Let me tell you about Barney Rubble.
He's a criminal who is in big trouble.
Barney lost his job and Bamm-Bamm was taken by the state.
That made him turn mean, he has been consumed by hate.
He and Fred Flintstone are enemies noe, he's gotten himself in a mess.
Barney looked through Fred's window and watched Wilma undress.
Wilma knew that he was watching but didn't care.
She didn't mind him seeing her while she was bare.
Barney bought a new car after he kidnapped Pebbles and sold her on the Black Market.
But the bank took his house so he had no place to park it.
All of this started because Barney lost his son.
Now Fred is out looking for Barney with a gun.
Fred is determined to shoot his former friend and watch him die.
He just found Barney so now Barney can kiss his **** goodbye.

I welcome 2019, I'm glad it's here.
I hope it will be an excellent year.
Many years ago on every New Year's Day, Mom cooked hog jowls and black eyed peas.
But I didn't like those meals very much, I wasn't pleased.
Sadly, I now spend New Year days alone because Mom is deceased.
I certainly hope that the year 2019 will be a year of prosperity and peace.
God has given me another year to live and for that, he deserves my praise.
I will love, praise and worship The Lord for the remainder of my days.
I hope that 2019 will be a good year for others and myself.
And I wish everybody a year of happiness and good health.

The end of 2018 is very near.
In just a matter of hours, 2019 will become the new year.
2018 was a sad year because my aunt died.
After 43 years of marriage, my uncle lost his bride.
But 2018 didn't completely ****, I've seen worse years.
In just a matter of hours, 2019 will be here.

My son asked for a video game console and I ended up being sorry.
I went Christmas shopping at a flea market and bought him an Atari.
When he unwrapped the Atari 5200 on Christmas morning, he had a fit.
He has blessed me out before but this is the only time that I've been hit.

He took a sledgehammer to his gift that he hated.
It was over thirty-five years old, it was outdated.
He called me stupid because I bought him a console that is 8-bit.
He said he wanted a PS4 or XBOX One and then he threw his fit.

I had all of his BS that I could stand so I put him over my knee.
His **** is black and blue because of the way he treated me.
I gave him a good spanking because he crossed the line.
Because of that Atari 5200, I put blisters where the sun doesn't shine.

I gave my daughter $10,000 for Christmas and she gave me a hammer and a box of nails.
I tried to raise her properly but obviously I failed.
I give her $10,000 every year and she gives me a piece of crap.
It takes all of my will power to stop myself from giving her a slap.

Last year, the ungrateful witch gave me a plunger.
Now I'm broke and about to die because of hunger.
I'm not a rich man but when it comes to the ten grand, she expects to receive it.
When it comes to the lousy gifts she gives, it's probably hard for you to believe it.

One year she gave me a turkey baster and another year, she gave me a broken rod and reel.
If she wasn't my only daughter, I would hire a hitman to ****.
She demands $10,000 every year even though it's so steep.
She never buys me a good present because she's too cheap.

Last year, the Grinch stole the presents and my Christmas Tree.
This year I'm making that green freak pay for what he did to me.
I've been turning the Grinch every way but loose.
What I'm doing would shock even DR. Seuss.
When he opened my door, his head got burned by a blowtorch.
Now his head has third degree burns because it is scorched.
I put a plank on the floor with nails sticking out.
He just stepped on those nails and the entire neighborhood can hear him shout.
If you could hear his naughty language, this poem would be Rated R.
He's green and furry so he's not Human, maybe he's from Mars.
I made an iron fall on his head and I'm pelting his head with bricks.
The Grinch is giving up and leaving because he knows when he is licked.
I got my revenge and I got it all on my own.
You may be wondering how I did those things, it's because I'm a fan of Home Alone.

When I learned about his death, it was hard to believe.
An actor died twenty years ago today on Christmas Eve.
Sadly, he died at the young age of twenty-six.
He starred in The Supernaturals, A Smoky Mountain Christmas and other flicks.

