I am drowning in myself.
I can't escape this torture of simply being.
Restless nights, Everything seems to weigh heavy on me.
My soul is tired & my heart is weak, Everything seems to come & go so fast.
Where do these horrible feelings that sit solid in the pit of my stomach come from?
Does everyone feel this way or is it just me?
I'm starting to think it's just me.
Though I do not wish to die, I'm struggling with the will to live.
Just because I am not suicidal doesn't mean I'm not withering away on the inside..doesn't mean that suffering through each day is any better.
I feel detached from the world & people & myself.
There is a constant aching in me.
I can't escape myself.
Where do I go to feel safe?
I never feel safe.
Where do I go to feel loved?
How can I feel it if I'm detached?
Everyone comes & goes.
Dynamics between people change.
People hurt people all the time.
What can I hold onto or trust that is stable?
What only makes me realize just how alone I really am in all of this is that if I do try & explain how I feel...
I get answers like eat more fruit,
everyone feels this way.
I struggle so much to see where I fit in this whole grand scheme of life. What is my point of existence?
Literally no one can help me & that only makes me feel even more alone to deal with this heavy, heavy stone I carry around.
No one can see my pain at all. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.
I don't know why I've always felt so "sensitive" but I've felt this way for a long time.
I can't seem to find peace in myself.
I can't quite obtain my goals as easily as I think which take a unsurmountable amount of stress & uncomforting vibes.
I have to fight so hard for myself...I'm done fighting.
I Don't wanna fight.
LIKE A MERE EXISTANCE.
LIKE THE SCRAPS OF A PERSON,
SUFFOCATED IN MYSELF,
A LOT OF EMOTIONS, ALL THE TIME.
Nothing seems to help. If only it was that easy but nothing ever is,
I will lie myself down to rest for tonight, gather my broken bones & kiss my forehead. "Go to sleep babygirl, tomorrow will be a new day with new struggles, for now shhhhh, close your eyes."