Do you think I could lie forever in your arms, watching the autumn leaves fall lazily out of the sky, like the millions of wishes sent around the world?
Your arms, strong and protective, could keep me warm against the chill that sends whispers down my body, seeking to break my vulnerable mind.
Isn’t it funny how you’re unable to see how you break down my barriers?
How you have placed yourself so deeply inside my soul that your roots have become a part of who I am, who I’ve become, who I ultimately seek to be.
Forever and a day, a second too short, I wish to be yours, my love.
To wake in the cloudy morning light and feel your hand resting against my heart, beating an uneven rhythm only for you.
Fighting over sausage or bacon, peas or snaps, your laughter the soundtrack to my life, to my memories, fitting around me like a warm blanket.
Creating a life that will hold traces of eternity, a happiness that could only seem otherworldly, as it brings me up so very high.
And on that day when forever takes a break, I will seek that hand against mine, and those greens I will carry into the next world.

If I let you in on a secret, I would understand if you could not keep it.
Yet I feel the need to spill these words from my open heart.
Like a toybox overflowing with torn teddy bears, their stitches ripped apart.
Clowns with jagged smiles, worn down wooden fingers.
As our song continues, crackles quietly through the speakers, like a river flows.
I wore a crown high atop my head, your sun illuminating each jewel.
My wooden pony I would ride, with you by my side, smiles reflecting in the mirror.
Adventures we would find, like a ring within a little black box, a promise to me.
As fools, we rushed in, overtaking the lands, a king and queen in dreams.
We conquered the seasons, until that quiet Fall broke my throne.
A thief in a mask you stood, planning my downfall, as I danced along.
For I couldn’t help falling in love with you, each and every day.
But I fell hard from that tower of fantasies, as your words pushed me over the edge.
Faster and faster, I continue my descent, a bit of madness here, suicidal thoughts there.
A sip from that tonic would end it all, a bite of that whiskey soaked poisoned apple.
If only you would take my hand, instead, you might just take my whole life.
Stealing into other hearts, I’m quite sure you wouldn’t even know I’m gone.
Perhaps one day, my love, even this husk will go missing.

I threw my hands out the window, reaching for the things that would never be mine.
The kiss that you placed upon her cheek with quivering lips,
a flower that has begun to grow in beauty through death.
Spider web dreams that ensnare your mind to a slow motion play that never ends.
Waking up to shades of buttery yellow and hazy blues, searching hands and restless eyes.
I tried to grasp the feeling of love, the wordless clench in your chest that couldn’t hope to be explained.
The taste of forever that was both sweet and bitter but always left an endless flavor.
In the search of all things real, I discovered that I had lost myself to a dream.
Of soft lips and delicate roses, silky hands and beautiful eyes.
The dream where I could reach forever.

i wish i could describe how i feel,
when i look into your eyes.
like falling, i lose my grip on reality,
when my tongue gets tied.
if i could give you the words,
a key to my heart, something to be heard.
forever pushes us together,
hand in hand, stronger than ever.

I begged you - please don't let me go.

My love lies elsewhere, you spoke.
Into the snowy night you drove.
So i sat, stripped down, barriers broken,
Saturated in sadness.

Yet here i am, stronger than before.
Our love a dying ember held closely to my heart.
Until one day i may see you again.

I will rebalance these chemicals in my brain that tell me I need you – I want you – I love you.
Pulling this knife from my back, I will rise from the grave you’ve thrown our love into.
Sweating out your favorite song that has been going off in my head every night for eight weeks straight.
You have said what you want now, I’ve already come and gone.
Done with wasting time – I’m only wasting time.

Instead of losing my mind, I opted to tear out pieces of my heart,
I placed each piece in separate jars and sealed them with my soul,
Illuminated in varying colors, they found a home amidst parts of my past and my future.
Over time, the jars slowly disappeared and I was left with nothing as the dirt buried my abandoned body,
For I knew I could never experience life and love it for what it was without giving my all.
So my dear, do not collect my jars.
Leave my heart amidst the cities with lights so bright, the oceans with the waves so pure, and the lovers with their arms held wide.
You will feel me everywhere.

