Faceless expressions cross every path he'd seem to walk. A stagnant
Pressure within his walk of life. The same salty soup with minced carrots and peas you've had for 3 days because your just lazy and don't want to put the effort in changing that unproductive lonely life.

So it's me and soup
With the Reaper ladle
Life ran by an infinite loop
It can prove fatal

Continuously walking through bunches and crowds and crowds and bunches.

Suddenly a light force pushing on the left side caugiht his attention.

His eyes met hers as  her eyes met his. Dark hazel eyes deep and hypnotic caught his attention along with her lightly tan Rosie pink skin. She was wearing a grey beanie with a red scarf and light gray coat.

What a twist
Could love be faiths twine
Today in the mist
Of two that leave that ever so choking bind

A soft but tad enthusiastic sounds flutter from her pink lips.

" Sorry about that's I... "

She then felt a forward pressure like a quick palm or shoulder nudging her forcibly forward.

He caught her just as a reaction, a split second of perfect timing. She softly laid into his chest and felt his heart spike the increased gallop of motion and warmth it brought immediately aroused her.

They then stared for a second both contemplating on what move should be taken next

"My bag "

Her lips whispered out

He snapped back into perspective he looked behind him and saw it. He let her go and smiled. He took a couple of steps

" alright I'll play it cool I might not even get her number I'll just walk away after I give her bag back.
No no no do something don't be that stupid 
"

He had reached her bag grabbed it and turned around her smiled as there eyes meet. Her eyes bordered wide 
A confusion brought his mind to a pause. In seconds he felt as he'd been pushed he forgot her face and was immediately staring at the sky and right before he could even process why a flash then nothing came over him.

She'd screamed as the truck smacked his body into the air like a rag doll and slapped the ground effortlessly.
Shock came over her as the burly man stepped out of the car.

Like venom
Or a gun
Love can ****
It can be the victim
Oh how numb
Will it seem to get still

She felt an obligation to run over to her she dash the first three steps
Full speed, but the fourth step
That fourth and last step. The image of him quickly turn into a black yar street then a flash.

Beep beep beep
Beep beep beep

Calling doctor McCully your needed in room 492

Black slowly turned to curtains and cold and the smell of plastic she realized the  that she was I'm a hospital, but...what......happened
She wasn't she how she got or is even doing in an hospital.

The curtain opened a white suited man with black glasses appeared

" Hello Miss Bradley how are you, I'm doctor Rasshid I'll be you doctor until doctor Jameson comes back from his vacation "

" I'm fine I think "

He had told she she had fell pretty hard and suffered a bad concussion and maybe some whiplash. She's been unconscious for a week and might suffered amnesia.

A woman in the hallway started screaming and it caught her attention.

" excuse me doctor, what happened "

Doctor Rasshid looks over " Someone got hit by a truck and died on impact I think that's his girlfriend "

"Oh that's so sad I hope she'll be okay"


Love and tragedy
Seems to find us
At the most inopportune moments
Especially when bad luck
Can seem good all along

Doctor doctor
I need some therapy
It has been hell for me

I'm still here
Counting my blessings
Hoping they rescue me

Where do I go from here
Am I less of me

Doctor say something
Please just talk to me

You need help and I'll help you

Time for some therapy

Doctor doctor
I feel like a pawn
I want to be a king piece

The problem I have
Is someone is still playing me
Folding me at every crease

How many steps do I go
Let my soul rest at ease

How did I end up here
Standing or on my knees

I see that you have a problem

Time for some therapy

Doctor doctor
This is session three
I don't feel any better

Every problem I fix
One just cones around the corner
I don't know why the pester

How am I getting by
I feel like this is a letter

One eye open one eye closed
Now this seems like a jester
Am I trapped in a closet
With a jacket or sweater
And it keeps getting hotter
Regardless of temperature or weather
I know this is a rant I am going off tangent
But this word we call pain i cannot even imagine

- silence breaks in the room -

1 second
2 seconds
3 seconds

The doctor smiles stands up and walks to the door and opens it.

