Orange, the perfect color for me.
The odd one, the bright one.
Fire is orange and I have fire in me.
Orange is beautiful, I am too you see.
Orange always manages to stand out,
I too stand out,always wanting to fit in.
A tear tickles my chin,
as the thought of never to fit in
swims in my mind.
A friend is what I need,
a friend in orange I always find.
Because you see, orange is the color for me.
Nothing will ever rhyme with orange,
and nobody will ever choose me.
Who are you?
You're not the same person you were two minutes ago.
I just don't get you.
You're compulsive, and corrupted.
You're easily addicted.
You have friends in your mind,
but in reality friends you'll never find.
You're simple yet, confusing
like a Rubik's cube.
With all your twists and turns.
This pain you put upon me
has left me with cuts and burns.
Will we ever learn?
To get along
and fix these never ending battles?
Your bipolar versus my anger.
Some days, to me you are a stranger.
Who I thought I knew has suddenly disappeared.
Your disease is something I've always feared.
Illness invaded your mind,
and has taken over who you once were
Leaving all your past senses blind.
Hair was long and yellow like pale dandelions;
Complimenting blue eyes, and white skin.
I was drawn into such rare beauty,
such new and unexplored mystery.
New girl in town, a new taste of envy in the air.
I befriended you; I wasn't so quick to judge.
I studied you closely.
I gained your friendship quickly.
I came to know you,
and the worst parts of you.
You lied so beautifully;
Manipulation to a fine perfection.
Still I followed you,
opened my heart up and fell weak.
You used me all up.
Drained me out;
Out of patience, out of friendship, out of love.
Everybody hated you.
They still hate you, and now I do too.
Your as lively as a brick
And cold as ice.
Your clock no longer ticks,
For your time has run out.
Your forced to wonder about
For all eternity,
But here you can find a friend in me.
I cannot take you above or below,
but here you shall stay.
You always are the same.
Never older, nor younger.
You never tire, nor hunger.
I can always find you in this place,
the place with the stones,
one stone in particular, lies what's left of you.
Your soul and bones.
I unleash this thing inside me;
So lively and empowering.
I cannot feel this way, through any other form.
It is as though, I am completely reborn.
But every time I write
I cannot help but, feel so melancholy.
The emotions I hold just overwhelming me.
It’s as if the sadness in me breathes air again.
But every time I write,
I understand myself a little more.
I love myself just a little bit.
I feel comfortable with myself.
And anytime I write,
it’s truly from the heart.
It's that bitter-sweet part of life.
It's my own personal slice of happiness...
EVERY TIME I WRITE.
years have gone and past.
entirely too fast.
Ive held on to all of you
but this time i think im through.
we all fell apart.
wouldnt have guessed that from the start
they say time will heal it all
but i dont think it could heal the memory.
of you all watching me fall.
forever was a lie
you were never there to say hello
but always quick to say good bye♥
Love is a concept
And I am
I wanted to burn it all down.
Run away and leave this old town.
I wanted to drown all the ones who wronged me.
Sail away into the peaceful sea.
I wanted to curse my bullies all to hell.
Then be able to leave my comforting shell.
I wanted to seek revenge on that hideous *****,
Then sit on a throne filthy ******* rich.
But instead I found an alternative way to cope.
A way that brought me freedom and hope.
I put it the pen to the paper,
And let my thoughts free- float.
A Faded Blue Door
I used to feel so much.
Now I only feel the cold concrete beneath my feet.
As I stand on this quiet and empty street.
A house stands in front of me.
A home is what it used to be.
With its faded blue door which never did shut right.
Holes in the walls, where bricks used to be.
And standing in the yard an old cheery tree.
It used to be fruitful, now withered and dead.
Under that same tree you made a promise to me,
then carried me upstairs into our warm queen bed.
That same bed where you silently slept,
And I stayed awake as you snored, but I wept.
A promise is a promise, but the promise you never kept.
I hope she felt like silk on your skin,
While trickles of tears sailed down my chin.
An antique bathtub stands proud in the bathroom.
Rusted away, and stained with my blood.
