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3.0k · Aug 2018
Autumn Nightmare.
ardnaxela Aug 2018
Embarrassment
Leave her faces imprinted in the pillow.
Distress
Leaves her voices hoarse and the cotton warm.
Sorrow
Leaves the fabric soaked in tears.
Rage
Leaves her hands in place until her breathing is shallow.
Defeat
Leaves her mind helpless against this attack.
Autumn nightmare
1.8k · Sep 2018
Leo.
ardnaxela Sep 2018
See
I was about to leave
but then you looked at me.
I felt it a challenge.
Suggestively
the beast in me
was roused.
*
I needed to taste your courage.
I needed to wrap my hands
around your passive aggression,
grasp your hot air..
I needed to feed off your energy
I needed your soul to
inhale it and make it mine
**
You told me so with your eyes.
I needed
to see.
And now
I'll never leave.
Leo, meet Virgo.
1.7k · Jul 2018
backspace.
ardnaxela Jul 2018
The clouds of Pompeii
had nothing on his heart.
An eruption of UNCERTAINTY
then
his world e-x-p-l-o-d-e-d.
lights extinguighed,
joy (deleted).
Night is now who was once Day.
Corruption of a steaming bliss.
Darkness gripped his mind -
insomnia, coupled with a blind-ness..
that could only be caused
by some serious disruption....
like the ash of Pompeii when it settled
or the pain of a burnt page.
I'm sorry Teddy.
1.7k · Sep 2018
the Garden pt. 2
ardnaxela Sep 2018
i am so tired
of these men
stripping me down
and
leaving me bare
interrogating me
with no words
left to spare
it's never new to me
and
i try not to care
but somehow
i find
i'm always left shook
like a winter night's
tree limbs
the wolves come
in sheep's skin
i let them in
and
they rob me
blind and tender
of heart
and of soul
of peace
even
my mind
i surrender.
i feel empty -
i am.
from all
that's been took...
i am so ****
tired
of these men
who love me then
leave me
exposed in my sin.
not today satan. i'm tryna sleep.

5:32 am
1.4k · Apr 2018
Parental Discretion.
ardnaxela Apr 2018
4/29/18 5:47 pm

I wish you wouldn't blame yourself
For those memories I'll never get
I wish you wouldn't flinch so much
At dinner
when the conversation
meanders to my name
I wish my happiest moments
were shared with some of yours
I wish my accomplishments the same
I wish you could make a guilt-free trip
To see me.
I wish when I smiled
Your soul would adhere and do as such
I wish those times when I was knocked off balance
Your love would have been my crutch
I wish in our text messages there was no distance
I wish phone calls between us existed
I wish my existence didn't make you so uncomfortable.
Pops
I wish you would have gotten to know me
I wish you could have helped to paint my canvass
I wish you knew I'm not upset
I wish it wasn't too late
1.4k · Feb 12
Penguin.
ardnaxela Feb 12
I wanna see you fly.
Not because you have wings
but rather,
all the ones who said
you'd never do such a thing.
1.3k · Nov 2018
The Learning Cycle.
ardnaxela Nov 2018
You were fifth grade
so you were
my playground -
I buried small treasures
in your sand.

You were seventh grade,
lips sealed like my locker.
My safety, my trust..
I left my initials
inside your door.

You were tenth grade -
An open book,
a willing vessel;
I inked your pages
with my diary.

You were college.
You were shallow and empty.
I left you
with baggage full
of my least favorite memories.

You
You are now
but
I see future in you.
Perhaps

You'll be the
string that ties
these knots
and brings me
back to my center.
each time I gave a little piece of me. 11/1/18
1.3k · Jan 12
That it is okay.
ardnaxela Jan 12
That  
was me
that told my Self
that  
it is okay  
to weep,
that  
it is okay    
to hurt
That  
was me
that told my Self
that  
it is okay    
to steep,
that  
it is okay  
to heal
That  
was me
that told my Self
that  
it is okay    
to let go,
that  
it is okay  
to give
That  
was me
that told my Self
that  
it is okay    
to breathe,
that  
is okay    
to live
That  
was me
that told my self
that it is okay.
To every person who got it up out the mud, you my people.
1-12-19, 3:04 am.
780 · May 2018
I'll be there too.
ardnaxela May 2018
Yesterday
I thought about you.

