why am i always attracted
that are already burnt;
charred to the ground?
why is it every time
there’s a faint smell of smoke
lingering in a room
i try to find its source?
why is it that my lungs,
that are already damaged
from being suffocated,
begs to be filled
pulsing to the sound of embers
crackle and pop.
i shouldn’t be playing with fire.
i should’ve learned my lesson.
i should’ve stopped when i can
already feel my hands burning.
but why am i still trailing?
my heart is heavy. trauma’s back.
hindi ko alam saan magsisimula.
sa pagsulat ng ”tama na”,
sa paglakad sa kalsada,
o sa pagtipon ng mga tulad kong galit sa kanila.
saan ba ako magsisimula?
tama na. parang awa niyo na.
hindi ito tama, kaya tama na.
sa gitna ng mas malaking problema,
ito pa ang inyong inuna:
ang pagprotekta sa inyong mga buhay
na sadyang kay saya.
paano na ang mga taong lunod sa problema,
lunod sa sakuna?
hindi pa ba sapat ang paglunod niyo sa mga taong nagtangkang magsalita noon pa?
kung ako’y mawawala
dahil sa aking pagsalita,
sa aking paniniwala,
mga minamahal ko,
di bale nang ako ang mawala
kesa ang karapatan na dapat nasa atin pa.
I’m deeply saddened with what’s happening now with the world. The riots and looting in the United States, the protests in Hongkong, and the passing of the Anti-Terrorism Law in the Philippines.
I’m mad. I’m enraged. I’m helpless.
i still carry
the scabs i picked
off the wound you
inflicted on me years ago
leaving it as open as the first time
you did it. see how my heart forgave
but never forgotten.
healing takes time
i forgive you.
i don’t care
if you’ve changed
or if you’re still
the same person
that broke me
one thing’s for sure:
it’s not my job to trust you anymore.
was hurting me —
leaving me for good,
enough for you?
did the skin of my former past self
that you demanded me to remove too early
enough to use as a bandage
for that someone who hurt you before me?
were my tears enough
to wash away your so called “sins”
and redeem yourself
from your self inflicted misery?
i know i was never enough for you.
that was the first thing i realized
when i saw the change of color in your eyes:
from dilated pupils to stares that were dry.
how could you say so much when all i heard was your sigh.
was hurting myself —
when i know you’re existence was no good,
enough for me?
please subscribe to my tinyletter if you haven’t!
it’s basically free form essays and dear you’s.
hindi porket nagparamdam siya,
susubukan mo kung may pag asa pa;
kung may natitira pa.
sa oras na ‘to na lahat ay magkakalayo,
na lahat ng tao’y may distansiyang higit sa isang metro,
isabay mo na rin ang puso mo.
di lahat ng bagay, may pagasang bumalik sayo.
just because you felt his presence,
you try to see if there’s still a chance;
if there’s a hope left.
in these times where everyone’s apart,
where every person has a distance of 1 meter,
do so with your heart.
not everything has a chance to come back to you.
- been a while since I last wrote. i checked my messages now and i cried because someone told me they like the pieces i write. im sorry for not writing enough. i promise to make it up to you all once this pandemic is over.
the city at night,
from all the balconies
i’ve stayed and
stared at aimlessly,
in this world.