I once filled it with water until it started to flood.
I drowned my sorrows, and vanquished my gloom.
A rickety old porch now crumbling away,
Is the place where I sit day to day.
Pondering, will this ever go away?
Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life,
As a wandering, sad, old spirit wife?
I don't want an apology
and I don't need your sympathy.
See I love the way you look at me
but hate the way you don’t see me.
I love it when u listen
but hate that you don't hear me.
Your confident but selfish
and Im strong but stubborn.
I love the way you hold me
but hate the way you don’t feel me.
I hate to cry in front of you
but I bet you enjoy it.
I didn't know what else to do
so I'd like to dedicate this all to you.
Well here's a grain of salt
and I'd like to say this is my fault
but it took two to play the game.
I bet you’d like me to get all the blame
but baby you brought me into this.
Its funny when I say your name
Id like to laugh in spite of it.
In spite of all the *******.
I hope you find some comfort
in this sad life you have in mind.
Baby your running out of time
running out of words.
You cant fake me into this
you really are absurd.
I don’t believe your flat out the lies.
Baby I can read u like a book
and it only takes one look.
Your not to hard to figure out
your really not a mystery.
but I guess its time to say good bye
to all of are history.
Id like to believe that you loved me
I'd like to say it proudly.
I gave an arm in leg and every thing that I was
and this is what I get from you
a bleeding heart in two.
I hope you can forget me when your lying next her.
but I hope you get the burden
and carry on the weight
that we were once something
even though its something you wish you could hate.
You can't deny the truth
you run and run and run from it
but baby its catching up.
In spite of what you've done to me
baby you are my only one.
It’s hard to live this cruel life
now that we are done
I guess to you it was all fun
and I'd like to end it with a silver shiny gun.
Bad luck, my mama always said.
Your perfect the way you are, kissing me
Softly on the fore head.
Karmas a *****, my best friend explained,
holding my hand as we walked in the rain.
There's nothing wrong with you ,
My daddy lied,
Taking me for a long car ride.
Why doesn't love work, I screamed at the sky. It's not you its them, my sister said
with a sigh.
I just don't understand, it feels like I'm dying.
My brother whispered, It's not your fault,
just really bad timing.
You are the houses in suburban cul-de-sacs;
Polished, shiny marbled counter tops
Plush carpet on waxed, heavy wood floors
Collections of perfect china displayed in antique cabinets
Matching curtains to center pieces
Sparkling champagne and spotless window panes.
While I am houses hidden in alley ways;
Worn kitchen tiles
Hand-me-down book cases
Collecting memories in photos on a lone refrigerator
Every breath and sigh stowed in cracks beneath my feet
The whir of aged radiators producing heat.
We are houses whose outsides are structured accordingly
But inside, our unique personality resides.
As I sit here on the back burner.
waiting for you, because you know i will.
The sad truth, as pathetic as I am,
Only I can love you this way.
I somehow mastered how to deal with my feelings
around you, by just not having feelings.
There meaningless you said, and will never get me anywhere.
So I still sit here waiting for you, waiting for a warn embrace.
But when you come back for me I am not tenerdly embraced,
I seem to make you sick. But why do you keep me here then?
On this back burner you have me placed.
Is it enlightening to watch me suffer?
You know I will give it all, for one second with you.
It pleases you.
So leave me here again, let me wait some more.
I might just rather sit on this back burner,
Then see your hateful face,
Id rather die in this place,
Then have you here to tell me what I cant feel,
to have you never give me that warm embrace.
You are sweet
Like overripe fruit
Forgotten in my kitchen
Salty skin in the summer
Lips touch under shady trees
Watching busy bees
My mind is a busy bee
Thinking turning spiraling
Out of control
Just a book waiting
To be written
I cannot trail words
Together and make
Them make sense
I can only break
Words apart between
My teeth and spit
Hoping they hold the
Answer all on their own
Because I cannot slow
Down and think about it
Think about the words
They come out in quick
Sudden sad sounds
Spilling out of my mouth
I try to swallow them
Whole but I can’t
I can only choke
I’m so sorry
If we kissed in warm summer heat,
Would you taste of everything sweet?
