i'm inside
but i watch the snowflakes fall from the gray sky
through my window.
the floral curtains that hang there
stand out,
as if willing spring to come

soon
it will, its warm breeze blowing the snow away.
for a moment, winter meets spring
but then, it's gone with the wind
waving goodbye.
soon it will be time

but as for now,
i watch the snowflakes, sitting here;
just a day in march.
i don't miss the snow,
but i know that soon
i will

He thinks about that airplane
Flying above his house
What would happen if...
But it won’t.
But what if it actually...
No.

He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to think of something else
He covers his ears to hide the noise
It only makes it worse

His heart races inside his chest
He feels nauseous and dizzy
He tries again to think of anything but the plane
To no avail...

He feels so alone
His anxiety stops him from being happy
From doing what he loves
Being who he wants to be

He just wants it to stop
and
go
away.

no one sees what happens when you're alone
no one understands the depth of your mind
alone, you don't have to pretend to be someone else
alone, you are free to be who you are inside
alone, you don't have to hide under a mask
you can take off your clothes
let down your hair
wash your face
stop pretending
and live

am i worth it?

the question i ask at 2 am
when my eyes start to feel scratchy
and my mind feels foggy

or on the fourth of july
watching those blue and red explosions
grace the dark blue sky

or walking through the autumn trees
to step on their crisp leaves
to make that satisfying sound

am i, though?
does my life
have any meaning?

wiping away the tears i shed
hoping you don’t notice the pain in my head
all day, i just lie in bed
my days are filled with dread

Whenever I close my eyes, I see your smile.
(A thousand doves cannot compare)
It takes me awhile
but I remember the smell of your hair
and how it glistened like gold in the sunlight.

How can I forget someone like you?
You turned me upside down
and made me view the world from your perspective.
(How special is a moment with you)
I wish you were still here, with me.

Sweet cinnamon sifts through the air
Buns from a bakery are warm
their sticky glaze drizzled atop
the golden, cinnamon filled delights

The watch read five fifty-two
On a Saturday morning
The sky was dark blue
The stars a warning
that all that begins
must end,

It was now six-oh-one,
Morning had begun
The birds were singing their tune
For the watch-wearer would wake
soon

Another minute had passed
For time was not made to last
For now the world was
awake
Time is left to take.

I talked you through your dark times,
when you felt so alone
when no one else was willing

I left you alone
when you got angry at me
for trying to help

Why am I still here
with you
after all I've gone through because of you?

Because,
because I love you

A whirlwind of dry, colorful leaves float to the sky
As the breeze picks up, birds start to fly
Autumn trees dance along,
As if it were a song.
The sun casts their shadows on the chilly ground.

She climbed like fire
from the cold claws--
"Not today," she said
Shaking her head.

It came back,
gnawing at her skin
Picking at her head
"No!" she yelled.

It crept up again
Its shivery smile deceiving
She met its eyes
And sighed, before walking away.

But it stuck with her.
Pleasant, yet sickening.
Beautiful but disgusting--
She stopped.

Looked over her shoulder;
It was still there,
Its red gleaming eyes full
of knowing evil.

Her eyes turned the color of fire
She touched its scales
Stroked its flesh
Eyes full of forbidden wonder.

She took a blade, in her pocket,
And looked at her wrists.
The blue rivers of gushing red
Intrigued her.

It noticed how easy she was
To control;
It hissed in her ear
And told her "Yes!"

That was all she needed--
She became one with it
When she sliced open her arm
And became slowly absorbed.

Soon she was gone
With the blue rivers,
Carried away by lies
And deceived by evil.

The voice of a flat clarinet
Sings through an open window
Through the warm, paved streets
Full of Honda Civics and ***** buses

The people turn off their bass blasting radios
And adjust their ears to the quiet music
Which softly sighs through the town
Through the busy bakery and the dusty church

The song dies too soon
And the world holds its breath
For one more second --
Exhaling noisy construction, business phone calls,
And the popular love songs that seem to play on repeat.

Forgetting the quiet clarinet song.

As I sit here, waiting
I think about what would happen
If someone found out
I'm not supposed to be here

I ponder the consequences
Of my impulsiveness
In seventeen minutes
I'll be gone from here

What could happen in seventeen minutes?
Sixteen, actually, look at the time
I think about what might happen
From now until then

The cameras are watching
Has no one found out about me?
Fifteen minutes now says the clock
Fifteen minutes of freedom

Sometimes I feel stuck
like there are cotton *****
stuffed in my head,
muffling my senses.
They make it hard to concentrate.
I try to feel something,
anything,
but the cotton ***** are blocking the way
to my emotions.
When I try to tell someone,
they scoff at me and tell me
to stop trying to get attention.
I hope one day I'll feel better.
For now,
I'm stuck in the middle of cotton *****,
hoping someday,
one day,
I'll break free.

depression doesn't care
if you've got millions of dollars
or you're just getting by.

depression doesn't care
if you've got loving friends and family
or you're all alone.

depression doesn't care
if you've got a successful career
or you're unemployed.

depression doesn't look at your life situation.
depression is a mental illness, not an emotion.
depression doesn't care.

jeans that are a little bit too tight
numbers on the scale that you have to fight
she wanted it badly, she stayed up all night
to her, the future seemed bright

online articles about low-calorie diets
no-carb, low-carb, high-protein try-its
she thought it was the perfect way
to lose that extra layer, so they say

she noticed it working on tuesday at noon
it was working, working so soon
she was pleased with the results it gave
soon it became less to eat and more to crave

she thought she had it all under control
who cares if she ate less than one bowl?
she never ate until she was full
soon she faded away and her eyes became dull

In, out.
Silence.

