Nervous; When I think about you.
Nervous; When you touch my skin.
Nervous; When you look me in the eyes.
Nervous; When you kiss my lips.
Nervous; When you hold my hand.

-Weak in the knees, I tremble thinking
about how much I love everything about you.
From the the freckles on your ear
lobe, to the way you sing in the car.
I bite my cheeks to keep from struggling on my words-


Nervous; When I want to tell you how I feel.
Nervous; Because I want to cling to you.
Nervous; When we take off our clothes.
Nervous; When you tell me I'm beautiful.
Nervous; Because I don't want to lose you.

It's not that I'm inexperienced, but with you
whatever this is, it's very new.
I can't wrap my head around it;
All I know is, I want to wrap my arms
around you.

Have you ever just felt entirely small?
   Has your heart beat so fast you were sure
           it was going to explode?
Did your legs tell you to run but you couldn't?
                            
                                                 Does your head feel all light?
And your eyes a bit blurry?
You're not suffocating yet it feels like you are right?
  
             Do you have OCD? Or ADD?
   Does the style of this poetry,

                                                        ­             give
you
                          Anxiety?

I would still kiss you when you wake in the morning.
I would still hold you when you fight me.
I would still smile at your mother, even when she says I'm no good.
I would still laugh after hearing the same jokes.
I would still hold your hand when it's warm out.
I would still love you at your very wost.
...But only if I could...

Fingers that laced throughout my hair;
Fingers that held me under water.

The rhythm of calm waves through my follicles;
The crashing of waves onto my body.

Feeling of being sea-sick on a small boat;
Feeling of being sick with thoughts of you.

Smell of salt in the air on a windy day;
Smell of salt from the fear in my sweat.

Picking up seashells under my feet;
Picking out shattered glass within my feet.

The sounds of the wind and the sea;
The sounds of yelling between you and me.

In the moment I think of apeaceful ocean;
The moments before I slip under the water.

We had the world at our fingertips.
We were gold plated and heartfelt. In an open sea, just two ships.
We got lost out there from the world but it was the same horizon day after day.
Soon, the  world felt small.We no longer had words so say.
Now we're just copper plated and the love has faded.

The feeling when my stomach is sick.
You're metal grinding against my teeth,
and you're every cold , brutal winter.

You're a tumor in my brain,
and the life inside my pill box.
You're the very reason I won't wake up tomorrow.

There was a void inside you.
A lonely dark hole you were eager
to fill.
There was nobody to tell you everything was ok; until you met me.
I listened and picked up your peices when
you were sad.
I promised to always be there for you.
And I only wanted the same thing, for
I to had a void.
But it was only for the moment.
Temporary promises, and temporary love.
Soon people fell back into your life;
you no longer needed me.
And I soon ceased to exist in your world.
...but I still needed you..

You're the first drag of a fresh cigarette, and I know I shouldn't.
Smoke filling my lungs, like your words fill my head.
Heart  heavy like cement inside my chest, while I slowly undress.

Butterfly's in my stomach?
Or just acidic regrets;



Do I really want this?

Loving you is like;
Watching my favorite movie for the first time.
Sleeping with the perfect temperature.
Coffee on a restless day.
Cake on my birthday.
Snow on Christmas.
Beating my favorite game.
And my god, I've never heard a laugh like yours;
voice smooth like honey.
And *******, your lips I want to taste;
over and over again.
And I want to feel this way, all the time, every day.
And that's...
.. what it's like to love you.

I’ve tired to cultivate
Ways to deteriorate
Without being noticed

Your funny-sweet personality fitted with sweet nothings only we know.
It's perfect, you're perfect.
Eyes like  green exotic nebulas beyond the atmosphere.
Lips soft and mauve, teeth like ivory cut from sacred temples.
Hair a wispy brown nest I could run my fingers through forever.
Skin soft like the finest of silks;
I can't help but to want push mine against it.
A laugh that could reverberate for light years inside my head.
Contagious, perfect.
You're like a liquid drug in my veins and I'm entirely addicted.
I need you, I want you.
I feel alive with you, I feel right with you.
I feel perfect with you.
Give me another dose baby, let me feel that perfection again and again.

it's
    okay.
     okay?
 it's
     okay.
              tomorrow
      could
be
a
                  better
   day

I have loved you, but I haven't met you...
yet.

Don’t…don’t tell me you miss me.
Not when I see it. When I see you and her…just don’t.

Don’t tell me you’ll always be there for me, please don't.

I love you, you say to her; I swear you had just said it to me, but oh god please don’t.

Don’t tell me you miss the memories with me and still hold it close to you’re heart.

Just…****…please don’t;
Break my heart any further, because you know I just can’t ******* let go…baby…just don’t.