Would knots turn in my tummy?
Would I float off into the clouds above me?
Would you hold my hand,
and sing me songs from your favorite band?
Would your skin feel like velvet against mine?
As we laid on the beach and forgot about time.
Would you hold me through the night,
And promise to still want me by morning light?
I trace the scars on your body.
Secretly judging your every flaw.
Your breath hot and slightly sour.
I grimace, but let you kiss me anyway.
Your embrace too tight, but I do not fight it.
I become damp with sweat, my skin pressed on yours.
You snored loudly in my ear.
I could not sleep, I was miserable.
Your face so calm, so far away in sleep.
So ugly, but it made me want you more.
I am attracted to such misery.
The nausea inside me, somehow comforts me.
As long as I am not alone,
I can tell myself I am happy.
I can lie to myself...I am happy.
Emotions running deep,
Like stairs entirely too steep;
My legs grew weak.
With shaky limbs,
A tunnel of hate
Dark and unforgiving;
I carried on.
Mountains of memories
I shuffled onward.
A vast sea of guilt;
For I cannot swim.
Invisble choke hold on my throat
Churning stomach acids
Seeping up my esophagus
Unwelcomed irrational fear
Breaking down the door
The door to my panic reflex
Lungs feeling like hardened clay
Heart beating hard beneath
A shakey rib cage
Voices float around me
But the words are drowned out
Like sinking under water
Focus out of sight
Out of mind
I am against the ceiling now
Only to crashland
Back into existence
In a time laspe of mere minutes
The feeling of your touch replays in my memory.
Your warm embrace haunts me.
My bed does not comfort me anymore.
My sheets still faintly have your sent.
As I lay upon them, I lie miserably.
All these songs we sang don't sound the same.
Our picture hangs depressingly in its frame.
Missing you is eating me alive, but its these winter nights,
oh its these winter nights I miss you the most.
My heart in a box
That you kept
On a shelf
The highest of them all
You locked it
You promised you would never
Need to open it again
You promised my heart would
Stay with you forever
So you threw
That key ever so far
It shone in the sun
As it sailed
So far into the
And landed without a sound
And disappeared beneath a blanket
Of water and became a treasure
Within the sea
I watched from the dark of the shadows
As you sought out anyone that wasnt me
Lovely little sheep; it was easy
Easy for you to love your own kind
I, with eager eyes from the deep of the woods
You, always at a distance
I waited until the midnight hour
Where you could only love me in private
For I am the wolf
Soft fur I burrowed my face into
Whisker tickles, as if sharing secrets between us.
A bond between human and animal,
no one quite understands.
Warm purrs filling my soul as you nestled
under the blankets.
What were you thinking behind those feline eyes?
When you ran out the door, did you ever look back?
Do you prowl the alley's and chase mice in the night?
Know I haven't forgot you...
Is it freedom you wanted my feline friend?
That animal instinct that you couldn't fight?
If only I had known what you were thinking...
Behind those green, feline eyes.
I wrote a poem in my head;
As I laid in my bed.
I fell asleep with the thought of it.
I dreamed a dream about a tiny sailboat
drifting on the sea.
Now I'm awake and can't recall what I wrote.
Dark flesh so sleek against my creamy, peach skin.
Body pressed against mine, breath in rhythm with mine.
Your touch sending tingles down my vertebrae.
The endorphins unleashing in my brain.
Together we create beauty and love upon my sheets.
painting a picture with our sweat, our breath sweet lullabies I won't forget.
In the night my dreams flow vividly around me.
But by morning there will be an emptiness in my bed.
An emptiness within myself.
Holding you felt like an eternity.
I can still feel you against me.
Your breath a beautiful whisper.
Mine, a gentle purr.
My thoughts hung silently in the air,
Like a bad pesticide.
I drove myself crazy,
I just couldn't decide.
Was it a weight upon my chest?
Or a sleeping lover on my breast?
I starred into a suffocating darkness.
You were there, but you weren't really there.
Alone, i was fading.
Into the dark nothing.
My body went to sleep,
as you are so heavy in my arms.
