To awaken is pain
In sleep, I am numb
Waking means feeling
The slumber, unshakeable

Movement takes courage
My body lay broken
I lift my head
As the ache finally wanes

Maybe I should stay awake for eternity

Then I'll never sleep
And thus
Won't awaken

To the pain
Of being alive.

To live is pain...
What then is the alternative?

Today I thought about suicide
And what my life means

Am I depressed?
Or is this just me?

I fantasized
About how much better
Everyone's lives
Would be

Without me here
To disrupt the flow

Without my unpredictable mood swings
And negative energy.

If I'm not here
They won't witness my decline
Or subconsciously follow suit.

But they wouldn't miss much

I'm always tired
Or in a bad mood.

Their good memories
Will outweigh the bad
If I just leave quietly.

Right?

Would the pain of losing me
Pale in comparison
To the pain of watching me
Fail so miserably?

Would death relieve my pain?
Or would I have to relive it
Again?

Maybe I am depressed.

Or maybe I just need a friend.

I rest in the belly of rage
Overwhelmed and a bit dismayed

Unable to speak
Without spewing venom
I seek shelter
From my mental asylum

This torture is but my own
Come one
Come all
Then be gone

Let me rest
Until I return again

This beast is not my friend.

Happy belated birthday
My dearly missed friend.
I'm sure you had a heavenly party
That I regretfully didn't attend.

I couldn't think of you yesterday
It still hurts to say your name.
They say time will heal the ache
But it lingers yet the same.

I say a silent prayer for your soul
And push the thought away.
Time is only a theif.
It isn't any easier today.

I lie awake each night
Long after you're asleep
I envy your restful slumber
Through salty eyes I weep

As the air thickens
I struggle just to breathe
Bowing my head in sorrow
I pray so desperately

Grant my mind solace
If my thoughts go astray
Allow my soul to carry on through grief courageously

Protect me from the pain
That haunts my every thought
Awaken my restless spirit
If my dreams become too dark

Make my heart resilient
If it shatters painfully
Teach me about patience
While I gather it piece by piece

Allow me the courage
To assemble it once again
As I try not to crush
The fragile pieces in my hand

If my strength grows weary
And I tremble at the knees
Hold my hand and steady me
So I stumble gracefully

As echoes and whispers
Begin to change
And sound and silence
Become the same
I look back
From where I came
And find solice
In everything

If you were the moon
I'd lie awake with you each night
And help you battle the sun
For your place in the sky.

If you were a soft breeze
I would chase the wind
Just to feel your breath
As the air caressed my skin.

If you were a dream
I would never want to awaken again.

Dear me,
Why can't you sleep?
Does the darkness trouble thee?

As your mind chases grief
Do you struggle just to breathe?

Dear me,
You must go to sleep
Life won't stop for you to weep

Dry your tears gracefully
And smile for the whole world to see

Dear Me,
Are you asleep?
Did you fall to your knees in agony?

Hide the nightmares that you keep
Tomorrow will come peacefully

Dear Me,
You must stay asleep
Quiet the chaos and stifle the screams

Silence the demons
That invade your dreams

Dear me,
You must not sleep
Or life may pass too quickly.

Rouse from your clouded lucidity
And awaken now...

It was only a dream

Dear Me,
Don't fall asleep

You are my addiction
The only drug I need

I don't want to be sober
I'd rather be your fiend.

Disoriented screams
Through clenched teeth

Bound
  Unafraid
    
You are the key

Unlock my secrets
  Awaken me
    
Expose my lustful reverie

Each dimple
  Every curve
    
Touch as you please

Cover my nakedness
  And invade me

The taste of your skin
  
Salty
    So sweet

Euphoric pleasure

Bliss
    Ecstasy

I crave every inch
The only drug I seek

I give you my soul

Please intoxicate me

I don't want to be sober
I'd rather be your fiend

Words do no justice.
They could never convey
The certain way I feel
Every time I hear your name.