He starred in The Dukes of Hazzard and Magnum P.I. as well.
He tried to beat Colon Cancer but sadly, he was destined to fail.
When a person dies on Christmas Eve, it's a shame.
He was a talented actor and Chad Sheets was his name.

Most children want toys for Christmas but I wanted revenge.
Santa put me on his naughty list and what I did made him cringe.
I called the cops and told them that Santa molested me.
The cops went to the North Pole and arrested him, there will be no presents under people's trees.

He put me on the naughty list because I yanked a girl's ponytail.
The punishment didn't fit the crime so now Santa is rotting in jail.
What Santa did was unfair so now I'm making him pay.
And he's really unhappy because his cellmate is gay.

I heard that Santa has been sexually assaulted every day he's been in jail.
There is no money at the North Pole so the elves aren't able to post bail.
What I did may have been wrong but it feels so right.
I got revenge and no gifts will be delivered on Christmas night.

My name is Timmy and I had a dog named Lassie.
My father is an alcoholic and my mother is sassy.
Mom has affairs with every man who comes to town.
When it comes to Mom, you'd better believe she's been around.
My mom is pregnant but it isn't Dad's baby.
I had to shoot Lassie because she had rabies.
But before I could shoot her, she sank her teeth into my *****.
I had to get some painful shots and I didn't like that at all.
Lassie got out because Dad was drunk and didn't shut the door.
Lassie got in a fight with a rabid wolf and my ***** are still sore.
I constantly daydream about being kidnapped.
I want somebody to take me away from this crap.
My mom is the loosest woman in town and my dad stays plastered.
Mom and Dad never got married so I guess that makes me a *******.

I won't be home for Christmas even though I tried.
I won't be home because my parole was denied.
My wife said she'd leave me if I didn't buy her a $20,000 ring.
I robbed a bank to get the money and my *** was in a sling.
This may be hard for you to believe.
I robbed that bank on Christmas Eve.
A policeman put a bullet in my *** when he fired a shot.
I couldn't sit down for weeks and 20 years was what I got.
True to her word, my wife did leave.
She abandoned her family on Christmas Eve.
My twenty year old son is a pervert, he wears ******* and bras.
And even though he's twenty, he still believes in Santa Claus.
He's been taking care of his younger siblings ever since I was put away.
But he's an alcoholic who will sell his siblings in order to get drunk on Christmas Day.
Before my wife packed her bags and left for good, she threw a hissy fit.
Now I realize that when it came to committing that crime, she wasn't worth it.

Something happened and my son is ******.
He found out that he's on Santa's naughty list.
But he's not only on that list this year, he's on it permanently.
When I tell you why he's been banned, it will be clear to see.
My son put hair remover in my shampoo.
And when I sat in my chair, I sat on super glue.
Thinking about what he'll do next, fills me with dread.
Yesterday, the brat put a live rattlesnake in his sister's bed.
He sold all of my clothes and bought an XBOX One.
Now I have to go out in public in my underwear because of my stupid son.
He spiked his mother's coffee and when she drove to work, she was drunk.
My son is on Santa's naughty list forever because he's nothing but a punk.

The Christmas of 2012 was the last Christmas that you celebrated on Earth.
You were a kind and loving mother for 41 and a half years after my birth.
When March the 6th arrived, you wouldn't have a tomorrow.
It took two years for me to get over the pain and sorrow.
I can't spend anymore Christmases with you, now I spend my Christmases alone.
You were a terrific woman and the best person who I've ever known.
March of 2013 was the worst month and year that I've ever experienced.
When you passed away, it hurt me terribly and I've missed you ever since.
But I feel much better now, time does heal a man's wounds.
Merry Christmas Mom, I'm sorry that you died too soon.