I see that you know the problem

Time for some therapy

We all think we are special
And rightfully so
Because we are
but we all forget we are human
Those who only see we are human
Forget they are special
And rightfully so
Because we are

Somehow on the scale

We got to find the balance

A picture is worth a thousand words

Or so they come to say

But that smile in the photograph

I come to know as fake

I close my eyes and imagine it

The you it tends to hides

My decision to envision it

Makes me ache from side to side

What if the photograph

So delicate and quant

Showed what you really are

If only something faint

Would it change your at outlook on things

Or would it be the same

Because the photo is just a photo

A lie upon a frame

The truth behind a photograph

What is there really all to hide

The truth right now

Is the truth I know

Unity is the reality that freedom couldn't bring

The greatest gift I've ever gotten

Is a reality check

Check mark check

Pay cash check

The truth I know

My worst gift I've ever gotten

Was a green paper

And the ideology that I could be anything and go anywhere

Oh the truth I know

For as a person the hardest math equation is getting something to equal when the scale is forever tipped


The currency of gift

Distinguish from the rift

The easiest thing I've done was breathe

For the struggle wasn't real as the life form unconsciously growing in the womb I wasn't the one to ensure my survival

The hardest thing I've done

Is decided to keep breathing

While I get penetrated

At the pinnacle

Of my pineal gland

And what its made up of

But the truth I know

I enable limits

Because the truth I know

I reach for what can't be reached

Because the truth I know

Oh the truth I know

Is the truth right now

I should've wrote it down

We all need feedback

I simply

Want to think deep

While my mind is empty

Sitting in all my wrong doings

And the people who've

Done me worse

Loved me better

And made it happen, somehow

You're visually perfect, but I'm looking for the mental image

To personally mix

To try and find the balance

What changes is the dialogue

The common misconception is that we all learn the lesson when we can only think of the future outcome that presently effect the us when will turn into the past

I am the object
Of my own demise
Surprise
I wish you wouldn't of heard me say it

I shut down and close you out
And I didn't know how stupid it was until now
But I won't go back
I don't regret a simple single thing

It's been awhile
Since I've sat and thought it over
My dreams aren't so sober
And the venom is still in the center left
Of my heart so I didn't die
In this weakened state I tend to stay awake

Unfortunately I took your love for granted
You, also used me to become stable so you wouldn't be alone
So we are our own enemies in each other
We can mix like oil and water

In the most delicate of moments
And the decadent situation

This is my last chance to reach through the wall without using my limbs
Before I'm slain by my own promises
And smack against the ground of reality

Don't lie the hard part isn't the first step
It's having to take the first step and the fear that comes after it

I don't think

I'm ready

Objectify
Subjectify
Bite my neck
Warm my body with yours
This isn't the birds and bees
This is crows and wasps
She wants me to pull her hair
Arch your back
Let the shiver crawl up your spine
Open your eyes
Put your nails in my back
Make me bleed
Make me bleed
Kiss me recklessly
****** pump
Put her on the wal just like she likes
**** the breast
Feel the heat
Bite the ****** till her feet curl
You don't even know the things I would do
Convince me it's wrong just at the right time
Tame the beast
Let him free
Bring me back
Take control
Leave your marks
Tattoo my back
Blood scabs and nails
Those aren't bruises
That's me mark
Don't forget
The scream you had
The moan in the corner
Choke me
Choke her grasp your Hands
Don't run away
Every single mark you make
Isn't love
It a just rough
The blood you drew and the marks I mad
The anger and delight the relief that pleasures me
And to you
We take it down
Till we both fall apart
And in the morning
Let it rain
Don't let the bee's buzz
And the birds chirp
I want to you to wake with a sore throat
And I a sore back
Sing to me
Your raspy screams
Because I prefer wasps and crows
then the birds and bee's

