So here I am, once again
Lacking all self esteem,
And dignity and pride,
But above all things,
Lacking him.

If I don't run in his direction,
If I don't hug him when he is near,
Is because all my loving,
I keep it caged,
Suffering,
Starving,
Begging for some love,
A kiss, a smile, a look,
Anything from him.

But I keep it caged,
For its own protection,
I'll let it die,
Rot and decompose,
A dying love is easier to take,
Than his indifference.

I'm falling at 9.00 pm
With gray eyes and a soft voice
I'm nothing but a lost little comet,
Following a stormy eyed big man,
I want to forget all the years between,
And feel the lips of 9.00 pm,
But why would a man turn around,
For a little comet?

There,
In the night sky,
in the space between stars,
lies a dim light,
looking for its partner.

Flying in circles through space,
Floating still in the sky.
wandering around the corners
of the dreams of men
haunting the minds
of those who are awake.

There, it lies.
Lost in the light of its surrounding
slowly fading into a memory

Once it shined
More than any light,
but now
there's nothing it might,
since the light has died.

Tirelessly, waiting,
For another week or so.
Listening to the silly advice,
That true love comes only for,
Those who wait.

All it takes is a word from him
A romantic speech,
A caring phrase,
To keep me hanging,
To this weird love.

I've been waiting, for him,
To be my true love,
Or the real one to show,
But it seems as if,
Whoever it is,
Still thrives for another.

I dream of his voice,
Whispering in my ear,
All those words,
I long to hear.

The feeling of kisses given,
Makes my heart drum,
Like with no other.

I could wait on,
But I can't keep following,
This old advice,
It leaves me cold,
When all I want is your heat.

Why should we keep on waiting?
I'm done with complications,
Be with me.

I had some letters,
Written with your small
Handwriting and,
Filled with promising moments.

Now they are somewhere
Where the trash went
Along with our pictures and,
All I thought mattered.

Conversations deleted
Sad songs play on repeat
Avoid your profile
I won't be able
To see you together
I've had enough with,
My ******* imagination

I remember the first time
I whispered your name
like it was already mine
like it was my life.

your touch, so gentle in my skin
and your hand, laying in my chin.

your smile
your eyes
brightening my heart.

always yours
always mine.

It is all about the memories,
That like the dreams we fail,
And the thoughts we will not share,
They drain and slip through our fingertips.

Waking up from a sad dream,
One we would love to forget,
But love induced sadness,
It is hard one to get rid of.

The dawn rises synching with your chest
Your eyes shining from the watery tears,
And your mind is playing games,
It feels as if you are together,
Then reality and the dream world collide.
And you are staring through the window,
All alone.

It is all about the memories,
Those we keep close to our hearts,
Close enough to make us feel alive,
Close enough to let them hurt us.

That like the dreams we fail,
We forget and never go for them again,
Ashamed of the idea of fulfilling them,
Too frightened to share them.

And the thoughts we will not share,
They are rotting in our veins,
Growing hungry inside their lair,
Waiting for a chance to escape.

I wanted to say I needed you,
That my minds drags you like an old toy.
And that you won't spare me a thought,
Not even if your life depended on it.
That I hate you so much,
For breaking me like that.
And pretending like I never existed.
That it angers me.
How much I believed those brown eyes.
And fall for all now I know were lies.
That it breaks me even more,
To think about us,
And remember you everyday.
That you are a ghost that haunts me,
Everywhere I go and everyhow I feel.
That the image of you both together,
Is the center of every nightmare I have.
That it fills me with rage,
How I still fall for you,
And your sick games of power.
That I hate just how much I think of you,
But what I truly hate,
Is my inability to hate you.
I wanted you to know
Cause the silence is defeaning,
And this feeling overwhelming.

I can't take this any longer
My mind is now a haunting corner
There's no way to avoid it
My thoughts are flooded
With pictues of you
And your new ****** lover.

