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Apr 12 · 46
Axion Prelude Apr 12
too old for dreams anymore
too young to die
stuck between a predicament and a fault in the truth that is the lie we all live

drowning with no water around; nowhere to swim, no shore to step on; as aimless as day in and day out: nothing goes right, nothing settles in

not until death are we all equal
Mar 26 · 41
Axion Prelude Mar 26
I can be who I will be
And I will be who I can
But never would any of those be
Any less than wholly me
Mar 19 · 217
Axion Prelude Mar 19
You found peace among the storm
I sought blindly in the distance
Once, our eyes met; no more
Forlorn, begotten, but misplaced
Regret is my eternal lover
We will never be that sultry fate
One missed opportunity at a time, I disgrace my life through incessant mistakes which rue the chance, lost to misguided nature and abhorrent misreprepresentation.

A prisoner to the mistakes and judgment of others, my heart wilts fervently, and forever now.

I lost.
Feb 19 · 47
Axion Prelude Feb 19
so much to say, no time to say it
no voice to carry my words with poise and concern
no ears to feel the truth
the heart wilts, sleep becomes my only friend

i find myself trying so hard to just speak
but i do not resonate with anyone
and nobody seeks ghosts they can not see
abandoned, misplaced, undesired, misconstrued

left alone
solemn, broken, tired
indecision mires hope or plight
destitution commands fear in any endeavor

darkness creeps into places unseen
resolve becomes scarred fate
unconditioned, irrevocable, contemplation
death seeks the desolate man who can not fight anymore

Dec 2019 · 95
Axion Prelude Dec 2019
i struggle throughout the day to find any semblance of hope or kindness that can show moving forward at all is worth the time, effort, pain, and grind to simply exist

i tremble at the most nuanced implications; i become cold, and my skin aches with sheer terror over being alive, striving to comprehend between each sunrise and sunset why the desolation hasnt taken me as of yet

and then the plot comes, and i break

each and every time i begin to feel the tangible sensation of worthlessness and hopelessness i cry; alone, harboring diligent conviction for everything i wish i could do

the actualization of mortality is an ever-present ghost haunting me where i rest, where i sleep, where i walk among the growing crowd of grey, listless faces. it overcomes my efforts, it drowns me in subjugating thoughts, flights of fantasy for the dream to give something meaningful; to drive change in a place, for things and people, that could bring goodness or kindness to them too; to deliver unto my own being a sense of purpose and meaningfulness that surpasses the mass mediocrity which suffocates this world and transcends my own hope to do good unto the world at large into something more powerful than words, or wishes, or dreams

i become overwhelmed with the cost of being alive, the choking sensation of doubt which derives through strife and worry for all things monetary which beguile any path towards meaningful philanthropy

in this world, only the rich can afford to live or be free of worry, and i wasn't designed for this world to begin with; i wasn't meant to be, literally, and yet i wasn't given chance or love to find the means for myself before the miring angst and pain which stifled me had made me succumb to it, as such

every choice begets a driving fear which cripples any means to move forward

i have been behind in everything, from everyone, for so long that it becomes painful to even think to wake another day, and the sombre grasp of reality that what given chance or hope or intent i could ever have for others, let alone this world, come crumbling down in an avalanche of susceptibility, vulnerability, and agonizing defeat - i wish nothing more, in those moments, to end my life

nothing and nobody would miss me so that it would hinder their efforts - there could be zero affect in the long run, something which i find peace in knowing: at least it wouldn't be of any loss to the grand scheme, or the short run

i would leave, as i was meant to never be to begin with
Jul 2019 · 113
Axion Prelude Jul 2019
Writhen with doubt, stricken with silent fear
Jul 2019 · 156
Axion Prelude Jul 2019
Falling backwards

I wanna spend my love on you
got me doing all the things I do
investing time and faith in you
you gotta do, what you gotta do

holding down listless commentary
sifting through every memory of us
building up, holding my breath
just to take a moment of you in

falling backwards
take us to the here and now
momentum breaking down

I wanna spend my love on you
distilled dreams caught me thinking
untold sights and sounds, dancing around in the clouds
questioning this way we livin'

falling backwards

If I could surmise us a plan
That wouldn't take much to bring us out of, it..
complacent, adjacent
but never close enough, to you

Oh, you..

Falling backwards
But I know where I wanna spend my time
and all I wanna do, all I want..

I wanna spend my love on you
one step forward, two steps back. it's always this way, it never hurts any less..
Axion Prelude May 2019
I hear it in your tone, I feel it in your eyes, I sense it in the cadence of your voice and breathe; I see what you think I can't, I know what you think I don't

You don't care

It's not a greater sense of uncaring for all things, but a lack of care for things that should be considered; and instead of finding a common ground, or using any reasonable sensibilities, you dismiss every bit of resistance to the insalubrious discontent you harbor through pure negligence, pride blinding you to the pleas of those around you

You stifle me

The disruptive, belittling nature of your distaste for anything objective has come at a cost; and now, I lie in limbo from your deflective soul: you never enraptured me, you never captured my heart like a true mother should; no ideal preface resides in my observations, but merely fact and law of emotion

You make me feel worthless

Introspect whispered into my mind, and it showed me a truth I never cared to know: you never even tried to capture my essence, my soul, my heart, or my love; you simply let things be as they were, and I was  merely incidental to your existence

