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 439° 
Bo Burnham
I said no to drugs once.
I looked a bag of **** right in the face
and, like a loving but firm father,
I said, "No."
I was really high.
 114° 
Donna
I said to a chair
Can you please stop
touching my ***
It said no no no
it's so much fun
:)) silly one
 64° 
Druzzayne Rika
Cherries and poppies
raspberries and strawberries
and fallen red leaves,
a burning memory.
 56° 
CA Smith
To you, the ground beneath my feet
Every step I take,
you support me.

You stand with me,
in my times of trouble

I am warmed by your embrace,
as I become entranced in your outfit of lace.

Nothing could be more finely crafted,
than my connection with you.

The ages may wear on you,
yet you remain the only one
my sole longs for.

For you truly are...
My favorite pair of shoes.
It was a cold, wintry December day.
I was at home,
sitting by the fire.
The fire was hot,
but from where I sat,
it felt like a warm blanket.
Suddenly,
my ******* started to lactate,
uncontrollably.
I did not know what was going on.
I lifted up my soaking wet shirt,
and put my hands over my *******,
in an attempt to stop the lactating,
up it did not work.
And then,
it stopped.
I squeezed my *******,
to see if they would lactate,
but nothing happened.
I went to bed,
hoping this nightmare would be over in the morning.
But it wasn't.
When I woke up,
I went into the bathroom to perform my daily morning activities,
when I realized something on my chest.
A third ******!
I tried to rip it off,
but I couldn't.
Later that day,
at dinner,
I was eating a juicy, tender steak,
when suddenly,
all three of my ******* began to lactate!
I tried to stop them,
for they were lactating all over my steak.
Then, like before,
it stopped.
This proceeded for many days.
Everyday,
I woke up with another ******,
and everyday around six o'clock,
they would all lactate,
until one day,
the unthinkable happened.
I woke up.
I could not move.
I had no legs.
No arms.
I was a giant ******.
"NO!" I screamed.
Then,
as usual,
I began to lactate,
violently,
and then I exploded.
Copyright Barry Pietrantonio
 27° 
Cné
She met him south of the border in Durango,
She was hot and boy could she fandango!
She said at a glance
"Señor like to dance?"
“No”, he replied, “But I would love to tango!”
 24° 
Nylee
Couldn't see the rain before it flooded everywhere.
 23° 
Donna
I've become a great
expert in karate , thanks
to those pesky gnats
Those pesky gnats have bit  me alive this year there so annoying !!
But I'm learning great karate moves :)
 17° 
Charles Bukowski
ignore all possible concepts and possibilities ---
ignore Beethoven, the spider, the damnation of Faust ---
just make it, babe, make it:
a house  a car   a belly full of beans
pay your taxes
****
and if you can't ****
copulate.
make money but don't work too
hard --- make somebody else pay to
make it --- and
don't smoke too much but drink enough to
relax, and
stay off the streets
wipe your *** real good
use a lot of toilet paper
it's bad manners to let people know you **** or
could smell like it
if you weren't
careful
 16° 
Keith Wilson
If everything is going well
then something must be wrong
 15° 
Pagan Paul
.

What floats your boat babe,
Archimedes' Principle of Water Displacement?



© Pagan Paul (20/07/18)
.
6th in my series Even Poets ***** Up ...
.
 14° 
Melissa S
Beware of the thirteenth
landing on a Friday??

Nah....that's just bullhockey

The thirteenth has always been
lucky for me...
My sweet boy was born that day
for the world to see :)
 13° 
Temporal Fugue
Well, it's almost here
the day that I retire
thirty years of servitude
not quite a funeral pyre

A planned escape
after years of malaise
thinking on what I'll do
starting another phase

I'll open up a glass shop
make some artistic pieces
fused, foiled, stained or blown
creativity never ceases

Maybe I'll make glass ******
something to please the ladies
custom designs and so ******
quality, as in Mercedes

Yes here it comes
for all the years I've strived
it's only just retirement
and yes, I'll still be alive

Turning out a product
designed to give life some joy
sure it's just a piece of glass
a hand crafted well made
toy
;D~ Hey! it might happen LOL
Anybody interested in pre-order? ROFL

Name your girth
Name your length
the colors you desire
heated in the flames of love
melded in the fire
;)
 12° 
MicMag
door opened
door shut, then locked
first morning urges
body greets the dawn

toilet seat up
pants unzipped
waste tube carefully aimed
flow turned on

trickling stream
becomes rushed torrent
small splashes
leave no mark

on steep polished porcelain walls
water slowly turning
clear to yellow
light to dark

liquid waste
flushed down the drain
shows signs
of dehydration

advising body
drink more water
restart the cycle
of urination
Everybody pees!
 12° 
Salmabanu Hatim
On our first date,
I took her to a romantic place,
We kissed and she smirked.
Every time she looked at me,
she giggled,
When she left I realized my zipper was open.
 11° 
Pagan Paul
.
What is a poet to do
when his favourite muse
faints whilst making love,
a victim of passions fuse.

