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Sep 2023 · 132
Are You?
ardnaxela Sep 2023
Are you
the bowl
I pour
into
The contents of my heart
When it starts to
overflow ?
Are you
The switch
I flip to
Change the temp of
my emotions
from Hot to cold?
Are you
the siren
I sound
when
I love out
Loud or
When my
Chest implodes?
Are you the bomb
I dropped
That starts the fall
Or
The crash
Which makes it end?
In this case
I think
I am
the pen & you
the ink
of sadder stories
To be told.
qtna
Dec 2022 · 192
The Music Man.
ardnaxela Dec 2022
The music
you make
my Soul create -
a sweet

and sturdy
two-step,
with a

gratifying
groove;

You

carry me
through rhythm
and blues....

Do you
know
The Music Man?

For he my
heart beats
any
other percussion.
pa *** pa pum pum
Dec 2022 · 1.7k
HBCU
ardnaxela Dec 2022
Historical-ly,
Black Colleges
Have been chronically
underfunded,
unacknowledged,
Hell -
Unappreciated.

Black culture curates
Common culture.
Black coins buy
Booming business -

Black universities
Breed
Brilliance, Undeniably.

Understand

Black children

Contain unrelenting
Capacity,
Cause upheaval -

Controlled, creative
Chaos;
Coerce
Change.

History
Continues.

Heads held high -
Commemorating heroes.

Celebrating

Hope-
Bravery-
Coexistence-
Unity-
Hope-
Bravery-  
Coexistence-  
Unity-    
Healing-Balanced-Charismatic-Unequivocal-ly

Colorful


Blacknes­s.
HBCUs are an essential commodity to a significant facet of our population. Protect them at whatever cost.
Jul 2022 · 669
?
ardnaxela Jul 2022
?
Am I really
just fighting
for
my family
or
is there more
like
am I all
?
so
fighting for
the feeling
of having someone
to care
for me
**** it
I deserve it
I deserve it.

or
could it be
the fight was
Just
a façade
am I All
ready
?
falling
victim to the fear
of failure
?
am I alright... ?
May 2022 · 1.2k
True Pt. 2
ardnaxela May 2022
living off
of apologies and time
spent in desperation
recollecting and reflecting
on where
all of the good vibes went
then
I may have smoked them.

underestimating my
control
of the situation
like I'm not
educated in protecting
my Peace
and healing my whole
mind, body
and Spirit

deflecting questions of
my integrity
all
because I prefer
complexity -
it takes me
three lefts
to make it right.

also some
times
I have to remind
myself
that it's okay
to cry
boiling hot emotions
got this little black kettle
singing high

currently
I'm choking
on the
hard pill
of a broken home
..heartache
worse than a broken bone
this is admitting to myself
that
I could be traumatized.
True.

I need a
get away
like Lenny says
quick break
with Mary, Garcia
and Vega
the only chance I ever get
to take flight.

in all Honesty
I am really
tired
of people
pushing me
and pulling me.
college drop-outs
they think
they schooling me
they are
tools to me.
Shorty,
swing my way
with that hammer
No
I'm not
driving for that *****.

some say real
Love is
Black
some say it's
blue..
I say it's both
you know
the winners
always leave with
a little
bruise .
or two . .
or3 . . .

there probably may come
a time of day
where
you have to choose
whether
to lose
yourself
in this matrix
or
to fight
by your own rules
and well

Here

is to you,
my Little Light
your presence is proof
that some
times
choosing
True
Love is
the right thing to do.
this started as a song.
Mar 2022 · 259
True
ardnaxela Mar 2022
True

enough to
Admit
when I'm
traumatized.

Optimizing this
brewed
agression
in me -

- It's a new transgression
from my

normalcy.
2-26-22 1pm.
Nov 2021 · 1.4k
The Gift.
ardnaxela Nov 2021
My blessing came
in a designer gift wrap -
Karma.
The box made of Rejection.
filler sheets of many colors..
..Deceit
…Embarrassment
…..Betrayal
……Jealousy
layered on top
of some
crumpled shreds
of Self-doubt and Insecurity.

