It was hell, but I called it love,
And the whispers of regret became my favorite sound.
Your half-hearted love is what I look for in a crowd,
The games that you play kept me hanging around.

Like a garden of roses of black and purple hue,
More of thorns that cut, leave no mark or clue.
The worst place for hearts so fearless and bold,
Yet the perfect abode for a love that's stone-cold.

Heard my name resound; did you call out loud?
Glad you need me; you know I'm not trying hard.
I held out my hand, but where are you now?
I thought you'd be here, but you're not around.

You always surprise me, was that even fun?
Staying for today, so tomorrow you'll be gone.
Oh, how could you be that despicable someone,
To a girl who just thought you might be the one?

It was entirely hell, but I called it love,
Deep down, I know, it will always be.
But a love like mine won't forever survive,
Someday, I believe, it will set you free.

If I talk about pure happiness, would you be smiling with me?
If I walk out of the darkness, would you dare to see me?
If I drop the gun on the ground, would you take a bullet for me?
If I make up an excuse or a lie, would you forget that or me?

If I tell you something weird, would you laugh forever with me?
If I escape from my own world, would you care to still find me?
If I break a couple of rules, would you break 'em all with me?
If I sing some awful Blues, would you sing along or just shun me?

If I write a simple poem, would you know that it's from me?
If I write another poem, would you know that it's for you to see?
If I write endless poems, would you realize how fine we could just be?
If I write this poem for you, would you reply for once, maybe?

If not for the rain
I could have loved you forever
Wished we were still here
Until the final daffodil
Though in a few gasp
We know how it would soon wither.

My then thorn petals
I thought they were recovering
But when I felt you
I knew it could somehow be true
Torn petals still went shattering

Had to keep you off
But it was not what I wanted
Like a butterfly
I have learned to let you go
'Cause it can't be that
In full bloom, I'd still be guarded.

Now the firmament
Filled with the darkest shades of pain
Thought I'd still be happy
Just by seeing you by my side
Such joy, I felt it
Could be love, if not for the rain.

I've cut our connections
and burnt my poor illusions
and tempting provocations
like eternal frustrations
for such hopeless situations
gave me a lot of delusions
and lessened reservations
to hide my expectations
and lamest inhibition
like a huge botheration
to one whose intentions
has faded into oblivion
and nasty desolation.

It hurts me.
You're all I need beside me tonight.
Forever.
It hurts me.
I know we can't be anymore.
Forever.
It hurts me.
I will no longer feel your eyes on me.
Forever.
It hurts me.
Knowing that I won't get to touch you.
Forever.
It hurts me.
Your voice lingers in my head.
Forever.
It hurts me.
I want to be yours.
Forever.
It hurts me.
You're all I need beside me tonight.
It hurts me.

*Forever.

It's okay to sometimes cry,
'Cause it's when we know we're alive.
When the wind blows at night,
and we silently watch the stars shine,
we think we're lonely when everyone's alright,
but we don't even seem to realize,
that even the brightest sparks in the sky,
were once the saddest wishes of those eyes,
who wished they were never made to cry.

How I wish
you stumble
and fall...



*for me.

Tonight, you should know that I hate you.

I hate your handsome face.
I hate your passionate eyes.
I hate your flawless skin.
I hate your **** style.
I hate your messy hair.
I hate the way you smile.
I hate the way you sweep me off my feet.
I hate the way you bring me to life.
I hate the way you make me smile when you know we're both that lonely.
I hate the way you keep me craving for your words that seem to me a remedy.
I hate the way you pull me in and love the way you love me.
I hate the way you love to see me fall into you so helplessly.
I hate the way you take advantage of my short-term honor and fame.
I hate the way you think I don't notice that you never really feel the same.
I hate the way you only want to get what you think you need now in your life.
I hate the way you leave me hanging while I hope for another chance.
I hate the way you just don't care if I'm still feeling good or otherwise.
I hate the way you say you miss me when I know you're downright fine.
I hate the way you say you love me when your heart doesn't really need mine.

*I just hate the way I hate you now when I know I didn't really have to lie.

You left me tongue-tied, young man,
Feeling like a soldier with no gun.

Reached for the last piece on the ground,
Still, tripping all over, unarmed.

My lost soul, you found it crumbling,
At the very break of dawn, not surprising.

You gladly took me in your arms,
And all at once, I felt the warmth.

But the next hours were just so tough,
You stole my heart, but just put the flame out.

Spoke your words out of the blue,
From a couple o' songs with a lonely tune.

Please give me a reason not to ever quit,
Love burns, but for you, I'm willing to take a risk.

Let me not decay too soon
like a cadaver in the mouth of a cave
for a one-sided love affair
is enough to bring me to my grave.

