Ivan Lopez

Oct 24

I Wish

There are days
I wished I was
Someone else
whose braver than me

There are days
I wished I felt
their love, their pain
not shy like me

But most of all
There are days
I wished I was
Not ***

Im glad it's easy for many to come out. Im glad so many do it! Please don't stop doing this so that I may have the courage to do the same!

Oct 23

Make Me A Promise

Drown,
Me in your fire
and let the drips
sear me in pain

Melt,
My flesh with acid
till my very bones
become like tears

Love,
Me like death
that has appeared
at my door

and Take,
All that I have
and I promise
to be yours

I received some bad news of a friend. I only wish I communicated with him more often instead of ignoring him all these years. I only hope he forgives me.

#depression #suicide #battle

Oct 5

Where I Dream

Where I dream,
The safest place
Our love can be

There,
I can hear you say
How much you love me
How much you care

When I close my eyes
You're there

Let me swallow poison
burn in fire
drown in water
or breathe in glass

But look and see
how much I love you
How much I care

For you those words
you threw in air
but for me
I caught them
and their still there

You could love again
but for me
I dream
to keep our love
to keep you safe
For we both know
that you always cared

But apparently
it meant more to me
than it did to you

He was my first love that I ever felt. He was my first for everything. I might have been a late bloomer to this but His passion and his love those were real. I only wished I told him more How I felt. He ran away from me and chose a path that did not involve me in it. And I will have aa branded hope that he will come back, or forever alone I will endure. And to no one else will I belong. Can My love withstand his unfaithfulness, as long as he returns to me?

Sep 29

A Simple Incantation

I call upon my hands
Strong as they are
and Merciful you've shown to be
Break the cycle
and distort your ways
Bring upon me death, please

I beg of you eyes
how grateful your vision
What beauty you have seen
Tear what is normal
And close them forever

I sanctify you my brain
Holy are your thoughts
and strong are its desires
but go against nature
and break form of dignity
And bring upon me a fearless attitude
So that I won't hesitate to take my life

Now to my heart
A vital and passionate ember
engulfed with the flames of vitality
become confused, and poison the flames
Put out the fire
Extinguish love, hope, and every emotion tied with life
And stop your beating, so that I no longer thrive

To my hands, eyes, brain and heart
A Simple Incantation
To End My Life

Life is seen, heard, and felt. The brain processes life and instills within us the desire to live. The heart ensures to beat and find us passion to live. So to **** yourself or the thoughts of suicide. They are like an incantation trying to trick and deceive you to go against nature.

#suicide #depression #life

Sep 29

Who Dares To

Who dares to hope
Who dares to wish!

I Pray to you
Please take my life
I beg of you
It hurts to breathe
Send to me
Your mercy of death
Or judge me please
This hell I'm living

Who dares to desire
Who dares to live!

This vessel once,
filled and hallow.
Now heavy, and anguish
burdens with hollow

I Dare you please
Let my fears free
And let my life go

For who dares Death,
to knock on his door
But the man who has no fear,
of letting life go

One simple expression is "**** My Life." God I hate how troublesome life is. No matter how many times you get help you always hit that stupid wall. Where you don't believe that it's alright, that there are people who care, that there is a way to overcome this.... this demon of depression. This stupid mental illness. I remember not having it. Or remembered being ignorant. But one stupid event makes sure for you to remember that every day of your life you are as worth as the end of this sentence.

#depression #suicide

Jul 25

Why Me?

Sometimes terrible things happen,
Sometimes they happen to me
Sometimes they leave me beat,
and sometimes they leave me weak
Sometimes I blame myself
Sometimes I ask myself
why me?

Sometimes terrible things happen,
sometimes they happen to me!

Sometimes they leave scars,
scars that I can see
Sometimes they leave me loathing
Blaming, that it was me
Who's Fault?
Sometimes I ask myself
why me?
Because,
Sometimes terrible things happen,
and they happened to me!

I just want to express that many times, many times we blame ourselves for **** that happens in our lives. Maybe by some misfortune it could be our fault. But more likely it was out of our control. And that's what we need to understand. Sometimes it's not our fault, but the person that hurt us. It wasn't what we were wearing, or what we said. It wasn't your fault.

#depression #suicide

May 6

Quick

It’s simple to say
That I’m happy right now
Joyous to laugh
Ready to play
But quick like the wind
A beating in the gut
I feel like throwing up
I want to cut myself
To take,
To take that smile away

Sometimes there is no reason to think this way but instead I want to hurt myself. I go through terrible swings from high to lows and they sometimes win and sometimes nothing. Whatever the case I still loose.

#depression #suicide #thoughts