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1d · 46
Gone.
Lizzie 1d
Depression washes over me, seeping into my bones..
Loneliness covering every inch of my body,
however crowded the room maybe.
I long for your familiar embrace, to help me feel safe,
but you're miles away..
Ice pierces my bandaged heart,
Please... don't tear me apart.
I'm falling...
Deeper...
Gone.
7d · 50
1 year
Lizzie 7d
A year ago today... that's when you came.. back into my life and changed it for the better.. You taught me how to love and be loved... you showed me how just a gentle touch can be all someone needs...
you showed me that no matter how broken I feel you'll be there to pick me up and help me as I try to walk..through this molasses like water.. you helped me through some of my lowest points, and cheered me on through my highest, you're my best friend, my rock, my other half you completed me when I thought I was losing myself and you showed me the light, I know you'll always be there and I'm truly, madly deeply in love with you, to the moon and more.
Matt<3
Oct 4 · 96
Have I...
Lizzie Oct 4
I feel so cold, an empty soul...
This hurt in my chest growing bigger with each step..
There's no going back all hope lost,
was there ever any to start with?
Or,
Have I always been this harsh... this distant...
looking out for myself is all i've ever known...
It's been ingrained in my brain that there's nobody out there,
nobody's going to save me from drowning...
Nobody's gonna hear me screaming so desperately for help...
It's just me, myself, and I...
Like always...
Feeling real down and lonely tonight..
Jul 31 · 241
Please
Lizzie Jul 31
I need someone...
I feel so lost, I don't know who I am or who I want to be...
You try to comfort me, tell me it's all going to be ok;
but it never is....
Why is it never ok....
I'm lost in this dark curtain of depression,
     searching for a way out of this hell i call my mind...
Please help me.... anyone..... I can't do this anymore...
I'm sorry... I'm so sorry......
Jun 20 · 363
A.L.O.N.E.
Lizzie Jun 20
Alone...
Whether I'm in a crowded room,
                                        or alone with you....
                                                          It never seems to be enough...
I guess it shouldn't bother me as much,
                                                           ­ this feeling of loneliness...
I'd grown all too familiar with it growing up...
Never fitting in,
       always the one being left out of parties and social gatherings....
This feeling of loneliness is something I'd grown accustomed to,
                     but i never expected to feel it from you....
I thought you'd be different,
      I know how much your gaming means to you and I get that,
                                                           ­                                         I really do...
I just need someone...
Someone who's always going to be there,
                                                            sure­ there'll be distractions,
      but nothing that's so self emerging and addicting that in that moment and time nothing else matters but winning...
I just need that constant reassurance,
                                       that you're not going anywhere,
                                                       ­                            that I'm ok...
All i want is to be ok..... Not Alone......
        I want, no, I crave that comfort, like a warm blanket and cozy socks,
       curled up at a window to watch the rain as it pours down outside...
God I feel so alone.....
Jun 8 · 59
Untitled
Lizzie Jun 8
2018.... What a year...
           I lost a lot... I'm sorry..
I'm so sorry, I wasn't enough for you... I tried, I tried so hard but that
                                                   didn't get me anywhere...
You left... left me stranded... nowhere to go...
                         no one to turn to but the whistling of the wind....
no one to talk to but the demons in my head...
                                         I was so alone.... And scared... i miss you...
but i was never enough to keep you satisfied...
                                        not being enough seems to be al im good at....
Found this in my drafts, man did this bring back memories
Apr 19 · 968
Why
Lizzie Apr 19
Why
Why...
                                  I ask myself,
Why can't i be good enough?
       I'm either too quiet or too loud,
too energetic or too dull, lifeless...
        I'm too nice or too mean,
too dramatic or too emotionless, numb...
       I feel everything or i don't feel enough...
                     Why...
     Am i never good enough?
   I love myself yet i despise my existence...
                     Why...
Is it that the only person who thinks I'm
                                                                           enough,
    is the person who deserves the world,
                                                                     the world i can't provide...