I finally feel I can be happy again
Now that I’ve shed my metaphorical
I no longer feel the crawling sensations of the insecurities you
Conjured up for me
I can no longer feel the burn in my chest
After you’ve passed on my secrets
To uninvited ears
Because you will never get another one from me nor will you ever know another part of me
I am done living in your shadow because you thought me incapable of true friendship
Without you I will grow into the most beautiful and best me
like a **** that held me back
you will no longer break me and pick me apart and keep me from growing
For A toxic friend
Like a melted puddle of cherry popsicle on hot asphalt; I want to lick you up. The sweet parts of you, and the ***** parts too.
I want to feel the grittiness between my teeth.
Give me the raw parts of you. The stayed up past 3 am parts of you. The I haven't combed my hair in days parts of you.
Like a breath of cold air in a Midwestern winter, let me breathe you in.
Let me absorb you like frozen snowflakes on my tongue.
Let me feel the warm parts of your heart, and the cold parts too.
I want to touch you, every inch of you.
Show me the scars, and the freckles on your skin.
Tell me the about the dark places of your head, and what keeps you up at night in bed.
I want your voice to fill my head, and to savor each word as it rolls off your sweet lips. A slight twang of an accent you don't notice, and don't know where you got it from.
But I do.
I notice. I notice every detail of your inches from head to toe. I notice your slight paranoia and the way you fix your hair.
I could observe you for an eternity and I wouldn't get bored.
I want you to eat me up inside.
I want you to leave a trace in every corner of my room.
I want my sheets to smell like you.
I want you to get to me.
And I want you to read this
on those nights you can't sleep.
I want it to get to you.
My thoughts caved in on themselves
My knees became liquid beneath me
I found myself crash-landing
Onto the floor
A war waged inside of my stomach
Out came the contents of my lunch
It melded into the carpet
My chest felt like layers of brick
My throat became scratchy like razors
Like the razors that sunk so neatly
Into your flesh
We were a beautiful mess
The after math of lost reality
I wish for warm sand and cool water.
Good company and a 12-pack of beer.
Take me anywhere, anywhere, but here.
Happiness lives inside the cage
Of your heart
It's up to you to find the key
Day in, Day out, we loved each other endlessly.
We Made a Home and fit in Comfortably.
Keeping each other company, just you and me.
Simple happiness made up of Sweet Nothings, I cant put a name on.
Suddenly it went wrong, still Misunderstood I stand
Crying to every love song.
I fight the urge to hold you, I fight it day by day.
This never ending misery is leaving my brain astray.
Part of me has left with you, and It will always be my best part.
Our Love died and lies forgotten, but will always reside
In a crevice of my heart.
I refuse to settle for less,
Knowing i had the absolute best.
Nervous; When I think about you.
Nervous; When you touch my skin.
Nervous; When you look me in the eyes.
Nervous; When you kiss my lips.
Nervous; When you hold my hand.
-Weak in the knees, I tremble thinking
about how much I love everything about you.
From the the freckles on your ear
lobe, to the way you sing in the car.
I bite my cheeks to keep from struggling on my words-
Nervous; When I want to tell you how I feel.
Nervous; Because I want to cling to you.
Nervous; When we take off our clothes.
Nervous; When you tell me I'm beautiful.
Nervous; Because I don't want to lose you.
Make Me New in the spring;
suffering;there is no way to describe the nauseating misery that torments and suffocates oneself.
Sinking;I have become heavy with sorrow.
drowning;my lungs cannot hold air in them, for they have become weak.
starving;my stomach cannot bear to hold food, when it continuously churns with that love- sick feeling.
aching;every part of me is screaming as it dies, my heart is the loudest as each heart string burns away.
dying;numb I have become numb, and I cannot move nor feel emotion. I blur away into non-existence.A beautiful euphoria.
I imagined you and her as
The fat swollen slugs
I poured salt on
And watched them
Writhe in agony
A recreation of the agony
You left inside of me
The words flooded the shores of my pysche and poured
through my limbs into my fingers
and with a pen as their vessel, embedded
themselves into the paper.