— had to tear through
some things to get
to the goods —

The best present I’ve ever gotten -
a whole new Heart;
with me forever to stay.
Solace in knowing
all the junk that came
before Her,
I get to throw away.
11-6-21
6:22 am

The greatest things come in the most unexpected packaging.
Sep 2021 · 177
Anger.
ardnaxela Sep 2021
saw my heart as the enemy
when really
every battle fought was
just to win yours back.
a true Trojan horse in fact
left my gates
wide open
oblivious to the silent attack.
liar. traitor. cheat. scoundrel.
ever since i met you
it's like you've waged a war
against my happiness.
that rosy patch once
reserved for you
now scorched brittle black.
Day 7. The healthiest way for me to release my anger will always be through ink.
Sep 2021 · 550
Happy Things.
ardnaxela Sep 2021
a new Beginning
unexpected yet welcome
this fresh sight of Love.
Day 1. What are you happy about these days?
May 2021 · 294
Love Dies -
ardnaxela May 2021
Soft cries -
dreadful token.
Harsh lies -
misspoken.
True friends -
except imposing.
Inequality -
overloading.
Pain-killers -
microdosing.
Brought up
heart-broken.
Love dies -
however,

Still hoping.
edited and reposted from April 2019 because current circumstances have expressed a need..
ardnaxela May 2021
It’s not just you, it’s me too.
I’m just foolish.
Because I saw her and I know
you don’t love
me, anymore
and that you’ve moved on
but I’m still waiting
for your name to flash up on my
phone.
It’s none of my concern
but I can’t help to wonder
Have you ate? Today?
I still wanna
make you a plate;
cause I know it was some *******.
Look at me
still trying to put in work
and I’m not
on your pay roll.
I’m not even an intern..
and that’s her job now anyway..
So ******* foolish.
May 2021 · 672
Delusion.
ardnaxela May 2021
I’m still in love with your stupid ***.
Seriously, how long does falling out of love with somebody take?
May 2021 · 111
Dave & Busters.
ardnaxela May 2021
I know
all this crying is beneath me
But i just feel
like you want to leave me
and you’re too afraid
to show it
You don’t want to
be that *******
who leaves their girlfriend
while she’s showing.

I get it.
It’s okay if
you don’t love me
anymore
but
what hurts more
is all the guessing.
ardnaxela Mar 2021
The significance of memories

is something profound
                                  
                            a­nd intricate.

Through memories do we achieve immortality,
thus through the holders of memories
do we create the essence
of everlasting;

                                Loss


emerges as a facet of coping with sudden change,

Lost
loved ones...
valuables...
   time...
     opportunities.
but we can appreciate the silent endeavor
to generate everlasting existence
I asked my granddad to speak to me and this is what he gave me <3 4:30 am
Mar 2021 · 315
Be.
ardnaxela Mar 2021
Be.
Honestly
I feel like an Empress boo.

Divine iterations
of existence, unique...
And I truly hope these
expressions
make a good impression on you,
I do
not always know how things
will turn out
Often times I find
myself
stalled; consumed with doubt
So if you could,
Be patient please.
Things are deeper than they seem.
There’s more to me than you can really see;
although what I share
is limited
to the confines of a square
Boxed In
is one thing I could never Be
And so world, here’s to me
And here’s to Being
Infinitely
Free.
I plan on using this as a caption on one of my IG photos..
Dec 2020 · 111
So Laugh Today.
ardnaxela Dec 2020
Because when the fire comes
there is no
                  resurrection;
only demolition and decay.

If you are in its path
when the fire comes,
trust me.
There is no turning back.

   You must face the heat
that you think you seek.
   How long did you play?
   How long did you dance in the flames
   before you realized they too
would embrace
                You
And make a mockery of all those silly games..
Why is it so fun playing with fire? Seriously.
Dec 2020 · 130
Khaleesi.
ardnaxela Dec 2020
I think it's more hurtful because now
I know I was never heard and
the words I said
didn't really mean much.
Seems you had your own idea
in your head
about who I really was and
handled me as such.
Made a mistake, no doubt.
But really we both did.
But it's worse because I'm a woman -
I guess -
That's what I get
for being so naïve again;
More fantasies to undream,
more feelings to forget.
12-9-20
Oct 2020 · 113
You should(n't) be here.
ardnaxela Oct 2020
Today
I take a trip
Where my wild thoughts play..
A frolic frilling in
my mental while in
the physical I lay
Calm and collected is
subjective; cool
Serene as it may seem -
those moments harvest
an energy,
a need
for my little monsters
to be
free
Feisty
day dreams from yesterday -
Feisty
ideas released
like forgotten beasts
waiting
to be unleashed and
prey
on these precious lands
Of nothing
Praying hands sent up
in ambiguity
Where silence is the King.
Creativity lives
in a jungle place
Present yet
Far removed
from time and
Space.
Oct 2020 · 146
Strawberry Applesauce.
ardnaxela Oct 2020
Beads of pink burrow
in her teeth
Memories of
a treat sweet
for her tastebuds to keep.
Oct 2020 · 813
Quick question...
ardnaxela Oct 2020
You are never
clear with me
about
What it is you want.
I always have to guess.
Is this just a game to you?
Is my heart a play thing;
somewhere for you to make a mess?
Or
maybe it's a dream
meaning
It's all made up
And I should wake up.