Undescribable emotions leading to spontaneous actions.
You were here with me, suddenly.
We were together, blissfully, like starlight against clouds.
...time...skipped a beat.
We didn't know each other anymore.
I only felt sick, and angry.
Fighting through tears and gritted teeth.
Gone.
Away you went and you'll never think about it.
Now you know you left your love behind the first time.
I was right.
...time...skipped a beat.
Here I am on my bed.
I feel it.
All of it.
The sadness.
The loneliness.
The  sorrow.
I'll think about it, but you won't.

Pour me effortlessly down the drain
As if I were expired milk in the morning
Pour me through your fingers
Let me flow away like slippery
Ribbons down the void
In your kitchen

In the sink

In the ******* kitchen sink

I mostly miss
The space
  Where I
Pressed
My face
Into  your
   Sternum
And breathed in
Salty skin
But not the
Way skin is
    Salty
But the way yours  is
Mixed with
Old cologne
and smells
Like home
Your chin
   Hairs rested
On top
Of
       My
               Head
And
            The
One time
You said I was
Your soul
Mate
I felt
Myself leap
Out of my flesh
And savored the
Moment
Now the space
Where my head
Rested
On
         Your
Sternum
Is someone
Else’s favorite
Spot
I wonder how
You smell to them
And if you
Think they are
Your soulmate

Hot heavy air, and I was wet all over. But I didn't care about the heat I still wanted you to hold me. I didn't mind if my makeup melted away, anything to stand beside you. But the nights were cooler, we could slow it down and absorb every bit of each other.
Tell me your thoughts, your wants, your fears.
Tell me underneath a starlit-midnight sky.
Tell me in your car while were lost in the moment.
Tell me while we lie in bed with our skin is touching.
Sing me your favorite songs and know that if I'm staring silently at you, I'm admiring everything about you.
But tell me baby, tell me.
Tell me you don't want this to end.
Tell me I'm the only one.
Tell me you'll never let me go.
Tell me.

Sometimes sadness
Embraces me
Like an old friend

I name stone after stone
After all the times
You made
Me
Feel
Less
Then what I am
And I place
Each one
In my pockets
Until
I
Will
Eventually
Drown

Oh my  pauper darling!

Sewer rat my friend!

Side-walk pennies!

Corner coffee cup!

Garbage truck my love!

You call it insanity!

Haha,

But it’s just poverty!

Shedding my skin again
Dust off my bones
Beginning again

Crawl out of the cocoon
See new light
I will spread my wings soon

Wake from hibernation
Wipe sleep from my eyes
I’m a whole new creation

Crack open the shell
Taste newly fallen rain
It is time I prevail

Take away my oxygen
And cradle my life force in your hands
The same hands that destroyed my walls
The hands that lifted me up
Off the floor when I couldn't do it anymore
Lay me down for my eternal rest
Hold me in those hands
Until I take my last breath
Let me feel you run them through my hair
While my lungs run out of air
Rest them upon my heart while I sleep
Let those steady hands run over
My skin, then repeat
.
.
.

Repeat
.
.
.


Repeat
.
.
.


Until the last beat

If I do not conform to society
Then I am socially outlawed;
I am entirely guilty

My creature comforts
My doubts
My fears
My love for you
All the things
That make me up
Don’t make me up at all
They’re just crutches
I use to soften
All my edges
Because being myself
Is the hardest thing
I’ve ever done

You are like raindrops resting on soil
Flow into me like water
Gentle, as I am still a flower in bloom
Give me sunlit skies
And hold me to your chest;
I am still healing
Tell me about far off galaxies
And how you gaze  at stars
Wishing you could hold them in your hands
For light years they live in the skies
Only to burn so beautifuly
In the atmosphere
And we capture the experience in our memories
And admire blazing star dust
For  only seconds at a time

I wanted to write about the weather and how it was relatable; How I related to the gloomy storm clouds, but that’s just pathetic. I am sick of this woe is me persona. **** that and **** the weather. Tomorrow could be better, or possibly wetter weather! Whatever, **** it, deep breath and smile anyways.

Strip   me
D  o  w  n
T   e  a   r
The   skin
From  my
F l  e  s  h
Peer   into
My     soul
What   d o
You    see ?
Roll your tongue
Across my t e e t h
Tell me what do you
T a s t e?
Run
Y
O
U
R
F ing ers
A  l o n  g
My  spine
What   do
You feel?
Steady  a
B r e a t h
At
the
Knape
Of my
Neck
Tell me
What
Do you
T
H
I
N
K
?
Lay your heavy
Head upon my
C h e s t
What do
Y
    O
        U
            H
           E
       A
R
     ?

I imagined you and her as
The fat swollen slugs
I poured salt on
And watched them
Writhe in agony
A recreation of the agony
You left inside of me

a long drag
of a cigarette
in hopes too
exhale all
of these thoughts
away with the smoke
that leaves my lungs
I don’t know what’s
killing me
the things in my head
or the ******* cigarettes?

Your jealousy
.
.
.
Is ugly

Routine

Rou t i n
                 e

I want you so badly

But I am inconsistant