  But maybe he can show me that for once,
                                                                            I am good enough...
Mar 8 · 367
Abyss
Lizzie Mar 8
Some days I find myself looking at the world with such wonder...
I admire the beauty of nature and the peaceful silence that welcomes me, the birds chirping, stream trickling, natures music...
The simplest kind...
Other days I find myself seeing the world through fogged eyes...
My mind blurred by the negative...
Yet I still keep a smile on my face and it seems like I'm never bothered by the bad...
But it creeps its way into my life sending my brain spiraling down, deep into the dark abyss...
Those days are where I'm at my lowest..
I don't hear natures music or feel the comfort of its silence...
Feb 21 · 200
One Day
Lizzie Feb 21
I feel so lonely...... I don't know why anyone like's me....... I try to be nice and show to everyone that I'm a happy person but every time I make a new friend I end up more in pain than before.... During my entire life I had given more love  than received
I just..... I can't do this anymore................ Being alive hurts too much........................... I just wanna die........... I can't **** myself
yet cause as always I think about my sister...... My mother....and I kind of give up....cause I don't wanna leave them here alone
but one day........................ One day i will.....and like dust i'll disappear...... Maybe no one will read this.....and it's okay
at least here I can express what is in my mind...............................................one day I will set myself free
Dec 2018 · 160
Hearsay
Lizzie Dec 2018
They say be careful,
            that a ****** will steal your soul..
But this one in particular was different from the start;
    He stole my heart..
Matt<3
Nov 2018 · 256
Regrets
Lizzie Nov 2018
I gave you my heart,        
right from the start.
You gave it away,          
the very next day.
I should’ve listened to my mind,
just leave you behind.
Turn and walk away,
the first time you asked me to stay.
Should’ve listened to my gut,
and kept my mouth shut.
Should’ve could’ve would’ve but I didn’t...
Oct 2018 · 10.9k
untitled
Lizzie Oct 2018
Happiness is the brightest blue in the shape of you,
making me feel brand new.
I'm falling hard with no regards for my heart,
my walls started to crumble from the start.
There are still things i haven't said,
so many thoughts and memories inside my head;
I want you to know, but i don't know how
to open up like that
It's not something i've done in the past.
But i want to make us last.
I know i don't disclose how much you mean to me,
And it's killing me.
I wish i could put into words how
you are undeniably worth more.
More than the moon and the stars and all the galaxies
combined...
I truly believe i could love you for a long time,
stay...
for just one more rhyme?
Sep 2018 · 300
Untitled
Lizzie Sep 2018
You said you loved my eyes my smile at night,
You could look at them forever...
You whispered sweet compliments in my ear,
Though I never believe it.
I love the way you make me feel...
Like for the first time in my life I can breathe,
Feeling you hold me close half asleep,
Makes me think maybe there really is such thing as peace....
Not finished..
Sep 2018 · 505
Why
Lizzie Sep 2018
Why
Why can't I seem to ever be enough?
You tell me I'm wonderful, smart, beautiful, caring,
but then you turn around and act like we never had a thing
that we didn’t run away into the night full of adventures and wonder...
I wonder..
Was it ever real to you?
Apr 2018 · 426
Work in progress...
Lizzie Apr 2018
I need a break from reality.
Headphones in, music blasting... Block out the world..
For a little while. It doesn't have to be forever.
Though I wouldn't mind if it was, you seem happy.
Or at least content.. I'll always want the best for you even if that means with out me.
Not quite finished just need to empty my mind a bit
Apr 2018 · 4.3k
Avoidance
Lizzie Apr 2018
Thoughts racing, heart chasing.
You're mad, I'm sad.
Can't stop shaking, there's no faking
When I see you in the halls,
I stall, hide behind a pillar, a friend, anything
Just to avoid the awkward eye contact.
I'm not good at confrontations, at the mere thought of it I flee..
You might think I'm crazy or immature,
But when you told me to stop talking to you my mind went a blur..
