but you went through the window of the restroom and never came back.

here i am waiting, patiently, lovingly.
Nov 2019 · 376
letter from an overthinker
japheth Nov 2019
dear you,

im hurting so much. i don’t know what to do. you gave me an idea of what it could be to fall for someone again and when i finally figured that i should give back, you started drifting away. it started with you being busy and then you just slowly don’t text as much as you did before.

i’m sorry if i lashed out, for being honest. for telling you that im hurt. because you told me you could put up with it. you told me it’s okay. you told me that u like me. but i guess you’re  now starting to regret ever saying those words because i don’t even hear u say it anymore. you’re not assuring me that you’ll be here. that you’ll stay.

my friend told me that i should go all out. that i should start loving and making an effort to fall for u even if it hurts. im doing that now. i learned that i should just give out love because once i get tired, it’s gone. but i don’t think mine will just be gone.

im giving out 80% now that you’re giving 20%. it hurts so much. i never thought actually telling u that i like u ever helped. it’s as if, you’re done playing with me. was this all a joke? u got the *** since we were both *****. but is that it?

i know ur going through a lot of problems now and i dont want to be part of it. but the more i try to disassociate myself as part of your problems, slowly im becoming one.

u know what hurts? when u told me na ur disappointed in urself because you cant keep up with my efforts. the fact that u know it and cant follow through hurts so much. but i will stay. ive never given myself fully to a person so if u suddenly tell me na u dont like me anymore, then i wont have any regrets, let this be my way of testing my own limits. on how long i can stay till i finally realize this is worth it.

retrograde is ending in three days. im afraid that when it ends, our relationship will too. and u know what scares me? if we do end, in three days, ull go on with ur life the way it should be and mine will never be the same again.

as if from the very beginning i was only an option. a game u won but for u has no bearing.

but in the bright side, retrograde is ending in three days. im excited that when it ends, our relationship will start fresh again. and if we do start again in three days, we’ll go on with our lives the way it should be and both will never be the same again.

telling me from the very beginning i wasn’t an option. i am your choice. we stopped playing the game.
Nov 2019 · 331
dam
japheth Nov 2019
dam
i think
the dam was already broken
when you arrived.

i think it was waiting for someone to fix it
but all it received was band aids and glu tac and never a good repair.

didn’t you see the sign
before you enter?

“broken dam, don’t enter.”

so please.
when i say

“i’m broken. ****. don’t enter.”

don’t.
Nov 2019 · 236
charm
japheth Nov 2019
i wish i could go back to the first time i fell in love.
no hurt. no pain. no overthinking

it was going to a new place you don’t know the people around you. smiling as you walk the alleys thinking if this was where you’re supposed to be in that exact moment.

it was ordering food you never really tasted before but the reviews from your friends and family told you it was good. but not always good. sometimes it was bad. sometimes it was heavy. but you bite into it anyways. thinking it’s not so bad after all. something you could enjoy. something that could be your favorite.

it was getting an erasable tattoo. something that’s permanent but could be washed off. but u didnt want it to. you wanted it to stay. for it to be there on your skin forever. but slowly it starts to come off and you would want to get one again but it’s not the same feeling as you had it the first time.

it was the first time you learned how to drive. it was scary. the good kind of scary. you would want to drive it for miles. go to places you always wanted. playing your favorite song on loop. until the gas runs out and it did. it ended. it didn’t crash. but the excitement it made you feel, did.

they say first time’s always the charm. beginner’s luck. but even if i wanted to deny it. to forget that i ever did it. sad to say, i’m done with the first times. i was charmed but only once. and it never came back.

now love isn’t what it’s supposed to be.

you went back to the same place you thought was different; you thought was strange. now it’s the same alley you walk on almost everyday. nothing changed. but they way you see it did. it was dark and cold. the charm wasn’t there anymore.

you ordered the food you thought was your favorite. thinking about the reviews, good and bad, that was told to you and now you know why it’s bad. the charm wasn’t there anymore.

you had the same tattoo. same spot. same design. but now permanent. you wanted it to come off but it couldn’t. you thought it’d make you feel less alone. but even if the ink stayed on your skin till the day it turns to ashes, the feeling you had when it was still temporary wasn’t there anymore. you think of making it your own charm but the magic wasn’t there anymore.

now you drive the same car. you’ve been driving it for years now. it became a chore.

