I swirl the stress, turn
pirouette in my veins.
It is fuel for my fire.
I breathe in, out.
shallow,
yet crisp
the smell of burning
leaves on a brisk
autumn day.


I am the flame,
won't you put
me out?

rebuilding myself with
feathers and paper scraps
the glue, flimsy, but it
needn't be stronger, for
it is my shell; Crack, bleed
and I will emerge reborn
a butterfly once more
this isn't my tomb, no
It is my metamorphosis.

the alcohol lined up with
stacked pill bottles, sobbing
a dark cloud lays upon me
your knock on the door, snap
back to the moment, wipe away
and answer with a smile, you
were silly and carefree, for a
moment my heavy heart lifted
and your laughter saved my life.

tick tock tick tock
time runs forward
miasma in my brain
a spark that keeps
lighting, lightning
in my limbs
been alight so long
don't know what it's like
not to burn

fingernails to rock
crawling up this mountain,
sweat fills the air, my cheeks
flushed, embarrassed of how
much effort it takes me to
deal with this burden but it's
okay, as long as I make it
one more day. I will have won
the race against myself.

I know there's no such thing as forever.

Intimately I have it carved into my heart
flecks of scars line my soul, deep in my
veins. Yet I treasure every single moment,
every laugh, every smile I give you.

I could never give you enough, tiny paper
scraps I offer, and you take them so
delicately. You help me breathe when I
forget who I am. You bring me back to
Earth when I go to float away.

I know we're not eternal.
But it doesn't matter.

All I can promise you is this moment,
and it's all you can promise me back.
That's enough.

It was always enough.

a story often starts
with dark stormy nights,
but you were my north star
peaking out so bright
my one and only, love and
a true light in the darkness
taking with you I'm just
laid bare with a starkness
I went to grab you from the
hole; to stop another's fall
no time to wonder if I'll
sacrifice it all.

every morning I wake up
a miracle and tragedy
wrapped up in one
I should be grateful but
all I feel is exhausted
let me sleep.

electric fireflies
dance in my vision
a spark makes my
limbs go rigid, stiff
emotions let free
a waterfall, won't
you hear me out?
Just one more time?

never-ending fire and I'm
out of water, can't stop
the blaze, all I can do is
watch it all burn down

hole of my own making
buried alive with things
I need to do, a person
I need to be. Digging
upward, dirt filling my
lungs, all I want is to
see sunlight again

the shadow around the corner

the monster in the mirror

it's what keeps me up at night

the thought of who I could be

these ghosts I hold
they shriek, they moan
a reminder of a past
I cannot atone
I wish to one day find
peace in this violence
see the message in the static,
I'll find myself in the silence

every single day I choose life
not actively, but a small whisper
behind the static that murmurs
"You can do it for another day"

mysterious stranger clad in
white, a beautiful visage, a
tiny laugh is all she leaves
behind, and little whispers
in the static.


"Who are you?" I plead
...
"Who am I indeed?"

made of dead stars
broken dreams, and
a heart dripping with
ink black as night

you called me beautiful
and I am still reeling
because despite my
flaw stained soul
you think I'm everything

even when I feel like
nobody at all

I'm tired of worrying if
I'll eat my words one day,
say too much; love too

much

I would rather regret
what I said over what
I can no longer say

I'm an addict for love
feel the heat of a moth
growing closer to flame
my wings already kissed
by growing fire. I live for
the warmth, even as I
burn alive

empty shell filled with
butterflies, beautiful
liar; the mysterious
whisper just where
you almost couldn't
hear

hot air fills my lungs,
scream softly
"I'm just tired."

we weren't star crossed and
certainly not just unlucky, no
your choices are your own
sins on your back yours to shake
I can't save a drowned corpse,
but you'll always stay a photograph
untouched in my mind, but tragedy;
you will never see how the story ends.

can't stop moving forward
a shark in the water, blood
pumping. How can you say
the fight is over while the
wound still bleeds?

when you fall head over
heels, how does it go?
are we honest, or two
masks just pretending?
craving words like hot
air in my lungs, I would
scream and cry if only
it'd mean anything at all.

demanding with your eyes
out for blood, violent red
but I know, deep down?
all you want is someone
to meet your gaze, and keep it.

overflowing with emotion;
every gaze, when our eyes
meet. I can make all the
promises like white lilies
on the shore, but you make
your way through the static
and always see me, only me,
a flawed girl made of ink.
If I promise to raise my sword
to your demons, could you
love mine?

it takes a village but
what happens when
yours goes up in flames?