Not you again
An achy yearning rises in my chest
You show up out of nowhere
The hairs on my body stand
Won't you go away
Lips crack and dry
Maybe just one
I lick my lips
One won't hurt
You only need one every now and then
Unconscious actions lead me to the door
One that's all
Dopamine rush
I look up
"Big Al's smoke shop"
It won't be bad
No no no
It's relaxing
No no no
It won't hurt
No no no

" Hey yo"
My head turns
" Are you going in or what?"
I glare back at the store
" Nah"

I follow you by the love I've conceived

My ears and eyes follow your lips

Only pictures cure my loneliness when your gone

Your home, pick up the phone

I'm not obsessed

I hope I'm not clinging

I just walk around supported by ghost

No one is really near me

I guess I've hit my limit at the point of erosion

Couldn't you see the decay

Receiving many scoldings

They all say it's just a critic and a harsh opinion

Obviously it's true 

no one like sugar coatings anymore

bitter, sour, and spicy seems to be what they want more

I want the sugar with a little bit of sour, a dash of something bitter,
And of course the spice

Yet I crave another simple item

It's you in my life

And the day I realize you and them can't be there or can without my notice

That's the day I'll still walk this road

Remaining at my loneliest

Call me crazy

But I lie alot

Even when qips and quoted urge the truth

The truth shall set you free

So I should assume lies keep you locked

I just can't stand hurting people a lot

Call me weak or whatever you will

I can keep a secret or a promise if you will

Disagree that's your decision

I just can't give my loved ones a true depiction

Family problems

What a troublesome bunch

So I lie to keep the peace

Because it's gotten worse

Since the truth has been out

I can take it they scream and shout

Friends are just as bad

Because family is forever and friends my never last

So how to keep it dear like the beginning of a letter

I sweat in summer wearing a winter sweater

So I will always be sweating

To tell the truth

Or to lie to you

It's like walking into hell from a war zone
Reality just to escape the "comfort" of your own home

It's actually not that bad

But not that good

Because I've noticed that being difficult is not my style

But I can't conform to everyone

Lose control to brash decision that aren't my own

So I lie

Yes I lie

Why I lie

Because like this sweater

It makes me feel better

To not hear the bickering

To not keep a secret

To not care when caring

To lie and make you feel better

To stay in the back

I'm interested in that

Because if I get involved

Then I'll be free

And freedom has its price    

Pay it that's your choice

But it won't be mine

Not this time

Because I'm tired of it

So call me crazy

But

Sigh



This is why I lie

To **** a bluejay
Give it soda
Lots of soda
They can't drink that ****
They will try to burp and die in the process

To know

To know hate
You have to love first
Or understand the experience from a relativistic point of view
Eww

To know love
You have to open the word up and not judge
Even though I wouldn't call that true love

To know happiness
You have to experience sadness, anger, and all the above

To miss something you have to either be aiming or have a target in mind or have it and lose it over some period of time

To know
Is hard to define
Because you need know the opposite

The problem is we tend to forget what knowing accomplishes

What knowing what the real problem is

If knowing is the problem them
Should you reconsider experiencing from the start again

Believing you have a choice in the matter
Knowing what your value is

And even to know that
You have to experience
The thing that makes you know

Consciousness

To mend a broken heart
You have to follow an ignorant soul
To follow that lowly soul
You need patience
Why patience
For ignorance
Why ignorance
Why not
To mend a broken heart
Understand its s fickle and frigid thing
It creeks When it opens
It locks When it closes
It's conceded One way
And submissive in others
To mend a broken heart
Another heart is needed
To mend a broken heart
You have to break your heart in the process