Shakespeare used poetry
When attempting to explain
But words fall short
When describing both
The bliss and pain

"Love" seems inadequate
It fails its own name
There aren't many other words
But I have found many ways

And so I won't say "I love you"
For it seems so weak...

Too mundane

Instead I'll show you
How I love you
Each and every day.

I wish I could pull you
From my thoughts
And lay you down next to me

In your arms
By your side
Is the only place I long to be

Maybe I could sneak away
And playfully flirt
With your memory

I long for your embrace
And will wait for you
Indefinitely

If only we could
Escape my mind
To create a new reality

Until then
I return each night
To my dream's sanctity

And sleep in the stillness
Of your heart
Until your soul returns to me

Daylight scurries  
Behind the moon
As darkness swallows
The amber's glow

Though I am weary
My soul rests not
Until it returns
To the lover of my soul

Knowing not
My journey's end
Nor the path
From where it leads

I will blindly
Seek the elusive
Unless the elusive
Shall first find me.

Silent and still
Be my restless heart
Lest I am to be
No more...

For I will rise
As a Phoenix to the sun
With scorched wings
I will soar

Raindrops kiss my skin
As the sky softly weeps

Winds exhale a deep sigh
Earth's breath engulfs me

I soar to great heights again
Seeing all that lies below

The taste of tomorrow's rain
Quenches the thirst of my soul

My wings singe the sky
I'm consumed by the sun

Still caught in the clouds
While the storm rages on

Emotional hues color the horizon
Brushing along the shadows

Life is a beautiful hurricane
Love is a rainbow

I miss you
Almost too much

I crave your skin
Your lips
  Your touch

Body trembles
  Hips ******

Your taste
  Your scent
  
Entangled in lust.

Drunken euphoria
  With every caress
  
The essence of me
  Still on your breath.

Release my body
  But don't let go

You are my drug
  I release control

You consume me
  From above
   As below

Calm the rhapsody
  That is my soul

I wait...
Just to hear your voice.

My heart begins to break.

This pain...
My choice.

I count the minutes
As the world
Seems to stand still.

But it doesn't.
It's only an illusion.

Love isn't real.

The earth keeps moving.
And so must I.

Words escape me
As tears stain my eyes

Regretfully,

My soul whispers...
Goodbye

When the world around you crumbles
And all your bridges burn
When your heart shatters into pieces
And there's nowhere else to turn

When life is full of hurt
And love only causes pain
Then we must begin all over
We must start again.

Falling only makes it worse
Giving up is not an option
Stand up and count your blessings
Move forward with caution

Know that just beyond this turn
Lies a fork in the path
If you don't like where your life is going
Try making a left

She weeps not for the shore
As distance creates a shadow
She embraces the current
Becoming the wave
And gently pushes her sea home

She chases not the sun
As the day is put to rest
She is the moonlight
That cradles the stars
Tightly to her *******

She yearns not
Her pain-streaked tears
That fall below her feet
She is the soil beneath her toes
Her pain now colors the tree

She worries not
The flowers' bloom
Or the leaves that fall like rain
She is the wind
That will kiss the ground
And sweep it all away

So tired of begging
And pleading
For your precious time

Just a simple conversation
Would ease
My worried mind

But here I sit
Alone
Once more

And even though
You are near
Our souls could not
Be farther apart

Words seem insincere

I know it may be difficult
Or impossible
To understand

But if you felt
The pain in my heart
You would know
Without a doubt

Control is not
What I seek

I only need your hand.

- Brandi R Lowry

I am love
I am hate
I am fear
I am fate

I am trees
I am ground
I am silence
I am sound

I am stars
I am night
I am sun
I am light

I am you
I am me
I am they
I am we

I am above
I am below
I am within
I am soul

Life is a test
A series of choices

Your time here is measured
By the venom in your voices

Give unto others without reservation

Help your neighbor
With no hesitation

Feed the hungry

Remove discrimination

Offer a hand

Become an inspiration

Open your mind
Start a revolution
Inspire a change
To create the solution

With our eyes cast downward
We pretend not to see
The misery and demise  
In the wake of our greed

If someone is hungry...
Cold or unloved
Offer your heart
Give them a hug

What you share
Will return tenfold
So offer a hand
Help carry the load

Offer a smile
Share your bliss
Inspire others
Change what is

Share your joy
Inspire others to love
Together
We can change the world.