My friends say you're overreacting, over something so small.
I fear you'll dump me, leaving me lonely..
I'm so sorry.. Please forgive me?
Happy 18th Birthday, I love you S.L.
Apr 2018 · 445
I'm sorry...
Lizzie Apr 2018
I didn't mean to, please forgive me?
Feb 2018 · 1.2k
Bliss
Lizzie Feb 2018
You make me feel like I'm floating in the darkness...
When your lips touch mine it's like I can finally breathe...
And when you hold me close, pressed against your firm body, you make me feel safe, and protected...
I hope to be the star in your darkest nights, and the warmth you feel on your lightest days...
Feb 2018 · 508
;*
Lizzie Feb 2018
;*
You make me feel light as air, gazing at the world without a care...
Jan 2018 · 170
Wasted Thoughts
Lizzie Jan 2018
Work in class they say. Do what you're supposed to do they say. Well they seem to say a lot of ******* things. They say sometimes we need to do things to feel, a way to express, but they don't really care about what your need or feel is. They want you to be what they want and what they want to see. Nothing changes unless you try and initiate that change. Some people think that death is the most sought after thing for relief they don't really want to end it forever they just want to feel and they want to end the hurt, the pain, or just their thoughts. They just want relief that's all it is. People look at addictions and they see them as foul and derogatory, but the people who have them see it as an escape from the world or from their minds. That's what most of them are. We can't be a shadow forever.
Wrote this last year...
Jan 2018 · 441
Something to ponder
Lizzie Jan 2018
A cemetery is a dark, cold,  dreary place...
Where I can bury all my thoughts and emotions unable to broadcast on my face...
Jan 2018 · 340
You know
Lizzie Jan 2018
You make me so happy, but I'll never tell you, cause my feelings are confidential... And my moods temperamental...
Jan 2018 · 329
</3
Lizzie Jan 2018
</3
I long to be, the beautiful disaster you see, every time you look at me..
Jan 2018 · 381
Just a thought
Lizzie Jan 2018
People don't die until their memories are gone...
Jan 2018 · 795
War
Lizzie Jan 2018
War
I'm... slowly... breakingshatteringfallingtumblinglosingairconfusedworrieddesolate­
And I don't know how to stop the constant war that goes on in my mind...
Kinda *****, but oh well
Dec 2017 · 405
<3
Lizzie Dec 2017
<3
I want you to love every shattered... jagged... broken... piece of me.
Love my twisted heart and tattered soul...
My restless thrashing mind, bring me peace in time...
I don’t want you to look at my crumbling mountain and flee...
Would you take the time,
To love me for me?
Or would you turn away in disgust, laugh at my weakness?
I wouldn’t blame you, nor would I be shaken...
you wouldn’t be the first to leave me with my heart
                                                    Breakin......
But please be the first to hold me in the cold and fill me with warmth...
Unfinished but here's what I have so far...
Dec 2017 · 249
Tell Me
Lizzie Dec 2017
What is it when all the love you could possibly feel is gone?
****** right out one night.
I go to bed full of love & wake up empty.. distant.. broke..
You don't know what happened, you can't come even close to fixing it.
No matter who comes along I'll be there; a hollow shell.
Holding a mask of glee, yippee...
But there you are waiting.. watching...
Tell me, do you see the real me?
Just something I came up with..
Nov 2017 · 520
Untitled
Lizzie Nov 2017
Don't test me, 'cause when the time comes I'll make something out of nothing...
Nov 2017 · 1.1k
Him
Lizzie Nov 2017
Him
His smile warms me, as I melt into his embrace...
Leaning into him, my head on his chest,
Drifting to the lull of his heartbeat as he caresses my hand...
His head on mine... Jumbling my thoughts...
He sings in choir, his voice lulling my mind into a peaceful sleep ...
Unfinished but here's what I got so far...
Nov 2017 · 190
Fuck(Excuse my French)
Lizzie Nov 2017
Livid... Boiling inside...