you drove down the alley this time. you got yourself your favorite food even if you’re sick of it already. you check on your tattoo wondering if it’s expensive to have it removed. you’re driving. wishing that one day, you could go back to the first time you fell in love.
because you’re hurt. you’re in pain. you’re overthinking.
Nov 2019 · 771
future
japheth Nov 2019
people would
tend to excite
themselves
on the first exchange of
“I love you”s

but i’d rather
find myself hurting
in the future
waiting for that
heartbreaking text of
“it’s me, and not you.”
Nov 2019 · 815
moon
japheth Nov 2019
the sun touches my skin
warming everything
except for my heart;
dear moon, it’s yours to take.
Oct 2019 · 159
again
japheth Oct 2019
if loving again meant,
sooner or later,
i’d go back to hurting
then i don’t want to.

if loving again meant,
nights staring endlessly
on the terrace outside my room
watching as lights glimmer from the distance
wondering if this is too good to be true,
then i don’t want to.

if loving again meant,
countless cigarettes,
ashes on the floor,
overthinking that maybe
i’m still not good enough
— that i’m not worthy —
then i don’t want to.

if loving again meant,
remembering all the why’s
and how could you’s
that were never answered,
then i don’t want to.

my dear,

if loving again meant,
i’d go back to the version of me:
hurting because of people that weren’t you,
then i don’t want to.
i don’t wanna go back
Oct 2019 · 271
spare
japheth Oct 2019
i miss writing
the emotions i’ve bottled in.

i guess
when you
frequently pour them out,
nothing’s left for you to spare.
i really do. any help to get out of this hole?
Sep 2019 · 165
help
japheth Sep 2019
help

me.

i

am

falling

back

to

the

arms

of

those

who

hurt

me.
Sep 2019 · 1.2k
phonecall
japheth Sep 2019
memories
of our every
phonecall
are etched in views
i stare
and smile at.
Sep 2019 · 1.3k
worthy
japheth Sep 2019
you’re not

unworthy

of love.

they weren’t

just worthy

of yours.
Aug 2019 · 604
poetry
japheth Aug 2019
there are poetries

meant to be read,

there are poetries

meant to be spoken,

but all poetries

are meant to be felt.
Aug 2019 · 302
preposition
japheth Aug 2019
you are a preposition.

you are in my heart.

you are on my mind.

you are at my doorstep knocking.
Aug 2019 · 216
tired
japheth Aug 2019
i'm tired.

i'm tired of things i know i can't control but still try my **** hardest to.

i'm tired of smiling all throughout the day making sure the people i'm talking to don't think of me as a **** joy.

i'm tired of faking a laugh just to please the people who throw jokes at me as if i'm not in the room with them.

i'm tired of walking as fast as i can back to my place so i could finally be in peace.

i'm tired of always finding myself in situations i'd rather not be found as i sit in the corner blurring the noise out by reading stuff on my phone.

i'm tired of fitting in.
honestly, i am.
Aug 2019 · 322
jumpstart
japheth Aug 2019
i've always thought

love

was an ending:

finally having your lips close to mine when i wanted,

finally walking down the street with your hands holding mine,

finally sleeping beside you hearing your heartbeat ever so calmly.

i thought this was it;

that love has finally settled down after running all over the place

– in what i'd say a wild goose chase –

but it was only the beginning:

i start to feel what it's like to kiss someone that will make my heart beat fast.

i start to feel ecstatic walking down a street holding hands with someone knowing they'll never let go.

i start to sleep with someone beside me, knowing our faces will be the first thing we see every morning.

i've always thought

love

was an ending.

only to realize,

it was the jumpstart

of a wonderful journey.
hello all. i have been reading my past works and wow, there's this inexplainable growth or shift with how i write. i don't know if it's a good thing or not, but i think i've been writing longer. anyway, if you have the time, do read some of my works. and let me know your thoughts.
Jul 2019 · 303
smile
japheth Jul 2019
if love
wasn’t meant
for fools like me,

then God
shouldn’t have made
you smile at me.
Jul 2019 · 2.2k
my cat bit my earphones
japheth Jul 2019
my cat bit my earphones

i am a person who commutes everyday with my earphones on. i listen to music and i dance to it. doing what seem to be small jerks to the public but a series of big and grand moves in my head. i was a dancer.
but my cat bit my earphones.  