You showed love in the most obscure fashion, but you never followed through; you never held any convictions to what you said, or with whatever you responded in times I needed you most

You're incapable of comprehending the implications of your words and actions

A ghost of a man, invisible to the world at large; ultimately haunted by his own reality - you showed me you could never care, because your only clause for dire intent are your intrinsic doubts for anything other than what you experience; your selfishness proceeds you, it condemns you, it mires you, and yet it's everyone else that are the only ones that feel the repercussions

You've never once said sorry to me

I know you'll never read this, but if I had one last chance to just convey the heavy-handed affects of your neglect, it would be: your actions, and inaction, stifle my own sense of care. You've left me in limbo, trying to understand how I should, or could feel about you; you've left me to question my love for one of the only people in my existence that I should be able to reliably known, for certain, love me all the same; you've garnered such abhorrent trends, traits, and habits that consistently, and constantly, rival everyone you come in contact with. The neglect has left my heart tainted, worried, and lonely; you've made me question where I stand, and where I can be.

You can't seem to understand how you're hurting people

That will live with me until you pass, and until the day I die as well. I'll never know what you truly felt, because you hide it under such a thick guise; a facade you've made out of what seems to be necessity, but mostly just arrogant dissonance.

You're not bad to people, but you're explicitly not good either

I don't know how to love you, anymore, because I don't comprehend how you love me. I don't know where I stand, I don't know where to be. I don't know where to go anymore with these feelings. I suffer through nostalgia for things I never had, and digress all intent to a lesser understanding of myself, for it. I suffocate near you, I want to weep yet cringe at doing so for not understanding whether you even deserve my pity, my remorse, my forgiveness, or my love.

I will never understand my own worth, to you

you were never bad to me, not directly, but you never were there for me in the ways I needed you most. you abandoned me, a long time ago, and I will never understand whether that's my fault, or strictly your own. My heart feels a sickness within it, one that makes my chest convulse; like nothing I've felt before. it's wrong, it's nothing, it's everything; it's impure, it's disdain. it's aching to feel anything at all, from you.

you hurt me, and you'll never comprehend, understand, or know why. Because of this, I know we will leave this world wholly apart, and I will never be able to come to terms with that; I will forever live with and inevitably die with that being my only reality

My soul feels sick
Apr 2019 · 322
Axion Prelude Apr 2019
Silent pleas are meaningless in the face of overwhelming odds. The strength to move forward is not always as easy for some than others, yet the others who can afford such staunch accord seem to never comprehend how difficult a task it is to simply rise from bed.

The ones who see most seem to always be most blind to the qualms of those with such resonant concern for the pithy; even the innate ire of one begets the inherent ire of all.

Slowly, thoughts become tangible, changing from empty shadows to a festering aura. It leeches life from all things good and meaningful, and there begins the downfall.

Things which once were the epitome of joy - sometimes subtly, sometimes abruptly - become festering reminders of what once was; they sit rotting at the pit of a dissonant cacophony of sore misdirection, doubt, and unwavering fear, a solemn reminder of yesterday and everything which can not be had anymore.

Anger suffices where patience once stood watch over all interactions. In that brings suffering from doubt for all things said and done, all things come and gone, and all things not yet relevant, real, or existent. The agony builds in each passing moment, staggering and belittling; suffocation enduring, mired belligerent tones of sheer desolation sets the stage for a Grey, toneless perception.

Once stagnant, all fades away. Sounds echo broadly, profusely; words fall short in every regard; feeling stops existing, plight becomes numb: an emptiness no other void can retain or convey becomes standard, and the moment fades away becoming not one, but many. Becoming persistent, real, and the only thing true.

Emptiness suffices where a whole sum of love, experience, and joy once was. All things considered, nothing brings memory of such passions. Nothing breaks the void away. Nothing changes, nothing progresses.

Emptiness consumes everything, even rationality of resolution. All one can think of is escaping this nonsensical devouring void. But it's not possible, because nothing good exists here.

And the cycle repeats
Mar 2019 · 680
Axion Prelude Mar 2019
I had a dream, I saw you there
You reached for me
I reached back

Your skin was cold as ice
Scared, you told me to awake
I opened my heart

I had awoken, but you weren't there
The dream is what kept me alive
I had a dream..
Be honest with people. Don't hide anything. Don't lead on, don't contrive meaning or intent.

Hearts break, emotions shut down; listless fortune settles into the crevices where once resided compassion, dreams, and hope for something good.

I am ashamed of how often I come to this place inside. It's a home, it's a prison; it never changes.