My tears are stucked
In the ol' realm of
"You really got me ******"
Stopped by anger and despair
Filling my insides
I'm about to explode
My heart is now a shattered
Mountain of drifting dust
All beacuse you couldn't wait
To get your **** ******.

Was it all worth it?
I guess it was
Since "the other"
Has become "the lover"
And the former lover
Now can't stay sober.

I don't care
That's all I'll say
Repeat it enough times
To convince myself
I really don't care
But trust me
This is something I can't bear.

You get there
by words unsaid
things undone
falling in love.

It is surrounded
by frozen smiles
haunting memories
broken promises.

It is made
by the sound of kisses
a big laugh
a dropping tear

It is life without you.

There is a difference
between making love
and having ***
we did both.

And I must confess
never have I felt
so in peace
as laying together
fully undressed.

There was no you
there was no me
all there was
was us.

Your touch
through my skin
and that small grin
on your face
as you whispered

I love you

Pressed your head in mine
looked you in the eye
and said

* I love you too *

Then you
and I
became one.

Now all is left
are the memories
of your touch
bringing me
to my knees

Your breath
caught in my mouth
and your taste
printed in my skin.

Now I sleep alone
and roll side to side
looking for,you
and wonder

If you're missing me
the way
I'm missing you

Let me tell you the story
of one named Me
who met one
named You
who went by Yu
for the love of
Oh.

Me first fell in love
with Yu's laugh
and then
with Yu's face
but what Me
loved the most
was Yu's heart.

Yu's smile
brightened Me's life
fade the darkness
and fill it with kisses.

Me and Yu
used to meet
at the last bench
of a magical park.

The trees where
the witnesses
of how their love
was proffessed.

And kiss by kiss
they got
an 'I love you'
that lasted longer
than the time they had.

Me knew
all the many reasons
of the love towards Yu

But Me never knew
what Yu saw in Me.

That would be Yu's story.

As time passed
the 'oh's
became fewer.

And Yu
took them back
and became in You.

Me and Yu's story
ended.

The day You left with Him.

*14

Tell me if it was worth it
the cries
the fights
the lies
the long nights
because
for
me
it
did.

I have to ask
How's he better than me?
Why did you chose him,
Instead of me?

I don't want to know,
Cause it'll break my heart,
You won't say it,
And I won't mention it,
But we both know
He's better than me.

He's got something
You won't let go,
Something brighter
Something better

I have to ask,
Will you be mine again?

It turns exhausting
Over and over again
With no change at all.

Why don't you hate me?
God knows I hate this feeling
Of never being enough
To turn my dreams into reality
And dissolve my nightmares
In oblivion.

I can't be the other
I want to be your lover
But that's work for another.

My heart keeps beating
Like a broken record.

So stupid
That it keeps loving you
After all the waiting,
All the hurting,
With no change at all.

Over and over.

Small, unnoticed,
Just a flicker in your chest,
Not enough to realize.

How long has it been since you felt it last?

Grand, unpredicted,
Exploding lights in my chest,
Dumb enough to realize.

How long can I last without feeling it again?

You say it's better to scare it off,
I say it's better to face it off,

Don't you think, that I know,
How bad is this for my own?

You realize,
And you decide,
That my wings shoud be shaved off.
While all I want,
Is our wings to fly together.

If I'm a silly butterfly,
I hope he is drums and fireworks on the rain

I'm slowly heading
To what you where when you left
I've been where you were
When you met me
And I still felt young
I've learned what you did
Felt what you did once
And I still felt far away
I'm slowly catching up
With the last memory of you
But you are still far away
I'll never catch up with you.

There is no need
To remember my dreams
I know what they are all about
Your taste lingers in my mouth
Long after I woke.

The swolen feeling in my chest
Is all I need to know
Another night has passed
I have been dreaming of you
Once again.

When I was able to remeber
Those dreams of november
I dreaded the time to sleep.

Now that all that I have
Is the dark feeling of
A forgotten dream.