It’s me again, do you remember?
I keep coming around, searching in vain for you.
No longer can I see, as you’re long gone.
Safe to say I’m in a darker place than you.
I’m losing sleep, chasing those sheep over the hills.
Distraught, lost, what’s in your mind?
Because you’re on mine, always.
I know I’m lost to you, please don’t remind me again.
Masochistic, sadistic, pathetic.
I’m losing my mind, don’t you know, I love you to death.  
But I'm here, my dear, always right here.

he watches me with those warm brown eyes, lust even with love.
each day i feel him deeper within my heart,
sweeping up the pieces to make me whole again.
anticipation fills my lungs as his fingers weave within my hair,
kissing a line of fire down my neck.
i question how it's possible to love with a broken heart,
  but here i am.
     falling again.

The lights blazing in between the rail cars illuminated the surety of your words,
Tears glistening in your eyes, hanging on with your deep breaths.
I lost all sense of reality, falling as I sat in place, cemented within the gripping realization.
Dread pulled my lips together, sealing my final gasp.
Quivering limbs, jerky thoughts, hazy eyes.
To stumble through darkness, bright lights calling me home.
Rumbling ground, vibrating air.
I’m sorry, but can’t you see how I long to be?
No, my love, you wouldn’t understand.
Couldn’t comprehend the pressure that has built in my mind,
Like a thousand tiny gnats pushing to escape.
Scraping at the thin membrane of my brain,
The home to my home.
I lost track of all direction, intent on following the shining metal to my final destination.

The words hang on in the still air, crooked and clumsy.
Face down I trace patterns into the mattress.
Focus, breathing in, breathing out.
If I tried to move, I would break apart.
Liquid in these lungs spilling out of this open mouth.
Weighed down, sinking deeper and deeper.
These swirls and lines lifting, floating, whirling.
I hear nothing past the pulse pounding behind my ears.
Stronger, faster, it hums beneath this ivory skin.
Only if I could escape the hysterics that hide in my throat.
Bubble underneath the surface, threatening to convulse.
Quicker my breath comes, fighting past this ocean of uncertainty.
It stretches before me, I consider breaking the surface.
A clean cut on the smooth gray, deeper and deeper.
I take the plunge, and into this darkness I relax.
Comfortable, I stretch my legs, I pull these veins out by the roots.
Beating within my hand, I squeeze.
Familiarity overwhelms me, isn’t this what forever feels like?

i'm an open book with torn out pages,
misprints, flaws stained in ink,
looking for a patient editor.

but it's hard to hold you,
when the night is still young,
and i'm shaking, twisting, turning.

this heart of mine, forever inclined,
to find the one that sates this hunger,
the burning desire of wonder.

novel feelings of unending love,
lust that singes and burns the pages,
from lips, tongues, fingers, that sing a sweet praise.

yet all i find is one more tedious lie,
a heart half gone and yearning for another,
or simply a waste of time.

if only i could find you,
and take your hand,
surely our souls would bleed into the sand.

instead,
here i am,
waiting for rain.

just lay back and i will trace
the constellations on your golden skin,
as you are made up of the stars

keep a light on in your heart,
i'll come find you and give you my hand.

to lead you out of the dark corridors
where the blank bulbs hang heavy,
swinging in tune with your broken heart strings.

past the pieces that roll around,
fragments of a lost childhood,
shards of contempt and regret.

to a place where there is warmth,
and solitude will not bury you under memories.

bathe with me in moonlight -
kiss the stars upon my skin.
let's follow the milky way -
and explore our galaxies.