I trust too easily.
Dec 2018 · 185
Axion Prelude Dec 2018
Stalwart shadows
Empty light eschewing darkness

This fog engulfs me
Doubt residing beneath my breath
No one fears, here
Nobody listens to silent screams

Contempt sets in
Emptiness guides dithered legacy
A shallow grave consumes the plight
Oct 2018 · 550
Axion Prelude Oct 2018
Withering kiss belittles fate
Sultry, affluent, perfection lost
a damnation of intent
skewed by empty plight

endearing atrophy weaves no ties
cut from the crowd
whispers seeking place in time
Wreaking havoc upon sullen breadth

dreams disguise desire
the facade awakens every day
the ghostly touch of weightless hands
deliverance, mourning truth
each dream ached by sunder of hope
remiss of such light, I become mired

such calmness and good comes of the night
by day, there resides no such kindness by my side
I await, forever..
kindness means nothing to those who seek to gain for only themselves; the rest simply do not exist near me. Such desired gentleness goes unheard. I wish to have ever beheld a heart who seeks me on its own, before i go

my dreams lie to me, as if to convey what I need most would ever exist; mocking my will to go forward by sharing a taste of what seems, by now, will never be real
Sep 2018 · 483
Axion Prelude Sep 2018
Alive, alone, derided through and through

You know you get me
But when I'm alone.. I become sane, again
troubled with the mess of realizing
reality isn't my forte, it's the dreams I live in
and the hopes I'm not given

Disdained, begetting songs of true fortune
You know it's crazy to think of anything before you
and even then, I realized I didn't have anything planned

I know you didn't want to see this coming
and neither did I
The silver linings are once in a lifetime
we get the chance to divine upon;
But there's never a greater time to behold except right very much now

I know you said you couldn't do it alone, but look at you now
stoic, yet holding your own
Tattered and barren but never too far from the hope we knew we needed
And it's a mystery why things never stay the same no matter how much
In the end everything seems to be
Invariably never changing

old habits dying with the wishes we had yesterday
But it's cool
I see you there and all I could ask of you is
Simply you

There's no defeat that is what we ultimately asked for
But I'll never presume what I have, what I want, what I know
It's all only what you care to choose
Your smile begets my own

By now, I feel, the notion has gotten a little overboard
the motion of it all being
Self defeating
Just as these words drip from my fingers
I can't stop seeing..

But they'll never change, unlike the rest..
And no, I'm not saying I'm anywhere **** near being the best
For you, or anyone
But what I can purvey is all the trust that's been given thus far
It's not natural unless it comes deep within our own hearts to convey
And I appreciate it, like cherishing a perfect day you can't forget

Because it came from somewhere knowing you well enough; deep down, among all the stricken dusty irony
Designed in purgatory, awaiting, sophisticated
the drudgery seems to fall away when we're just speaking at or especially with each other

But I still know, even in all of this, I am alone to think of such inspiring bliss
It comes off as moronic banter
Meaningless and disgusting just like the rest before me
But that's not me at all, and just maybe with time you'll get to know that best

You were afraid, then..
You'll be afraid tomorrow
and even then, I'll know never to impose
That's not what I want to do
That's not any sole truth
I just want to hear and know you're having a good day

All I could ever ask is simply you; and I'll be right here
Where we both fell in plight
Singing all the empty little things
We call life's, little, circumstances
Let's take chances, and leap into the unknown

For once, for good, for now; all spared meanings
Serving nothing and nobody proud, but rather still
Emotionless, soulless, deep and profoundly undertaken  
Shaken, wreaking havoc on their own flightless, droll, uncured soul

Sometimes we fall for the things we think are good for us
It echoes in the past as pain and regret
When, truthful, ironically
We tend to fall just trying to make a leap of faith on any first thing that brings us any hope to know "I'm okay" when in reality it's just false truths that bestow wrongdoing

And when something good actually happens upon our doorstep
The only way we seem to go is back, taken, breathless with deceit
Convinced what's here and now isn't anything that's good or worth our time
Irony seethes there, cold and barren
You never know, until you just know..
I'm talking about a true leap, in the right direction

Not desperate, or disparaging
Not profoundly meaningless or unshaken
Something bold enough to cover the scars and defeat with a kindness, a goodness, a righteousness strong enough to say
"hey, I think I'm going to be okay" and nothing more simple or complex as that

And if you want to get up and walk around, we'll so do I; and I could never want for more than to simply have the pleasure of spending that time together
Against all odds and defying all the redundant nuance

Derided, through and through.. Lost but never alone
Gone but never too far
And all I could every truly, simply, kind ask for is..
All that could ever be perceived as expected is everything that couldn't be thought of or imagined. The only thing we are capable of expecting is the utterly unexpected.

It'll never happen. Part of me isn't okay with that. Not through fear, or anger, but a resounding sadness knowing there's literally only one, and that will simply never exist elsewhere.

A quaint, smitten echo of somber defeat rings with every exhale.
Sep 2018 · 1.1k
Axion Prelude Sep 2018
fate befalls coarse dissonance
heartfelt plight, undoing thralls
stalwart cries beckon home
staunch hope redoubtably prevails
pithy, barren, crass, vile
Morose echoes, tinged denial
bemoaning daunting harrow

withered bridges surmise winter's defeat
water flowing effortlessly beneath
ineptitude solemnly secedes
decaying frost bereaves Sun's kiss
a new day.
Sep 2018 · 1.4k
Axion Prelude Sep 2018
your silent plight begets silent nights
the inaudible whispers haunt us in daunting hollows
insalubrious fervor beseeches thy name
forlorn and lost among creeping doubt
guilt holding refrain from calling to any such fate

with second guess casts shame on second nature
innate profundity loses meaning with time
but all that's known is all that can be
tangible efforts get lost in the shadow of dissonance

my body resonates with such reeling efficacy
empathy goes unheard but your tone still sings truth
such sweetness lost to empty promise reigns defeat and pain
my silent nights beget silent strife
Aug 2018 · 2.4k
Axion Prelude Aug 2018
Genuinely feeling hope for something good, and being lead by false hope to believe a lie as truth, are two different beasts