How futile are our dreams, filling us with pure joy, giving us a way out of the nightmare of life, just to wake us in the middle of the chaos, hopeless, fragile.
Revealing our deepest desires, giving them to us, letting us touch the stars for a second, but we are never even close to the clouds, we are laying in the floor, chained to reality.
The despair and nostalgia becomes a part of our life, daydreaming about our dreams because they are better than our reality.
But desire is the other face of pain, both of them existing at the same time around us, we end up desiring something so hard that it becomes our conviction, we start doing everything for them, until we end up with a tragic real life and a perfect untouchable life.
Although life is the creator of our dreams, it will create our nightmares, reaching every pure place within us and poison it.
At some point, we'll loose our dreams, and start seeing life as something useless, better without us.
That's when the sinking feeling in the chest appears, the physical equivalent to a broken heart, revealing how broken we are.
We may have made mistakes, all of them just because we were trying to reach our dreams, but there'll come a time when those mistakes won't let us keep trying.
We've destroyed everything surrounding us, because life wouldn't let us fulfill our dreams.
And weakness becomes a familiar word, like a second name for us.
But what is truly weakness? A concept created  by someone to describe the state of someone else, every person in the world will tell us how to live, and now they can also judge us if we don't do what they say, and if we complain about the difficultness, they will call us weak, until ourselves start to believe it.
Then, we are weak, we are broken, we are misunderstood, we are judged, we are suffering.
All because we wanted something more.
Because we were doing what everyone does, what makes us human, desire, but since we desire more than what we were supposed to, people will think that we deserve to be punished.
But the truth is, we've already punished ourselves enough, we lose everything.
Empty, hating our desires, we end up.
So forgive me when I say, that I wish not to wake up from my next dream.

Why does my mind keeps wandering,
To the curves of your eyes,
And the pitch of your voice?
Why does my heart keep aching,
To an old photograph,
And a corner at a park?
Why does my lips keep recalling,
To a first kiss in a bench,
And a farewell that still lasts?
Why does my mind keeps trying,
To forget your face and your pace,
And still think of you each day?

This pride tastes sour,
and the dignity bittersweet,
and all I can taste
is your lips touching mine.

All I can feel is
our skin so tight together and,
your voice saying
our hands fitted perfectly.

Where are they now?
I can't even recognize
myself without you
or trust the decisions I made
when I was high
with your smell.

It is like a facade that
has fallen  and,
I'm staring at the
same black wall, I
thought had left, but
in fact it never left.

It wasn't real
and yet
this broken heart, is
killing me
though.

I have to face,
That its his face,
The one you can't stop thinking of.

That you are written,
With fire in my heart,
And I'm written,
With chalk in your heart.

That you are as faithful,
To your words,
As you are to your love.

I'm biding my heart,
For a couple of minutes.

Take me to the edge
Make me feel the light
You'll see I can pass the test
To keep you close and tight

Your words fuel me up
Like burning gasoline
I'll come clean
From all the things I've done

I'll show you a star
For you to compare with
Your smile
So you can see it
Even from afar

I don't see the point of your glare
Staring, and calling me unfair
There is no need to feed
My overflowing despair.

You say my eyes seem empty
And lack of emotion,
Well, it was no lie
When they said  eyes
Reflect what's inside.

I am not heartless
On the contrary,
I got so much of it
That I can't stand it
Feelling everything
I wish I was hearless.

But what did you expected
I was promised the sky
And got thrown to the ground.

I'm stumbling like a toddler in a room.
My hands are on my sides plane-like in the air
trying to give me some balance, to keep me from falling.
My feet hurt and are clumsy, they're not used to this.
I'm using my father's shoes.

I'm wearing them to feel like an adult,
like one of those old humans who go and live an adult life,
but my father's shoes are too big for my baby feet,
no matter how hard I try, they just don't fit.

But I keep doing it.
I'm not alone in this room,
There's no way I would be doing this just for myself,
maybe at the beginning, when it was fun.
My family is staring at me.

They are all expectators.
Of this crazy show I'm directing,
Half thinking I'm cute for pretending to be one of them.
The other half's just waiting for the moment I trip and start crying.