And what if I'm the
one holding the match?

I didn't mean to burn this bridge.

something beautiful
a meeting, a night of
talking in whispered
tones, "I love you"
said like a mantra,
you know it was what
I needed to hear,
but you meant it.

mesmerized
eyes lost in the
heat, moment.
this night lit only
by blazing fire
and I want you
to dance with me.

anthem; my song
plays, and I will
wind my own turnkey.
I'll dance, shaking
off the rust of shame
and regret;
it won't stop me.

If I'm stuck looking back
at the past, how will I ever
see the present?

heaving breaths and it
feels like gods choking
me again, my vocal cords
are strained, my voice
a squeak. Invisible
tears stain my cheeks,
still dry. I'm imploding
and becoming super-nova
or maybe a black hole
instead. Screaming a
whisper:

H E L P
M E

i don't know how to tell you
between honesty and untruths
is where i lie,
shades of
blue
immodest and uncouth.
i don't know how to express
cherry trees in full bloom
failing this game of
chess
i hope to see you soon
you have so much to say
you never leave me guessing
and for once the next day
didn't feel so depressing

i'm deafened by the
silence; air palpable
and I can hear my
heart beat fast.

Its like I was
back there again.

the feeling of a paused
explosion, breathe in- out.
only the smallest spark; yet
I feel like I've been
electrocuted.

what a beautiful
tragedy
my love for you,
so strong,
it can destroy
my very
core
...
I'm hopeless.

the freedom of
loneliness, breathe
in the silence,
intoxicating.
the feeling of
an empty house,
...
I guess we all want
what we don't have.

the butchers nest
blood on the linoleum
she sharpens her blade
pay her and meats on the
table, just don't think about
where it comes from.

scream up and down
to give me more space
but when the
night comes
cold sets in
...
I just want you to hold me.

I've turned toward the sun

and I've begun to heal, cracks

once oozing now sealing, but

no matter how much I reach up

and how much I grow, the scars

are always with me, and I

will never forget.

sway back and forth
a beautiful array of
emotion dances
side
by side
I feel a menagerie
and my lips feel dry

Not a word spoken,
yet so much was said.

Writing like slapping brushstrokes
on the page, typing with such speed
that the keys click loudly; music
to my ears. I will write like my
life depends on it, because sometimes
it does. Through lows and high, I
will make art, and maybe, just maybe,
one day someone will read them
and understand.

coffee, cigarettes,
and a cloudy day
attitude. You found
me there, not looking
for affection, and yet
I needed you like air
in my lungs.

it bugs me, the way
you walk like you own
the place, standing tall
prideful as a lion, yet
selfish as a thief.

You are all you think about.

can't stop thinking
you, always a damsel
but what happens dear
when no one comes to
save you?
...
Do you have it in you,
that fire, that spark
to be your own hero?

you said you loved me
but this isn't what love
is, love is not a throwaway
gag for you to come and go
as you please, love is not
the pain you caused me, making
me feeling like I'm going crazy;
making me choose.

I don't know if I truly loved you,
but what you gave back was anything
but
love.

you would do well to remember
that I'm not made of stone
thousands of papercuts into
my armor, it splits and I
bleed unto paper.
...
I wish I could bleed out in
your arms, instead.

there's a balance to be

struck, the tightrope

between creativity and

burnout; a match lit from

both ends and I'm burning

alive.


I don't know when to stop.

screaming in a

soundproof room

the feeling of

tiny cuts opening

my scars displayed;

bright red. It's like

I'm unraveling, and

I don't want to stop.



"It feels like relief."