I decided to place my heart on my sleeve, bare and bursting, waiting for the day you would open your sun-soaked whiskey eyes to it.
As time passed, I watched as it shriveled into a husk of a memory, barren and broken.
I used pieces of my soul to mend the jagged cracks you so unknowingly wrought.
But I was not complete.
Every time your lips would caress my name, I could feel the cracks gape open into a chasm that leaked, my soul slowly slipping away.
Sanity was no longer reachable for me, my mind broken under the weight of tacit love, and so pain turned to pleasure.
I would smile as I died daily, your name a sweet taste on my lips.

I can’t help but notice how you choke over the words,
While I hang the necklace around my throat to give you my very last breath.
Those unspoken words, hidden thoughts, corrupt meanings,
I saw the way you looked at her through the glassy binoculars, hazy with lust.
Lying next to you at night, please my dear, don’t fool yourself.
I can smell the roses and cream on your skin, alien to a weary traveler.
To dream of forever and taste the end, like salt and sulfur,
I pack my bags to climb the highest tower over the hill.
The hills shine with the morning dew,
Glistening like a thousand tears in the sun,
Warm and thick, spilling over the ground.
Here’s to one last night with you, my love,
Before darkness eclipses the valley.

you tore my soul wide open,
pale blue eyes held wide,
and you peered inside.

you were the catalyst to my downfall,
with everything laid bare.

sitting blankly in this chair again,
feet planted firmly on this patterned carpet.
the air conditioner hums softly,
pulling me with the soft cushion of coldness.
exhaustion drags my eyes down,
away from the glaring lights of this screen.
voices droning on in the background,
smiles, handshakes, "how do you do?"'s.
the ringing phone sounds like one big sigh,
i suppose it's just another Monday.

and i'm here to tell you,
what it feels like to sever my soul,
and fill the holes with lyrics -
that melody -
that beat -
the shiver down my spine,
when those words are spit with such emotion,
or drawn out so sweetly like a dream -
it's like madness,
an addiction.

one by one, two by two,
you pulled those creamy petals,
threw them into the wind and screamed.

this is what it feels like to be alive,
your hand in mine,
standing tall and wide over the edge of the world.

i was entranced, living in a dream,
where the dust settled and i could see,
your smile painted in hues upon my lips.

"don't you see, this is for you and me,"
every stupid thing leading to this,
an adventure for our hearts to be free.

the skeletons in my closet keep laughing at me.
their crooked mouths falling open, shaking gleefully.
gravity pressing down on me, pushing me further.
this collective emptiness taunts me evermore.
pen to paper, it's been quite a while, my dear.
these days known as in-between grow longer.
until all i can see are letters floating around me.
forming words and sentences i couldn't bring myself to say.
perhaps it's for the best, as i choke down regret.
and you dance into the sunlight of your life.

i'm throwing in my flower petals
wind will carry luck until you are found in my meadows

we will lay in the grass, staring at the stars,
****** so that time will slow and we've lost the bars

i want you to speak to me in melodies and rhythms
the words flowing from your lips a beautiful lyricism

"that really isn't the best idea."
"i know."
i picked up the pieces from the aftermath,
placed them in random order,
and watched my self destruction take hold.
after all this,
how could i possibly stand,
if it was all for nothing.

there is a place i dream.
in a dream, indigo skies and blue butterflies.
the river runs red and the fish swim black.
trees turn yellow and change as i do.
in a dream, the world pumps to the beat of a guitar.
it sways ever so slowly to the green light of a new day.
there is a place i dream.
in a dream, i am finally at peace.

peace twirls around my mind in ribbons,
    while your lips move silently by starlight.

how can i tell this foolish heart that you're gone,
    when you still sing sweetly to me in the dark,

i've lost myself in this deep velvet sea,
    where your memory is going to be the death of me.

you are my sunrise,
peaks of gold coloring those liquid eyes
  burning fire caressing my pale skin
   a symphony of sensations that tease and amaze
    stealing away into a numbness that opens its maw to yawn
     leaving me stranded, panting, and even more in love.

if love is a drug, then i'm your ******.
tie me up tight, and intoxicate me with your wandering tongue.
leave me breathless with your lips, and then lean over here so that i can breathe you in, and hold you deep.
send shivers down my spine with your rough hands, leave me begging for more.
stay with me forever, because i am addicted to you.