i hum the tunes ever so softly only to find out the stares from the people i ignored the whole ride, could hear me. i was a singer.

a silent performer.
for the audience of none.
and yes, my cat bit my earphones.

i am a person who can’t live without it. i listen to music and i zone in. i cancel all the thoughts in my head and just be. in the midst of beats, melodies, harmonies, and lyrics i was at peace. the maximum volume became my version of quiet.
and yet my cat bit my earphones.

the cheapskate in me stops me everyday from buying a new pair even if in exchange i’d have to embrace a new kind of quiet.

the quiet shared by the people i commute with:
the roaring engines, the horns of cars following no beat at all, the shouting of the barkers and conductors rapping with no flow. i hear everything. i was a listener.

a loud performance
for the audience of one.
all because my cat bit my earphones.

i blame my cat everyday for this punishment. i love my cat but sometimes i wish she could pay for it or even apologize for that matter. but i have no choice but to continue my everyday commute without my earphones.
****. my cat bit my earphones.

the thoughts i can’t mute when i commute now screams loudly begging me to listen. begging me to write them down. begging me to finally piece together all the words i know will make sense when given time. i am a writer.
i just can’t help myself but think that my cat bit my earphones.

now i am a person who commutes everyday without my earphones on. i listen to my head and i feel it. putting together ideas and emotions that may seem unpolished to me but could be something great to the public once heard. i am an artist.

a performer.
for the audience, i’m the one.
all because my cat bit my earphones.
Jul 2019 · 678
brainstorm
japheth Jul 2019
brainstorming

i sit down on a bus ride home and there’s this idea swirling in my head. i thought to myself,
“this actually sounds right. i should write this idea down.”
i took out my phone and wrote the first few words this idea in my head gave me.
i know I’ve written something. i know i’ll get back to it when i get home. i know there’s more to this idea in my head that will turn this few words into a sentence. to a paragraph. never ending word structures until i see fit.
i know i’ll finish this soon.

i put my phone down and stare outside the window. the view is nice. thousands of cars passing by as the traffic goes smoothly. another idea comes to mind. this time, it’s longer than a few words. it’s a jumble of thoughts. thoughts about cars moving, sound of traffic, the love of movement, and time passing. as these thoughts swirl like storm in my head, i pulled blinds of the window until only a slit of light passes through, a line of moving light flickering, i reach for my phone and open my twitter. i scroll through my timeline until the storm turns to rain, to drizzle, to quiet raindrops and at last, to a calm sunny day. thoughts i wish i’ve written, now long gone thrown in a heavily locked safe inside my head with the password written in a paper inside of it.

i scroll through my timeline again and i came across a poetry slam. as an emotional person, i cry at his words as if it actually was meant for me. as i continue to listen, the sunny empty day inside my head starts to create dark clouds again. it growls and rumbles, spewing lightning bolts down and i quiver. i am afraid. i know it wants to be heard but i try my best to ignore it. thunderclaps. it spoke. it rang my head till it couldn’t be ignored. i gave in.

i wrote. this time with all the words this dark cloud in my head gave me. there was no order. no structure. no idea. just words and pure emotion and i wasn’t stopping.

my fingers became a whirlwind. the storm in my head in sync with my whole body. i tremble. i am the storm. i stormed down the emptiness of a blank note page with thunder of words. rainstorms of emotions. lightning bolts of phrases, of sentences.

as the storm inside my head slowly turns to white, wringing its clouds to drizzle light rain. i add the finishing touches. the storm knows our work is done. it bids goodbye and gives me the calmness of white clouds and sun. i became calm and the bus stops.
Jul 2019 · 1.2k
naniwala
japheth Jul 2019
sinabi mo sa akin mahal mo ako
naniwala ako.

sinabi mo sa akin ako lang
naniwala ako.

sinabi mo sa akin, habang hawak ang kamay ko,
na “nandito lang ako.”
humawak ako nang mahigpit
at naniwala ako.

sinabi mo sa akin habang ako’y yakap mo
na di ka bibitaw na kahit kailan
maasahan ko ang pagbalot ng iyong mga kamay sa aking katawan
yung tipong lahat ng lamig sa mundo
mga problemang di ko ginusto
mawawala na lang sa init ng katawan mo.
oo, naniwala ako.

