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beth haze Jun 2019
I don't even know why my eyes feel heavy anymore.
Is it the sleepless pocking trough or the tears that I'm yet to blink away, burning behind my eyes while reminding me of the fact that I'm not over it.
Maybe it's a combination of both, maybe I'm just tired of not being over it.
Perhaps, I'm just tired of my mind wandering back to you every chance it has, finding excuses to turn every thought back to us, yelling louder and louder when I try to block it out.
And I know to talk it out it's useless, 'cause
it's hard to talk to someone who is not listening but
a part of me continues to have hope that one day,
you'll start paying attention again.
Before it's too late.
- yelling thoughts into a void.
beth haze May 2019
I often hate my brain because
it seems like it’s favourite
hobbie it’s to turn everything
into a negative thought.
Calling everything pathetic
and making me feel guilty
when it’s about someone else.
It’s something I wish to
change about myself but I
know it’s not possible.
I hope to be able to shift
these thoughts since it’s not
healthy to live in a constant
state of pouring rain.
I’m sick and I need the
sunshine to take it away.
- rained-on.
beth haze Apr 2019
In the quiet of the night,
it's when my mind can't seem
to keep quiet.
Running at a hundred miles with no
Head spinning and mouth
stomach turning with
non-stop reminders of the
what if's and never know.
All the things I shouldn't think
- dizzy.
beth haze Apr 2019
I’m acting on feelings that I don’t have and
everyone around me it's trying to convince me
that I'm playing myself by not listening to
They're forcing them down my throat and
blaming me for not being good enough for
It's actually that I've realized I'm
living someone else's life and that
isn't right.
- breaking free.
beth haze Apr 2019
Left on the side of the road
we couldn't do more than
walk underneath the bright lights
of the street in the autumn breeze
of late June while my friends
speed down in your best friend's car
laughing 'cause they thought this
could match us up.
What they didn't know is that the time
would never be right in between us.
- (un)matched.
beth haze Apr 2019
You convinced me it was us against the world
but once you finished building your kingdom
I wasn't worthy of you anymore.
Kicked to the curb and drowned in the bottom
of your swimming pool.
- high and almighty.
beth haze Jan 2019
Shivers travel my body as
the temperature of the room starts to drop.
I've come to a realization that I'm scared to voice.
Got company over, one that I didn't invite.
A guest that can't stop babbling in the morning,
afternoon or the middle of the night.
I'm afraid it's the only one that has been coming around lately,
can't remember when I gave them a key.
Part of me doesn't want to change the lock, so
I don't end up all alone so I set up the table and shake hands
with the darkest of thoughts.
Let it haunt me at night
and freak me out on my way to work.
Curse my loved ones out and convince me
to leave everything behind,
'Cause I'm not worthy of their love.
When will I realize that bad company
it's not better than no one at all?
- occupier.
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