My love,
Do you feel that ache, deep in your chest?
The feel of my roots twisting around your ribs, grasping at a home.
Did you know that I’m lost, in my mind?
The ambiguous definition of living, of life, tearing creases in my skin.
Are you aware that you’re holding my string?
Even though you’re gone, you hold my sanity, or what’s left of it.
Can you remember that night, under the stars?
You traced letters into my skin, forever branding me with your touch.
Has someone told you that I’ve gone missing?
I tried to retrace that memory, I tried to travel back when I felt alive.
Wouldn’t you just laugh at me now?
You told me that nothing lasts forever, importance is ignorance.
If you had the heart, would you warm me one last time?
Don’t you know, that metal is cold on my chest.
Will you do me one last favor?
Remember you will always be my only one.
My love.

I tried to remember when I lost my mind.
But I cannot fathom a day without this empty static in my mind.
It pulsates in time with the beating of my heart.
I can hear the blood flowing in my veins, a constant hum that will run out in due time.
In due time.
The earth will break apart my body.
Flowers will burst through my rotting heart, will escape the prison of my ribs to reach the hazy sunlight.
The sunlight that will shine upon my bloated form.
The flowers will sway in the warm breeze, the air that will caress the worms in my skin.
I tried to remember when I found death terrifying.
But I cannot fathom this peace that radiates through me as I watch.
As I watch the earth reclaim me.

how could you -
dangle your toes over the edge
throw open your arms
close your eyes and taste the wind?
was it worth it -
to feel your hair in a hurricane
eyes wide and watering
a heart beating fast and close to the surface?
i wish i knew -
if you thought of the sunrise
a golden blanket on the horizon
my arms around you, lips upon your smile
if i could -
tell you that i need you
make love with you one last time
or even say goodbye.

hold me close, hold me tighter, before this land we created falls apart.
i chased you to the mountaintops - where the Sun kisses the snow-covered peaks so delicately.
i chased you to the oceans - where the sand dances precariously with that frothy smile.
every single thing i do, i feel i have something to prove to you.
i gave you my hand - when you asked for a friend.
i gave you my soul - when you asked for a lover.

hold me close, hold me tighter, before these stitches break apart within my heart.
i chased you down the valley - where the rain water lies atop the lush green in a still pool.
i chased you far into the forests - where the trees reach their arms up to the sky, praising that blushing Sun.
every single thing i do, i'm able to because of you.
you gave me a light - when all i saw was darkness.
you gave me a purpose - when all i saw was defeat.

hold me close, hold me tighter, before i wake up.

i've made a trip to my memories
and i'm floating in outer space

when the stars are clouded by your eyes
it's easy to find happiness and heartbreak

i try to do the best i can
but please bring me back down

because you're my adventure
of a lifetime

When you tossed me into the galaxy to play with the stars,
I never considered the fact that you would not be there to catch me.
And so, I fell fast and hard, breaking this heart I thought was ours,
Crumpled I lay, staring into the white eye in the sky, who ignored my plea.

Off you ran, hand in hand, with your fantasies and dreams,
While I picked myself up, following after your careless shadow.
Through the sleepy town, down the dirt road, crossing the streams,
Night after night, I pictured you in my mind, and the way your eyes would glow.

I yearned for your laughter, your smile, your beautiful heart,
Wishing with my entire being you felt the same.
As days changed to months, the crack grew, drawing us further apart,
For the longest time, as obvious as it was, I didn’t know who to blame.

Confused, angry, hurt beyond words, I could hardly draw a breath,
As my lungs had collapsed over the hole where my heart used to be.
You had broken your promise and left me alone, all I could wish for was death,
Realization sunk into my bones and it was all I could see.