I wan to scream, yell, bring myself pain...
I am i so stupid.... why'd I do that?
Nov 2017 · 539
Untitled
Lizzie Nov 2017
Him, he goes to my school...
Breathtaking is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of him,
Which ironically is often...
His short red hair soft as fur, skin warm and comforting...
He probably doesn't  like me in any way, and that's okay...
Gosh he's so talented, his voice is bliss...
He makes me nervous, when I'm around him my words get trapped... How wack is that?
I'm not one for showing emotions, but I'm trying...
He's a gorgeous person and, I really like him...
I wonder if likes me to....
Nov 2017 · 538
I'm not worth it
Lizzie Nov 2017
I told you I wanted to die...
You immediately said no...
Didn't ask why... Just a no...
Why so direct, no hesitation?
You surely don't actually like me... Like I like you...
Maybe I've been living in an illusion...
I'm getting anxious...
I'm crumbling, I don't think you've noticed,
I'm distancing myself again, pushing away...
I'm getting bad again, I don't know what is worse...
You ignoring me, or me pushing you away (everyone away)...
I'm a wreck, a lost cause, maybe you should give up on me...
I would if I where you... I'm not worth it... Trust me... Please?
Nov 2017 · 241
Wondering
Lizzie Nov 2017
Wondering...
I wonder if you're ignoring me...
Did I do something wrong?
Wondering...
Do you actually like me, the real me?
Did I say something wrong?
Wondering...
What if's cloud my mind...
What if it wasn't me you where into...
What if I read your messages wrong? Got the wrong memo?
What if I'm not good enough, to many problems, odd...
What if you never liked me to begin with?
What if... What if... What if...
What if I'm wrong?
Nov 2017 · 5.0k
Silence
Lizzie Nov 2017
Silence... Violent... Deffening... Destructive...
Silence is, dreadful... Desolate...
Yet all at once, silence is, the rain pouring down,
ricocheting off this small towns beating heart...
Silence is, the sun, blinding... Beautiful... Bright... Just like you...
A reminder that there's light in the night...
Though it may come as a bite... Full of disasters, could I ask her?
The weight of it crashes down on me, silencing my pleas...
When can I be free?
Wrote this earlier today, it *****, I know, but that's okay.
Nov 2017 · 197
Anxious
Lizzie Nov 2017
It's just another performance... that's all...
Breathe, you'll be fine.... you've done this before...
Just smile, they won't notice you're crashing inside...
One... two... three... four... count till your next cue...
All with a smile on your face...
Nov 2017 · 609
Disconnected
Lizzie Nov 2017
Disconnected is black blurred into white
making grey;
He smells like black licorice coffee,
And tastes like an old piece of candy corn,
Forgotten... Left to go bad... Unwanted...
His mother is as light as the sun on a warm summers day;
His father is as dark as the moon on a solar eclipse...
His best friend is like summer rain,
blurring everything around...
He carries black spotted white roses in his pocket,
faded blue converse on his feet, his toe sticking out the end...
His hair, jet-black hangs past his ears and falls into his eyes
like tangled ropes...
He eats dispaire for breakfast and forgotten dreams for dessert...
Disconnected loves lost and broken people...
His dream is to dance in the night away from the light and out of sight...
He moves stealthy like a wolf;
Watching... Waiting... For his next victim...
I wrote this while I was in the hospital going on my third week.
Nov 2017 · 245
Illusion
Lizzie Nov 2017
I woke up to my own face,
What was happening?
Then I felt heat and heard a pinging sound,
like a ball bouncing against glass...
Then I realized the bathroom mirror,
Old and stained,
Was taunting me... Ready to scratch...
From a wise sub who taught me a better meaning of poetry while I was in the hospital.
Nov 2017 · 385
Unheard
Lizzie Nov 2017
Unheard is a whisper in the wind,
faintly talking in your ear.
He's the figure hidden in plain sight,
Forgotten...