I don't hate myself for what I felt, or thought, but instead what I was lead to think was okay to believe

I was lied to, again; my words beckoned something I thought was genuine, and deceit was all that met me, just like every time before it

I'm sick of being here, of thinking anything gets better, because it's true that the those who spend their fortune at keeping an authentic heart for others will inevitably end up alone, indebted to those who only care of themselves

I give myself away too often, but only for what I objectively observe as being meaningful, but I'm afraid that closing off my mind will bring me to the dark place again, and I never want to go back there

I have no control of what someone believes or feels, nor do I know what that may be, all the same

I just take what I am given, if it seems and feels good; if it echoes compassion and sincerity, because that's exactly what I lack most

I hate being a slave to this paradox, but my freedom may only come with absolute truth

I have no more faith for that - I still hope; potentiality rings, but I know that's one sided on my end

A wish is a wish..
Aug 2018 · 2.4k
Axion Prelude Aug 2018
I'll seek refuge in places that don't hold my name to be true, and even in emptiness I remain wrought through heavy handed tones of antipathy

Echoes of resolute desire plea with somber empathy, but remain indefinitely beyond the horizon of which I can not seek - and I shall remain waiting for something that has yet to come, for good it seems..

It rings barren any semblance of genuineness, the shadows I fall under; in plighted qualms, through quarreled teeth; without strength to hold my own, my very soul becomes the ground with which they walk

Desolation is the staunch friend from which I may not doubt will never be there in my time of need; and what I truly need, I fear, will never set foot upon my gaze

Like a sullen rose barred behind a glass wall, bereft of life giving nutrients and slowly wilting away one pedal at a time: I'll solemnly gaze upon the last glimmer of hope what was once profound and pure, now gripped with agony, and sin; decaying, alone, forever out of reach with only my eyes and heart to embrace it, yet never once again know what it may feel like to hold close with my own flesh

I am surrounded by an unspoken emptiness; an infinite abyss in every direction, except forward - and to each footstep I hear an echo of its past, one more inch beyond itself and gone before the last moments incur what hollow life is left within

Each passing moment brings me further to the edge of the unknown, this hope that's guided me for this long has burned like an eternal candle, now wisping what light is left to bear before me

One step more, and into the embracing darkness I will fall unto

The cries of war are beginning to recess; the battle has ceased, and I am still without a place to call home
I am utterly exhausted, in heart, mind, and soul
Aug 2018 · 5.9k
Axion Prelude Aug 2018
I seethe within what echoes disdain for all things wanting, because I can't seem to keep what's there to begin with

The desire to purge prior prose and start from scratch beseeches my mind to scrawl what dire nuance calls my name, but I don't look it in the eyes

It's my demon; my voice that resonates deep within; the call of all things mired by fate-less whispers of what's more, or right

But I know, it can't be how I desire. What can be will only come when time sets right the means to seek it out; to reach for whatever may be reaching back at me

I can't move forward unless I know for certain what's there would not bring more desolation. I am a coward, but am I human? I ask myself that every waking moment

I crave nothing more than to be normalized and reverberate with twining string of fate that actually calls my name, not the sour tones of dissonance and disdain as before

I crave reality to be my own, rather than reality to own everything I can not

I seek, eternally.. I find nothing but light that touches the surface, but never does the sun actually rise.

Bring me to my own horizon, bring me fate, bring me peace..

I hope..
Aug 2018 · 310
Axion Prelude Aug 2018
I don't possess the luxury to feel alive

This broken soul is daunted by mired ties

The shell that holds these withered bones and stinted cries

Stains rotten with guilt underneath
this tainted flesh; will ultimately be my surmise
May 2018 · 175
Axion Prelude May 2018
Among a world of deception and cowardice, intelligence and honesty go hand in hand as well as a devil's tongue beseeches Godly candor
Mar 2018 · 208
Axion Prelude Mar 2018
I'll sleep the days away knowing you're not here

Depression drowns me in guilt and shame..
Mar 2018 · 283
Axion Prelude Mar 2018
It speaks familiar words, this ghost of pride bereft of all it had surmised; no rhyme or reason unto its own accord

Soft hymns of fate fall short their own innate value, wrought with seething dissonance and disdain; but they're never spoken

Clenched fists, eyes with lonely souls, hearts with sullen cries of hope; they unfold without remorse nor splendid candor

All things left behind, intentions fall short of their meaning; once again, romance finds such morose yet somber, gleaming demise
Please don't leave..
Feb 2018 · 334
Axion Prelude Feb 2018
The sign of a drunken person is not through the sound of vibrant disillusion shouting obscenities through existential inebriation, but in the length of their face when they wake up one day to that stark realization that whatever once was can never be again.

The eyes become darker, mute and cold, the mind obscured by all the things they probably cared about when they had the opportunity but never merely took; and it is in their demeanor where life seethes nowhere in the voice except where it is merely enough to get them through just one more begrudging day of sinister regret gnawing at their heels every waking moment.

Hollow souls show us what we never want to be but somehow so many of us succumb to the same discrepancies and injustices of belittlement from the world around us: sober eyes and sharp tongues convincing us we are nothing more than what we think we are; and what we are to begin with is nothing, taking shape from the beginning of it all, ready to be molded into something grand and good – we must all start from somewhere, but most are subjugated before any of it can even begin; and ultimately, many of us never truly live at all.