sinabi mo sa akin na ako lang
na hinding hindi ka titingin sa iba
sa parehong paraan ng pagtingin mo sa akin
at naniwala ako.

at naniwala ako.

naniwala ako at ipinangako ko sa sarili ko
na simula nang sinabi mo na mahal mo ako
wala nang mas gaganda pa sa paningin ko kung hindi ang mukha mo.

ang mukha ****
sa ngiti palang na naniwala akong pwede palang maging masaya
sa mata palang na naniwala akong nakita na kita — nahanap ko na.
sa bawat pisngi **** naniwala akong may paglalagyan pala ng mga labi kong uhaw sa halik.

naniwala ako sa lahat.

naniwala ako sayo.

may mga oras din namang nagduda ako.
sa bawat away
sa mga masasamang salitang nabitawan
sa kada luhang pumapatak sa ating mga mata
sa mga di pagkakaintindihan
sa mga muntik nating pagbitaw.

naniwala pa rin ako.

naniwala ako sayo.

pero di ko inakala
na ang tiwala
ay dahan dahan din palang nawawala.

isang kandilang ilang minuto na lang
apoy nito mawawala.

kahit ilang beses kong sinabi sayo
na ako’y di mawawala.
na ako’y nandito lang wala ng iba.
na ako’y naniwala
sa iyong salita,
sa iyong ganda,
sa iyong lahat na.

kahit na tayo’y magkasama
ang puso mo nasa iba na.

naniwala ako mahal mo ako.
pero ako lang pala ang ganito.

sinabi mo sa akin
tapos na tayo
naniwala ako.
na wala ako.

wala na ako sa puso mo.
i’ve stopped writing because I was afraid i cant finish a piece worth reading. i had so many unfinished work in my head that I never put into writing. last night, before I slept, this idea came to me and i immediately had to write the first pew phrases down so i could get back to it the next mornjng.

today, on a train ride going to work. i finished it.
Jun 2019 · 138
miss
japheth Jun 2019
i miss my jaded self. i miss the person who got hurt so much his only option was to bleed ink and cry poetry. i miss the dark rooms filled with only the noise of the streets below and lights from buildings across.

the alcohol stained floors, the cigarette butts on the floor, the messy bed, a sight i thought i’ll never long for but here i am.

lived in different rooms all over manila. different rooms but overall same angst. i miss them all.

as i look again in the mirror. a version of myself with content written all over my face and body. i let out a big sigh because soon enough, this face, this version of myself, will also be part of the things i’ll miss after a year or so.

i miss my jaded self.
and soon enough, i’ll miss this content self too.
Jun 2019 · 306
lust
japheth Jun 2019
i have so much

lust

to give

and

love

to receive.
May 2019 · 189
tired
japheth May 2019
pagod na ako.
this isn’t twitter but our tiredness is poetrt waiting to be translated. “I’m tired” in english. Such few words. hear it as a whisper but it screams loud in your head.
May 2019 · 485
binge
japheth May 2019
you’re not an
episode
worth skipping.

you’re a
series
worth bingeing.
May 2019 · 563
fling
japheth May 2019
it was
an emotional fling
—we both cried.

i cried because
i couldn’t have you;

you cried because
he’s with somebody new.
May 2019 · 310
swim
japheth May 2019
i was able to rise up
from the same waters
that i drowned in.

have i gotten out of the water?
i guess not.

but i did learn to swim in it.
it’s been awhile. hello writing.
May 2019 · 301
version
japheth May 2019
to the alternate us;
the universe where we’re together
— i love you.

to the version of you
that i embrace on a cold weather
— i love you.

to my “what if”
in this world
but my “what is”
in another
— i love you.

if in this timeline
we’re not meant to be,
then i’d gladly accept it with glee.
because i know
a version of you out there,
is happily loving a version of me.
Apr 2019 · 242
ready
japheth Apr 2019
i was ready.

i was ready to fall again.
ready to jump without any hesitation.
to see my lips form to a smile for another person.
to feel the butterflies in my stomach come alive again.
to know that i’m falling and someone’s going to catch me, as soon as possible, before i hit the ground again.

i was ready to open myself again.
to show what has been hidden inside of me:
all the darkness that i’ve fought, all the light that i’ve ignored.
to know that i’ll be welcomed, no matter how ugly my past must’ve been, with open arms.

