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Axion Prelude Apr 12
too old for dreams anymore
too young to die
stuck between a predicament and a fault in the truth that is the lie we all live

drowning with no water around; nowhere to swim, no shore to step on; as aimless as day in and day out: nothing goes right, nothing settles in

not until death are we all equal
Axion Prelude Mar 26
I can be who I will be
And I will be who I can
But never would any of those be
Any less than wholly me
Axion Prelude Mar 19
You found peace among the storm
I sought blindly in the distance
Once, our eyes met; no more
Forlorn, begotten, but misplaced
Regret is my eternal lover
We will never be that sultry fate
One missed opportunity at a time, I disgrace my life through incessant mistakes which rue the chance, lost to misguided nature and abhorrent misreprepresentation.

A prisoner to the mistakes and judgment of others, my heart wilts fervently, and forever now.

I lost.
Axion Prelude Feb 19
so much to say, no time to say it
no voice to carry my words with poise and concern
no ears to feel the truth
the heart wilts, sleep becomes my only friend

i find myself trying so hard to just speak
but i do not resonate with anyone
and nobody seeks ghosts they can not see
abandoned, misplaced, undesired, misconstrued

left alone
solemn, broken, tired
indecision mires hope or plight
destitution commands fear in any endeavor

darkness creeps into places unseen
resolve becomes scarred fate
unconditioned, irrevocable, contemplation
death seeks the desolate man who can not fight anymore

Axion Prelude Dec 2019
i struggle throughout the day to find any semblance of hope or kindness that can show moving forward at all is worth the time, effort, pain, and grind to simply exist

i tremble at the most nuanced implications; i become cold, and my skin aches with sheer terror over being alive, striving to comprehend between each sunrise and sunset why the desolation hasnt taken me as of yet

and then the plot comes, and i break

each and every time i begin to feel the tangible sensation of worthlessness and hopelessness i cry; alone, harboring diligent conviction for everything i wish i could do

the actualization of mortality is an ever-present ghost haunting me where i rest, where i sleep, where i walk among the growing crowd of grey, listless faces. it overcomes my efforts, it drowns me in subjugating thoughts, flights of fantasy for the dream to give something meaningful; to drive change in a place, for things and people, that could bring goodness or kindness to them too; to deliver unto my own being a sense of purpose and meaningfulness that surpasses the mass mediocrity which suffocates this world and transcends my own hope to do good unto the world at large into something more powerful than words, or wishes, or dreams

i become overwhelmed with the cost of being alive, the choking sensation of doubt which derives through strife and worry for all things monetary which beguile any path towards meaningful philanthropy

in this world, only the rich can afford to live or be free of worry, and i wasn't designed for this world to begin with; i wasn't meant to be, literally, and yet i wasn't given chance or love to find the means for myself before the miring angst and pain which stifled me had made me succumb to it, as such

every choice begets a driving fear which cripples any means to move forward

i have been behind in everything, from everyone, for so long that it becomes painful to even think to wake another day, and the sombre grasp of reality that what given chance or hope or intent i could ever have for others, let alone this world, come crumbling down in an avalanche of susceptibility, vulnerability, and agonizing defeat - i wish nothing more, in those moments, to end my life

nothing and nobody would miss me so that it would hinder their efforts - there could be zero affect in the long run, something which i find peace in knowing: at least it wouldn't be of any loss to the grand scheme, or the short run

i would leave, as i was meant to never be to begin with
Axion Prelude Jul 2019
Writhen with doubt, stricken with silent fear
Axion Prelude Jul 2019
Falling backwards

I wanna spend my love on you
got me doing all the things I do
investing time and faith in you
you gotta do, what you gotta do

holding down listless commentary
sifting through every memory of us
building up, holding my breath
just to take a moment of you in

falling backwards
take us to the here and now
momentum breaking down

I wanna spend my love on you
distilled dreams caught me thinking
untold sights and sounds, dancing around in the clouds
questioning this way we livin'

falling backwards

If I could surmise us a plan
That wouldn't take much to bring us out of, it..
complacent, adjacent
but never close enough, to you

Oh, you..

Falling backwards
But I know where I wanna spend my time
and all I wanna do, all I want..

I wanna spend my love on you
one step forward, two steps back. it's always this way, it never hurts any less..
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