I dealt with this knowledge the only way I knew how,
Crimson soaking into the darkness that clouded my vision.
The center of my dreams you resided, the only place I saw you now,
Trying to forget you and everything we had was my hardest decision.

Success is at the end of this narrow tunnel, just out of my reach,
But one day, my first love, I will cease to think of you.
Your sixteenth birthday, or that day at the beach,
Spooning in bed, the perfect fit, laughing in the truck, and how we grew.

Against my wishes, this chapter of my life is ending,
I can feel it just as surely as I feel you leaking out of my soul.
Reluctantly tearing your roots from my being, I need to start mending,
I gave you everything I had, I never held back, and now I must crawl out of this hole.

One day I hope you find a love that I thought we had, perfect and perpetual,
Not a series of wanton adventures and endeavors, but something real.
Otherwise I fear you will die a very lonely man, surely it’s eventual,
Our time is over, this love is through, if only you knew how broken I feel.

My goodbye comes with warm wishes, one last kiss upon your cheek,
One last memory to reminisce, before I burn this to smoke and ashes.
Someday I will be able to pull you from the wreckage, and it will not be as bleak,
But until then, to rest I lay, forgiving your actions.

i drink down another night of loneliness,
spit up all my guilt and regrets.

the bed is cold beside me,
sheets stretched a little to far to the left, just the way she liked it.

sadness writhes inside me,
an entity all on its own.

if she's with him...
   where does that leave me...?

i try to bring myself peace
in the tall grass rippling like waves
a sea of greens, purples, and yellows
i dream that i am floating
running my hand along the bottom of the flat clouds
holding a ray of sunshine
like a warrior, conquering all the lands
until i've created a home among the wildflowers
somewhere for you and me to finally be
a slice of paradise in a very large world
where everything makes sense
and i don't feel quite so alone

You were gone a year yesterday.
When people say it gets easier, I guess I just have to suppose I'm the anomaly, the outlier, the odd one out.
Because it doesn't get easier. In fact, it gets so much ******* harder. Where it takes every piece of willpower to patch that hole in my chest.
I know it gets bigger every single time I remember that I won't ever see you again. It gaps wider as that sly smile will never be shone again, and that mischievous laugh will never sing.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to bear seeing your face in photos, or if certain memories won't ******* me into a state of disrepair.
In this moment, I find it hard to breath as regret tears down my throat, adding to the mayhem in my mind.
But in Heaven, I know you're doing all right without me. Without us. Biding your time.
But it sure as hell is hard down here.
And here's to another late night, I hope the fish are biting.

so this is how it goes -
bring me up high,
and pull me down slow.

i'm only human -
take it easy on me,
this roller coaster makes me weak.

let's face the truth -
these nights are fluid,
our smiles glare from inside the picture frames.

don't be afraid of the future -
holding you close as i need to,
breaking apart is a need to.

clouds hovered in the distance,
and i'm tired of feeling.

i left you for the sunshine,
ignoring the rain pouring in anger.

the warmth wrapped around me,
and i'm finally free.

i want to leave a flower on her grave
where the sun is drawn to, nourishing a life -
her beauty continuing on in a world that cannot stand another loss.

i want to sing her name into the wind
where it will whistle through the forest
and roll along the waves of the ocean -
her memory is no longer skin deep and she will become
... infinite.

it's taken me awhile,
but i'm coming around.
even though i'm your little bad habit,
you cannot break me.
clawing and digging up,
six feet isn't enough to keep me down.

come to me -
like a sinner on your knees.
profess those unspoken words -
that taste of acrid regret.
breathe your love, lips sewn shut -
eyes closed against begrudged tears.
and tell me -
everything.