I have a sad story that requires music that's played by a fiddle.
I've been wounded and I'm spending Black Friday at the hospital.
Gamestop announced that they were knocking 80 percent off of Playstation 4s.
Less than one hour later, paramedics wheeled me through the hospital doors.
I tried to grab a PS4 from a woman, I thought because she was a woman, she wouldn't put up a fight.
But she stabbed, clawed, poked and she even decided to bite.
I really wanted that Playstation 4 because of how little it cost.
But when that woman was through, a lot of my blood was lost.
I'm at the hospital on Black Friday and it's a real shame.
Why did I want that PS4, I don't even like video games.

People should be thankful for their families.
We should be thankful not to be in a country that is plagued by starvation and disease.
We should be thankful for our Thanksgiving meals because starving people don't have it to eat.
We should be thankful to have our homes instead of being homeless and living on the streets.
We should be thankful to be healthy and to still be living.
We have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

He created The Incredible Hulk and The Amazing Spider-Man.
Stan Lee has died and it has devastated millions of his fans.
He also created The Fantastic Four.
But he didn't stop there, he created even more.

Fans are sad because he didn't survive.
But he did have a long life, he was 95.
If it wasn't for him, the X-Men wouldn't exist.
He was loved by many and he will be missed.

This is a special day because it's Veterans Day.
We celebrate because certain people fought for the USA.
Veterans put their lives on the line so that we can be free.
Veterans are important to you and they're important to me.
It's heart breaking to know that some Veterans are homeless.
They are heroes who we should ask God to bless.

This morning, I experienced some good luck.
I bought a Chihuahua for one hundred bucks.
My new dog is brown and his name is Red.
He will be my dog for many years ahead.
Like other dogs, he probably loves to gnaw on bones.
Red makes the third Chihuahua dog that I own.

On November the 6th, I voted against Phil Bredesen.
Yesterday, I was pleased to learn that he didn't win.
I also voted against Bredesen once before.
Back in 2006, when he was Tennessee's Governor.
This time he was running to be Tennessee's Senator.
I didn't like how he did his job when he was Governor.
Now he's licking his wounds because he didn't win.
Many of Tennessee's residents voted against Bredesen.

Instead of behaving like a civilized Human Being, Hell was what he chose to raise.
My brother had a fit because I used the last of his mayonnaise.
I used the last of it to make some coleslaw.
The nut got so mad that he called the law.

He actually had me arrested for theft.
All because there was no mayonnaise left.
Today, I replaced his mayo but I accidentally got mayo that's light.
He became enraged because of my mistake and was ready to fight.

He cussed me out and called me every name in the book.
Now he's unconscious because I have a strong right hook.
I've had all of his BS that I can stand, I can't stand anymore.
Even though he's bigger than me, I made him eat the floor.

Our world has been consumed by violence and greed.
But instead of needing wealth, God is all that I need.
When people find religion, there is no greater reward.
I have three important words to say, "Praise The Lord!"
When we suffer, God feels our pain.
Believe in him and eternal life is what you'll gain.
God knows that we're not perfect, everybody commits sins.
Even though we have flaws, God loves women and men.
As God looks at people, we are being adored.
I'll say those three words again, "Praise The Lord!"

I'm angry because my wife turned out to be a shopaholic ****.
She thinks she owns me just because her name is tattooed on my ****.
Even though I'm a poor man, my wife believes in living large.
My credit cards are maxed out because of what she's charged.
I go hungry while she and her lovers go to five star restaurants and order caviar.
I got my *** kicked when I tried to stop two large men from repossessing my car.
She brings her lovers to my house, the ***** doesn't even try to be discreet.
I'm about to pass out because for the last four days, I've had nothing to eat.
I just knocked her out, put her in a crate and mailed her to Japan.
I'm doing a terrible thing to the Japanese but at least I'm a free man.
I don't have to worry about her returning and going berserk.
She'll be stuck in Japan because she's too **** lazy to work.
My hair has turned solid gray because of what she did to me.
I may look like an eighty year old but I'm so happy to be free.

