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Jun 2018 · 526
I’ll be fine
On the darkest days,
you find the craziest reasons to stay alive.

(e.k.j.)
Mar 2017 · 678
But you locked the door
I felt at home in your arms,
and I'm getting really homesick.

(e.k.j.)
Jan 2017 · 920
I want love
I want love so passionately that,
I can't keep your eyes off of you.
I want love so bad that,
my fingers tingle to touch your face.
I want love so rough that,
we wake up the neighbours.
I want love so good that,
I'd know you that you wanted the same,
so I'll never lay awake at night,
wondering if your fingers tingled when you thought of his face,
instead of mine.

(e.k.j.)
Nov 2016 · 971
I am Hungry
I feel a sin progress in my stomach.
Normal people call it hunger.
I call it hell.

(e.k.j.)
Nov 2016 · 941
Online
Sometimes I miss you,
even though you will never miss me and,
I know I shouldn't but,
Sometimes,
I check on you.
Just to make sure you're breathing,
posting and to make sure,
That I won't forget the sparkles in your eyes,
when you smile.

(e.k.j.)
Hello, my name is Emma,
and I'm fat. But when I try to eat less and lose weight,
I'm anorexic.

Hello, my name is Emma,
and I'm a **** for kissing too many women. But when I try to kiss men,
I'm a fake lesbian.

Hello, my name is Emma,
and I'm a ****. But when I tell you that I have only had *** once,
my new nickname is ****** Mary.

Hello, my name Emma,
and I'm human.

In the society that I live in the perfect human doesn't exist.
I could be doing everything right and I would be boring,
or I could do everything wrong and I would be a failure. Society is never satisfied.
People are trying their hardest but in today's society the hardest,
isn't good enough.
We need to learn to love one another as equal people.
Let them weigh what they weigh,
love who they love,
and sleep with either one person or a thousand people.
We need to accept that people are different but that difference,
is just an opportunity to learn new things about living.

(e.k.j.)
Sep 2016 · 941
Death
I smoke my cigarettes to the filter and drink my wine like other's drink their water,
it's in my genetics.
Death would not be the worst but I do not wish for it because,
death can be many things.

Death can be when you lose your first love or when the person who raised you closes his eyes for the last time.
Death can be dwelling on the past when you're supposed to let go.
Death can be letting go and sometimes,
that is the best thing that happens in one's entire lifetime.
Death.

It is looked upon as the end of the world for some and the,
beginning of a new unknown world for other's.

Death is what you make it as well as,
living because if you haven't lived,
how are you supposed to die?

(e.k.j.)
A couple of weeks ago my aunt asked me,
what the first thing I noticed about a girl is.

''Her hands''.

The conversation quickly turned *****,
''you just want to know what they are able to do to you''.

At first,
I thought it was funny,
almost agreeing with the statement that had been made but then,
I realised that we all want what we can't have.
Looking down on my own hands for ages thinking that I wish they could just function.
I have been looking for the hands I have never had,
in the girls I have been debating whether or not they were,
girlfriend material,
judging my looks,
my hands,
my shape and my face while other girls wants what I have.

After realising just that,
I decided that from now on,
I will stop looking at hands and look into their eyes instead.

(e.k.j.)
Body positivity.
When I told my phsysical therapist that I'm a lesbian,
her answer was a question I did not ever expect;
"So... Are you a lesbian because you are disabled and you cannot get a boyfriend?"
I was speechless,
looking at the wall,
stunned. *******,
she did not just stereotype every single disabled homosexual to have ever existed.
I stammered no,
and I tried to explain that I have had boyfriends before,
it just wasn't my thing.
Looking back now I realise that,
I should not have explained anything because I don't ever need to explain anything about the people I love.
I have had a thing for girls,
since I was three,
and when I was three years old I did not notice my disability,
the way it's being noticed today.
And the absolute most heartbreaking thing about both my sexuality and my disability is,
that I still do not notice it as much as everybody else seems to do.
I can be the best girlfriend ever,
no matter what my sexuality is,
no matter how my body looks.
And don't get me wrong;
I like guys too. I think guys are wonderful.
If God had created Eve and Ava,
who would have brought me into this World?
I can get a boyfriend if I want one,
maybe someday I find the most amazing guy ever,
and I will not let my sexuality stand in my way.
But for now,
I am a disabled homosexual,
who decided to tell you about it.
And dear physical therapist:
I have never judged you,
not even when you told me you fell for a fat guy,
and now you're married.
So don't ask me if I'm only a lesbian,
due to the fact that I have a disability,
because guess what?
I'll have my disability no matter if,
the person I'm dating,
has a ***** or a ******.

(e.k.j.)
Dec 2015 · 1.5k
Dear Depression,
Thank you for always being here,
when I needed you the most.
When I asked you to come over,
you were there in a matter of minutes and most days,
you even brought your best friend Anxiety,
so we wouldn't be alone.
Some days,
you asked if you could stay over,
because you were all alone and really needed a hug.
My reply was a of course,
I know how it feels like to be alone in this world.