I notice
the particles of dust
illuminated
by the sunlight beaming through my window.

They float
through golden streaks
around the books
sitting untouched on the old wooden shelf.

Dancing around my hand
Swirling, swimming
as I reach my hand to touch the light.

why do i feel so small
when i look up into the sky and see the stars?

there are so many of them,
they take my breath away

i can't help but realize, with a sad smile,
how insignificant

my life
really is

to be honest,
it's somewhat relieving

and reassuring
to see all those stars up there

to remember that we are all
just a speck of dust

even less,
perhaps

in this universe
that we call our own

and that if we were to fade away
the universe would still persist

I reach my hands to the sky,
Knowing You will catch me
if I fall.
I love You.

My trust in You cannot be described
in words.
My love for you my mind
cannot comprehend,
Oh God,
I love You.

Every time I fall short of You
You hug me and tell me "It's okay;
"I forgive you."
I love You.

When anxiety creeps up on me,
You calm my soul
and remind me that You
have everything under control.
God,
I love You.

I like my green converse
They aren’t black, like the night without the moon and stars
Or the bottom of the ocean
Or the greasy cast iron pan
They aren’t red, like the blood
That flows in my veins
Or the sunset at seven
Or the maraschino cherries in my fridge
They’re green,
Like the grass beneath my feet
Like the painting in my dining room
Like a ripening banana
Green is my favorite color,
so I like my green converse

you open a mason jar
full of sticky,
bitterly sweet honey

your fingers stick
to the jar

and refuse
to release

you then realize
the honey

was actually
brown cement

why me?
you think,
annoyed

If you knew
all the thoughts that come to me
when I'm alone at 3 am,
troubled and depressed

Would you still sit next to me,
in such close proximity,
making my heart pound so loud
to read over my shoulder?

If you saw the red lines that mark
my pale stomach,
and saw what I see
when I look at myself,

Would you still smile at me
from across the room,
offer to play some game
I don't know the rules to?

If you knew how many times I
skipped meals,
how many times I wanted to disappear
and never come back,

Would you still stand to be
in my presence, untroubled?
Would you love me
the same way?

The answer is no,
because the real me
is scared, ugly and raw.
It would be unbearable to love me again

So I'll keep it hidden
I'll cover up the scars that haunt my memories
and put on a believable smile
before letting you see me

But oh, it still hurts,
so, so much,
because even though you don't know the truth,
I do.

The sunlight caresses her dark cheeks and she smiles
She runs her fingertips over those soft, dewy, red petals of a rose
Her bare brown feet step over the broken twigs without a sound
The blue sky smiles down at her from above the dogwood trees

A new minute had come to life
Exploding
with each new second
Which gave it an identity
Something to be
recognized by
This minute existed all over the Earth,
In this minute all the humans take one
breath
together
Heartbeats of everything which has a heart
Beating
In this minute
A minute when laughter erupts
Babies cry
and old ones die
A minute when the stars twinkle brightly
Their beautiful essence
So far
away
A minute when the trees sway in the wind
Their leaves green and dancing,
All the life that comes from them
rejoicing
A minute when eyes will look and
see
everything around them
For the first time or
the last
A minute that could be one you'll always remember
Or one which was so ordinary
That you forgot

the struggle of learning
of knowing

what am i supposed to do
now

now i see
now i know

knowledge comes with a
price

The chill autumn breeze
The tall and brown rustling trees
Come dead falling leaves

Life isn’t about the fashion magazine that lies open on the bed, or the box that travels in the truck and holds the newest iPhone. It’s not about the credit card numbers whispered in the dark or the heartless comments on some fifteen-year-old’s post on social media. Life is not about getting to the top or being the winner. Life is not about the celebrities everyone thinks run the world, not about the net worths, like one human life is worth more than another. Life is not about the greed and awful desires. Life is not about the having, or the getting, or the money, or the lies. It’s not about hate.

Life is about climbing trees barefoot, smiling in the sunlight that kisses your face, it’s about the strawberries you pick in the driveway and the fictional books you finish one by one. Life is about the twang of the old guitar, the breath of the sleeping dog. Life is about the good nights and good mornings, the I love you’s and I love you too’s. Life is about the autumn leaves that rustle in the wind, the same wind that blows through your shirt. Life is about the ease of childhood, and the pains of growing up. Life is about poetry and holding hands and bright red roses. Life is about giving. Life is about love.

There is this person
with electric blue hair
who I am constantly
intrigued by.

Look at their skin;
like porcelain, it's so
pale
and icy cold.

Their eyes speak to my heart--
the green and brown
moving in harmony
and making me smile.

They always have
black eye shadow around
these brown and green irises;
so bold.

I can't tell if they're a boy
or a girl--
maybe they're both
or neither.

They almost never speak
But their voice moves
smooth like milk
And their laugh is contagious.

But underneath their fake smiles
I know their secret--
The red marks that cover their skin
The scars that speak for themselves.

the noodles
sit in the warm,
steamy water
they've turned
soft and mushy

left in too long
why? well,
you see,
this person who
wanted to eat them

suddenly had an
intrusive thought;
this caused this person
to get anxious
about eating

so the noodles
were abandoned
in the starchy water
left there
to drown

i fall down
down
down

my body thumps, hard
against the cold, dry earth

pain soars through
my body

i run my tongue
over my teeth
tasting
blood
i feel
warmth behind my head

it's liquid
it's blood

oh

i'm dying