I want to
Give you
All
Of me.
But I gotta know
You want me
I
Gotta know you
Need me
Know that
You can complete me.

I'm ready to become
Whole again

tired of


Splitting


Up
;

tired of

trying

  To

   Piece

    Back

Bits of my soul,
Fragments
S h a t t e r e d by senselessness.

blacked in sin.

I need my peace back.
I don't like to ask
But
I hate to guess
I'm wondering -
Can you be that?
And if not, just say so.
Jul 2020 · 188
Need A Place To Hyde.
ardnaxela Jul 2020
cemented in my position in opposition of lonely terrors
lonely terrors come at night, until they just watch from the shelf
from the shelf they contemplate and wait in their complacency
their complacency preys aimlessly under stars on barren souls
souls so cold have no energy source no life
Life gone stone - a victim of the Demented
demented are the intentions of the barren soul, to self-destruct conflicted and cemented
cemented in my position in opposition of lonely terrors
monsters i created myself
“Quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm. ”
― Robert Louis Stevenson
Jul 2020 · 138
Slow Down.
ardnaxela Jul 2020
Poetry starts like rain .
With one drop
It hits your body
You can feel it in your bones and muscles
And you have little time to prepare
But you know a storm is coming...
You can rush to get ahead of it
...You could try and block it altogether
But why not just take your time with it?
You could just see it through to the end.
Jun 2020 · 145
Battling, battling
ardnaxela Jun 2020
if i woke up this morning and decided to off myself
for the first time in my life
i'd be putting myself first.
May 2020 · 355
Good Morning.
ardnaxela May 2020
I don't like
the shrill excitement of sirens
warning me of what's to come.
I would prefer
melancholy raindrops
tapping hints into my window from the sun.
I can go without a quick start
with the false hope of an emergency.
Please, just lift me gently
and promise me that there's no urgency
when you wake me for the day.
alarms just don't do it for me these days.
May 2020 · 190
Guarded.
ardnaxela May 2020
Normally,
I am well-guarded.
When it came to you,
there was oversight.

I had walls built up to the sky.
Someone threw you a rope -
maybe it was me? Who knows,
But I allowed you to climb
the bricks of my mind,
meticulously placed and cemented with time.
I even went out my way and laid
a ladder against the other side.

A struggle indeed,
but you mastered the feat.
But then there was trouble
when you got to the peak..
I don't know
maybe you got too high.
Maybe I'm just
too consumed with fright.
I don't know,
but you hesitated.
Then you tripped.
In a panic, I kicked
away the rescue
And that's when you
fell down and missed..
hit the ground - but untouched?!
So then guess what?
You got up and brushed
away the debris..
Not even a scratch;
only my soul was crushed.
I'm left in defeat and
even more shattered trust.
Because
yes, I am guarded
but I've already shown you too much.
it was good until it wasn't.
May 2020 · 91
Entrepreneur.
ardnaxela May 2020
sweetheart
if you're street smart..
you'll never have to worry
about these ****** playing you
I've had my fair share of
bug-a-boos
thinking they can impress me
with a band or 2

the price of *****?
same as the price of happiness
just depends on who you're asking..
Unpublished draft from January 2019.
May 2020 · 89
Untitled
ardnaxela May 2020
how many hearts did you have to break
before you finally made it to mine?
Unpublished draft from June 2018.
May 2020 · 93
Nursery Rhyme.
ardnaxela May 2020
and if that diamond ring turns brass
and I'm forced to go through the looking glass
what the **** do you expect me to see?

i've been trying to turn a blind eye
to the images of my tv
but when i turn on my phone
they're still reflected back at me

i only wanted to take a selfie
now i'm getting clowned on IG
cause of that fake *** diamond ring
and you wonder why my mentality
isn't quite what they'd call "happy"
unpublished draft from April 2019
May 2020 · 371
Pressure.
ardnaxela May 2020
It's silent
screams of delight.
It's hidden
blushes behind a hair swipe;

It's wanting
to always get it right.
It's having
not to think twice.

Loving you

It's like a test -
It's like
the breath
before you roll the dice;

Why can't I even
think of you
without my chest
getting tight?

Loving you is pressure.