My father's shoes are too big for me,
This adult mockery is not for me,
Just as I realize about this.

I trip.

Can you feel it? How your blood vibrates through your veins?
that little push in your neck, that seems to never go away
Do you hear it? The deafening silence that lives inside your head?
how things shift into another in front of your eyes.
Can you see it? The weight of the choices you've made?
falling in front of you piece by piece.

Forgive me,
If my lips
Find others
After you.

Forgive me,
If my mind
Does nothing
But to think of you.

Forgive me,
If I miss
Every single
Thing of you.

Forgive me,
If I hate
The one
Who take you.

Forgive me,
If I still
Love you.

She's looking in the mirror,
Getting ready to hit the club,
Smokey eyes on point,
She's just trying to let go
Of what she keeps inside.

Prettier than her surroundings,
But still lists her flaws upon her soul,
If only she knew,
That the sun battles the moon,
To see her first.

So bright, so great,
Her smile lights up the sky.

Everyday her spirit fights,
A battle she knows well,
Fearing to grasp,
The reaching hand.

A soul so pure,
You can see it clear,
While she's looking in the mirror.

The air has changed since you left.
It's thicker now.
Hard to swallow
Impossible to let go.
Just like you.

Let it be prismatic,
Make it enigmatic,
You can even let it be exotic,
Avoid allowing it to be toxic,
Don't be like an alcoholic,
And don't let it turn melancholic,
For god's sake make it romantic
But make it happen.

Let it be prismatic,
Make it enigmatic,
You can even let it be exotic,
Avoid allowing it to be toxic,
Don't be like an alcoholic,
And don't let it turn melancholic,
For god's sake make it romantic
But make it happen.

I love you
But you are his now
He can feel your lips
Whenever he wants
And all I have is memories.

I want you
But you are his now
Your smiles are dedicated to him
And not a single thought
Is spared towards me.

I love you
But you are his now
He can hear you laugh
And I must let you go

There was no love
I loved you
But you did not loved me
How am I supposed to
Let go?

They say
You gotta let go
If someone is not for you

You did not loved me
You where never mine
How can I let go
If you never belonged
To me?

I've loved.
I've loved a dead man,
I've loved a warrior,
I've fallen for a doctor,
I've loved a musician.
But it is clear as glass,
That sorrow has
Been my true lover
All along.

So forgive me if I leave,
Close my eyes
And go to bed with
My other half.
And never wake up again.

Lines up and down
side to side
I'm imprisoned
by what I write

A blank paper
screaming to be
written

A written paper
filled with
screaming words

Waiting to be freed.

I never thought I would fall in love
Yet I did.
I never thought you would love me
Yet you did.
I never thought I would loose you
Yet I did.
I never thought you would cheat on me
Yet you did.
I never thought I could see you again
Yet I did.

Everything I've never expected has happened.

I always thought I would be the same
Yet I didn't
I always thought I would love you forever
Yet I didn't
I always thought you would keep me safe
Yet you didn't.
I always thought I would fight for love
Yet I didn't.
I always thought you would change
Yet you didn't.

While all  I've hoped for never occured.

You know that itch you get.
When a bug bits you?
And suddenly there's a rash,
Not just in the place you were bitten,
But you can actually feel it all over you?

They say we shouldn't scratch them
or it could leave a scar.

So we try to control the itch.
And we focus to not focus in it.
In fact, it's almost impossible.

But then there's you.
You are not a bug.
And you sure did not bite me.
Worst
You kissed me.

And left something worst
than just an itch
or even a rash.

For the thing is.
a bug may leave a weal
somewhere in my skin
and that would be it.

But you are worst
than the most savage itch
and the poisonous bite.

You are in my skin.
inside my flesh,
deep in my bones,
locked in my heart,
haunting my mind.

I could take any kind of itch now
any kind but you.

And the truth is,
I've scratched too much.
and all that is left of you
is nothing but an infamous
itch.