Drunken, with the desire to simply live.
Feb 2018 · 235
Axion Prelude Feb 2018
Defeat is my surmise; what wrought from even the purest intention wilts away by wanton ignorance

Surfeit, the ire of holds past begin to clench my heart with stoic nostalgia

How wise it were to have embraced such depth of heartbreak in all my effort's past; to see the light we must step through darkness periodically.. I simply wish I hadn't need to have done that with you; you were so bright, which lit my path clearly for the first time ever

"two threads cut from the same cloth"

Intellectualism is dead
Feb 2018 · 2.2k
Axion Prelude Feb 2018
Your plight becomes your calling once more as you retreat to daunting servitude

unbeknownst unto your own soul, the mired fog which blinded your path prior reaches out to you

Claws sinking, you succumb to lies and deceit as if it were your only surmise

I know better, but I am not the one to call your place in line amongst the unwavering compassion I own for you

You make your choice based on a haze of comprehension, no eyes could see nor heart could feel; indecision stifled your beckoning before, and yet you return to the same darkness even you called foul for yourself

You knew where harm reached out to you; intention set, you saw the crimes which took your heart for granted; you spoke to me, with me, of all the things you sought but were met with insalubrious dissonance.. And yet..

My heart sinks, my chest burns, my mind wreaks havoc on itself just to know: why?

I am for you, unconditionally; you betray not my heart, but merely your own

Until the day comes you see true unto yourself, I settle now to be in your shadow..
One step forward, two steps back
Feb 2018 · 3.7k
Axion Prelude Feb 2018
I dreamt of you the other day

Such sweet resonance with your presence, it echoed a calm I only experience with you; awoken, and sound

You caught me in a time of plight, pulled me forth in valiant fervor

Your smile shined upon me, and I felt safe; feverishly exposing your excitement to explore the horizon

We drove into the fog; your warmth was tangible, even in my subconscious dwelling

Next to you, I simply felt good; a place I can not substitute

I felt calm, as if all qualms and scores of darkness simply melted away; you seemed happier than I had ever seen when I had not declined your beckoning

I felt home, and you seemed content to feel the same with me by you

If ever that could be true when I awake for this, life would forever be a dream

I dreamt for peace, and you were there; simplicity, two threads cut from the same cloth, bound together

I hope to bring you the same light
Feb 2018 · 214
Axion Prelude Feb 2018
I can't stop falling for you, every new moment we share
Feb 2018 · 188
I am
Axion Prelude Feb 2018
I never sleep on the ones I love most.

I never worry for the ones that don't matter.

I never stop giving, I never stop listening. Not for a moment does any of this make me weary.

My heart weighs more than the burdens that drag me down, but compassion is not something that has or will ever encumber me.

As long as I am here, I simply am; as long as I can care, I only do.
Feb 2018 · 342
my song
Axion Prelude Feb 2018
I gaze at you, belonging
Your eyes become my song of hope
I see within myself all that can be
And I dream bigger dreams than ever
I only hope you transpose this feeling
I wish to compose together someday
A simple picture brings a smile that lasts all day. I see in you what I see within myself. I think of you often, idly wanting if only to share your company.

I am bereft of my own curiosity wondering if you are simply well. Your dreams and goals are equally important to me, and I wish you only successful. Oh, what I'd give to share those strides forward with you, side by side.

I want for nothing but to care for your heart. In well hands, I wish to grow; to bloom, with you.

If ever..
Jan 2018 · 1.4k
Axion Prelude Jan 2018
Sometimes I see it in spaces crept in between where the light finds a place to crest through crevasses

No matter how bright these rays clasp my face and blind me to tomorrow, there's still a darkness to them; like embers of ashes old still smoldering, ready to set the whole world on fire

Oh what it would be to smother myself in that cold clasp, suffocating on all what is, remembering what was, forgetting where I am and just letting go

This fever will attach itself strongly again if I forget to breathe; this smoke completely fills my lungs and reminds me of your scent, but I can't see you there when the blinds come open, just the emptiness of another day come and gone

And I'd keep doing it forever, waking up and hoping for tomorrow to be better still, to see the sun break through it all with the subtle taint of what was and is, just to know.. just to know..

Tomorrow is all we truly have anymore, even if we never truly have each other
Jan 2018 · 2.6k
Axion Prelude Jan 2018
Stalwart embers forever light my heart; stoked by whispers of fate and grandeur, a flame reignites: so minute and fragile, it still holds great warmth; and forever shall I hold it close

Beseeched, I move toward distant hope that one day, my flame; my dear, we could together burn brighter than the sun
Jan 2018 · 3.3k
Axion Prelude Jan 2018
The somber whispers of defeat haunt the wind; my skin reels at its chilling touch

Harmony concedes to an epithet of solemn solitude; it creeps within my very bones
Dec 2017 · 5.5k
Axion Prelude Dec 2017
I've spent a life creating fortune for those who've either never seen nor deserved it

Decimated by wanton want for more, or decaying senses wrought with desolation and desire to simply be known, I've caused strife within myself for the sake of others being fulfilled

I've spent so much time creating, ready to give myself to a world that's only seemed to cause destruction to my own soul, and take from me the things I needed most, even if merely conceived through empty wishing

I crave to bestow this strength and wisdom to one who would call my heart home; to be equal and stand as one, through synergy and servitude toward every sense of well being, respect, and care

I do not ask for more, I request nothing but trust and honesty; my affection, admiration, and loyalty lies upon the eyes that see me true

I do not expect love, nor frivolous diligence, I simply wish to no longer misplace my purpose, my admiration, or my faith unto anyone that would never see me, or never care to desire such staunch resolve within their heart as well
A gentle sigh relieves itself from my lungs; the air escaping my lips echoing thoughts of solemn wishes.

