Here's a funny thing 'bout clowns:
NOTHING. They eat babies and ****
Young men until they get their fill,
Hang kittens by their window sill,
Send texts from behind the wheel,
Name their daughters things like Neil,
Use way too much salt on every meal,
Leave you on read just for the thrill,
And put their names in your nan's will

Actually, the balloon animals are pretty cool I guess

Pink cherry blossoms fall like shedding tears
Gently caressing the earth as they land.
To me, it's just decay like rotting flesh
Of one once loved. Just bones and putrid smells

Idle conversation falling upon your tongue
As your bright eyes exclaim more than words could.
These words die out soon enough and I
Never cared for the company of beauty;
I am but a misshapen wretch beside you

Oh! Friend, lover, fiend and vagrant - sorry,
But I reject it all. My heart closes
Like a fist and all we were fades like
The stones at the foot of Ramses, devoid
Of what we once were; more ghosts than people.

Snows and skies of laughter slowly diminish,
I replace them with silence and apathy.
Soon I forget what was so funny
Nor do I particularly care.

I tried to make a lamp into the sun.
It burns my eyes like the sun does,
But finds itself only half as gorgeous.
The real is too much for me to bear.

Spilt blood seeps into the cracks of the earth
Floating gently down like a plucked feather
Deeper and deeper into the black soil
Which turns purple, slowly, like a bruised fruit
Carrying its infected blood to the core.
Festering roots grow, a tumour,
Which rises and bursts like an overripe fig
Into the open landscape below which it swelled.
Pink leaves hang from its twisted branches
And casts a black shadow submerging us all

Paris came back to troy
And saw Hector on the shore.
He told him he had found his love
But what he found was war.

Fascism sings with sweet lies as
The chorus wails. We sit weeping,
Our history bastardised and
The body of our nation growing cold

Console us not you priests!
We need more than your words

Smoke rises from his lit cigarette,
The air heavy with ash ridden breath.
A lighter flash from across the bar
Left as soon as it came

He leaves a lonely figure
And greets the cold hugging his coat.
Under his feet the snow of past
Has turned to water once again

He hails a passing cab
As his feet mourns the snow

I've got numbers that never show.
I'll never see another text
From those asleep in an oak box.
I screenshot them; kept like dead leaves

I hope it never ends
I hope it never .

I'm made of now
I'm melting
This is unbearable
This is unbearable
This is unbearable
I'm made of snow
I'm melting
This is unbearable
This is unbearable
This is unbearable
I can't believe I made through winter
Just to be cut short by the summer
This is unbearable
I'm made of snow
But my chest hurts
Everything hurts
This is unbearable

All that was fixed floated before
My eyes. Blood ridden rags flew like doves
Of peace outside my window.
Pictures of slaves framed as freedom

Ink in the pen replaced
With blood and  yellow bile.

Without the courage to end it,
Or the will to go on,
The vagrant wanders aimlessly
Under the artificial lights

I - Mediocrity

I'd give my flesh just for one ounce
Of your genius. In my mediocrity
I turned the extraordinary
Into the ordinary.
You made a symphony from lost
Moments, only you knew their worth!

Ashamed, I scorned you. Forgive me
For we are both lonely orphans

II - Time

I sit waiting.
Each day,
Just waiting. Still,
Waiting.
For anything.
A sign
Of gods' favour
Perhaps.
Always a fool.
A fool,
Always.

III - Fading Footnote

All I am becomes faint.
You just take, consume all.
A greedy little child
Worth more than my being.

A desperate orphan,
I want love and it shows.
I am discarded for
My needy requests. Shame.

You need no love and
Are loved for it. Cruel God!

IV - Haiku for  Atonement

Two souls have diverged
Jealous, I scorned your beauty
Tired, I scorn no more

Arthur observed the lake. "Moonlight,
It's too much for my eyes to bare!
I've done so much and still, I can't
Outshine the beauty of the lake."