But now,
now you will not leave,
no one else wants you and I'm stuck here with you in my bedroom.
I don't remember how it felt like,
before you came around and it is like having a best friend you just can't be apart from.
It is weird because sometimes I hate you,
other times I can't live without you.
You can make me feel so important,
yet so dead and I wish I did not have to say this,
but dear Depression,
I think it is time for you to leave.

(e.k.j.)
When you meet certain people whom,
You just,
Click with be careful because,
Nothing lasts forever and soon clicking,
Will turn into breaking and,
The same people will go straight after,
Your heart.

(e.k.j.)
Dedicated to the girl who has a red bedroom.
Apr 2015 · 1.5k
yes I'm drunk
when I get drunk before 12 a.m. people tend to,
leave because I keep repeating how much I miss my ex girlfriend and her ******* amazing brown eyes and how,
much I hate how my sister is so **** perfect when I'm not. she must have forgotten to give me the recipe.
I hate when people brag about their new boyfriends and how many times their,
parents have caught them having *** because it's not me and I'm so ashamed.
I hate that if people beg me long enough I'll,
do as they please because I need the affection and the,
attention I never had because I was abused for 10 years by the people who was supposed to give me attention,
love,
support. I guess they were never meant for loving. maybe that's why divorces are always an option and I'm so glad that I don't even have the ******* opinion to,
marry all over the world yet. but what if I fall in love with a country through a person,
again,
who gets down on,
one knee with a beautiful ring, and asks me if I wanna spend forever with them,
as if forever even ******* exists?
then I'll at least forget my ex girlfriend and her ******* amazing brown eyes and my sister's recipe for the perfection I craved but never got because my happiness rely on the people,
who tend to leave when I get drunk before 12 a.m.

(e.k.j.)
Apr 2015 · 1.0k
Shower time (10w)
Mar 2015 · 945
error 412.
right now there's no air I can't breathe and for once,
it's not because I'm heartbroken. well a part of me is but I learn to live with it. people can learn to live with a lot of broken bones. too many.
I can feel every single bone in my body and break them with a touch even,
if I want to heal. but I like being broken. it kind of feels like sky diving even though I have never,
tried it and I probably never will.

sometimes I like to stab myself just for fun because it feels good. it's a great reminder that some people actually have to stab themselves just to,
stop feeling. a year ago,
one of them was me. now I just laugh and wipe the blood off while my father is yelling at me that I'm gonna die. he tells me that too when he has to buy me a new pack of cigarettes after only 48 hours but what if I don't mind? what if I actually don't mind dying?

(e.k.j.)
Feb 2015 · 1.1k
Sorry
I'm sorry that this is,
another poem about you. as if,
there's not enough of them already,
but I'm sorry that I didn't fight for you,
it just seemed right at the time,
I guess cause you and him are,
probably a better match than you,
and I ever was and it pains me now,
to know that he can have you,
your whole body,
and everything in between,
when there's absolutely nothing for me to say,
or do about it.

(e.k.j.)
All you had to say, was stay, and I would've.
Jan 2015 · 1.0k
Nicotine
It is in us in our blood,
it is burning and begging us,
to fall for its whisper,
as sweet as sugar but yet so,
cold.
And finally we give in and we burn down,
to the bottom where we can't,
exist because there is no oxygen.

(e.k.j.)
Dec 2014 · 1.1k
You will die anyway
cigarettes may ****,
blades hurt,
and ***** burns,
but it makes me feel alive,
and I will rather be alive,
than just another living shell,
sitting straight on a shelf,
like a plastic toy.

(e.k.j.)
Oct 2014 · 6.0k
numbness
crying,
burning,
over you,
still,
after what feels like,
27 years,
since we talked it,
through,
baby,
I'm still,
******* crying,
over stone cold,
girls,
like you.
thank you.

(e.k.j.)
this is nonsense, yay!
Sep 2014 · 819
same love
this is not another Macklemore song, though I know you don't
mind him at all, and his songs reminds me of you.
this is my thing for you, cause I love you, you love me too, and that's
new to me. but I promised myself, that whatever I do, whoever I'll
''like'', you're not allowed to write that you're in love with someone because then you're getting married and we're not, ever again, it can't be someone 3000 miles away, because those people who lives 3000 ******* miles away, breaks your heart, and my heart can't be broken again. then I'll break.
I think you're romantic, and I will keep comparing you to the other girls, 3000 ******* miles away, because they were not. they were stone cold. I swear you could cut yourself on them. and I did. I have so many ugly scars.
you're also still just a child, with too many silly dreams, and you think you know what you are. I'm old, supposed to be wise, and I still don't know what I am, yet, and I'll never figure it out, when young girls, like you, keeps stealing my heart.

