I'll always remember
the smell of the rain
as we climbed up
the tree that rose infront
of my house when we
were nine and how
you asked me out
when we touched
the ground.
You deny it
now and that
truly broke
my heart.
- first love.

Voice like honey,
sweetness dripping down every word
I was sure of it even though
I never heard you sing along
to those lyrics that
you wrote.
Soft hair, curling
at the ends my
hands never tangled
on the strands.
Nicest guy you’ll ever meet
even if we didn’t make it past
the third date.
Took me a while to understand
that it wasn’t you that I liked.
Just the idea of you
that occupied my mind.
- idealist.

We clashed like the stars
in the galaxy and
became one.
- black dwarf.

Golden skin with
the sweetest tone.
You were that
last smooth spoonful
that, although
it’s a bit too much,
no one can resist
eating even when
you know it
will get you
sick.
- dulce de leche.

I learned to
love the color
yellow in hopes
it would bring me
happiness after you
tinted me
blue.
- #E5F469.

Soft edges and
bright colors
full of life.
Your features
were graced
by the
moonlight.
A perfect structure,
that’s one of a kind
and not many get to
see in their
lifetime.
What a lucky gal,
aren’t I?
- masterpiece.

A part of me feels
like we weren’t supposed
to come across one another.
It’s like the breeze
made us crash into
each other’s arms
on that windy
afternoon in the
park.
- force of nature.

It’s been so long
I didn’t recognize the
number on the call.
You asked if I wanted
to catch up, I should’ve
just hung up.
- blocked.

Your leaves go away every fall,
maybe all your petals are already gone
and you never felt so alone but
always remember that it
isn't permanent at all.
Seasons change and
people do
too.
- reminders.

I don't quite know my home, since I've never
had the pleasure to meet you
and they say home is where the heart is
and I'm positive you have mine.
So I'm walking through life
with the endless feeling of
being homesick.
- homesick.

Kindest boy with a library that
reached the ceiling and
the same personality as
my best friend, they would talk about
movies in the middle of the street at
three a.m.
Everyone wanted us
to end up together but
it would never work out
in the end.
Moody boy with dark circles
that rimmed his eyes, always
wanted to talk about romance.
He looked at me with the softest eyes
but couldn't hold a conversation to
saves his life.
I don't know why but
I always think about him
when I'm feeling bright and
blue.
- dates at seventeen.

Your games and
childlike attitude
always put me
in a bad
mood.
It's like you
were trying your best
to leave a
permanent crease in
between my
brows.
- frown.

Walking into the house of someone we don’t know
you can definitely tell right away
this is not my type of crowd.
Following your friend around we made it to the backyard
sitting on a couch outside on that cold August night.
Your other friend couldn’t stop messing around, he
was really getting on my last nerve now.
You’re watching us from across the table
beer in your hand and daggers shooting from your face but
you didn’t even try to put me aside to dance.
Face to the side and you start a conversation
with someone else while one of my friends drags me to the side
of the house and asks “Which one is it? Which one do you want?”.
How I couldn’t tell right then and there that I
was putty in your hands is beyond me since
I just wanted you to take me where the music wasn’t
too loud even if it was just to talk or stare at the sky.
But I barley saw you at all, looking grumpy all alone while
I was a rushed inside the house just a few rooms down the hall
holding my friend’s hair as she threw up from mixing too much.
Came across you again when it was time to leave,
forced to sit at the front since I was the only one
on her right mind and your friend didn’t want
to be bothered after finding out that you and
his girlfriend had stolen a bowl out of the house.
It was just us four in the car.
How I wish you had been sober that night,
talked to me even just for a little while.
Maybe I would of had the guts to kiss you in the corner
of the living room or held your hand later that night when
we walked side to side down the road whilst our friends
chased each other around.

  - why did it take me this long to figure it out?

I've always been someone who feels intensely.
Someone who notices the things that no one around them
seem to pay attention to.
Someone that sets focuses on the small things and
romanticize them to no end.
Someone who plays them in a loop on their head and
overthinks every detail.
Someone who creates expectations for everything around them
even though they know it'll hurt them in the end.
Someone with a never-ending inner battle
in between their heart and their head.
Someone with an everlasting lost look on their face who
you think has nothing going on up there.
But there's something.
A memory of every half-smile, every laugh,
every tear, and every frown ever felt,
emotions ready to creep back up into the surface again
at any given time. No warnings attached.
- whirlwind.

I don't even know why my eyes feel heavy anymore.
Is it the sleepless pocking trough or the tears that I'm yet to blink away, burning behind my eyes while reminding me of the fact that I'm not over it.
Maybe it's a combination of both, maybe I'm just tired of not being over it.
Perhaps, I'm just tired of my mind wandering back to you every chance it has, finding excuses to turn every thought back to us, yelling louder and louder when I try to block it out.
And I know to talk it out it's useless, 'cause
it's hard to talk to someone who is not listening but
a part of me continues to have hope that one day,
you'll start paying attention again.
Before it's too late.
- yelling thoughts into a void.