My lord, the years did pile
And dawn arrived so soon

You're my imagination
I adore you
All your contours
And all the love that you bring

Under the cherry blossom tree
He sits, looking to the sunset.
A life of moon, snow, and dewdrops
Content, his life does melt. So it is...

I never thought I'd turn twenty
At sixteen I skipped school and sat
Under an oak tree in the park.
Beneath the green leaves, blocked from
The sun, all I thought of was death

I hated sleep fore it brought a
New day. Always too tired for school.
Mornings I thought of bed. At night
I stayed awake cold and twitchy

I drove my Dad to anti depressants
My Mum to fear of finding me cold
I feel so guilty for that. Still,
I won't say it. My lungs won't allow it

Taking a breathe I look through the
Leaves and see the sun again

I waved Brighton away as adventure called,
My heart filled with childish enthusiasm.
The whole world spread before my eyes as the
Wind did gently rustle my sails. Away!

Three months I sailed without excitement,
Making my heart lose faith in the open sea.
In anger God let my vessel venture
Into a storm to swallow worlds and eat me whole.

I prayed and begged with clasped cold hands. "Oh, God!
I am quite dead. Save this wretched servant!"
He ****** thunder from the grey skies and laughed
As I floated. A corpse drifting aimless.

As my filled lungs spewed out the sea, the sky cleared.
I saw a shore. England! My heart flew high

Mozart lay cold in that square box.
Salieri observed tearful.
"With this vexing star dimmed, who shall
Brighten the sky at night?" He sighed,

"In my hatred I forgot
The fire you stoked in me,


Alas."

I wept in the flames of my life,
Scratching at the rubble in vain.
The roof caved in. I smiled wildly,
Now nothing hid the stars from view.

Your paintings burnt quietly
As I framed the moon.

She stretched her sleeves to cover them.
The knife cut deep on her scarred thighs.
I said I didn't mind that she hurt
Herself. Still, the hand covered the bruise.

She ate little. The mirror scoffed
Still. "Fine!" I'd say. "I'll eat alone."
I said I didn't mind that she starved
herself. Still, the hand covered the bruise.

I wish I pulled her hand.
I wish I didn't just speak.
Lately I can't eat too.
My hand covers the bruise.

Icarus cradled himself as the
Surface roared closer and closer,
Screaming like a siren in his ear

For a brief moment he looked and saw
That tower which had kept him and all
That surrounded it. It used to be ugly
But now with death approaching, all that was
ordinary became too beautiful to bare.

Airing out robes of one who's gone
Autumn cleaning then winter's wind
Seasons shall change and when they do
I'll wear autumn's robe for spring

"Leaves never fall in vain,"
I murmur as I sweep.

The sky seems darker since then
And Jokes a little less funny.
I can only see colour
Smiling at times long since decayed.
There isn't sadness, not really.
I wish;
Just a haze, a great fog that hangs
Like leaves teasing the ground in autumn
Slowly browning and casting a shadow
Upon the cracked pavement
Long since tired of footsteps
That just chip away at me
And move on.

Soon All
Will be
Chipped
Away.

Soon All
Will be
Away.

So cold. I can't go on. I can't.
I tread well worn snow,
Retracing my steps, hoping to go back
To the time green grass littered the ground.

I can't go on. Not forwards.
Unknown. Unknown. I can't go on.
Not without my Mother.
Not in the shadow of my Father.

I must go on. A spectre
On a black horse tracks me, waiting.
Wants me to fall, scavenge me.
Take my body, pour dirt on it.

Give me strength. False or true
To take the steps that I must.
Like Moses in the desert,
I can't go on. I can't go on.

I'll go on

Darling,
I'm different.
But I don't think that you're the same,
It's such a shame
Your face erased straight from my brain
Yet, I can't explain
Why the feeling still remains.

"Okay,
I'm listening."
**** I forgot what I was to say,
You're a summers day.
My hearts been in an awful way
I'm not okay
Since my summer went away.

