Pain is...
Being able to imagine a future with him
Someone who will never love you.

Pain is...
Loneliness
Sadness
Being overlooked
Wishing for the impossible
Seeing everyone run from you.

Pain is spirit breaking,
Tear jerking torment.

That's what pain is.

Sometimes being unique is a hassle
When you're in a castle
Where everyone is the same
And no one's like you
There's no one to talk to

They don't know your music
Or read poetry

You don't share the money
That drips like honey from their clothes

You don't like rap
Which is readily on tap

You're not athletic
Makes you feel pathetic

You feel so alone
Unknown
They're all such clones
Same hair
Same clothes
Same likes and dislikes
What's an outsider to do?

You end up left out
In a dark corner where nothing presides
Divides you from everyone else.

Sometimes being different is a hassle
When you live in a castle
Where being different is frowned upon.

Oh, oh geometry
How I dislike thee
You cause bad days
And haunt me with awful grades
Who invented it, I say?!

I'm playing with fire
The blaze is rising
And I don't know to stand,
Fly,
Or run.
Where do I go from here?

Digging down deep is difficult
So many things these days only skim the surface
Or what we are capable of
No one dares to look inside
Afraid to shovel out the bones buried in the graveyard of memories
Afraid to be paralyzed with the fear that is ever apparent
Cry the tears that are ever evident
Be struck with the burning lightening of anger
Or the shallow mallet of loss
We bury them all so deep
We believe nothing can touch us
There is no way any being on this earth can touch this stone cold iron heart, no one
Then someone comes along
And without knowing, teases out little bits of that heart
Melting it slowly
Leaving us vulnerable once again
Exposed to others
What we wished to avoid in the first place
Sometimes, the person tosses the glass heart aside
Shattering it into a thousand sharp pieces
And other times, they cradle the masterpiece of human desire gently between their hands and place it on a shelf only they can reach
And toss you theirs for safe keeping
A gamble of emotion
An exchange of hearts
Love it is

Feeling all
Embracing all
Fearing not
Love it is...

Deem
No one
Abysmal

The Genius
Philosophizing the universe
One who thinks of quadratic theories of space and time
On his free time
The one who thinks of beautiful poetry
To a delightful muse

The Madman
Inventing ways he can put math to his cause
Always thinking of things to invent
Ideas- a storm of them
Intelligence- enormously, yes
Standing behind a corner
Stalking his love

I ask you:
Is there much difference between madmen and geniuses? Aren't they the same?

He is a country boy,
I city gal.
I like pop and country,
He think that metal is the best.
He's a thousand miles away,
but he seems so much closer.
We make each other happy.
He's shy and nerdy,
I outgoing and reserved and nerdy.
I'm not beautiful,
But he still tells me I am.
He's handsome,
But he won't believe me.
He's a little older,
I a wee bit younger.
He's so strong and sturdy and ***** and trustworthy
I so broken
He's like the glue of my broken ceramic heart.

And yet despite all these differences,
He and I fit so well together
like puzzle pieces,
meant to be.

Becoming myself
Rising from the ashes of a girl
Into the fires of womanhood
I am between
Slowly, gradually
I am finding things about myself
that I never knew
Was it that I never asked?
Or is it newly hatched?
That I'll never know
But surely I am becoming me
Flaming feathers of confidence rising every month or so
As I molt my childhood fears
My body shifts to accommodate for life ahead
And make me beautiful
Victory comes closer
As required schooling gets closer to ending and college creeps in
Drama is soon to taint my crimson
Pressure increases
But I will continue to transform
Despite all this
And become the brightest phoenix I can be

Here I am, just brushin' up on my notes
that someday, I'll sing to you in person
That like everything else
In this world
These days
Everything becomes a someday...

But how much time do you truly have to fit in all those
Long gone promised memories
Known as somedays

An old man once said to me
"I'd like to see the Eiffel Tower"
He knew his days were runnin' out
But his wish turned into a someday
When he passed away
Passed away

Life is too short
To keep saying things
Without meanin' it all
And actin' upon it

I knew this couple long ago
Where they went nobody knows
But they once said
"Someday, we'll go to California
Raise our kids just like we wanna."
I think they made their wish come true...

Life is better when you act
Upon every single wish
Don't leave any unanswered
Call them all back to memories
From child to old
Everyone says something that turns into a someday...

And time passes fast as it always did
And time stands still for no one
So just do it...
Don't waste in the only life you have
Live moment to moment
Always taken a chance
Oh yeah

But lesson learned
Don't be the old man
And waste all your time...

I thought you were the exception
To my curse of sour apples

It didn't take me long
To notice a difference
The lack of affection
The absences

The sacred crimson
Of which we were bound
Meant nothing to you

You loathing brute!
You thief!

You came in like a phantom
And out like a March wind

Did you ever think about me?
About my love for you?
All these things I think of
As I think back on you...

Salty, bitter tears
To end sweetness
With another hateful word
All because of you...