How can you enjoy playing that PlayStation 4?
You stole it from Best Buy, it's not yours.
That PS4 doesn't rightfully belong to you.
Stealing it was lousy and a criminal thing to do.
You sit there and play it and you feel no shame.
How can you get pleasure from playing that game?
I hate to be a snitch, but I'm going to turn you in.
If you go to jail, maybe you won't steal again.

Your latest one night stand gave you a nasty STD.
Now you expect to receive sympathy from me.
People always have to reap what they sew.
You want compassion from me, but hell no.
Your wife is my sister and she's constantly being betrayed.
You're a slimy horn-dog who loves to get laid.
I beg her to leave you but she won't.
She loves you but I certainly don't.
You have an STD and I'm not surprised.
As far as I'm concerned, you're despised.

Disney may have bitten off more than they can chew.
They call certain fans nasty names, that's a bad thing to do.
Because they call certain fans nasty names, fans may not watch their movies anymore.
Disney has crossed the line and they're certainly not people who I adore.
It's the fans who make them and it's the fans who can break them.
When it comes to Disney, I have decided to forsake them.
Just because certain people disliked The Last Jedi, they have no right to call us racist and sexist.
I'm taking a stand by boycotting them and as far as I'm concerned, they will not be missed.
They have insulted me and they've insulted other fans too.
Disney may have bitten off more than they can chew.

Judgement Day is coming, God will eventually have all that he can take.
People will pay for their sins and the Commandments that they break.
People will hide under rocks because they'll be so scared.
But they need not hide, God will know that they are there.
When certain people face Judgement, they'll be in big trouble.
I suggest that these people change their ways on the double.
You may not believe that Judgement Day is coming but it will be here.
And with all of the wickedness in this world, that day may be near.

I won't watch anymore Disney movies because I don't like how Disney treats their fans.
They call us racist and sexist and I've had all that I can stand.
They call certain fans racist and sexist because we disliked The Last Jedi.
When it comes to losing fans, they have lost me, myself and I.
They call certain fans nasty names and I've had enough.
When I say that I'm through with Disney, it's no bluff.
Disney loves to blame their fans but they refuse to accept any blame.
Disney may lose a ton of fans if they keep calling us nasty names.

She starred in a Star Trek episode as the girlfriend of Khan.
She was talented but it's sad because now she is gone.
She had Multiple Sclerosis and by 1985, she was bound to a wheelchair.
When she died in December of 2003, it proved that life can be very unfair.

She guest starred in such shows as Hawaii Five-O, Bonanza and Daniel Boone.
When she died at the age of sixty-eight, she died too soon.
Because of her illness, she was unable to reprise her role in Star Trek II.
She was a beautiful and **** actress and her name was Madlyn Rhue.

I want to go to a time when things were great.
I wish that I could travel back in time to 1978.
I'd like to revisit the seventies because I loved that decade.
Back then, 8 Track tapes and records were still being played.
Songs were clean back then, now they're littered with the F word.
In 1978, music meant something and vulgarity wasn't what we heard.
40 years ago, we had no smart phones and no High Definition TV.
But landline phones and standard definition are just fine with me.
Video games ****** back then but I could live with an Atari.
If I could revisit 1978, I dojn't think that I would be sorry.

I have a story that needs to be told.
I knew a woman who was ice cold.
Many men liked her because she was beautiful and had big *****.
But you could've poured boiling water down her throat and she would've ****** ice cubes.

A family was killed by a drunk driver and she didn't even feel sad.
The witch even started laughing and said that she was glad.
She left her fiance standing at the altar and he committed suicide.
She said that he was a dirt poor S.O.B. and was happy that he died.

This was a woman who I certainly didn't admire.
She died last year when her house caught on fire.
When Karma catches up to a person, she's a *****.
I'm one of the people who hated that ice cold witch.