I loved you for all the grace and beauty that was absent in the world.
Touched by the sunlight, kissed by the rain.
You danced with my soul and cherished every minute that swallowed up eternity.
I remember how you unfurled my veins and replaced my life with fire.
No longer was I ruled by biology’s hand.
You were my puppeteer, revealing another side of life, developed in your mind’s eye.
My love, how you threw me to the Heaven’s to sing with the stars,
To play with the Moon and marvel in her milky white beauty.
When I drifted back into your arms, your heartbeat animated me.
Your heartbeat revitalized me.
In that place between reality and childish dreams, I found a home.
I found a home in your mind, your heart, your very being.
Until we became one.

don't tell me that i'll be okay,
when my heart lies bleeding at your feet.
heartbreak isn't for the weak,
and darling how can i be strong without you?

mesmerized, i watched as the clouds ate up the horizon,
droplets of broken sunshine clinging to my lashes.
the stillness bringing the scent of promise,
a sort of freshness as the sky wept.

i fell in love with the way you looked,
lying there naked in the pale light,
with the blanket tangled between your legs.
i wanted to trace the veins in your hips,
my lips kissing past the shadows,
breathing you in and exhaling love out.
i fell in love with the way you looked at me,
eyes half closed and dark with lust,
as i brought my hands down your chest.
i wanted to memorize the way you breathed my name,
slow and low - the way you moaned for me,
and how you shivered under my touch.

is it possible to love in lyrics -
or lines hidden within books?
perhaps the way the rain falls -
glistening on a sunflower like fire.
is it possible to love in smell -
or the sweet bubbles after a steamy shower?
perhaps the way your bottom lip curls delicately -
like the curve of a sculpture.
is it possible to love in places -
or the adventures of a lifetime?
perhaps memories of your eyes -
your nose, your smile, when i call you mine.

Once upon a time, I fell into a wormhole.
When I landed on the other side, I awoke within your sunny green eyes.
As I stared in wonder, I felt for the first time ever something deep inside, a tight ache within my chest.
A string woven from your smile, intertwined between the atrium's of my heart.
From that moment on, I would live to assure that smile never faltered.
I came to learn everything about you, from the way you purse your lips in abstract focus,
To the silence that falls upon you in the early hours of the warm mornings.
Our every encounter burned onto my skin, a walking collage of every kiss, of every touch.
My heart strings you played beautifully, as softly as you spoke to me.
Malleable I became, yearning to be everything you could ever dream of,
My very essence shaping around the orbit of our bodies and thoughts.

Then I felt you cut my lifeline, your words fell upon shattering eardrums.
And here I sat, a fool with a knotted heart, bleeding misery and confusion.
Wishing with all my heart your words were a cruel joke.
I stopped to laugh, as I realized I never meant anything to you.
Our future was nothing other than a one-sided fantasy,
While she sat triumphantly, holding your attention that was so easily given.
Clearly you were otherwise occupied.
But my lovely dream, think back to that cold January day, when tears fell like rain,
When I offered you my remaining broken heart, my final plea,
A love that still shone through every single blow,
and Please, Don’t Forget Me.

i guess it's true that i've been broken.
the pieces of my heart roll around -
like marbles inside of a glass case.
all the super glue in the world would not be enough -
to heal these jagged edges that cut every time -
i'm shaken up.
but when you come around -
i feel your hand picking up the mess inside -
the mess that i've become.
and i can't help but love you for that -
as you accept me -
and all my pieces.

when do we lose our imagination,
our curiosity and lust for life.

is it during the first heartbreak,
where our souls are left scattered in the remains of something beautifully haunting.

is it during the death of our loved ones,
holding hands, burning eyes, tight throats,
whispering our last hello and goodbye.

is it during the realization that our age comes finality,
generations before us falling to their knees,
back into the earth that bore our footsteps.

is it during the times that test our strength,
foreign words of sickness, a prognosis,
cancer burning in her chest, chased with poison to eradicate.

when do we lose everything,
our hearts built around familiarity, family,
the loving smiles and tears that brought us into this world.

i find it hard to sleep at night, as i toss and turn,
thoughts haunting the corridors of my mind -  
wondering where i lost my imagination,
my curiosity and lust for life.