Maybe it was wrong to love you
Maybe it was wrong to have cared,
Maybe it has never been so true
Maybe I shouldn’t have dared.

Maybe it was never worth it
Maybe it was never really there,
Maybe we never really fit
Maybe it’s just despair.

Maybe it wasn’t good enough
Maybe it wasn’t meant to last,
Maybe the road’s just too tough
Maybe the plains were just too vast.

Maybe I wasn’t able to control
Maybe I just couldn’t do it right,
Maybe I just can’t have it all
Maybe I can’t own such delight.

Maybe I wasn’t able to hold on
Maybe I’ve been so weak and light,
Maybe it was my illusion
Maybe it was never really right.

Maybe I only dreamed
Maybe I was just imagining,
Maybe it’s different as it seemed
Maybe it’s not worth fighting.

Maybe I find it hard to trust
Maybe I never tried to believe,
Maybe I just let things rust
Maybe I’m not worthy to receive.

Maybe I doubted what love is
Maybe I never took chances,
Maybe it was my worst disease
Maybe I deserve to fall into pieces.

Maybe it happened for a good reason
Maybe I should be learning it today,
Maybe I’ll have my perfect season
Maybe I’ll have it soon, someday.

I wanted to write this poem for you
To tell you how much you hurt me
When you left me alone with my fears.
It was when I needed you most
It was when I needed your words
It was when I needed your love
'Cause in my other world
I was about to give it all up
My life was such great mess
I've even got a sin to confess
For days, I was so depressed
And I needed you.
Your warmth,
Your care,
Your presence,
Your love.
But at a single mistake
You turned your back
Without a warn.
So I had to face my struggles alone,
I had to wipe my tears alone,
I had to scream and cry alone,
'Cause you were no longer there.
You were never there.
All I needed was you,
but I no longer felt your care.
Guess I should now be aware
You're not my hero anymore.
Sad to admit, but I should know
You're not my hero anymore . . .

I still do.

What could be the question? 'Cause all I have here is the answer.

The answer to all that's been lurking around the corners of my mind.

They have been here, all from the day when I thought that there would be nothing else to spare. I was crushed. I was empty. I felt how your words just faded away from my memory and the memory of those who knew what was there. But still, they are here. Still lurking in the corners of what I'd rather call nowhere.

Guess it would be foolish to hear that

I still do.

How I wish I know what to ask myself when I say the words "I still do."

It's not that I would rather deny. It's just that I don't want to seem so wrong when I know what is going on, when I know what is right and wrong. It could have lived on. It could have made us strong. It could have saved us from feeling completely alone when we knew we were both there. Yes, I know, that was wrong. And so we moved on.

But did we bother ask ourselves what was really going on?

We never did, but

I still do.

No matter how much I say that somebody else has taken my heart away, you still take a part of me, in every luscious word, in every passionate stare, in every gentle touch, in every meaningful day, in my every breath that you would always take away.

You still do.

But I lost you.

And for every unknown question I wish I never have to create, know that there is no other answer to take but

**I still do.

Pag-ibig ang naging sanhi
Ng mga luhang dala ng sakit
At pagkawasak ng pusong
Matagal na iningatan,
Sa isang iglap ay muling nasaktan.

Pag-ibig ang naging dahilan
Ng labis na pangamba ng pusong luhaan
Kung kaya't inakalang 'di na magmamahal
Ngunit muli ay aking napatunayan
Pag-ibig muli ang nagbigay-daan.

Pag-ibig, hinanap ko kahit saan
Tiwala, ibinigay ngunit hindi man lang nasuklian
Hindi mawari kung bakit lagi na lang
Ang sabi nila'y pag-ibig ang sagot sa pusong nalulumbay
Pero bakit di masumpungan, ano ba ang aking taglay?

Pag-ibig na hindi ko naisip na darating pa
Isang araw ng ika'y aking makilala
Pinilit kong ipinid ang pusong takot na
Nagmatigas man ang puso, pero sa hindi inaakala
Isip na ang nagpasya na pagbigyan pa
Pag-ibig, hindi ko alam na nariyan ka na pala.

Alam kong mahirap hulihin ang puso
Lalo pa't ito'y nababalot na ng galit at takot
Ngunit hindi mo pinansin ang lahat ng ito
Ipinagpatuloy pa rin dahil mukhang alam na alam mo
Na ikaw ay para sa'kin, at ako'y para sa'yo.

Natakot akong mahalin ka dahil ilang beses nang lumuha
At nangako sa sarili na hindi na ito mauulit pa
Ang muli pang masaktan ay 'di na makakaya
Ngunit ang sabi mo nga ay ibang iba ka
Kung kaya't pinagbigyan ang iyong pusong umaasa.