He knows everything that goes on,
because he is unheard he is not seen...
His dark blue eyes, watch all, waiting, to finally be noticed...
Unheards dream is to be heard,
for his silent pleas for help to be met.
He spends his time at home listening to his music, full blast
to block out the constant fighting...
He finds peace at the roofs edge of tall buildings, inching
further each day...
Unheard hides behind a curtain of black hair, like the roses he carries
in his pocket as he climbs the stairs to the top,
leaving white roses as a trail behind him...
He steps that final inch...
Unheard fades to the darkness as the commotion rises...
He is finally heard,
But it's too late, his stories over now...
Nov 2017 · 364
No Title
Lizzie Nov 2017
Nervous.... When I enter a room... Do I look okay?
I fidget with my bracelets, making sure my battles are hidden...
What will they think.... When they find out...
I'm not okay... I'm a loose *****... A walking wreck...
Held together by barb wire, the rough edges pierce my skin...
Will you hear my pleas? Will anyone answer me?
Or just pass by like a blurred figment of imagination?
Believing the smile on my face, the joyful laugh I make,
misguiding you? That I'm always this pleasant and easygoing?
But I'm not, never was, but I'm trying to hide and show you
all at once... Can you see me?
Nov 2017 · 1.0k
Your Eyes
Lizzie Nov 2017
A deep..Haunting..Unique shade of blue-green...
With flecks of night sky placed in such delicate haphazardness,
I look away...
Not out of fear or dismal...No...
But out of the tsunami of emotions that course through me...
You calm me, tame my wild thoughts that tell me every positive thing you say about me is wrong...
Your eyes pierce through my cold & warms my heart,
As you put my shattered soul together again
piece by piece...
With just your eyes you make me sane;
Even in the darkness...
Nov 2017 · 208
Help
Lizzie Nov 2017
You silence my brains loud screaming and violent thrashing,
With a touch... How can you mean this much?
My heart, thumps rapidly in your presence;
Why can't I tell you...
My words of confession get trapped with aggression as my lungs fight the will to breath...
You take my hand and everything stops... As time moves on...
Can you feel my hand as it shakes in yours?
My pleas for help to save me from myself?
Or... Do you just see a carefree girl smiling with glee?
Please explain why you mean so much to me....
Feelings are new, I don't understand.
Nov 2017 · 224
Sadness
Lizzie Nov 2017
Sadness is crimson red, leaking from the skin;
He smells like gasoline; and tastes like cool liquor sliding down your throat. 
His mother is like black oil, coming and leaving with deadly amounts.
While his father, is like a warm summer breeze not rough, but comforting.
Sadness carries welting lilies in his pocket,
Maroon Convers tied securely on his feet.
His best friend is like the mountains,
Cold… sturdy… Distant…
His black- blue hair hangs in his face like vines from the amazon, his green eyes staring intently at by passers.
Curious… Firm… Dominant…
He eats fear for breakfast;
And pain for dessert.
His dream is to be free of society, and its flaws.
Sadness loves distressed lonely people,
He moves like a lion stalking its pre,
Silent… Low… Ready to pounce…
Nov 2017 · 626
Rain in the Winter
Lizzie Nov 2017
She sits alone in her room,
Listening to the sound of raindrops pounding on the window,
Demanding to be let in.
She cries in silence, for the pain she bares is too much,
She laughs with friends, flirts, jokes, alive with joy,
But in the end it's when she's all alone..
She chokes..
The crushing weight of dread, loneliness, and sorrow stab at her chest..
She wonders, when can she rest…
The voices are upon arrival, telling her there's no survival;
She pulls herself closer to hide the demons within..
But how can you drown them if they know how to swim?
‘Dunk them under’, they say, ‘smother them’;
‘How can I do that’ , she asks, ‘If they are inside me?’
As the rain pours louder, her heart shatters like glass,
The sharp edges cutting fast,
She asks herself,’How much longer can I last?’
As she takes the final slash

— The End —