i was ready to be with someone again.
to hold their hands, fingers intertwined, in broad daylight.
to sing my favorite songs in the car as we drive late at night.
to feel the warmth of their face as they pull their face close to mine for what seemed to be a kiss.

i was ready for it all.

but he wasn’t.
written this piece for a friend who almost wanted to date a guy who seemed to be nice but apparently isn’t as committed as she thought he was.
Apr 2019 · 157
trash
japheth Apr 2019
in a meeting in a small room and you want to throw your trash at the other side of the room.

it’s a small room for some. it’s not that hard to stand up, go to the corner and throw it down the bin.

but not for you.

as soon as you see the distance, it just gets farther. it’s as if the room itself multiplied its space 10 times.

your chair clings on to you as if its weight is connected to your body. with its pegs all drilled down to the floor.

the eyes of everyone, oh dear, their judging eyes once you do decide to stand up and walk, you’d feel as if they were just waiting for you to make a mistake. to trip and fall, to spill the coffee you were holding on to your shirt because we all know it’s not the caffeine that makes your hands quiver.

you wait. you wait till everyone in the room goes out.

you, holding that piece of trash in your hand, unlatch yourself to your chair, walk calmly and quietly towards the bin, giving one last glance at the trash you held as if it were the only witness that could tesify the whole story.

you let it go and walk out of the room.
anxiety without saying it
Apr 2019 · 3.7k
sulat
japheth Apr 2019
di ko alam kung ako lang ang ganito
o marami ring taong nahihirapan ang emosyon ay ipagtanto.

nahihirapan isulat, ilagay sa kwaderno,
buhatin ang lapis, at gumawa ng mga letrang bubuo sa isang kantang ikaw lang nakakarinig.

isang kantang sumusigaw sa puso’t isipan
isang boses na nagsasabing “ako’y pakinggan.”
isang bugkos ng mga salita na di mo alam kung pag pinagtabi tabi mo na sa iyong papel
ay magkakaroon ng kahulugan.

oo.
madalas akong ganito.
na andaming gustong sabihin ng utak ko
pero ni bibig ko o ang kamay ko ay di alam kung paano ito ibubuo.

bakit ang dali magsulat?
pero ang emosyon, hirap na hirap ibuklat?

minsan,
nananalangin ako
na sana may taong lalapit dito
para turuan akong sabihin kung ano nasa utak ko.

ngunit kahit meron mang ganung tao,
alam ko di parin niya makukuha ang aking gusto.
dahil ang mga salita na galing sa utak ko,
na para sa akin ay kumakanta ng napakagandang musika
ay sa kanya naman, halos pareho, pero di gaanong tugma sa pagkanta.

kaya oo.
kahit hirap na hirap ako,
na sabihin sa lahat ang emosyong sinisigaw ng mga piyesa sa utak ko,
tuloy parin ako sa pagsulat kagaya nito.

dahil onti onti kong naiintindihan
na ang lungkot, saya, o mapa ano man,
ay iba iba ang kahulugan sa tao.

pero pare parehong ang dama ng nagagawa nito sa puso.
“Writing.”

This piece represents where I am now in terms of my writing. It’s been an awful couple of months and slowly I’m losing touch.

I keep forgetting that the only thing stopping me is myself. That’s why moving forward, I’ll keep on writing.

Ilalaban ko ang pagmamahal ko sa aking sining.
(I’ll fight for the love of the art.)
Apr 2019 · 305
naked
japheth Apr 2019
i want to see you naked.

no.

not in that kind of way.

i want to see you bare. i want to see your heart. how it beats fast when we do something crazy. how it slowly thumps when you sleep and i wrap my arms around you. i want to see all the cracks — all the proof of how strong you are and how you mended each and every single time it breaks.

i want to see you naked.

yes.

in this kind of way.
it’s been awhile since i last wrote something. i’ll write again. there’s nothing much to lose.
Feb 2019 · 16.1k
fireplace
japheth Feb 2019
if ever

you don’t

feel

like you have a home,

pull me close,

wrap your arms around me,

rest your head on my chest,

close your eyes,

and feel the warmth of the fireplace

resonating from within my heart.
Feb 2019 · 772
princes
japheth Feb 2019
sometimes,

princes - s
wait - i
at the - h
top of - t

their tower. - e
waiting for - k
a rapunzel - i
to toss their - l

long hair up - t
tied at the end - s
with a grappling - u
hook and climb it - j
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