My dream of a new land,
Of ignorance come truth.
I sat atop a peak
And found myself unmoved.

Ancient wisdom of ash
In which I found just dust.
Oh, Truth! You stole my dream, now
I'm cold atop the peak

Longing for a gentle spring rain and
Pointless conversation with you.
We find shelter, shivering.
You huddle next to me for warmth

You remind me of a penguin
I love penguins

I want to be so smart like you.
I wish I could despise mountain dew
And hate flashy films like you do.
I can't appreciate gorgeous views
With sky scrapers and starry nights.
I like to see girls in black tights
And drunks that slur and start bar fights
Because they have a minor gripe.

Excuse me for my plastic taste
That comforts me on winter days.

The world does not end with fury
And fire, blood ridden lakes with floating
Corpses and flies picking at our remains
As shells fall like leaves in autumn

It ends with beauty as a sin
And silence preferred over truth.
It ends with hollow men who hide
Behind dull eyes, sapped of all light

When pricked these men don't bleed
But spill forth mounds of straw

I gathered all the animals that dogged me:
The Bears, Lions and treacherous snakes,
Leading them like the piper with my reed
To the temple that lay upon the mountainside.

Books of poetry dedicated to decayed passions
Were laid to rest upon bails of hay.
I spread black fuels onto their bodies
And with shaking hands carried a shining torch

Flames rose like autumn leaves swept by grey winds
Which reached with stretched arms to the clouds
Like a wailing child to it's mother.
The sky was torn in two, all ****** and broken.

The great temple dedicated to times gone
Was erased from the mountainside.
With bared teeth and the eyes of another,
I Inhaled the smoke and grew drunk upon it

It's a shame that the year met spring
But he never did. I miss your smile
And wish the Bluebells knew it too

In the pale snow footsteps remain.
If I tread in place they'll never fade
But If I stay I'll freeze in place.
I never thought I'd let them go

The sun rises too soon.
My heart never did leave

At the voting booth
We do the symbolic act
A pointless gesture

Neon lights, pouring rain and the smell
Of ash. I missed the ferry and
Stand soaked, alone in a crowd of
People, tears hidden by the rain

I feel like a crumbling
Wall, lashed by the tempest

I've been watching my whole life,
Observing it
From a distance, like a stranger.
I keep scratching
Trying to get in, to be seen
But I can't.
My fingernails scrape, tear
And bleed.
A sad attempt at being human but
This life doesn't belong to me,
Not really,
Not truly.

Tired eyes by harsh light
I scribble quite lazily
Nothing profound comes

Flowers bloomed yesterday
Now all the leaves are dead
I borrow moonlight
For the journey ahead

****** souls lead to ****** faces.
Unloved kids lead to untied laces.
Unpaid men lead to unsafe places.
Lovely poems lead to unread pages.

You smiled so sweetly
And for a moment
I forgot how mad I was at you

I'm a browning leaf
Caught in an eternal autumn
Watching as the sun
Gently strokes the ripening fruits.
The thicket blocks the rays
And I just watch alone
As spring rolls on by
Without me

Same pleasures
Same people
Same places

Yet to scale a mountain
He remains an infant

Smoky train tracks run fast before my eyes.
To get on? To throw myself in it's
angry rampage? A mess for others, not me.
Instead I sit and watch the people board.

Nobody looks. I'm here but they never look.
Am I so bland? Or are they scared of me?
Repulsive man! Unshackle this young soul
so they notice my corpse, rotting slowly.

I scream but courtesy dictates
It remains trapped in my carriage.

Auburn flames leap to meat
These shaking fingertips
And dance manically
At the edge of my retina

I'm homeless, freezing, warmed only
By the embers of my old life.
Last night I looked up and saw a roof
Tonight I look up and see the stars

Smiling, I cough and splutter,
Inhaling that black spectre.
I burnt my house down
And grow warm off its embers