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rem Jan 10
I think I clench my teeth
when I'm half asleep

does it always hurt this much
when you leave somebody

I hope
I'm loveable

I'm scared I'll forever
eat my breakfast, lunch, dinner alone

if I stretch both of my arms
I cover my entire bed
a spot no one ever lays

I always have a song stuck in my head
in the morning
at five thirty

I don't want to be happy alone
laughing all by myself

I'll love again
days I'll open my heart
rem Jan 10
glitter down the sink
you saw me screaming at my mom
was I wrong
I just wanted for us to get along

even if this love washes away
you left a memory inside me

fireworks
are exploding
in my heart

but you only see them up
in the sky

our smiles
so wide
disappeared
like a camera's flash

you'll know soon

how bright my heart
glows when you're around

happy new year's
rem Dec 2022
I've got to check my pulse
to check if my heart still beats for you

I didn't know how to answer
to my dead name

I wish you'd call me
by your name

I always wanted to ask you
why you're awake so early

and to know
why you still message me

I still get surprised
when I see your name

I never know what to respond
only distant regards

I try not to be sad
I'll try to be happy

because it's okay now
what happened to us

..

I took the bandaid off
on my heart

it's healed
rem Oct 2022
I regret saying it
I regret it everytime
after
why did I say it that way

maybe you don't deserve my kindness
I wanted to be more than polite

now it feels like a
dead kite in a puddle

I'm sorry for me too
but I don't forgive you

can we mark this day
if you never answer
maybe its for the best

you were never there
searched for a light a million times

the one day I didn't answer back
you draw a line

it's unfair the way you treat me
like I'm nothing

if you hate me now
I'm truly happy

I can hate you too
rem Oct 2022
my mother was an alcoholic
drinking one more just to sleep
so I started to drink too
even if I didn't like the taste

I just wanted her to love me
to hold me tight
oh she was so broken
so I climbed inside her empty heart
tried to start a fire
but she left me dead and cold
in that hallow space

I went to waste
couldn't find someone to love me
I took all she had
all of her pain
I made it my own
in my little head
I believed if
she couldn't love me
at least she could hurt me
in the ugliest ways
maybe one day she'd realize
her worst mistakes

but I'm older now
she never takes the blame
I was never the victim
was I supposed to hate her
is it too late

I never once exploded
swallowed it down
that's why she likes me
because I put on my fake smile
tell her I'm okay
when in reality
I never processed a **** thing
stuck in my 12 year old mentality
frozen in that body

mother please love me
it hurts when you never put me first
I was your daughter
waiting my turn
rem Oct 2022
think I'll always forgive you
sorry if I do
again and again

maybe not this time
maybe not

I wonder where
you disappeared to

so far away I can't reach you

I
can't be yours forever

deep down
I'll forgive you

even if it's not okay
rem Oct 2022
the end of us is so depressing
I'm fully sober now

from all my lovesick feelings
did I push you away
or did you leave so quietly
I didn't notice
can't tell the difference  

I never asked you if you were okay
I miss you now
I hate you so much
please come back
at least give me one last goodnight

let me go back
this time a year ago
so I can stay a while longer

I'm breathing in
trying to breathe you out

losing oxygen
because you're gone
my heart can't take it
lungs are failing

this ending is full of silence
screaming out my pain
don't you feel it

don't you see it?
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