    I remembered how excited you were
to see me; I remembered
    how happy you were
to see me those years before.
   Life's a little different now
but, that doesn't stop you -
    from reaching out,
letting me know that
    you're still there
and I feel your touch, I swear I do
    even when I know you're not there.
Right now, I'm afraid I'm all alone.
    It feels so different here.
Sometimes it hurts, sometimes too much
    without you being here.

Today
I miss you.
5/20/18 12:37pm
ardnaxela Jun 2018
You want me to
write my heart out on my sleeve,
then pull the thread,
unravel it,
patch it up,
then again,
then cut that arm off
and burn it.

Shovel my thoughts
into tidy piles,
then spill the milk
and muddle them up
then sop 'em up and
mop 'em up
'til I'm left with blurred lines.

Stuff my feelings in a jar,
toss them with ingredients
that don't mix
rollie pollie
with a dab of Ranch
and it's all ****** up.

Y'all want the key
to my mind -  
an old closet that leads to
a tunnel that leads to
the grave of my buried thoughts.

I opened the door
and I was pushed from behind
then told to "lead the way".
To "find the truth
in all your ways" -
one arm out
reaching in the dark;
a ******* a mission,
searching for her heart...

I fell in a hole.
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
It started to rain,
I was surrounded by mud.
The door closed.
Which one of you all
care to open it again?
3-25-18, 10:35 pm
757 · Sep 2018
Self, love.
ardnaxela Sep 2018
Ev’ry body should
Feel a little bit worthless
Perhaps failure would
Then hurt just a little less
648 · Jul 2018
QTNA.
ardnaxela Jul 2018
When I'm asking why
you love me
I'm really asking
why the wind blows

at this point.

The only answer
you couldn't explain;
How can your sun still shine
in the midst of my rain?
These unsaid things
are better off said,
because you forgave me
for everything but to you

I couldn't allow the same.

A patience for distress
I'll never understand;
A slow burning candle
in a sea of darkness..

My small light of hope

dancing in the wind.
How is this possible?
The one thing I can explain -
the reason you love me,
those answers must be the same.
Siri couldn't tell me either.
548 · Jun 2018
Love Train, A Travesty.
ardnaxela Jun 2018
I tripped along the railroad tracks
trying to escape from your trespasses of my trust;
trotting t'wards that treasure I hid
on a trail beyond those trees there.
Triggered by treachery, the truth in these tribulations
trialed and errored and transformed..
Tricky triumph, trifle *****.
I tripped along the railroad tracks.
sometimes love makes us clumsy.
494 · May 2018
A Woman's Heart...
ardnaxela May 2018
5/8/18 4:00 am

I'm afraid if I tell you my secrets that
You'll shout them back at me.
If my constant day dream
Was filmed in front of a studio audience
With you as the sole observer
You'd only laugh at my pain.
I'm afraid if I look into your eyes
You'll notice the ship
Sinking in the depths of mine.
If one day the weight becomes too heavy
And I suddenly drop this load on you
You'll crumble beneath the pressure.
You'd be lost at sea.
A pirate of my emotions.
I pray you swim at your own risk babe
I'm afraid it gets deep.
...is a deep ocean of secrets.
425 · May 28
Little Wolf.
ardnaxela May 28
You ever felt like the Moon
was crying with you,

An existential just-because
Imagining if your existence never was
The type of feeling
it would be difficult to explain..