Dear you


You who I don't remember

I didn't try to forget you

As I forgot others

You just slipped away like a meal I had yesterday

No offense

And I apologize if it was taken

I know the feeling

And it wasn't on purpose

The funny thing is 

I've tried to forget other's

To no avail

And I only remembered you

One day on the bus 

When I saw your face and remembered

You remembered me


I could tell by your face

And I know now why we didn't talk

Not because of a useless conversation

Or a phone number to keep in touch

Not because of misplaced hate

More like disturbed feelings

I hurt you and I am sorry

And you hate me now

I hope I am human but the feelings I feel

Aren't hurt by you

And not to say I don't care

But by next week you won't be there

And I've been in your position and have been forgotten

So I'm human by nature and wrongfully rotten

To you who I don't remember

And for those who don't remember me

Out of sight and out of mind is where we will always seem to be

I'm scared of being in this position the rest of my life

Anxiousness tightens when thoughts of the future arise

Success scares me more for I suffer from complacency

In this frivolous pursuit

The journey is worth more than the destination

But its not worth the wait to travel forever

Choices choices

Why so many

Death ought to feel like this

Instead of the sweet escape it claims to be

I feel ill and a bit sleepy

As the saying goes

I'm sick and tired

But I'm sick and tired

Of being sick and tired

Living as a child was easier

Wishing to be older

Wanting to experience wanting to learn

Then when you get there

It was just another lie

The biggest lie

The only real lie

Now like me you're stuck between doing nothing, doing something, or doing everything about it

Whatever it is doubt it

Don't let it live

Because everyone has something to say

From June to may

You'll hear it all hoping for a simple happiness or a simple death

While every day you wake up absorbing the stress

And when you get to your destination it doesn't feel real

As most dreams don't

That's me everyday

Every night

No one knows what actually goes on

Even I can't figure it out

But the more I tend to reach or think about my success

The more it stresses me out

Another thought slides through my cranial material

How will i sip this sour soup from those pitch black lips

And should I succumb to asphyxiation

The thrill of walking into a moving iron death trap

Thats where loves at

separated by opinion in the false dominion of unity

This is a test lab

And we're all **** rats

Still fighting for scraps

Pretend im a bug

And trends are a drug

Its still like raid toxic

Here it comes

The creeping feeling of doubt after that very decision

And every decision

But till that moment comes

I'm probably going to twiddle my thumbs

Sweet like honey and milk
Only the smoke will appear in the mirror
Smooth like silk
I couldn't understand it any clearer

I wish i could stop the times i experience a profound sadness of unopened events of my heart and future self  in the span of time for things I haven't experienced yet

I couldn't bear anymore of the weight in my interior
Exterior
Inferior of all the things engraved in me

To think I am a fragile being constantly tossed in to a vortex ripped apart fished out and put back together

We are one of them

Thinking of a time only drunk and high questions yet

Still thinking sober thoughts of things you haven't decided to even have the time to think of yet

This is all still the same recital

Of things untitled

I'm tired 

Of people

Friends that complain about their true friends

I can't be friends with all of you

Simply because you show none back

To value someone at a higher state

Hurts you at any rate

To treat you special 

Even if it's all at the same level

I should be a quiet ******

At least interactions would further interest me

I'm tired of unanswered text

Or accommodating to your standards

I could be the one that make you laugh

But you want that ******* over there to do it 

Not me

Why 

Because I'm not him

Hey I'm a funny *******

I just gave a minor coin value

Me and old abe

Either way the penny is still earned or saved

I dislike how you cry every day he is gone

Don't get me wrong I understand you miss him

No I've never been in love 

I guess I won't understand

I won't understand how to hold certain people over others regardless of the binding situations we are put in

I won't understand that loving everything and everybody for what they are is so **** hard

On the other hand it is a contradiction

A hypocritical statement

Because at the end if the day

When living good noble and kind is a dangerous way to live

That means I'm a badass

But why value all as a million bucks

When you just a penny of a dollar

Its only When you decide to pick a side that you have to  prepare to be the bad

For its no longer what's right or wrong it's to you who feels justified

Because at opposite ends you  can flip a coin but you will never land on the third side