Namaste

You realize the impact
Your life has on others
When you finally

Allow the Soul

To feel the void
Left in their absence.

There is a person
I've always known
Yet will never get to meet

Everyone
That I know
Has met her

All...
But me

I see her sometimes
Through others' eyes

I may catch a glimpse
Temporarily

We share the same dreams,
Fears and doubts

I know her
Very personally

Yet only through a looking glass
Am I allowed a peek
At the face I know so well

Yet will never get to see

My view is only
Of my reflection

So unfortunately

I'll never see
What others do
When they look at me

Again
I have misplaced my wine

Seems to happen
All the time

I set it down
Walk around
Forget about it
And then...

At very last,
It appears again
My wine
My liquid friend.

Very queer
I don't remember leaving it here.

I take a sip
Set it down
Get up
Gone again.

I lost myself
Temporarily

Somewhere along the way

Between daydreaming
And self-discovery
My thoughts did go astray.

Spiritual compass compromised
And mentally so weak

My heart remained steady
My thoughts,
Discreet.

I seemed to be spiraling
Out of control

Treading on the depths of insanity

Desperately
I clung to faith

Only in silence
Did I weep.

Wearing the mask of courage
Yet feeling frail and meak

I tried to fill
The void in my soul
But failed so miserably

Still I carried onward
Attempting to mask the pain

I no longer had a place

My grace gone
Replaced with shame

Mind like molten lava
Body tattered and bruised

My heart heavy
My soul lost.

I lie alone

Naked
Scared
Confused

Saying goodbye
To someone you love
Is like reading the final page
Of an amazing book.

As the last chapter ends
You begin to notice
Just how beautiful
And perfect
The plot always was.  

You appreciate the joy
And even the pain
As you read and thumb
Through every page.

Finally understanding
The moral of the story,
You realize you've reached
The end of this journey.

Although the last sentence  
Is the most difficult to read
Another great book awaits
Once you turn the final page.

Eventually you may stumble
Upon yet another great find.
Or maybe you'll return
To the book you left behind.

You may just discover
Once all is said and done
That this particular book  
Was your favorite story
All along.

So sweet, the animosity we keep so close. Ready to linger on forever like that nagging sensation that sticks with you, long after you've made the wrong decision. Always kicking yourself for making mistakes, yet repeating the behaviors as if they're programmed into your fate. Life is but a winding road. Choose your path carefully. For therein lies your destiny. And it is YOUR destiny. YOUR CHOICE. The gift of free will. Freedom that no man can take. Choose wisely. The red pill or the white? Down the rabbit hole we go. Forevermore yearning for answers. Losing ourselves, but finding our purpose. Losing our minds, but finding our souls. Down the rabbit hole we go. Have faith and dive in or watch life pass you by. Either way, it's your destiny. You created this life you have. What will you do with it now...take the plunge and swim to the beautiful shore, or struggle as you drown in your sorrow? Only you can choose. Namaste.

Like a winding river
Love constantly flows.
Forever on it's journey
It swells and grows.
From creek to river
Lake to ocean
It shifts the tides
And changes the motion.

Returning once again
From whence it came
Love continues
Yet remains the same.
Love is a river
That never runs dry
So share all your love
There's an infinite supply.

It's a lie we tell ourselves
To explain the emotion
Of loving and hating
Simultaneously

It's the wind
That flutters the wings
Of the butterflies
Within our bellies

It's how our hearts melt
When our souls meet their mate

It's the bridge that connects
It's the yearning that permeates

It's the fear of being alone
The burden of being unknown

It's the way we feel
When we least expect life

It's the truth
And the lies
It's so hard to describe

That feeling you have
That's impossible to explain

Some call it love
Others call it pain

What once I could keep hidden
Is now unyielding at best
To carry on this way
Is to leave my heart at rest

Yet the journey leaves me weary
I carry baggage no more
My load is quite forgiving
My life once again
Is so before

I crave your lips
The taste of your skin
Deep from within
My body aches

My balance unsteady
My legs begin to quiver
With sweat induced shivers
The earth shakes

My inhibitions gone
As you slip deep inside
Consumed with passion
We move in stride

Biting my lip
Thrusting my hips
Lost in pure ecstasy
I embrace the pain

My body explodes
The fire burns within
As the intensity builds
My pulse rises again.

