She came in the night,
   I was caught off guard.
      Saw her beauty glimmer in the moonlight.
         She was different.
Now shes in my heart & in my bed,
   ***** so tight.
      For her I will do right.
         But that's then & this is now.
            For what I failed to see was her toxicity.
Night by night, she kissed on my neck.
******* out little bits of me, little bits of blood.
I began feeling more & more like her.
My heart was becoming black.
I swear she must have swapped some of her blood with mine because I'm the one that stays in the dark now... While she waltzes in the sun.
I'm the one that's scared to love while she doesn't need anyone.
Now I feel like the monster.

They say "get out your feelings" but the feelings are still going to be in me... I have a long & close relationship with them... they begin to miss me if I'm gone for too long. I lie for hours in the tub as I drift away into a bittersweet nothing.

I am drowning in myself.
I can't escape this torture of simply being.
Restless nights, Everything seems to weigh heavy on me.
My soul is tired & my heart is weak, Everything seems to come & go so fast.

Where do these horrible feelings that sit solid in the pit of my stomach come from?

Does everyone feel this way or is it just me?
I'm starting to think it's just me.

Though I do not wish to die, I'm struggling with the will to live.
Just because I am not suicidal doesn't mean I'm not withering away on the inside..doesn't mean that suffering through each day is any better.

I feel detached from the world & people & myself.
There is a constant aching in me.
I can't escape myself.

Where do I go to feel safe?
I never feel safe.

Where do I go to feel loved?
How can I feel it if I'm detached?

Everyone comes & goes.
Dynamics between people change.
People hurt people all the time.

What can I hold onto or trust that is stable?

What only makes me realize just how alone I really am in all of this is that if I do try & explain how I feel...
I get answers like eat more fruit,
think positive,
everyone feels this way.

I struggle so much to see where I fit in this whole grand scheme of life. What is my point of existence?

Literally no one can help me & that only makes me feel even more alone to deal with this heavy, heavy stone I carry around.

No one can see my pain at all. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.

I don't know why I've always felt so "sensitive" but I've felt this way for a long time.

I can't seem to find peace in myself.

I can't quite obtain my goals as easily as I think which take a unsurmountable amount of stress & uncomforting vibes.

I have to fight so hard for myself...I'm done fighting.
I Don't wanna fight.

I feel...
BROKEN INSIDE,
LIKE A MERE EXISTANCE.
POINTLESS,
LIKE THE SCRAPS OF A PERSON,
SUFFOCATED IN MYSELF,
MISUNDERSTOOD,
USELESS,
A LOT OF EMOTIONS, ALL THE TIME.

Nothing seems to help. If only it was that easy but nothing ever is,

I will lie myself down to rest for tonight, gather my broken bones & kiss my forehead. "Go to sleep babygirl, tomorrow will be a new day with new struggles, for now shhhhh, close your eyes."

"I'm walking away,
I'm starting a new.
You could of came with me
but that was on you.
I'll find a new world full of colors.
New memories, new smiles.
One foot after the other,
let bygones be bygones.
You were a beautiful soul,
gave me so much magic & knowledge.
So I'm at peace now with kissing you goodbye.
I'll take the lessons yout gave me & craft a boat that will take me to new heights.
I'll love yout forever but at a distance it's fine.
I'll take back my bruised heart & stich it up with time.
The last grain of sand in my hourglass has fell.
So I was slowly walk away with a heavy heart.
I'm pushing myself forward.
It's a start.
This must have been what you wanted all along,
to drift away & become strangers to one another..to forget the magic I felt.
Goodbye."

You're on my heart.
You're on my mind.
You've got a piece of my soul.

What is this fickle world,
where not everything is as it seems.
Who am I truly?
Forever changing & evolving into something more or less.
My world is as a sandstorm in a desert.
I flutter along with the motions,
nothing more & nothing less.
I call out to you from the deepest depths of my heart.
Do you feel me?
Do you hear my cries?
Come save me.
Wrap me up in you.
Come save me.
^.°♡°.^

This pain,
This love,
It's all too much.
What's going on?
Why can't I let go?

Why can't I free myself from this pain, this love.

I'm a slave.
I'm hurt,
I'm hurt,
I'm hurt,
Yet I can't let go.

I try,
I try,
I TRY!

I can't...

My heart is bound to you & it hurts.
There's a fire inside of me.
I can't release this love.. it's destroying me.
I need help..

The past is the past,
let the present be a present for you.
Fully embrace all the bad that has happened just as you fully should embrace all the good.
The hard & dark & painful is what brings most change & growth & strength & development.
Look around at all the things to be grateful for & let the focus on all the negative go.
The past is the past,
let the present be a present for you.

I'm in a rut, when will it end, I'm sick of toxicity in my guts.
They tell me stop being bothered, what's wrong with you?
Your like a broken doll that's always wearing blue.
We don't wanna hear your cry anymore or see your tears, we wanna be happy, what's wrong with you?
I'm struggling inside, more than you know but I can feel it all too well and you turning your back on me makes me feel it more.
I'm trying to be the best me everyday, when my emotions come out to play and I make a mistake just know I'm trying my best.
I'm like a broken doll that feels like I belong back on the shelf.
What do you do when your best isn't good enough?

My body is hot, within me is a flame, boiling the blood in my veins, my skin is warm & I feel bothered internally.
It won't take much to set me off.
I can't run away from myself, I can't escape these feelings.
I feel like I'm suffocating in myself.
How can I feel better, who will understand, how can I make it go away?
I don't know where to turn...