To carry on regardless?
Perhaps slap her lovely cheek?
Mouth 2 mouth no tongue?
Or maybe implore her to speak?

A lesser poet
shakes her anxiously
and writes a verse about prowess and spooning.

A True poet
carries on regardless
and writes a sonnet about his muse and swooning.



© Pagan Paul (23/05/18)
.
5th poem in my series Even Poets ***** Up ...
.
I only write these when in the silliest of moods!
.
.
 11° 
MicMag
they say there ain't rhythm
they say it don't rhyme
but people get famous off that kinda ****
all the ****
day
 11° 
n0r
“My dream date is after we’ve already been dating for a few months and decide to go out on the town. We meet a cute guy, buy him drinks, and spend the next few hours laughing together and maybe slaying it at a karaoke bar. Afterwards we invite him back to my place and get into some role play. I become Israel, he Palestine, and you The Goddess that helps them finally come together, even though Israel has to bend over a little bit to make it happen.

Confession: this is a dream date. I have to become really committed to physical therapy again in order to get my singing voice back for karaoke and I live with old country people so it’d have to be at your place.”
“Christian and Serious About It”
 9° 
Jeff Gaines
This is my only and first ever poem
that I did scribe upon my phone.

A pal of mine does it, does it with ease.
She makes it look easy, just like a breeze.

But it's harder for me, with my thumbs of ham.
I prefer full-sized keyboards, as that's who I am.

Typing and retyping and then wrestling the spellchecker.
If I tried this while in my car, I would surely need a wrecker!

Squinting, so that I don't have to strain my eyes.
To say that I'm enjoying this, would be nothing less than lies.

Well there you have it, I'm finally done.
I'm gonna pass on this foolishness ... and let her have all the fun.
NEVER again.
I'll write it in Sharpie on my arm first!
I've always >hated< texting.
 9° 
Perry
A father wanted to have
one of those profound,
slightly awkward talks
a man typically has
with his young son.  
So the father said to his son,
Son, I need to talk to
about when you were born.
Where you come from.
It was a sea of trees,
under golden leaves,
down below
of emeralds in sod,
in a mystic grotto
where doves live in furlough.
I said dad, I am almost
25 years old.  
This all sounds ridiculous
and you're a lunatic.
And this is why I dont
speak to my dad
anymore.
 8° 
Salmabanu Hatim
When you are singing in the
bathroom and you get  shower gel in your mouth.
 7° 
Temporal Fugue
Hundred bottles of beer on the wall
Buuurrrrpp, I mean one
No such thing as one beer! ever! ;D
The burp diesn't count as a word, much, some, not really, maybe.....
 7° 
Salmabanu Hatim
I loaned a friend $3000 for plastic surgery,
I am still looking for her.
 7° 
Maya
how to have a good
haiku: make sure you do not
run out of sylla-


****.
 7° 
MicMag
Let the words flow
Let them out
Let them go

Put them on a page
Express your joy
Release your rage

And as you go
And spill your guts
The world will know
You're truly nuts
We're all a little crazy, aren't we?
 6° 
Temporal Fugue
I'm really not a dancer
more like a fish far from the sea
flopping gasping, dying
on a spasmodic twerking spree
don't ask me to explain
why the dance floor lacks my style
trust me when I say
***** Dancing, I'll defile
so when we hit that date
the one where you check my moves
don't judge me right away, but wait
cuz in bed, I'm really smooth
Yes, I'm boasting LOL ;D~
 5° 
Steve
My Wife Mary
Was incredibly hairy
With a thick wooly coat of fur
Head to toe covered in hair
You may think that’s quite scary
But it was just hereditary
Her mother was a grisly bear


My Sister Kim
Was a little bit dim
She asked what IDK stands for
When I said I don't know she stamped on the floor
*** she said, nobody does, I'm off to the gym for a swim.
***?

My Uncle Cyril
Flew down from the Wirral
Where he was known as a ladies man
With an extremely large wingspan
You know what I mean, he was virile.
 5° 
Dr Peter Lim
If Napoleon had read
Lawrence's 'Lady Chatterley's Lover'
he would stay in bed all day long
with Josephine instead of waging war in Russia.
 5° 
Ansley
Hello everybody. My name is Neal and I'm your tour guide.
The first creature that we will see is a koala, to your right. Do you know that koala's have fingerprints very similar to those of humans?
So much so that their prints have been mistaken for a human's at crime scenes?
Anyways, this leads us to ask some very important questions: are methods of finding criminals therefore unreliable? Is it truly possible to avoid imprisoning those that are innocent? Is reality merely an allusion?
Or, more importantly, was it my boyfriend John with the good fashion sense that took my hairbrush? Or was it that little ***** Bernard that is hiding in the top left corner?
Anyways, to your left you'll see our world renowned snail tank. Snails can sleep for up to three years at a time....
Koalas actually do have similar finger prints and snails can sleep for up to three years
 5° 
Temporal Fugue
Tiny bubbles in the hot-tub
not always
a good
thing
Yeah, not been there, ****, can imagine ;D~
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