Which is the ending you what but like an endless ocean you will never land

And for all that's lost what is really taken
Is really only  time

Because time takes the love and hate and kills the past we left behind 

Time is the number 1 killer

So take you time

answer all the questions just to  be asked some more

Is to learn that whatever will be will be

But then we ask some more

I may never know

The answer to this simple mystery

What a conundrum

I had s nightmare
That I changed the
It helped every generation
Boys and girls
I had a dream
That everything was the same
It didn't really change any perspective anyway
I had a nightmare
That we were standing right screaming Revolution resolution and restitution
I had a dream that I lived in America twin condo and ciroc with a girl named Eric
I had a nightmare
Everyone was happy
We all would fight
For the world and what happened
I had a dream that I was a black activist
Dying for the truth and my truth only is what mattered then
I had a nightmare that I spared the differences of unity and freedom and how equality isn't fair because we are equally different from where we're from
I woke up
Frustrated
Upset
Joyous
Happy
Contant
Realized what I had
Past present future
And now I make decisions
Because I'm only getting older
And its all just controversy
Trying to hurt me

What's going on?
I am questioning happiness
Not mine of course
It wanes and changes from time to time

I'm questioning everyone else's 
It just seems
Like when you tune in to the world
Everyone else is
Tuned off
Flick
Light switch

No one wants to be here
Here
Not now
Here

What's going on

I am questioning love
Not mine of course
I neither love more or less than the words to describe the feeling itself

I'm questioning everyone else's
Is it just dopamine
A temporary high
Or something that can be taken the wrong way
As many are

No one wants to love
They just want to be in love
Not love
In love


What's really going on?

You make me not want anything
Anything including you
Excluding me
To be myself
I've been distracted
To blend in
Seems I've been different for too long
Your way seems to late
No matter what you say
I will falter
I will fight
I will accept
Understand
But I will fight
I guess it's multifascet
Wether its a good or bad habit
Regardless what does happen
I will take change from this transaction
The marginal effort differs great
By the span of perspective
I respectively say
******* *****

On my path of self discovery
I've discovered that I must destroy myself
To become what is new
Wether it be by brick
Or an explosive tick
For I walk on goals
Full of holes
Deeper and steeper the steps will take
But now in lay stagnant
Something never wanted
It concerns me that I'm an open book
With a summary and title
Chapters of many
But the contents of my pages
Well there aren't any
On the verge of relaxing in stress
At the place where negativity surrounds me and positivity smothers me to death
I fear the mirror I look in will appear blank
For I know what I am
But not who I am
At the point I discover I'm destroyed
Maybe it'll make sense when I look in the mirror

What a joke

They call it

Growing up

Stuck in guilt tattled by perpetual emotion she tries to find her devotion

She looks from face to face
Trying to find her place
While she secretly aches
To drown in his ocean

A runaway slave
Trying to find her grave

He makes the hours
In her head
Into minutes
Quickened hearts beat
As she seeks
A final home
to rest her bones

He reminds her that life is too short to find matching pairs of socks

Now she wanders on a terrain of rocks

Maybe it could've been

A smile overcomes her

Overwhelms her
But he compels her
Despite his lack of trust
For an honest open love

Arms open for that of a skeleton

They know each of the others relevance

His heart is hers to own

As he sits and cradles her unmarked tombstone

You know what plagues me at night

Thoughts

Thoughts and the ever living darkness the brings them from the parts of my brain associated with stress

I however am not an insomniac

Like Good dreams I think deep before my slumber

And in that thinking what is to come of me occurs

Even with thoughts as rich as fresh soil nurturing a budding flower
I swirl into disbelief of what is to come of me

Will I win

Should I do

Will I not

Yes I must

Overlapping in a heart racing pace

It bothers me

I want to sleep

I have things to do

See while my mind stretches itself into far far reaches

My body must suffer

My body must suffer even when my mind isn't being stretched

I know it could be worse

And I'm grateful it's only here

Another thought

This endless loop

I'm in pain

Still I need more from my body

Achy knees whistling lungs

I truly don't have it worse as I hastily type these words of fear confusion and frustration

