Should I make peace with this persistent Mirage
or
let my life bleed ?

Failure a ruthless painter
splatters my soul with its tainted brush,
Staining the fabric of my hope,
Shredding the canva of  my ambition.
Eroding the castle/ fortress of my desires, it washes away the footprints of progress.
I am left stranded in bottomless sea of missed opportunity
collecting the shattered pieces of my expectations.

My failures are the loudest silence,
I have ever sat with

How do I paint my life ?
when I don't dream in colors.

Maybe it will hurt a little less,
If I agree that yes I am a mess.
You say I don't know how to behave,
Be the perfect daughter for you to showcase.
Dad, I am not perfect and certainly not brave.
Mom, You live in hollow society and break my soul for your society.
Why must I die every day? my dreams sacrificed in every way
So that you can have your rules sailed and kingdoms to hail.
You say the biggest honor you did to me by giving me life
I must adhere to your command like a puppet, eat the meal, and compromise.
But did it occur to you that your words are sharper than the knife,
And the long list of expectations is dimming my light.

It's evident that the sun is setting in my life,
but for once I so badly wants to be a sunrise.

She is Red, bleeding in oceanic blues
Scattered in life's spectrum with different hues
You may know her but she doesn't belong to one definition.

Maybe the fact that I am a human,
that this very moment could be my last
makes living more beautiful.

Maybe my eyes are a cursed palace,
where dreams might never arrive

My heart keeps crawling to the path my destiny won't fly

Why does it feels like I am the villian?
When all I do is choose myself over the burning world.

Reality is tearing through the pages of my life, smearing the ink of my dreams.

The tragic irony is that my ocean of world feels like a drop,
and
a drop from the world drags me under the current.

I miss you in the moonlight
And hate you in the daylight

Dear Moon,
million dreams are keeping me wide awake.

I wanna be better than my best!

So caught up to embrace the evading fate,
My shaky arms got used to the warm touch of tragedy.

Nothing,
Maybe it's what I will be as my most ruined.
But I dare not confess it to my warm destiny,
that my dimming soul have made peace with it.

There's a trace of you in my dried tears,
but why aren't you in my destiny.

Is it my life or a puzzling disorder
Can I trust these murky waters
Close my eyes and put my faith in this deceitful mirage,
Hoping it will lead me to my heart.
The crystal fear is getting stronger,
my ****** tears flowing longer.
The noisy train promised a destination but thrown at me are uncertain equations,,
My naive steps waver with hesitation.
The pelting rain owed me a rainbow,
not this wretched game of life
Drowning me, dragging me below.

Today I had the option
to continue how life is
or
take a step and change.
I didn't do anything
And it's okay
One cannot win every day.

In the red dusk of the desert with folded umbrella,
I am waiting in the ruins for you.

Touch me with your eyes for my arms aren't enough to hold you,
Breathe life into the shadows of my eyes.

This flutter of my heartbeat is the sign of the approaching storm,
Tearing apart my hopes has always been my favorite tune.

Maybe this traitorous moon was at fault,
cause the fireflies aren't enough to lighten up my world.

The flare of my sun is dying,
Not feeling good enough
Finally, the beauty is falling.
They say it's just for some moment,
it will pass but it's been decades
My worn-out shoes are tired of tracing the unknown facade,
Like my limbs are my own shackles
Fascinated by raindrops,
paper boat drowning in the ocean
Maybe more than dream
I have made friends with mirage it seems.

I could never judge you on your absence.
For that glimpse of rarest blood moon was sufficient for a blind like me.

Will ever my dreams not
just pass me by
That they'll stay even after the dawn.
Accompany me in my lost way
Will these candid faith decaying with self-hate will lessen.
Even the cold Hope is hoping for the warmth of life's embrace.
Like this tsunami of efforts to wake up every day isn't drowning enough,
that the greedy self latch to the hollow clouds of dim thought.
Honestly, the light is giving me fright
like darkness hasn't been ******* over my life.
I keep trying and becoming my enemy,
even if my futile attempt is just to have the best.
Maybe the good, better, and best itself is a lie.
Maybe there is just now me and tomorrow me
And the distance between them is far, tied by a fragile knot barely holding.
This life seems impossible

You met me like a question with no **** explanation.
We embraced eachother like
Icy water and smoky flames,
Now I see you in every constellations.
In different timeline, in different planes.
They say I am over imaginative but **** you are a beautiful disintegration.

My earth was waiting for your stormy footsteps.
They say,
It's not a crime to love what you can't explain.
So you'll be my secret forever
just like the sea's oath to the inquisitive siren.
I promise to hide you in
the crimson of my eyes,
in the blues of my veins.

If only wishes could save
But soon it will be dawn
The night will bleed, serene and dead.
The greedy clock is again at its treacherous game.
If only I could be brave
The way I freely stain the bare paper Red,
But my world has always been prone to chaos.
At every fiery turn, I keep hitting rock bottom
One can say that I am on the right side of the wrong war,
Defenseless, fighting with plastic guns.

For a moment you a moonlit dream,
me a grounded reality got intertwined.
You the best of good,
me the worst of bad
met at the right corner of the round world.
However, like a flame finding fuel,
my fear of the lovely dawn solidifies.
Alas, the dream that can't be grasped has finally disappeared.

There you are knocking at my heart,
I don't know when it started
Maybe centuries or was it yesterday?
Unknowingly I was being coloured by you.
I am unaware of my first wish but now my time flows through you.

There you are knocking at my heart,
I am already afraid of the cold days without you.
Are you a dream? Maybe a mirage?
Because like a lie I am clinging to you.

There's this book in my hands,
it's cold, even the ending is sad.
I am not insane to smile or read to a sad story.
But strangely, I keep opening you up.