Tinanggap ko ang pag-ibig na iyong inialay
Hinayaan kong ang ating mga damdami'y magkapalagay
Binuksang muli ang puso kahit alam kong may takot pa
Pinili kong papasukin ka dahil aking nakita
Sa iyong mga mata ay may pagtingin na kakaiba.

Pag-ibig, hindi ko alam kung kailan ako naging handa
Pero para sa iyo, nagpasya akong muling maging malaya
Mula sa mapait na nakaraan na siyang bumalakid
Ngayo'y natagpuan ka, at muli kong nabatid
Kung paanong maging masaya sa piling ng isang tunay na umiibig.

Salamat, dahil nariyan ka na.
Salamat, dahil sinagip mo ang pusong wasak na wasak na.
Salamat, dahil muli kong nadama ang tunay na pagmamahal.
Salamat, dahil naramdaman kong ako'y mahalaga pa.
Salamat, dahil natuklasan kong maaari pa akong lumigaya.

Pag-ibig, kaya na kitang ibigay muli
Sa isang espesyal na tao na sa aki'y muling nagpangiti
Pag-ibig na buo, tapat, wagas at dalisay
Isusukli sa pusong nagmamahal sa akin ng tunay
Hindi magdadalawang-isip na ibigay ang buong puso
Sa taong minahal at tinanggap kung sino ako.

Pag-ibig, kaysarap **** madama
Lalo pa't ramdam kong ayaw ko nang umibig pa sa iba
Natagpuan na ang taong nais kong makasama
Hanggang sa pinakahuli kong hininga
Na hiram sa Diyos na sa atin ay  lumikha.

Tayo ang laman ng kwento ng Maykapal
Pinagtagpo upang maging patunay na may totoong pagmamahal
Pinaranas man sa atin noon ang sakit na dulot ng pag-ibig
Ang nakaraan ay hindi na muling manunumbalik
Dahil sa isa't isa, pag-ibig lang ang mamumutawi.

Pag-ibig, ikaw, ako at ang Diyos
Sa atin iikot ang kwento hanggang matapos
Sa piling ng Maykapal, kamay ko'y hawakan lang
Hindi ako bibitaw hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggan
Sa'yo lang ang pag-ibig ko, sa'yo lang, aking mahal.

I was inspired by the many cynical minds
from yesterday and behind,
by countless events of outrage
that poisoned and amazed
the universe that once censured my kind.
But I am not backing down
for in the years to come, you'll see me rise
not away from everyone's judgmental eyes
but with fiery flash, I'll have to burn your pride
and jest the world with my old despicable style.

Sometimes,
when I think of all the happy times in my life
I never fail to go back to the days when I was with you
When I felt really sure of how the days would go by
As I have you here
As I see you near
As we come close to what's good and real
At least, just the way it seemed.
But now I know it's over
You're never coming back anymore
As you always would back then
When I'd slip away
Tell you "I'm okay"
And try not to look back
As you try to whisper "I'm here to stay."
But things, I know, have changed
And I know how it all became strange
I let you go
Feeling all that we both know
It has turned both our lives
To something we never realized
Because I did walk away
From what could really make me okay
Now I can't get back on track
'Cause I know, I know
You're never coming back.

It's been a while, and yes, I still wonder why.

I wonder why He made all these things happen.
I wonder why He even let us meet at one point in our lives.
I wonder why He made us feel what we felt before we decided to feel nothing at all.
I wonder why He led us towards each other when we weren't even looking at our way,
then all of a sudden, He pulled him back in and made me alone again.
I did not understand a thing.
I did not see any sign.
I did not like the sound of my tears.
I did not like the way we said good bye.

I kept on asking why.

I kept on singing our old songs.

I kept on browsing through our old photos.

I kept on wondering why He made me cry for you so.

I kept on breaking my heart.

I kept on standing on a dry, cracked ground.

I kept on saying that I wouldn't mind,

but after all this time, all I realized...

If it matters more than anything else, it could've made sense now.

And that hit me deep inside.

Because even when I say that we all heal in time,

I knew I still can't love anyone, when my heart has long died.

It is difficult.
This is difficult.
When you're not used to
being around people,
yet you're stuck in a place
where people expect you
to interact, communicate.
No matter how you hate it,
it's just how things should be.
No place for anxiety.

You said you'll be okay, you said you will be fine
Said that there's no one there that you would want to find
You told the world that lie; at home you released a sigh
And let the tears keep rolling down, alone in cold midnight
You drive away so many chances, for many times you hide
Keep losing all your dusty journals, but you keep them in mind
You knew you needed space, but you want his warm embrace
And now you **** yourself rewinding all your sweetest mem'ries.