An amber crescent set low in
a mass of darkness
A lone candle to bring
Life to the shadows of pain

Tell me have you ever
felt the Moon cry too?
4:40 am
422 · Aug 2018
The Noisy One.
ardnaxela Aug 2018
Curiosity lifted my face from the ground.

You asked me
what I required.

But our truth was still
mystery at that time.

I said
from You -

It was only silence.
You said o-k but still found a way

to pass your vibrations
along my sense.

Lit a flame and made a riot of
my mind's

already
slow-burning fire..

And I had to turn the volume back down.
boy you kept my wheels ******* turning.


7-30-17 5:16 am
374 · Oct 2018
Of Surrender.
ardnaxela Oct 2018
As the stars would have it
the time is now to choose..

Favoring souls made in kind
to take flight
and conquer the night.
A single heartbeat on Eternity's
lifeline

A rhythm ripped in passion,
A beat made steady on the clashin'
of dual energies.
When our symphony resides...
A hush -
Come to me now.

Some perfect harmony...
Conducted by the Universe.
Composed in the signs.
Preserved in the stars.

The wonder we have found
ourselves lying in
could be magic or myth.
or both if and only if....

No bother, I'm arrived
and have come to oblige
My options concise

I've no choice rather than
eternally love you.
do you believe in soul mates?
283 · Apr 23
Twirl.
ardnaxela Apr 23
one finger or two?
pick a direction; apply
pressure, aim and twirl.
enter the garden.
262 · Mar 4
Mesmeric.
ardnaxela Mar 4
Your love is
mesmeric like
smoke rising off
the lake in the soft
moonlight.
gentle and tranquil.
250 · May 2018
For the Mothers.....
ardnaxela May 2018
A love like yours
Is impossible to find
What’s that I say?
IMPOSSIBLE to discover
Why that I say?
Because this love of yours
Is mine, all mine.
For no one else,
it could be.
Another love like yours
I’ll never seek again
Not another day more?
Nope, not another
Because the love you give
Oh! how special it is
To have just for me
And to know this world in time
Could never replace
That, which it is
The love of a Mother
217 · Jun 2018
Of Heart and Curse.
ardnaxela Jun 2018
Pretty, pretty

Blue Bird.
I'll bet you no one's heard

that lovely song you like to sing
when you think no one's
listening.

Listen, Listen!

Angels here.
The silent winds drew near..

I'd wished they set your music free
forever to drift
back to me.
when I saw the beauty in your sadness.
ardnaxela Sep 2018
I watched a ******* the train.
I watched the small grin
slowly form across her face.
But her features didn't change.
I blinked and still
I watched the ******* the train.
Her mouth never moved...
I watched it in her eyes and knew
there was poetry in her mind.
I have a weird habit of going out in public with headphones in and nothing playing..
180 · Jun 22
The Beautiful.
ardnaxela Jun 22
America,
she hates the poor
tosses her neighbors right out the door
sweeps the facts up under the mat
tell me how right is that?
to makes rules that benefit
the one percent already rich
and
neglect the side effects
or the lives she may impact
freedom remains a mystery
between her and me
America, see
we tend to disagree
cause
she hides her errors in arming her terrors
as they assassinate
our heirs;
eradicated their history
then tried to write it back
to a blank
canvas;
a page of empty space
now tell me how white is that?
3:47 am (WIP)
173 · May 2018
My Favorite Magic Trick
ardnaxela May 2018
you don't love me
yet
but i know how to make you
i'll hold the hand
used to wipe your ****
watch me
turn mine to tissue.
ta-da!


bet you want me now baby.
168 · May 2018
Cloud Storage.
ardnaxela May 2018
7/13/17 2:51 am
How many could there be
Safely hidden from the senses
Of my enemies
I wonder how many there are
Of Ours
Illuminated across the dark
The scattered bones of every
Skeleton
I thought I had safely tucked away
Elevated discovery awaits
An eye for all ours
They twinkle in delight
With the silent-kept thoughts
We let frolic the night
Mysteries
Solved in the stars
Past and present alike
The true identities of all the demons
I'm still finding the courage to fight

I've never been happy.