I keep reading it page by page,
like I would touch the moon.
In between the visible lines
like there's a secret prayer just for me.

Now I am weeping willow, but I can't close it.
Even though this story is like the thousand others,
But I secretly keep wishing to
the broken stars and dried wishing well,
Maybe this one will end differently.

Does the solitary candle desire to melt and die?
Is it silvered kite fate to glide on the wind?
How can a blind seek the uncertain light?
What if these wishes are the test of an unfair life.
Maybe it wasn't about the candle's love,
But the warm gaze of baleful flame grew all unkind.
Maybe a blind can't find the light,
can't differentiate between black and white.
Like pandora's box mystery, the light will give him a fright.
Maybe there is no answer that is right.
My mother once said,'no one is empty of love'
Then why every soul is thirsty,
Why is every heart full of questions?

Why is the flame of hope upset with the wick of life?
Even my defeated eyes dream of the defeated knights.
Not knowing how to ignite the flames of the distant tomorrow.
In the slanted lines of my hands
I don't know where I stand.
If it's already written, then let me ask, will there be punishment or benevolence?
With translucent waves, will my feeble defense be washed away like a castle of sands?
Whatever is happening is it my feverish efforts or just a mirage in life's desert.
In front of me, there are two boats,
Today might not be the right day for anyone of them.

What good does it do for me to love a God?
I am nothing but a human, a hopeless creature.
Sabotaging everything I love is my true nature.
Loving you doesn't come easy to me.
It's tearing me apart knowing that we don't have a future.
How can I protect my soul against the force of nature?
How can I work on the storm in my heart?
I was silent symphony you have undone me.
I am snow-blind at your golden sight,
I selfishly leach to your unearthly company.
I am trembling with a frantic uproar,
An inquiring rumble so deep it shocks me too.
You crept into my black dreams,
turning every unspeakable ****** nightmare into a rosy dream.

I am a creature starved of love,
you are an enchanting mirage of affection.
How can I not fall for your exquisite smile?
Your intangible but visible presence brightens my unholy sky.
Unknowingly, you snared my heart.
Now I am ruined for this lifetime.
But what good does it do for me to love a God?
I might as well love the sun or the stars or anything else that's forever out of reach.

Hope is so warmly cruel.
It would hold up a lamp in my fiery heart,
And light up my lonely universe.
Being a noble fool that I am,
I exchange my vernal sunshine for the frosty moonlight.

Even black has a shade of blue,
when I see it from your point of view.
Your love has the power to change every wrong to right.
With you by my side, these hollow and dead night turn's into a beautiful twilight.
Your laughter is an assurance that everything is fine, it'll be alright,
hope is everywhere so is the lingering light.
Your eyes are like sacred raining of starlight,
like the drifts of leaves, immovable and bright,
filling the world as fair as white.
Your talk is so magical it feels so right,
I just want to listen as you talk in the spotlight.
When you look in my direction,
I feel a connection, it makes me want to grow into your definition of perfection.

Dear me, be like a bison
keep walking one step at a time.
Eyes on the prize, at the horizon.
This winter you are going through may perceive like a thousand lifetimes,
especially the dreary and frigid night, which feels like never-ending,
an opaque blanket of treacherous ice descending.
But dear me, don't be afraid
You are bison, you are meant to go through storms.
In this merciless wind,
you are breaking, shattering to the pieces.
However, keep your mighty will unbending.
For this colorless time, your limits are being constantly tested.
So pick up your stained pieces and fill them with luminous gold.
Push, push more harder, and break through failure's icy barrier.
Create, move your blind self from your exotic art.
Reach to your mystical soul.
Dear me don't be afraid
You are bison, you are meant to go through storms.
For you, yourself can set the limit
of  what's possible and what is not,
to have imperishable patience and never give up.
And dear me don't be afraid of losing your feet on the ground.
Because, sometimes that's the best thing you'll ever do.
So dear me don't be afraid
You are bison, you are meant to go through storms.

Everything's gonna be alright,
Everything's gonna be okay,
that's what my shadowy demon says,
you'll live to see another festal day.
Let's be an inseparable friend and play,
I'll take your dusty sanity with me,
you catch while I fly away.
Your pure fear is my colorful wings, for you are my favorite prey,
I'll never leave you alone, so you better obey.
Please love, you don't realize, you want me to stay,
if not me as your loyal friend you'd be long dead, decay.
So invites me with naked arms, my beloved do not delay.
I am with you right from start, right from the deranged dark.  
Those saying I am evil are the one who is going to betray,
they all will leave,
don't listen to them, don't get swayed
now with red heart, you must repay.
Hold my hands and listen to what I say,
I will be with you through your ragged lifetime
I will accompany you to your pray.

My heart remains invincible ,
My Brain from start was unbeatable.
There is a war going in me ,
Where peace was never affordable,
This disease which I am suffering is untreateable.

She was in love with appreciation,

she was in love with the names,

she put them all above.

She was driven by thirst to be loved and cherished,

she did everything to please them,

still, she could never become their gem no matter how much she grinds.

Everyone loved roses she was a daisy, a raven,

so she painted herself red and wore the skin of dove to please them.

Slowly yet she was fading and withering away,

it was never enough.

All, in the end, she got betrayed by the world and by herself,

her heart got filled with grief for letting her self down,

for billeting her courage and killing her dream.

Her pain became her heal,

she glued her heart together,

she took her picture off from the corner of the dusty shelf.

Now here she stands as herself.

A strong pillar who runs a nation.

A creative mind who rules peoples heart by ruling pen and paper.

In so many ways she is you, she is me,

but most important she is herself.