You broke my heart when you stole and used my bride.
She ran off with you and I'm going to take it out of your hide.
I'm going to knock out your teeth when I give you a beating.
You will have to gum your food to be able to continue eating.
You soon dumped my wife because to you, she was just a *******.
I just punched you in the face and it gives me pleasure to see you fall.
You just got up off the floor but I just knocked you down again.
My wife meant nothing to you, you give a bad name to men.
You told her that you loved her but you lied.
She was so upset that she committed suicide.
Convincing her to leave me was mean but using her was meaner.
I just pulled out my 44 Magnum pistol and blew off your wiener.
I can't let you continue to be a ****, I can't allow that at all.
I have made sure that my late wife will be your last *******.

People don't like me because I make terrible moonshine.
Nobody in their right mind wants this whiskey of mine.
I've received a lot of angry phone calls, and some pretty nasty letters.
People say that when it comes to my shine, horse **** tastes better.
A city slicker actually called my moonshine slop.
He felt he'd been ripped off so he called the cops.
The police arrested him too for buying the moonshine in the first place.
His stupidity got him jail time, you should've seen the look on his face.
My shine is so terrible that the Surgeon General has started putting a warning label on every bottle.
If you drink my 130 proof moonshine, you won't walk straight for days, when you walk, you will waddle.
My shine will knock your head off, it's sure not as mild as a malt.
I've warned you about my shine so if it makes you go blind, it will be your fault.

There is something that I hate, and it's something I won't deny.
I hate the new Doctor Who TV show, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I even complained to the BBC, and told them that I hate their show.
If you're wondering if I'll ever watch it again, the answer is hell no.
I've written several poems about Doctor Who, and you may wonder why.
It's because I hate it with all of my heart and soul, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I hate it because the BBC uses it to cram political correctness down people's throats.
I'd rather watch a show about a man who is married to a goat.
I loved the classic Doctor Who TV show, but I hate the new, and that's not a lie.
I wish they would cancel the new Doctor Who because I'd rather watch paint dry.

Because of a man's death, millions have been hurt.
He was a fantastic actor, and his name was Burt.
He starred as the Bandit twice, and as Stroker Ace.
His death is something that fans don't want to face.
Burt starred as Boss Hogg back in 2005.
Many will mourn because he didn't survive.
He was very lucky because for a while, he was married to Loni Anderson.
When people heard about his death, they were both saddened and stunned.
People are crying because of the ordeal they're going through.
Sadly, the world has lost Burt Reynolds at the age of eighty-two.

Oil was struck on my land and 100 million is what I was paid.
My nephew has a great education, he graduated the 6th grade.
Granny makes her own whiskey, and she makes lye soap.
But if you're wondering if the neighbors are happy, nope.
Mrs. Drysdale doesn't like us, she constantly complains.
She says living next to us is going to drive her insane.
Elly May is my daughter, and she's awful fond of critters.
But now she has rabies because her raccoon bit her.
My sister Pearl insisted that I move here from the South.
Elly May won't drink water, and she's foaming at the mouth.
Jethro does some cyphering, he can count up to ten.
If you've met somebody smarter, I'd like to know when.
I love my mansion, especially the billy yard room.
If you get too close to Granny's still, you'll be knocked out by the fumes.
The people of Beverly Hills wants us to move away.
But they'd better get used to us, we're here to stay.

That's the good thing about possum innards, just as good the second day.
But whjen our dinner guests see what Granny is cooking, they run away.
These city fols have the weirdest reactions that I've ever seen.
When we serve buzzard eggs, they puke after their faces turn green.
Jethro is my nephew, and I need to have a long talk with that boy.
Mister rysdale loves our money but his wife is always annoyed.
Whenever we hear music, somebody is always at the door.
Even though Jethro is bigger, Elly May pins him to the floor.
People tend to catch on fire if they smoke after drinking from Granny's still.
As long as we have 100 million, MR. Drysdale won't let us leave Beverly Hills.