It can bring me to the brink of tears

Like my friends

How blissfully ignorant some of them may be wether they may be privileged lucky or just plain stupid I have succumb to the poor man's set backs

Tossing and turning

YouTube to facebook

What if I never make it

I don't know the outcome

I'm just afraid to move

And moving because if I stay still the fear of not moving will consume me in a manner most unpleasant

Oh the bump I must overcome to become a stronger withered man

A husk if I may

I no longer taste the air air or bare the fruit of knowledge

I've lost the battle

I do not crave knowledge

And knowing is half the battle

The battle I play in my mind

Which tonight at this time will be forever and reoccurring

Sleepless thought

Nothing is stable
Because I'm use to instability
This ground is not fertile
So get use to infertility
I might be able
And not have the ability
Everyone one needs saving
But there isn't a savior
Through many of labors
We try to find loyalty
Which is funny because
We're all used to enemies
Nothing is labelled
Its all under the table
Nothing has flavor
But it still taste good to me
You want to love like you're dying
With no time to wait
And all hearts at stake
Die like you're living
Forget all the hearts you break
When I'm tired I seem to be the most calm
When I'm stressed I feel relaxed when I'm anxious I keep on waiting
For my paranoia to detach
I tend to want to get high
But I embrace the night
Like an introvert I'm in my mind like I wear its design and material things are measured in time and all the time I seem to whine
Just to be extra ordinary
Lord I'm wary
I wonder what's going to happen next weekend

Every now and then
I'm convinced to move a pen
Under the world pressure
It can be my pleasure
To see the highs and lows
While my shoulders hang low
Under the world pressure
This is your first lesson
A read and not replied message
We all hate it
Debating if we could but we can't fake it
Mistake it
miss take it for something other than
Unacknowledgment
Appropriate neglect read message sent
Wait suspense
1 minute 2
2 minutes till
An hour pass by and no reply still
A world pressure all alone you don't notice
Keep the scale heavy with the world upon my shoulders
World pressure
Here's another lesson
Life doesn't mean to be mean
But exceeding the median in any direction makes it return to the mean
Meaning too much of something good is too much of something bad
So too much is too much it's that simple
Plain to plan
Just as I was moving and got hired
If I don't pass I'll abruptly be fired
Because I possess no piece of paper
Please relieve the player
Relief bequeathed a favor
Now no more to savor
Give a dog a bone
Then leave the dog alone
Walk down the summer block
Not awaiting a thunder shock
Just as your alone it rains a summer song
Gravity not tragedy the melody I play along
It's just world pressure

If I wrote suicide note...
It wouldn't be a love letter
If I wrote a suicide note
Would you be in it
Would it sadden your conviction
Would you be my hopeful light that made me leave with a smile
If you read the note
Would tear ducts flow
Would you caring make a difference
Woul I be pushed aside or would it be more delibrate
If I wrote a suicide note
Do you think I would end it
Would life crush me to the point
Thyat I would morlly want to end it
When you read it and the truth spilled out
Could it make or brake your attention
My hateful restitution
My loving resolution
What would be the reason
Today or tomorrow
If you wrote a suicide note
Would i be in it or make the difference





Have you ever thought every consequential second me just exsisting or emotions thick as resin
Would you cry knowing I did. The guilt would it **** you that I lived and you weren't around to care or do anything about it. If you were there and tried as hard as you could and love me with warmth and not responsibility as I would you. I left it in the note as my best and worst

To see you for you

The pretty face

Sculpted by fairies in a timid place

We equipped make up

But oh oh oh natural 

The hormones of a different women

Hot cooking

Where I'm looking

Kisses to you

The taste if that blue moon

Moon moon moon

How quaint very soon soon soon

I've donned to be inspired

Motivated by smiles

Determined all the while

Few few few

Look and taste and feel

Like you you you