Will my love even suffice?
Alexa, play 'Hard Place' by H.E.R.
Feb 2020 · 254
I killed the Rose.
ardnaxela Feb 2020
the Rose that grew from concrete...
the delicate face
of a fragile beauty...
guarded by some tough exterior -
dutifully unacknowledged.
indeed, achieved a great a feat
but still
buried underneath their feet.

everyday trodden;
not once a chance to thrive -
effects of a circadian stampede.
A Rose
that grew for a simple life,
but the beauty within had died.

Her leaves she let wilt,
took every blow she was dealt -
dull thorns now to speak for.
color drained with a droopy stem,
wishing away dark clouds
so then maybe
she would
See more.

Rose.
could she have had it all?
her existence left her nothing.
party of one and the place is full of Rocks.
a stand-alone soldier in a grave situation;
the hurt wouldn't stop coming;
should we pray for such mercies?
she figures...

no singular mercy could unseal her fate
the blade of society is sharp and
against her soft petals it continuously scrape

...when you've felt one pain you've felt them all.
senseless emotions
trigger moisture in the stigma
finally a drop of color -
to the concrete it would fall
rich red
like the Flower
that once cracked those gray walls.
I was inspired to take poetry seriously by Tupac. The Rose That Grew from Concrete - the first poem of his I read. This poem was inspired by that one, and emotions I was feeling about myself, my relationship and others around me at the time. This was originally written in 2015. Thanks for reading.
Jul 2019 · 248
...
ardnaxela Jul 2019
...
the deed done
they both
lay in wonder
...
Jun 2019 · 304
The Beautiful.
ardnaxela Jun 2019
America,
she hates the poor
tosses her neighbors right out the door
sweeps the facts up under the mat
tell me how right is that?
to makes rules that benefit
the one percent already rich
and
neglect the side effects
or the lives she may impact
freedom remains a mystery
between her and me
America, see
we tend to disagree
cause
she hides her errors in arming her terrors
as they assassinate
our heirs;
eradicated their history
then tried to write it back
to a blank
canvas;
a page of empty space
now tell me how white is that?
3:47 am (WIP)
May 2019 · 549
Little Wolf.
ardnaxela May 2019
You ever felt like the Moon
was crying with you,

An existential just-because
Imagining if your existence never was
The type of feeling
it would be difficult to explain..

An amber crescent set low in
a mass of darkness
A lone candle to bring
Life to the shadows of pain

Tell me have you ever
felt the Moon cry too?
4:40 am
May 2019 · 141
Simple.
ardnaxela May 2019
simplicity is
to just exist.
simplicity is
to just be.
we all are born
simple
aren't we?
children are the masters
of flexibility
to make anything
their play thing
and just let things
happen naturally
how much fun does
the world seem through
the eyes of a kid who
sees a world free
of complexity?
&  we r the masters of complexity
.. when does simplicity escape thee?
Apr 2019 · 407
Twirl.
ardnaxela Apr 2019
one finger or two?
pick a direction; apply
pressure, aim and twirl.
enter the garden.
Apr 2019 · 185
Love Dies -
ardnaxela Apr 2019
Soft cries -
dreadful token.
Harsh lies -
misspoken.
True friends -
except imposing.
Inequality -
overloading.
Pain-killers -
welcome overdosing.
Brought up
heart-broken.
Love dies -
however still hoping.
Mar 2019 · 242
Peel.
ardnaxela Mar 2019
Something wasn't sitting right with us...
like a void that never filled.
I was almost oblivious to the pain of
deep cuts that never healed.
A moment of clarity I needed
my conscience to reveal..
Something told me to leave -
I keep my third-eye peeled..
your intuition will rarely steer you wrong. if it isn't right, your heart will feel it and your mind will try to mask it. free your heart, open your mind and

...

unfinished btw
Mar 2019 · 376
Mesmeric.
ardnaxela Mar 2019
Your love is
mesmeric like
smoke rising off
the lake in the soft
moonlight.
gentle and tranquil.
Feb 2019 · 1.6k
Penguin.
ardnaxela Feb 2019
I wanna see you fly.
Not because you have wings
but rather,
all the ones who said
you'd never do such a thing.
Feb 2019 · 464
Who?
ardnaxela Feb 2019
Darkness falls
My eternal routine
Perched at the top
I wait.
Only time will tell

The blue jay sang his song
Shall my notes be the same?
Into the night
I call
Sweet silence responds

Caresses of the wind
A rustle spread through my hideaway
Protected by Earth
I'm lost.
Though I see to clearly

Your identity was never known
The one that I crave most
Forever seeking, please reveal
I need.
Every evening is still the same
to the little owl that sings to me at night
ardnaxela Jan 2019
hey pretty girl
you know you're a beauty right?
the world can see it
and that's a fact
but is your own reflection
within your line of sight?

a special girl
you are indeed
this world is so lucky
to have you, please believe..
to yourself you seem less than
to what I would deem as perfection.
I just thought I'd let you know.
Jan 2019 · 218
Never Mind.
ardnaxela Jan 2019
I used to love it when you


Wait.