Now you see it's gone, though words still madly resound
You thought that you should find another, though against your heart's desire
And amidst your life's bothersome haste, you stop and look back on that day
When you vowed to make that lonely hour absolutely worth the pain
And love him forever, despite whatever, completely, come what may
But you were so wrong, love does fade, the story ends today.

She can't even notice those eyes,
those eyes that seem to take her threads off, her skin off.
But they don't even know that by the time she reaches home,
she cuts her skin so the blood would flow
out of her sluggish veins.

She can't even look at the sky,
the sky that seemed to fall ******* her open wounds and scars.
But the birds don't even know that as they chirped their way up and soar,
she wishes for the moment when she could finally fly
away from her lonely home.

She can't even turn a deaf ear to a lie,
a lie she wished she never had to hear, as if something so real.
But his lips don't even know that as he tried to show it all,
his lies made up a castle of thorns, of broken hopes,
amused a girl not so strong.

She can't even take a glance at everything around,
everything around her that seems to crush her to the dustiest ground.
But the world doesn't even know how she carries that smile,
all to outbrave a surging vehemence,
an anonymity behind.

She can't spell her words but she sure has the guts,
the guts to keep herself from treading off the expected path.
But there's this one thing that she doesn't even really know,
she may be made up of scars and lies and thorns,
but the beauty in her has not really gone.

It never felt this right
When I see you smile,
I knew right then
That I’m alive again
Not a single second wasted
Always thinking of you at night
And just meet you in my dreams
Oh this crazy feeling!
Just like a thunderbolt
Came rushing down on me
Tickling my sensitivity
I was dumbfounded
Clueless on what to do
I tried to ignore it
But it just won’t leave
I guess it never will
‘Cause it’s meant to stay
In the back of my mind
It’s only you, yes, you
In this ****, ****** life
Can bring back the sun
Just try to measure
And deeply feel
What’s in my weary heart
Indeed, now it’s you
You made me lose control
And you did it, all worthwhile
Because of that smile…

How would I know
if the time is just right
for flowers to bloom in mid-June
for the rivers to flow in quietude
for the skies to break a brand new dawn
for the night to grow with our souls in solitude?

How would I know
if emotions have not come rushing about
like a raging storm when December comes
or like the rustling of leaves against a dry ground
or like the whooshing of wind from the Northern part,
if we are lured, off-guard, by the sound of love?

How I would I know
if destiny had made it right
for love to grow between us like sparks in the sky
for our weary hearts to dance in misty paradise
for our hands to lock as we watch our eyes smile
and to think of us together like it ain't a crime?

How would I know
when it's time to wake up from a dream,
more like a nightmare when I know you're near
but seemingly like a million miles away from here,
when all my life, I've waited for you to come
only to know that you won't hang around?

Your love could be that strong, but I'm at my weakest now
I might have fallen hard, but there are some things we don't allow
Love may be the weapon when hope is out of sight
But love isn't enough when we both know it isn't right.
Love could set us free, but destiny has put the bounds
Forever is but a wish, in our dreams it forever resounds.

*You know I can't love you, when you belong to someone else now.

Some things never matter
Some people never care
Some souls never wander
Some heroes never dare.

Some lips never smile
Some eyes never stare
Some love lasts for a while
Some hearts break and wear.

Some books stay with dust
Some flowers die under the rain
Some friends we can't trust
Some stories end up in vain.

Some tongues speak lies
Some smiles take away pain
Some kisses end loud cries
Some promises never remain.

Some glitters never shimmer
Some fame doesn't last a lifetime
Some sad songs forget about summer
Some writers forget about dime.

Some poems are just written
Some poems are out in the sun
Some poems are carefully hidden
Some come out when the poet's gone.

There is nothing left to dream of
All I had now finally went off
Down the drain of this lonely earth
Amidst the teardrops my eyes had to lose.

If there is nothing left to dream of
How could repose be that comforting?
Can the sun and stars still dare believe?
That anyone can do it by just believing.

Still, there’s something left to dream of
Though this tiny universe cannot provide
For the love of human heart is strong
Conquering the lonely people in a throng.

I've written a thousand rhymes
to tell you how much you mean
to me.

I've scribbled a hundred pieces
of my weary heart on the pages
of my diary.

I've missed a lot of moments
and chances to fall in love with
reality.

I've often tried to stop and let go,
I didn't know I would feel this
empty.

If this is so wrong for me to say,
I'd even speak more and
clearly.

If loving you would seem to the world the worst nightmare,
I'd do everything to sleep for
a century.

These are all that I'd love to do
if only I hadn't wasted
so much time.

But to hold on to these things,
even as a dream,
would be such a pathetic
crime.