Alone
Lost
Abandoned
In this desolate society
Like so many others
Without a father
Without either set of my grandparents
It's just my mom and I

I seek shelter in my friends
But I never seem to find the right kind
I've broken more friendships than I should
No wonder they leave me too
Emotionally at least

But there's one brave, kind soldier still holding on
I broke his love
I banished his trust
And I haven't helped his internal storm
...But yet still he hangs on.
I know he's not the religious sort at all
But God bless him

At least I got one there for me :)

When you're in pain,
you strive to feel nothing.
So thank you, Numbness.

I once saw a blue jay in a oak tree
And awed as mother fed her children
And flew away for more.
The little feathered things
Stared at me and peeped
Then mother bird came back
And fed them once more
Then they all laid down
Mother included
And they took themselves an afternoon nap

That was such a natural experience
Yet it changed me in so many ways
Teaching me things
No book
No poem
No teacher
Could ever explain
Motherhood is love,
No matter the species
The race, the culture.
Motherhood is love.

tears...
fears...
lies...
goodbyes...
no kiss...
no bliss...
lonely nights...
long fights...
love is done...
and my heart feels barren...
a dark veil comes over me...
where i can't see...
what will i do,
without you?

Starless, chilly an autumn night
It all started right
A dance it would be
A stranger I was
Amongst a two roosts of Latter Day Saints
Popular, I was not
Neither shy nor sociable,
I stood in wait for a suitor
Then a lad glided in
A bit taller than I, blonde hair, green eyes
And an adorable hat on his head
Chitter-chatter,
Smiles, laughter,
Then the Games began
This suitor, Gage he was called
Had speed, but not dexterity
And was soon defeated
Charming, cheering, continuing
The dancing came
Clumsy, was I ever so
While he radiated mastery
Every misstep spin on my part
Made him smile
He whispered in my ear,
In hot breaths,
Compliments of golden rarity
A suitor of suitors I see
A spectacular dance, then another...and quite a few more
Each spin drawing me closer,
As we learned the ways of our bodies purely
The intense stares making my cheeks glow rouge
Beguiled in the moment,
I followed Gage out in an innocent move
Outside, taking a walk around the sacristy
We sat upon an abandoned stair
We spoke, we laughed, and...
His sparking eyes locked with mine
And I knew such a day would come!
An elegant milestone!
Lips in incoherent shapes as we did the most ancient of things
Simple and sweet
Breathless, I was
Yet I wanted more
We kissed once again, longer this route
Your lips are sweet, he said in my ear, as I shook in delight
Paper and pen, number in hand
My phone in his hands, exchanging modern things
A quick hug
And a long night of thought for me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since then, contact has been strangled to a near death
As though it was alive beforehand
My hope has faded
But still, I choose to see it as a lesson for the wise
Not a regret for the stupid
It was magical,
It was ordinarily extraordinary,
And blessed I feel for the experience.

In my pale palm lies something invisible
Yet imaginable
In a desert white valleys and signature ridges
Something beautiful and has no flaws
Lack of it can drive man insane
Or having it can drive a man to better himself
And work for a good future

Tis a calming handful of hope.

There is a delicate pastel pink rose
Beneath layers and layers of steel vaults
Inside of me
That rose is worth more to the right person
Than all the earth's jewels
Harm of the rose is deadly to my mind
And sanity
While caressing is highly encouraged
Most don't see the rose,
but a few have the power,
and they should use it wisely.

One night
The moon was high
As we said goodnight
With the longest goodnight kiss I've ever had
And the feelings I felt
All through that night
Had me hungry
Hungry for more

But here we are
Separated
By distance
Emotional and geographical
And I'm just
Waiting for the time
I can see you again
But till then
But till then
I'm hanging on a memory

The look in your eyes made me feel just right
Like I'm some miracle to behold
We fit just like puzzle pieces when you held me tight
Kissing my lips like they were yours

But here we are
Separated
By distance
Emotional and geographical
And I'm just
Waiting for the time
I can see you again
But till then
But till then
I'm hanging on a memory

I never thought
That I could ever miss someone
As much as I miss you
I never thought
That your picture could bring tears to my eyes
I never thought
That I would ever long to hear
Someone's voice as I do yours
Isn't that crazy, baby?

Yet here we are
Separated
By distance
Emotional and geographical
Just longing to be with you again!
But till then
But till then
I'm hanging on a memory
Hanging on a memory
Yes, oh yes, a beautiful memory~

Sometimes I feel as though
There is an ocean
Between me and other people
A mental sea, of course
I don't act like them
I don't think like them
I'm not one of them

I wish it didn't exist
The Black Sea of my mind
I wish I could just be normal
Like everyone else

I wish that I could find my niche
Where I might find my place
In this vast world
Where I could find people like me
To hang with
A best friend even
That'd be lovely

Oh, how I wish...

You know what inspires me, readers?

A master.

"Of what?" you might ask.

Any talent.
Any science.
Singing.
Medicine.
Dance.
Chemistry.
Painting.
Arithmeti­c.
Theater.
Literature.
Even something as simply beautiful handwriting.