Or how about how you





No.


You know what













Never mind.
thank u, next
Jan 2019 · 1.6k
That it is okay.
ardnaxela Jan 2019
That  
was me
that told my Self
that  
it is okay  
to weep,
that  
it is okay    
to hurt
That  
was me
that told my Self
that  
it is okay    
to steep,
that  
it is okay  
to heal
That  
was me
that told my Self
that  
it is okay    
to let go,
that  
it is okay  
to give
That  
was me
that told my Self
that  
it is okay    
to breathe,
that  
is okay    
to live
That  
was me
that told my self
that it is okay.
To every person who got it up out the mud, you my people.
1-12-19, 3:04 am.
Nov 2018 · 1.5k
The Learning Cycle.
ardnaxela Nov 2018
You were fifth grade
so you were
my playground -
I buried small treasures
in your sand.

You were seventh grade,
lips sealed like my locker.
My safety, my trust..
I left my initials
inside your door.

You were tenth grade -
An open book,
a willing vessel;
I inked your pages
with my diary.

You were college.
You were shallow and empty.
I left you
with baggage full
of my least favorite memories.

You
You are now
but
I see future in you.
Perhaps

You'll be the
string that ties
these knots
and brings me
back to my center.
each time I gave a little piece of me. 11/1/18
Oct 2018 · 736
Of Surrender.
ardnaxela Oct 2018
As the stars would have it
the time is now to choose..

Favoring souls made in kind
to take flight
and conquer the night.
A single heartbeat on Eternity's
lifeline

A rhythm ripped in passion,
A beat made steady on the clashin'
of dual energies.
When our symphony resides...
A hush -
Come to me now.

Some perfect harmony...
Conducted by the Universe.
Composed in the signs.
Preserved in the stars.

The wonder we have found
ourselves lying in
could be magic or myth.
or both if and only if....

No bother, I'm arrived
and have come to oblige
My options concise

I've no choice rather than
eternally love you.
do you believe in soul mates?
ardnaxela Sep 2018
I watched a ******* the train.
I watched the small grin
slowly form across her face.
But her features didn't change.
I blinked and still
I watched the ******* the train.
Her mouth never moved...
I watched it in her eyes and knew
there was poetry in her mind.
I have a weird habit of going out in public with headphones in and nothing playing..
Sep 2018 · 2.0k
the Garden pt. 2
ardnaxela Sep 2018
i am
so tired
of these men
stripping me down
and
leaving me bare
interrogating me
with no words
left to spare
it's never new to me
i try not to care
but
somehow
i find
i'm always left shook
like a winter night's
tree limbs
the wolves come in
sheep's skin
i let them in
they rob me
blind, tender
of heart
of soul
of peace
even
my mind
i surrender.
i feel empty -
i am.
from all that’s
been took...
i am so
****
tired
of these men
who love me
then leave me
exposed in my sin.
not today satan. i'm tryna sleep.

5:32 am
Sep 2018 · 914
Self, love.
ardnaxela Sep 2018
Ev’ry body should
Feel a little bit worthless
Perhaps failure would
Then hurt just a little less
Sep 2018 · 2.0k
Leo.
ardnaxela Sep 2018
See
I was about to leave
but then you looked at me.
I felt it a challenge.
Suggestively
the beast in me
was roused.
*
I needed to taste your courage.
I needed to wrap my hands
around your passive aggression,
grasp your hot air..
I needed to feed off your energy
I needed your soul to
inhale it and make it mine
**
You told me so with your eyes.
I needed
to see.
And now
I'll never leave.
Leo, meet Virgo.
Aug 2018 · 3.2k
Autumn Nightmare.
ardnaxela Aug 2018
Embarrassment
Leave her faces imprinted in the pillow.
Distress
Leaves her voices hoarse and the cotton warm.
Sorrow
Leaves the fabric soaked in tears.
Rage
Leaves her hands in place until her breathing is shallow.
Defeat
Leaves her mind helpless against this attack.
Autumn nightmare
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