Little girl with the large, dark eyes.
Adorable & innocent, nothing to sexualize.
Man in black with the twisted mind.
Never thought or perhaps cared just how much he would put this little girls life in a bind.
She did not speak for a long time.
No recollection but over time, there's things she would find.
No justice was delivered.
No recognition, it seems.
Everyone has buried the trash.
No more talk about the past.
Hush, hush.
Woman with the large, dark eyes.
She holds anger & silently cries.
Hush, hush.
Keep it all inside.

Crazy is who I am.
I love with a passion & I fell for you.
So call me crazy for wanting to be there.
Call me crazy for loving you.
The truth is that I do.
I don't deny it anymore.
I don't want to hold back.
I love you & that's all there is to it.
I'm not a fighter but I fight for what I love.
You break my heart.
I give you space.
You run back to me.
I love you still.
I always will.

My mind is a sea. At times I latch on to the boat of sanity, as the waves thrash & the winds blow. Seems as though the downpour will never ease. Stranded with only the feelings of hopelessness to surround me. Alone in my feelings. Alone in my thoughts. Alone with in myself.

The waves subside & lay calm, crystal clear to the sea life beneath. The sea is full of colors & creatures abode. The sun is warm on my skin, bright in the baby blue sky. Dolphins come out to play, showing off eagerly as they entertain. I dive in. Life couldn't be greater.

My heart can be a secret garden, filled with fruits & berries. The air is scented of sweet lilies. Come to this garden & be refreshed my love. I have so many gifts to share.

Yet when the sunlight fades into dark, the cold winds howl. The gate to the garden is locked. There's nowhere for you to rest your head. Nothing to share.

My world lies on a merry go round. Up then down & round I go. I sit sick on this rollarcoaster of emotions. I don't wish to drag you along so I'll silence myself until the sun rises again because it always does. I'll do anything for you my love because my love towards you is the only stable thing.

I wrote a song for you.
I play it on the strings of my heart.
I crossed a line for you.
It will never be crossed again.
I loved all of you.
I fell for your soul.
I want to hold you.
love you.
You don't love me.
You don't want me.
I needed you.
Where were you?
Why did you leave me?
*I love you.

NO. MORE. PAIN. My soul is draining through the blood droplets on my fingertips. CAN'T. TAKE. ANYMORE. Though you tell me I can. Pushing me to limits even I didn't think I could go. WHAT. IS. LOVE. What is life, who am I, who are you? My whole world is being rebuilt. GIVE. ME. LOVE. GOD DAMIT! Give me love, give me love. I DEMAND IT!! fix my wounds, fix my wounds, I CAN'T STAND IT. NO. MORE. DARKNESS. Don't send me back to that place, I can't have it! Don't let loose the demons from my past. This is all happening so fast. DON'T TOUCH ME, DON'T TOUCH ME. YOU WON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M UGLY. Consumed in all my hate, all my pain, all my fears. I'm running like a mad man in flames. Set it out, set it out. No stay away, stay away.....& after I was burned alive & thrown into a salt water lake where my flesh was picked apart by the monsters below, my bones lay. Cold, hard bones, not much. THAT'S ALL I AM. Until someone wakes me up, & it starts all over again.

Upon fire's head is a crown.
The crown jewels radiate respect.
  Of an energy so magnified.
    Warmth dances off the wipping waves.
     Beautiful in its essence but do not touch.
      Warm & comforting but do not get too close.
       Wild & consuming in its nature.
         Must be given its throne & space.
           For if let loose will run with out control, no mercy.
Holding in it's right hand the gift of erasing.
Ashes, dust, earth, beginning.
  A friend to earth, a helper to humans, a slave to water, a lover to wind.
    May we set our past, our insecurities, stresses, & anything we wish to eradicate in the fire of our soul.
    Allowing them to become ashes that we throw to the wind.

I hate this feeling like I'm always doing something wrong.

I'm tired of pretending like I'm strong.

I'm always chasing after happiness like it's a ******* rainbow.

Left with false laughter & a desire to be cuddled.

I need someone to tell me it's okay.

I need to know if I open up you'll still be here for me at the end of the day.
  
This world is hollow & all the **** that happens in it is hard to swallow.

Just love me for one night, so I can feel alright.

I can't escape my feelings.

They always come back to suffocate me in the night, when I'm forced to be alone with myself.

The night is where all my realities lie.

But I better get some shut eye, so when I wake I can draw my smile on all over again.

Damnnn.....

He.
Weighed me down like a white feathered dove with solid steel chains wrapped around the wings.
I.
Begin to have faith that I am the lowly krill of the deep blue sea.
God.
Gave me a beating heart and working mind.
It.
Beats like a solid gold drum and works like a thunderstorm of colors.
You.
Gives strength when I  am frail,
Forgives when I fail,
Made a second chance.
He.
Can't stop me now.
I.*
Found god.
That is Jehovah.

©YourNightLight

A soul just like the rest of us.
   trapped in a world so bland,
                                                        so tasteless.
May colors paint our world with neon.
                May we all find that hidden key.
The minds we once had as children ran so wild and loud!
         As if life as we knew it then would be the same forever.
But... we were wrong weren't we?
         My dreams aren't even a place of the impossible anymore, they're empty, leaving my body with enough rest to begin the next day just the same as the last.

©YourNightLight

Big blue eyes so ready to sympathize.
      A gentle voice and mind.
He gives me a sound heart when it breaks.
       Neon cheeks with a gorgeous smile.
Imperfectly perfect.
       I'm talking of he who grasps the heel.
Only... he grasped my heart instead.*



©YourNightLight