I gaze your hand and think how soft they'd feel in mine; your eyes, I see within and feel every word you share; such lovely shades of green caressed by hues of blue and orange. Every detail of you and your person embraced with purest intent, I revel in all that is bestowed; and behold your concerns with the same conviction. Your pains become my own.

The stories you share tear my heart asunder; such harrowing misfortune bestowed upon you, I hear it in your tone and sense it from the tears you shed: you deserve so much more.

How such simple nuance can go unheard, unseen, or unspoken; such stifled cause and senseless negligence, how it could ever befall someone of such grace and sheer beauty, I will never comprehend.

You prove to me there is light on the other side; I see you before me no less a person, sharing our sight as one where our eyes meet as equals.

I crave to prove to you your innate value; to be a resolve you can depend upon in any time of need; to give you all you've sought but never felt or heard or seen, even the simplest of notions  which should naturally be bestowed upon someone from another who truly cares.

I see you for who you are. I hear what you say. My heart breaks at all the wrongs brought unto you. You honor me with friendship.. I just hope for the privilege, someday, to prove my adoration for you, and to show you what it would be like to be embraced by my heart.

Sometimes, romance truly is merely hopeless. Maybe just saying this aloud, scribing my feelings in secret are all ill ever have. Maybe not.

If we never have an opportunity to be more, you've set a stark precedent for all I've ever meant to find..

I think of you often, and always hope you fare well. Your strength and guiding sense of determination inspire me to be a better person. I could only hope that person, someday, may be something you'll want in your life, or even need.

I dream of simple things
Dec 2017 · 4.8k
Axion Prelude Dec 2017
The solitude of when two hands meet garners thoughts of warmth and want for needs unspoken

I miss the days when simplicity was as common as the delicate exhale shared when two lips release from one a other

To gaze through sultry windows of the soul, soft yet weary with fervent witness, beckons notions of wanderlust to a place that shines brighter than any I've ever seen

I watch, bound by valor for not seeking more through presumptuous ineptitude; bewildered by the plight you've been mired by, I wince at the thought of harm coming to you

Your trust exudes a powerful purpose; wrought from the ashes of all that have claimed to impose before, I succumb to the surfeit of such a staggering meaning in that gift

I hold myself in bated breath for the day you would ever need my heart for your own, but stay guided to be here in spirit, ever more

Although my basic wishes be forlorn, in somber muse I find great purpose to be a part of this grand fate bestowed upon me

You are all I've ever sought; and through disbelief, I am remiss of all that's mired me before

If only, one day, perhaps we could be more..
Dec 2017 · 4.8k
Axion Prelude Dec 2017
I am guilty of treason against my own heart in ever losing faith that I would come know another soul of such passionate discourse; rapt through compassionate dissonance; endearing and kind, and warm

I've never experienced beauty of this nature, and if ever I could not find a single voice beyond what resonates with me here, I would still invariably be forever content
Dec 2017 · 3.0k
Axion Prelude Dec 2017
I've sought, throughout my entire life, what were inevitably all for naught; to beseech a heart as this

I would have traded all before it just for a moment to embrace it with all my own

This is the preface of a blessing unto a man who lost faith, long ago; the echo of a voice what crept in through mere dreams and left with stoic wanting of what never could be found before

I yearn to give my heart for this
I would transcend everything just to be what's needed, and to never let escape one single breath in vain for all I would know nothing less to be that of an angel
Dec 2017 · 6.2k
Axion Prelude Dec 2017
Seasons pass, tempered by insalubrious fervor; treasonous design remiss of fate

An echo of prior songs resonate somber atrophy; mourn the passing of  constant defeat, stained by triumphant dissonance and disdain

Fear strides along the broken path, left alone and solemn and crass: Through sour feats of vindication, tones of plight become dismissed

Surfeit, the sound of temptation rides upon the crest of dawn, blinding darkness like calming waves caressing infinite stretches of sand: soft and warm; kind and welcoming, embracing in its gentle touch

Sentience hides behind a creeping fog, whispering secrets of life eternal, bearing gifts wrought through sensuous candor

Two threads lost, now found; slowly bonding, uniting purpose, rhythm, rhyme, and reason; born from the same cloth, garnering habit, singing in harmony what echoes from within

Beautiful, intelligent, staunch with profundity; stark, handsome, wholesome, and good

