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Living tastes like
The "bubblegum" flavor antibiotic goo
They gave me as a child
To cure my ear aches
You would feed it to me
From a plastic tube
As I cried about the taste
And you would tell me
That it's bad now
But it would make me feel better

It tastes bad now

But you're not here to hold my hand
Or feed me wisdom from a tube
To make it better

My husband walks through life
And doesn't for a single second
wish for death
Not like I do
It's ******* fantastic to watch

Now you can watch me
And you finally see what I've been saying
For so long
That I am tired

Are you sad for me
Or are you disappointed in me
You gave me such a chance
And I took it
But everyday is a struggle
Being alive is an infection
And there's no more medicine in my bottle
The metaphor is:

Staring blankly at a green light as a horn blares behind you
Daddy we've had this conversation
One hundred times I swear
But I am so tired Daddy.

Everything only gets worse.
It never gets better
No matter how hard I try
Or what I change

And Daddy I'm so tired today
So so tired
And I really wish I could tell you
All about it

That's life kid

But Daddy I'm tired

They've been sending me sympathy cards in the mail
Stopping me in the streets to say how sorry they are
You left me so suddenly not so long ago
They ask me how I'm doing
My entire being isn't a shrine to your memory
Photo on the post office wall is simply my face in a crowd
I'm afraid for what comes next
I miss you
I miss you
It's you
Drenched in sweat
Face pressed into my shoulder blades
Taking heaving breaths
Laced with I love yous
I'm so ready
Because you are it for me
Why aren't you?
What's wrong with me?
I thought the nightmare
Was about him
But actually
It was about me

You see
I swear to God this isn't like the other times. I'm better now. This is all on the up and up and I love you. There isn't anyone but you.
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