I once drove a brand new car ,and lived in a nice apartment.
But now I'm dirt poor, and I live down by the lake in a tent.
I get angry because of people's attitudes.
People laugh at me because I eat dog food.
I eat it every day because it's cheap.
People laugh because they're creeps.
I started eating dog food because I saw David Letterman do it.
It looked mighty tasty when I saw him chew it.
I eat it at the beach, while riding on buses and subways, and at the park.
I'm getting worried because all of that dog food has started making me bark.
I've also started licking my ****, and fetching sticks.
When women see me eat dog food, it makes them sick.
If you're wondering if I'll quit, the answer is no.
I'll never stop eating dog food, I need my Alpo.
Please don't point and laugh at me, please don't be rude.
Everybody thinks that I'm a freak because I eat dog food.

Arthenia was my aunt and she was as kind as she could be.
She was a loving mother and wife who lived in Sneedville, Tennessee.
She was appreciated by her husband and the three children that she had.
Now she's in Heaven which is a better place, she's with my mom and dad.
When we lose somebody special, we always ask why.
Her daughter and sons names are Hope, Dennis and Levi.
She was married to my uncle for 43 years.
It's really sad because she's no longer here.
When such a special person dies, it's a shame.
She was unique and Arthenia was her name.

Many people know how important you were to me.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy.
You were a kind woman who loved to give.
I would've done anything if you could've lived.

You could no longer be my BFF, you weren't able to be my best friend forever.
Sadly, on the day of your death, our bond of friendship and love was severed.
On your last birthday, we celebrated when I bought you a cake.
Your memory is something that I won't forget or forsake.

I turned out to be a good person and it's because of you.
You raised me and taught me to have morals and values.
The doctors couldn't save you but they certainly did try.
Happy Birthday Mom, I'll love you until the day that I die.

I charged a town full of hicks ten thousand bucks to make it rain.
They said if there was no precipitation, I would be in a lot of pain.
They were desperate for rain because of a three month drought.
They actually paid in full, I can't believe they paid that amount.
What they didn't know was that when it comes to making rain, I don't know what to do.
Those hicks knocked all of my teeth out and now I can't even chew.
Those hillbillies also lit a match after dunking me in a barrel of kerosene.
I knew they would be angry but I had no idea they would be quite so mean.
Now I'm in the hospital and I have 3rd degree burns.
Don't ever con hicks, that's a lesson I have learned.

My dream came true when I became a referee.
But my heart is broken because they fired me.
I was told that I couldn't be a referee again.
They said it's because I can't count to ten.
1-2-3-4, that's as high as I can count.
I can't get to ten, I can't reach that amount.
I dropped out of school too early, that's why I'm so stupid.
I dropped out of Kindergarten when I was a five year old kid.
Kids shouldn't drop out because knowledge is a tool.
They will have a better future if they stay in school.

I filed for divorce because my wife did something strange.
She went behind my back and had a *** change.
When I came home one afternoon, a man answered the door.
I thought it was a burglar so I knocked my wife to the floor.
When I learned that she became a man, I got mad.
I lost the beautiful and **** wife that I once had.
She said even though she became a man, I should still love her.
I told her that I already have a ***** and I don't need another.
When I packed my bags and left her for good, she said it was a lousy thing to do.
If you're a man, keep an eye on your wife because she may have a *** change too.

A judge ordered me to pay my ex-wife alimony.
I told him that his ruling was a bunch of baloney.
I refused to pay her anything because while we were married, she cheated.
She broke her wedding vows, it was a shameful way for me to be treated.
When I refused to pay alimony, the judge sent me to jail.
I've been ***** ten times by the man who shares  my cell.
It was the principle of the thing, that's why I refused to pay.
My cellmate is about to violate me again, I've had better days.
I hope a cop or prison guard can hear me as I begin to shout.
I'll pay my ex-wife whatever she wants if they'll let me out.

My ex-girlfriend dumped me even though I have cancer.
My sister knocked her out in a mall and then she pantsed her.
She had to walk around the mall in her underwear.
People pointed and laughed, I wish I had been there.
You may want to dump somebody who has cancer but you mustn't and you can't.
If you're a woman who dumps me, my sister will knock you out and you will be pantsed.