The call of a true home may finally beckon..
The most enrapturing, green eyes, gently kissed by hues of orange and blue
Nov 2017 · 206
Aug 2017 · 214
Axion Prelude Aug 2017
a faint sway grasps my body
the wind haunts me with staunch whispers of defeat
the vision i seek, blinded by the blank slate of minute crevasses
aching, wretched, withered, and old
the creaking splinters of a wooden door
black and acrid with a stench which feels so familiar
this scent i've come to know only as home

my body rocks to and fro, so close yet so far
every second never knowing which direction i'll fall
stuck in a personal purgatory, questioning what's behind
lost between what i dream of the life i want
and what in life i seek would merely only ever be dreams
i sink beneath the doubt of it all, it envelopes me like a blanket
but i remain so cold
tired, lost, desolate, worried

nostalgia is all that keeps me bound to this place
my head gently banging on the passage ahead
and i know, if i step through, i will fall
it's all that's left between me and the cliff beyond
i tremble with fear in thinking
when i find the key, would i creak a lonely smile?

i find no peace elsewhere
i hold no secrets here
i find no place that cares
i hold no value in anything without fear

my last true freedom is release
Jul 2017 · 314
Axion Prelude Jul 2017
tell me my words bear any weight

the willing engage each other in such withering decay of life
like rending flesh and bone, it becomes tangible
grit teeth gnashing together all which was forced to choke down

i swallow pride to face the day,
the taste of iron lines my gums

tell me what im worth before i find a means to settle
tell me how to retreat
tell me
May 2017 · 304
Happiness lies elsewhere
Axion Prelude May 2017
My heart lies elsewhere, my mind lies to me

I'd trade my fate to find a means to make the answer I seek come true, set free unto the will of sour circumstance and scathing plight; just to know how not to contrive meaning from something so unfathomably valuable.. to me

But I knock on doors laden with deep scratches and battered accents, prevalent with weary, somber aesthetic: withered by time, alone

I will keep searching, moving forward.. the voice I seek still calls to me

I am ill-content, unspoken, unbound
May 2016 · 266
Axion Prelude May 2016
injustice sings irreverent hymns of daunting cause, living life without reprieve in second cadence to bereavement

it's where the shadow meets the light where boundaries aren't kept safe, deceiving even the most woefully ignorant
Sep 2015 · 543
Just some last words
Axion Prelude Sep 2015
it comes in different stages for different people. most just feel it like a freight train hitting them square in the chest; the tears are heavy, like iron, falling freely upon their own ghostly will; and then the emotions set in, but the realization always stays the same with everyone, creeping in at a steady pace no matter how strong you think you are. they start slowly from the inside and make a home within the crevice between your heart and lungs, and you cant breathe anymore, you cant think either. your mind becomes consumed, trying to find a light in all this darkness, struggling to find reason and a hope and anything good you can possibly think of just to make sense of the tragedy that has now become like hands around your neck slowly tightening more and more as each day comes and goes

but eventually the reality of it all passes over your head and you come to terms with it and you become okay, one step at a time. you start to rationalize the situation and become more attuned in figuring out how to conclude your own torrent of questions that has since engulfed you with grief for losing someone to a situation you have no conscious comprehension in knowing just how they made such a conclusion to their own person.

and this is how most people think, how most people confide in their knowledge or, even better, lack thereof. to the ones that do not, nor ever will understand or comprehend the situation as to why someone would ever be capable of concluding their own life, i have an insatiable jealousy for your way of thinking. because, ive been in that situation, many times, and it never gets easier. not only unto myself and my own thoughts and my own incredibly overbearing, chest-crushing sort of ostensible and existential pains, but ive been confronted with others', sometimes literally face to face, multiple times.

each time, you think it would become easier and easier to face death eye to eye; you think that, having had so much experience in it, its gaze would become easier to hold, but it never does. and the chills are all the same, no matter how calm on the outside you may seem. the face can be calm, the breathing can be normal, but the mind - in those moments - are most fragile. and the irrationalities and misconceptions become more and more real, like the doubts you have about your own existence become tangible sound; a voice, whispering just out of reach of your audible range, but still close enough to remind you that you're alive and how much you dont want to be just that, all the same.

its as though your heart and very soul becomes a blank slate; a canvas for all the eternally conflicting discrepancies you have felt for your person, painted across it in an erratic splash of blood and tears, left as a reminder to your fears to keep thinking, "is this what i want?" but the only answer you can find is bawling your eyes until your pupils become red and rash from dryness, for days the strenuous pounding of your heart being the only true friend you have left on this planet, but all you can do is listen and talk to yourself in that familiar emptiness you have nothing else to call but "home."

for people like me, like us, we come to find the answers are always hidden in the places we can never reach; a scorn to our testament that is our life, seething in dissonance for all things "good" and "normal," echoing blank chanting of empty fate and faithless days where we don't know who we are or why we're here no better than anyone else would think if you were to ask them, but the difference being that we hold these devaluations to be true every waking hour. we don't sleep sound and we don't taste the same sweetness normal people do; where in the shadows of others, we feel safest, but the darkness is all we have and all we've ever known. and by normal, i don't mean better. i just mean different. and it's our difference we strive to convey, but the message always goes unheard, like yelling in your sleep: our words become quicksand and we have nothing left to show for it until it's utterly too late and we have no other choice to make.

but for the ones that have to see others making the conclusion before you, the struggle to find peace begins anew, one person at a time. First the chills, the denial that it happened at all. Then the anger swirls like goosebumps on your skin, as real as any other pigment or scar you find, but you can't pick it away, nor does it wash off just like that. It sticks with you, it becomes a part of you, forever. Then the sadness comes, the realization that they're gone, and that's that.