(e.k.j.)
Aug 2014 · 1.5k
help
it's like I have to die,
for you to notice me,
and it hurts because,
all you have to do,
is cry a little,
and I would be by your side.

(e.k.j.)
Aug 2014 · 1.3k
self medication
we all do it;

when we're in pain,
we listen to that song,
that makes our hearts mend.

when we're broken,
we cry,
until there is no more tears.

when we have no other way to express ourselves,
we put a razor blade to a skin,
and pray it will go a little deeper than planned.

when we wanna feel the beautiful numbness,
we stab needles,
with love potion,
into our veins,
waiting to feel no more pain.

and when we're heartbroken,
we smoke a lot of menthol cigarettes,
because she only smoked Marlboro.

(e.k.j.)
I thought it had been going pretty well.
I thought this was easy,
I have not given you a single thought,
I have not cried a single tear.

but now it's 12:21,
on a Friday night,
usually on this time,
we would have talked,
but it's quiet.

I was stupid,
and turned on your favorite song.
tears were coming.
not just a single one,
but a whole flood.

why am I putting myself through this,
when we haven't even met?
when I know,
that you haven't given me a single thought,
or cried a single tear?

(e.k.j.)
Heroes - David Bowie
1977.
Jul 2014 · 2.0k
how much I love you
you could stab me in the heart,
making me bleed,
and I would still be apologizing for bleeding,
on your white t-shirt.

(e.k.j.)
they all think I'm wearing,
a bulletproof west,
but can't you see,
I'm lying on the ground,
bleeding,
screaming,
and you are still shooting me?

(e.k.j.)
Jul 2014 · 2.2k
she
she
...and she,
she was the kind of girl,
who would take your heart and break it into ten thousand pieces,
just to have the pleasure,
of watching you bleed.

(e.k.j.)
and after that day,
I could barely breathe,
without thinking,
it was wrong.

(e.k.j.)
Jun 2014 · 2.3k
Trigger
... and my skin is begging to be touched,
by the shiny piece of metal,
that takes all the pain away.

(e.k.j.)
self harm tw.
Apr 2014 · 1.3k
It's our little secret
I'm that girl,
whom everybody seems to rely on.
They know they have me,
where they want,
because I'm a puppy.
They know I'm not letting,
their,
***** little secrets,
out.
They know the can count on me.

''It's our little secret,''
they say,
with a grin on their faces,
showing the attention seeker side,
of them.
They wanna be heard,
and listened to,
so they come to me.

But what about,
when,
I need to be heard,
and listened to?
Who can I tell my own,
little secrets to?

(e.k.j.)
secret, secrets, rant, rants, me, personal, sad, depressed, unhappy, ****, ****** poem, love ,*****, rely, relate, relatable
Apr 2014 · 1.0k
Death
When I was 12,
I died,
a long,
painful death.

I wasn't buried,
in a beautiful coffin,
with roses,
and goodbye kisses.

Only with the thoughts,
of a,
perfect,
non-excisting world.

(e.k.j.)
You;
You're a postive,
creature,
with bright eyes.
You have the most amazing smile,
I've ever seen.
And you say all these pretty things,
that isn't meant for people like me.

I;
I'm a depressed,
creature,
with empty eyes.
I don't have a nice smile,
and I don't deserve all those pretty things,
you say to me.

(e.k.j.)
Feb 2014 · 1.1k
Suffocation
It's like getting suffocated.
Hands around your neck,
squeezing harder,
and harder.
Yet it's not hands.
It's words.
Words you say.
Things you call me,
either straight to my face,
or behind my back.
Those are the words,
that suffocate.

(e.k.j.)
Feb 2014 · 821
Body
I feel your lips on mine,
your fingers down my spine.
I greedly grab you,
and pulls you unimaginary close.

Our breath synchronizes,
like our heart beats,
kicking and kicking.

I start kissing your neck,
a shiver run through your body,
grabbing me,
hugging my curves.

You lift me up,
in your arms.
I am a bird.
I am your bird.

Is this love?
I think it is.

(e.k.j.)
Sorry not sorry!
Feb 2014 · 823
It kills me
It kills me that,
I have to guess your feelings,
because you don't say a thing.
It kills me that,
you say you like talking with me,
when it's always me who fights for your attention.
It kills me that,
I don't know,
who you wanna give a second chance to.
And it kills me that,
I just can't ask you.

(e.k.j.)
Feb 2014 · 810
3 a.m.
I want you.
All of you.
All of your flaws and so called mistakes.
I want you.

I want you.
I want you,
when you wake up at 3 a.m,
crying,
because of a bad dream.

I need you.
I need you,
because I’m needy.
I need you,
to hold me,
when I wake up at 3 a.m,
crying,
because of a bad dream.

Wake me up,
at 3 a.m,
because you suddenly,
felt the urge,
to kiss my lips.

I don’t mind,
at all,
to wake up,
at 3 a.m,
because of you.

(e.k.j.)

— The End —