I broke free of the inner cage I used to
suffocate the best parts of me.
24 ******* years I shut my happiness into
a jar and left it for every one else to hold
in their destructive hands.
How long had I let everyone else decide for me?
How long had I thought my self incapable of holding my self afloat?
I am not useless.
I am not small.
I am not for you or anyone else.
I am me.
I am brave.
I am extroidinary.
I am a warrior with a spirit brighter and bigger then galaxies stretching into oblivion.
I am alive.
I sat at this desk where I wrote the best thing I will ever write for my self.
I reinvented my being and picked my self up from the dirt and I promise to grow
Into the most beautiful garden you will ever see.
For me and only me. My struggles won't be only thing my foundation rests against anymore.
There was a girl who everyone knew.
Her hair was brown and her eyes were blue.
Every day she dreamed to fly,
So every night she planned to die.
There was a boy who nobody knew.
His face was sad, but his heart was true.
Every day he dreamed for love.
So every night he prayed ,for an angel from above.
One night a girl got hit by a car.
By a boy who just came from the bar.
The boy stayed forever haunted,
but not for one second did he cry.
Finally someone loved him,
for he had given her, her wings to fly.
jars of fire flies
in the dark of
make-shift blanket tents
smiles of partially-toothed children
grinning at trapped fire flies
in a jar rapidly "blinking"
as it to signal for help
spiders trap and eat their insides
and we deem them monsters
they do only for survival
but we do for entertainment
and in our children's eyes
deem ourselves heroes
You held my hand in your sleep.
Sometimes you talk to me in your sleep too.
But best of all, you'll put
your arm around me and pull me closer to you.
Sleeping is when, as humans, we are the most sincere.
But I'll never tell you the sweet things you do in your sleep,
those are my secrets to keep.
So, baby get some sleep tonight.
Hold me until morning light.
I only want company in my bed
as my drunken self fights sleep.
I need a release, I'm trying,
As every cut hits deep.
We all bleed red, a common color,
We all stand back and watch each other suffer.
I just really need saved,
come be my hero,
it takes a lot to be brave.
Come for me, a chariot I await,
For this place I am in I cannot help but hate.
I need you, I hate to say,
but I have been waiting day by day..
Come bail me out of here,
take me away,
And promise me you'll stay.
Have you looked into the mirror lately?
Or do you only see your reflection
Taunting you in the bath water
Moments before you sink the blade
Deep into your wrists
Oh sad boy
Why do you listen to those songs on repeat?
Why do you spend all your time alone?
Why did you wait for those who would never come?
Oh sad boy
Your eyes they tell me stories
Beautiful and heartbreaking ones too
Sorrowful and soft
Did you ever notice?
That your lovely?
Oh so lovely.
I wish you would have known
Before you climbed into the water
And drowned yourself away.
I was only a closed door
Of a stable, boring house.
Until I became totally unhinged.
I called that freedom.
f i l l i ng
e m p t y
I could have picked you apart
like one plucks
petals effortlessly from a
fresh bloomed flower
but unlike a new sprung flower
long ago withered
I’m bursting open
Cracking open Winter’s
Sun light reaching in
Me reaching out
Colors seeping back
A water-color absorption
A little further to reach
A little longer to wait
I’m almost in full bloom
I searched my entire room,
Every nook and cranny
For anything that would remind me of you.
A letter, a peice of clothing, even a smell
But all I found was emptiness.
My room? My head? My heart?
I couldn't figure it out, but I soon learned
You left nothing
but a memory.
I sought to forget it,
But I could only escape from it
For a moment at a time.
I can no longer breathe but for a few seconds a day.
I'm forever suffocating in a memory of you.
Here's a beer for letting go.
Here's a shot for forgiving.
Here's a toast for happiness.
Here's a bottle for my sorrows.
Here's a bed, for a better tomorrow.
A train ride and a map my dear,
That's all I need
One year; (and I will hold you)
Distance as the enemy
It's not that I'm inexperienced, but with you
whatever this is, it's very new.
I can't wrap my head around it;
All I know is, I want to wrap my arms