And sometimes, there comes a breakdown. You begin to quiver in your eyes and lip, suffocating on the urge to keep in the inevitable tears you are completely powerless to; but it happens anyways, day after day, without any recourse or decision on your part to stop it all the same as those who took themselves. And now you're not even awake anymore, but you feel like you're stuck dreaming even when you're "awake," reaching at every corner of the planet just to find an anchor to reality. you begin reaching for your phone or going online, hoping to find some sort of alternative to what is happening in the moment; a message, a voice, anything just letting you know “everything is okay, this isn’t real,” all the while thinking that if you search at all then those answers will be had, as simple as that. but you always know it's never true and it's never like that at all, and you realize it has happened, because it already did

You're literally alone and helpless to your own self-defeating mechanical failure – your body and movements become stiff, your energy completely gone and your thoughts drifting into blankness. in one last effort, you think to yourself people might help. But the same people that put you in that position to feel that level of misery are useless and provide no bastion of hope or faith that things will be okay, so you give up not only on them, but everyone. because the ones who should matter most and love you with the greatest kind of love, you should come to expect would be there for anything. and they're not, and you have no clue what to do, so you're left trying to ask the questions, fighting with your own consciousness just to provide a means for comfort from somewhere or something. but it's always the same: you become lost again, and the questions fade.

And you fall asleep in your own mind, mute to everything and everyone. And you're burdened by the weight of this loss, and the loss of innocence years ago, and the loss of your faith. everything becomes past tense, but you're used to it, yet it never gets easier. the listlessness is your voice now, and you're dead on the inside, sitting there alone, remembering where your feelings started to lead you to this dark place once more where the thoughts become wishes and the wishes become motivation to conclude the very same things. and sometimes, you dont want to, but sometimes, the fate you felt were on your heels for as long as you can remember, it jumps forward and holds its hand out, and by that moment, its just inevitable the only thing you have left to do

nobody can change that. you can only choose to change yourself. but sometimes, its just too hard to do anything at all. and the moment passes, and tomorrow is just another day. but this time, its a little bit harder, because your steps forward become quite a bit heavier with the unwarranted burden of grief knowing you have to move on without your friend, because now they're gone, and because of this, a small part of you wishes you were too.
Aug 2015 · 670
Axion Prelude Aug 2015
solid lines of hollow words grace the silent light that cascades from the shadows i once use to call home; but all that is left inside are memories that don't even recall where they're from, too

lost, like me, i drift away thinking, sinking in the fade of the background noise in an empty room and even emptier heart, "what have i done to deserve this?"

in sombre tones of misery brought by the face of cowards gnawing at my bones, like winter's cold their words sink in, devastating the sanctity of what hope is left to hold onto

desolation my only true friend, i could always count on knowing nobody would be there, and silence became the last sound i ever heard beyond the heavy expulsion of tears drizzling upon a worthless desk of crushed dreams - beheld, a misery so deep and vast, the mind rots waiting to surmise even the faintest bit of truth in a purpose to be alive at all

never once would defeating pleas make a difference to the blank faces and inset scars running across my skin, because even in a thousand years time spent in either company, the embrace of a blade would always be more welcoming than the sound of their voice, let alone the mere knowledge of their existence

but it was always my existence i got upset about, most
May 2015 · 417
Axion Prelude May 2015
I feel like sleeping
I feel like sleep; tired and sick
bemoaning conversations, groans turned into rants
screaming sycophantic nuances like flies stuck to ****
gone on counting, willing things to be out of sheer desperation

I cant recall when last I fell to the ground alone
dissonance comes and goes like fire slows the defying cold shoulders
but frost burn still hurts immensely
negligence desensitizing everything I touch

if dreams are the last escape from what is real
then what is real anymore?
when I close my eyes its all the same
tears still soak the pillow when I am the only mistake

irrelevancy is all there is anymore
I feel like sleeping
but when I get there, I hope I never awake
Apr 2015 · 304
last call
Axion Prelude Apr 2015
heart's forlorn atrophy
doubt haunting like ghosts
screaming my name in vain

this isnt misery, saddness or anger
its the last call on the final night, before..
the bottom of the hole
Feb 2015 · 366
Axion Prelude Feb 2015
A solemn heart, it seems, beset with grief for things it can not touch sings silent songs of longing for a warmth to set it free..

A quiet soul, as patient as the moons caressing gaze upon the earth, seeks refuge in the trusting light of hope and aching curiosity from which that heart burns so bright..

And tomorrow seems like but a dream, the answers to urges consumed by festering desire locked away behind a wall of doubt; and the courage to know bound by neglect, wreaking havoc on the mind

I wonder..
Feb 2015 · 223
Axion Prelude Feb 2015
The lips of fate taste sweeter than the lips of hope
Feb 2015 · 1.0k
Axion Prelude Feb 2015
I've embraced the touch of hope before
begotten by the echos of yesteryear
where met the feeling of rejoice and love
ended unto abhorrent discourse

unto the mirror reflecting internal strife
sounds of fate resonated within
misguided by the allure of necessity
this soul walked into its own shadow
eyes shining brighter still than the morning dawn
blinded by the sheer audacity
still i may not lose sight of where to place my next step
Jan 2015 · 417
Axion Prelude Jan 2015
i feel like i am a lost sonnet, born amongst a world designed to only listen to its own prose
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