I often hate my brain because
it seems like it’s favourite
hobbie it’s to turn everything
into a negative thought.
Calling everything pathetic
and making me feel guilty
when it’s about someone else.
It’s something I wish to
change about myself but I
know it’s not possible.
I hope to be able to shift
these thoughts since it’s not
healthy to live in a constant
state of pouring rain.
I’m sick and I need the
sunshine to take it away.
- rained-on.

In the quiet of the night,
it's when my mind can't seem
to keep quiet.
Running at a hundred miles with no
stopping.
Head spinning and mouth
drying,
stomach turning with
non-stop reminders of the
what if's and never know.
All the things I shouldn't think
of.
- dizzy.

I’m acting on feelings that I don’t have and
everyone around me it's trying to convince me
that I'm playing myself by not listening to
them.
They're forcing them down my throat and
blaming me for not being good enough for
him.
It's actually that I've realized I'm
living someone else's life and that
isn't right.
- breaking free.

Left on the side of the road
we couldn't do more than
walk underneath the bright lights
of the street in the autumn breeze
of late June while my friends
speed down in your best friend's car
laughing 'cause they thought this
could match us up.
What they didn't know is that the time
would never be right in between us.
- (un)matched.

You convinced me it was us against the world
but once you finished building your kingdom
I wasn't worthy of you anymore.
Kicked to the curb and drowned in the bottom
of your swimming pool.
- high and almighty.

Shivers travel my body as
the temperature of the room starts to drop.
I've come to a realization that I'm scared to voice.
Got company over, one that I didn't invite.
A guest that can't stop babbling in the morning,
afternoon or the middle of the night.
I'm afraid it's the only one that has been coming around lately,
can't remember when I gave them a key.
Part of me doesn't want to change the lock, so
I don't end up all alone so I set up the table and shake hands
with the darkest of thoughts.
Let it haunt me at night
and freak me out on my way to work.
Curse my loved ones out and convince me
to leave everything behind,
'Cause I'm not worthy of their love.
When will I realize that bad company
it's not better than no one at all?
- occupier.

She felt too many things, so many
she couldn't manage to process it all
so her brain was often flooded with
overwhelming thoughts of how everything
could go wrong until she couldn't manage
to think anything at all.
- saturated.

We took quiet steps down a lonely street
I had never stepped foot in before.
The air felt tense since it was
more than clear that you didn't feel
like talking, not anymore.
You stopped suddenly and backed me
against a wall.
We made out slowly whilst I felt
an old lady watching us from her
front steps, maybe I was just imagining her
since it was time for me to go,
I had to meet up with my friends.
Two steps forward and you stopped again
looking at me with a shy smile and
intertwined our hands.
My palms were sweaty and my rings
poked at your skin but you insisted that
you didn't care.
It was also the last time
we held hands.
- hand holding.

Heavy breaths bounce in the corners of my room
while tears stream down my face as I wonder
what's the reason this time around.
In the back of my mind, I know for sure
why it's 1am and I can't sleep again.
It's scary to say it out loud.
I pull up my phone to distract my brain
since it seems like it can't keep quiet but
all the images remind me that I
don't have anyone to call to ask them
to help me out.
Even my dog leaves quietly towards
my parents' bedroom even though they
haven't got home yet.
I don't start to calm down until
these words make their way
into the notes on my phone.
I can breathe again.
- panic attack.

You didn’t like
the mole on your chin.
You used to say it was
too prominent for
your face and how you disliked
that it contrasted with
your freckled cheeks.
But I thought that
your cheeks were
like a galaxy and
your chin had
the moon.
It’s the first thing I
noticed when
I realized
I liked you.
- face like a universe.

Your mouth spills
nothing more than
empty promises.
Said you'll be here tonight
but don't get in 'till
four in the morning.
Always busy but never for
yourself, could you stop
lying straight to my face?
Tired of the excuses people
make on your name, can't even
defend yourself or it's just
that you don't care?
Looking really foolish with
the indifference that you're so
sure I deserve after you left me
waiting to see if this could change.
It didn't.
- selfish.

Please set me free anxiety,
I'm sick and tired of the
sleepless nights that without a
reason you think I deserve.
Please set me free anxiety,
I don't want to keep on
overthinking every thought again
and again.
Please set me free anxiety,
I don't think I have any more
tears left to cry over simple things.
Please set me free anxiety,
I don't want to give you the
power to make me stop and wonder if I
deserve the things I've been wanting
for so long.
Please set me free anxiety,
It's time for me to learn
how to breathe again without caring
what you have to say.
The pity party is over,
go home.
- emotionally drained.

My auburn lips
stained your cheek
as the leaves fell
the afternoon of our
second date.
You held me close on
winter nights as we
watched stand up.
You stopped picking
flowers from your
backyard as spring
passed us by just to
leave me like a hot
mess under the
summer sunlight.
-seasons.