It is illegal to refuse to hire disabled people in the state of Tennessee.
Even though I graduated from medical school, a hospital wouldn't hire me.
They said they couldn't hire me because I'd do a lot of harm.
They said I couldn't be a doctor because I only have one arm.
I sued them and they were forced to hire me even though I'm disabled.
But when I performed an operation, the person died on the operating table.
I operated on a woman who had fifteen kids, she was going to have her tubes tied.
If I hadn't been the doctor who performed the surgery, she wouldn't have died.
Swift action was taken, I was fired immediately.
They had no other choice but to terminate me.
There were two important reasons why I shouldn't have been part of the hospital's workforce.
I only have one arm and the medical school that I graduated from was a correspondence course.

When I tell people that my name is Justin Bred,
they think that I'm a hick with no brain in my head.
Everybody who I know thinks that I'm married to my sister.
When they see us together, they ask why they've never seen me kiss her.
When people hear my name, they falsely accuse me of ******.
Because of this misunderstanding, my life has become a mess.
Women slap my face and they call me sick.
Everybody believes that I'm an ****** hick.
I'm sick of having to tell everybody that I'm Justin Bred, not just ******.
If you ask me how long I've been married to my sister, I'll cut off your head.

There's something about my wife that astounds me.
She won't use any appliance unless it's made by GE.
I bought her a washing machine that was made by Whirlpool.
That was a dumb decision and I soon learned that I'm a fool.
My wife got so mad that she caved my head in with a claw hammer.
Now she's holding a grudge because she spent a year in the slammer.
General Electric appliances are the only appliances she will use.
I'll remember that in the future because I don't like to be abused.
She demands GE appliances because GE brings good things to life.
From now on, I'll buy nothing but GE because I'm scared of my wife.

Half a decade ago today, Dad ceased to be alive.
Five years ago, Dad died at the age of sixty-five.
He was a hard worker, he could have outworked two twenty-year-olds.
When he went to the doctor, bad news was what he was destined to be told.
He was diagnosed with Leukemia and it caused distress.
Twenty months later, he succumbed to his terrible illness.
Two days before he died, he couldn't even respond when people talked to him.
Forty-eight hours later, he met a terrifying fate that was very grim.
He underwent Chemotherapy to temporarily survive.
Half a decade ago today, Dad ceased to be alive.

My nephew is making me play a different version of hide and seek.
This version involves a gun, if he finds me, things will become bleak.
In this version, if a player is found, he is killed.
I'm scared out of my wits, I'm sure not thrilled.

He said if I didn't play the game, he'd **** me on the spot.
He's trying to find where I'm hid but I hope he can not.
He is a twisted and totally evil child.
His parents have never disciplined him and he's running wild.

My nephew just found and shot me, I have a bullet in my chest.
My life is flashing before my eyes and soon I'll be laid to rest.
My wife and kids will be devastated when they learn that I bought the farm.
This evil little child needs to be killed or locked up before he can do more harm.

I got tired of being called a hillbilly from the sticks.
So I built a time machine and traveled back to 1776.
I intended to see the signing of the Declaration of Independence.
This was a fantastic historical moment that needed my attendance.
But my time machine landed on Thomas Jefferson before the document was written.
The document wouldn't exist that gave America independence from Great Britain.
I accidentally squashed Thomas Jefferson so it was left up to me.
I wrote the Declaration of independence so the USA could be free.
You may have noticed a few changes that I made.
One of which is that it's mandatory for me to get laid.
I proved that I'm not a hick who is slow.
I wrote the Declaration of Independence nearly two and a half centuries ago.

I have two purrfect sweethearts and I'm smitten.
They are yellow and they're my two new kittens.
One of my babies is a girl and the other is a boy.
There's nothing like pets to bring a person joy.
They're beautiful, adorable and tame.
George and Peggy are their names.
I love to stroke their soft fur.
When I pet them, they purr.
They've taken a shine to me and owning them is something I'll never regret.
They're two purrfect sweethearts and they're wonderful pets.