I'm still searching for that silence
Above it is quiet
Below is loud
And violent.
The ear to the heavens waits listening
to every sound of every creature
I whisper to these creatures too
Into the night I say
Sing your song little Nightingale
Send your secrets to the sky
Let the clouds tell your story
In the place where all ours lie.
there was a lake there too.
138 · May 2018
I'm Going Home Now.
ardnaxela May 2018
5/16/18 2:50 am

Why'd you leave me all alone when
you knew I needed help?
At least stay and lend a hand with
all these cards I've been dealt;

You know I can't shuffle.

How can you ask if I'm alright when
you know the lie before it leaves my lips,
and you still ******* believe it then
blow my steam off with a kiss

Like that's supposed to sweeten the trouble.

You say you're there for me and
you are, if only just for show....
With my emotions you get it wrong
You actually listen when I tell you no.
I don't want you here. I don't want you near -

You go right with it then.

How'd you leave me crying in the doorway
knowing I'd only shut myself in?
My depression is my guilty pleasure
How could you condone my sin?
137 · Jul 19
...
ardnaxela Jul 19
...
the deed done
they both
lay in wonder
...
ardnaxela May 2018
i resolved long ago
to let those sorry ******* eat the cake
they love so much
with no concern for their own well being
they shovel it down their throats
i watch the piles build from their hips
and what happens when they've had their fill?
they puke it all over the ******* ground
right next to the pretty roses
now i can't take a walk in my garden
without stepping in someone else's ****.
love, John.
77 · Apr 2018
The Witching Hour.
ardnaxela Apr 2018
4/30/2018 3:46 am

Man
I feel like a woman
I've got hair up under my pits
No bra restricting my ****
Peach is fuzzy
but you can still get to the pit
If you ain't *****.
It feels good to be a woman.
76 · Apr 2018
April Fool.
ardnaxela Apr 2018
4/1/18 5:40 AM
Erase my footsteps
from this broken path
Find that loose ***** and
Give it back
to the ones who ruined it.
Who told me I could do everything
But failed to provide me
the tools to prove it.

I was supposed to be
Night’s brightest star
And those textbooks
Said the same.
Gave me the roadmap
Said “**** the pit stops”
Then put me in the car
With no gasoline.

A hitchhiker,
on her way to greatness
The road ain’t so
Straight and narrow.
Missed turns
Leave me clueless
With mild delusions
And steady making
The forced decisions
of the shameless.

I believed every lie I was told.
Ya know I wasn’t even scared.
So blind I walked
Into The Jungle
Never realized I was
Unprepared
Now I’m lost
And I didn’t even think
To bring a jacket
Because they’d never said
That it would get this cold.
67 · Apr 2018
A Pesky Storm Cloud.
ardnaxela Apr 2018
April 24, 12:52 pm.

She looked so pretty in the sunlight..
What happened when it rained?
Something happened to her spirit.
The pep in her step was actually a limp;
Her glitter traded for mud
And she'd wear those ***** boots all day
And an empty smile
To match her empty thoughts.
And where was hope?
Where had her faith gone?
Her attitude reeked of the sewers;
Another washed out heap of waste
On these days she hurts.
She lets her soul slip
Down the drain.
Her heart bleeds the most,
For with her sadness
She also weeps hate..
To know more days like this
Soon come and no sponge..

I offered her an umbrella one day
I could stand a drop or two..
But day after day,
Sit still I could no longer -
An effort I had to make
To shield her pain and heal mine.
She declined on the same beat.
What good is a cover-up?
I'll hide today.
Tomorrow I'll get wet.
The next I'll be soaked.
My world will be flooded..
My life gone afloat and
I'd have no time to respect
All these sad memories
I'd be forced to forget.

— The End —