And I'm consumed
Once again

BETWEEN

Although love surrounds me
I miss that one
I know what it is
To feel alone

I crave a touch

A whisper
A brush

Something more
Yet I have so much

Why do I seek
When I need not
I can deny my heart
But my soul
I cannot.

With the world now in color
Everything seems upside down
Where once I could stand firmly
My feet but grace the ground.

Longing for a moment
When realization shall reveal
That although I can't see anyone
The small voice I hear is real.

Contentment now fails me
I yearn for something more
Surrendering my ego
I fall to the floor.

My soul seeks for release
As the battle rages on
My mind is unforgiving
Yet my heart remains strong.

My quiet disposition
Has been shaken to its core
I can no longer breathe
So instead I roar.

I met myself today
I recognized her pain
She's been hidden in sorrow
So scared to live again

I knew about her heartache
The shame carried inside
I accepted the pity
That she took in stride

I faced myself today
The heartache of the past
The torment & the glory
That cuts like broken glass

She lived through the discomfort
Prevailed through the guilt
I've come to realize now
That aside from what she felt

I am strong
I will thrive
I may doubt
But she'll survive

She may seem weak
But I have faith
That in this life
She can't hesitate

To be her dream
To let go.
To move ahead

...just take it slow.  

I know who I am now.

I'm my own hero.

I am
Me
And I'm proud to be.

Filled with sorrow
There is no tomorrow
Just leave me to be
You must let me go

Emptiness ensues
My time is due
I rise above
My spirit anew

Longing no more
My head hits the floor
My body rests
But my spirit soars

The pain now ceases
My soul is released
I finally realize
My mind is at peace

You speak of love
Yet its lust you seek
Invigorice longing
You fall to your knees
Wanting one thing
Craving sensuality
Fulfillment lacking
You forget to breathe
Rising again
Into blissfull glee
Then once again
You collapse into me

I dance

Alone and in silence
To the music within me
No one hears

I dance

With grace unbalanced
Like a swan on water
With no fear

I dance

Like no one is watching
Even though I know
No one hears

The sweet sound within me

But I dance

With great pride I dance
With love I sway
To the sweet sound no one hears
But I dance anyway

Confusion sets in
Doubt consumes my soul
Intuition becomes second nature
With each breath, I release control

With everything I become
And all I leave behind
Anew, my spirit soars above
Releasing my troubled mind

Enlightenment fulfills me
Awakening me from slumber
Now my life is not my own
Through love, I finally found more

Sunshine can now brighten
In darkness I'll only dream
For I know that I will awaken tomorrow
With a new song to sing

I long to be perfect
But I'm consumed with shame and guilt.
I see what's before me
Yet I only feel what's real.
Can I overcome my own destiny?
How do I change my fate?
Love is only a diversion.
My life is at stake.
I crave your acceptance.
Yet I receive your contempt.
I digress once more.
My life is already spent.

Like an avaricious vulture
She feasts on his soul
She stands before him
His demon, his woe
His heart forever wounded
All love now in vain
She caresses his ego
And only hatred remains
She begs of him more
As he releases her hand
He can no longer hold her
He is becoming a man
Yet again she returns
And although he knows
He still holds her near
His demon, his woe

In my heart
I feel a sweet melody.

Albeit, playing a little off-key.

Deep, insightful dreams
Do awaken me

And disturb
My sweet insanity.

No love, for which I do seek
Can remove the remnants
Of sweet animosity.

Playful moods disturb my reverie
And all succumb
To my blissful idiocracy.