Anyone who can execute their talent with excellency and proficiency above my own abilities, to define such a term.

All entice me into improving my own skill set
So that one day I might be a young match for the known and loved.

Inspiration.

A boy he was
Long, long ago
As he glided into the chromed and teal druggist shop
1950s it was
Vintage years
Women in pert dresses
Men in sharp taupe suits
Filled the shop with a smoky manner
On that summer Sunday afternoon
Fan bladed just a-turnin'
Right through time itself

He saw this box before
Jeweled, valuable big music box
Been here not too long
Breathing in a flavored breath
He saw another it
The black round of pure bliss
"Blue Suede Shoes" by Elvis Presley
The white letterin' said
Letter G
Number 4
Hands ***** cold metal from warm pockets
Slipping them into the maiden's shelter
Fingers to buttons,
Arm to record
Music to shop
"Well, it's one for the money,
Two for the show,
Three to get ready,
Now go, cat, go."
Floated in mass commodity
Away the ears and mind blew in the wind
Far from his hometown
Far from his school
And far from everything he already knew...

Daydream ended too soon for his comfort
The boy stared at the flashy box
And spoke a quiet goodbye
Tile guided him out the ringing door
Concrete guided him home
Where now the older him
Lives crooked, but happy
With a dear old woman who loves him more than anything else
And a jukebox
With many records in it
But one is still on top
"Blue Suede Shoes" by Elvis Presley
In chipped, faded lettering

I am a lonesome lotus in this pond
Only one of its kind
I wish I could have another
Another lotus to bind roots at the pond's floor
We could dance in the breeze
Enjoying the sun's rays
If only for a season
We will die in time
But, in the least, I shall not die
Guilty and wanting for another
Because I'd have you.

Yes, I've gambled with the heart
I've betted, cheated, lost and won
More than I can count
Yes, I've gambled with the heart

Dangerous business
Gamblin' with somethin'
so delicate
but my wins out-weigh
my losses
And I say "Hey, that's good enough."

And I know I've hurt some people
And I know I've hurt some hearts
Almost like gamblin' with a loaded gun
But that's just all the rage these days
Gamblin' with the heart

Dangerous business
Gamblin' with somethin'
so delicate
but my wins out-weigh
my losses
And I say "Hey, that's good enough."

And i got to say
to all my victims
I regret to say
I'm gettin' better at gamblin'
Everyday with hearts

And you really hope
They just don't go
And break

I accept my fate at last
I burned you
You turned on me
Goodbye forever
I don't need you any more
Than you need me
Dead weight you were
For weeks now
I've just been too kind to say anything
Throw your darts all you want
Spit your poison
And fire your guns
I don't give a flip

The way you have made me feel was nothing short of spectacular,
Miraculous,
Beautiful,
Just from your gaze.
One kiss from you had me mad for more.
One conversation and I was hooked on you.

Although the time we have spent together so far
Has changed us quite a lot,
I still find myself thanking the universe every time we get to talk on the phone,
No matter how ordinary the topics were or how short the call was.
I am still hooked on the memories, daydreams, and wishes to be with you.

But Lord Almighty,
Or whoever else shall rule the deep blue sky of night,
Tell me this isn't some cruel cosmic joke.
Promise me this is true and I've found my other half,
Because if this is all just a phase to end on a dime,
I surely won't know what to do
With the overwhelming emotions that shall surround me,
Engulfing me entirely.

I hope not.

Anticipation
I felt it as we stared into each other's eyes.
You weren't done with me.
I loved it.
Around we went, on a stair we sat side by side
Heart racing I looked at you
Magnetism
Lips collided
Short
Sweet
Bliss
You took my breath away
Mind fuzzy
I was a goner
Fast forward a month
To a stolen moment in time
Flustered indeed I paced around anxiously
Enjoying every second of it
I wished I could embrace you
But this was better than nothing
You've been on my mind too often
This has never happened to me.
How come this blonde haired, colored eye boy could make me this weak, and yet this strong?
Worried, but excited?
And just happy?
Why this one?

For whatever reason, God, I like this one. Can I keep him?
Thanks for the consideration.

Embers of wars yet to come,
Burn on yonder's path
Unknowingly paving the way
For someone unraveling,
Nearly undone.

Embers of wars yet to come
Burn beside a gentle stream
Whom knoweth none,
But still stand shielded,
Ready.

Embers,
Grass,
Water,
Flame.

A battle just the same

Peace
War

Nevermore
Let us forever abstain!

You are a country boy
I am a city gal
You like country music
I adore rock n' roll
You are hot headed
I am patient
You are chill
I am emotional
You are creative
I am just smart
You are athletic
I am not

You'd never think we'd get along so well
But you complement me
Every bit of you keeps me coming back for more
That's undeniable
I can't be bored when I'm around you
You are the air in my fire
I heat you up, you keep me going
Yes, I like this very much.
Maybe I'll keep you around ;)

Relatives expired
Mind overtired
Body worn
Heart torn
School
Feeling minuscule
Lack of art
No sweetheart
To hear my cries
No good guys in disguise
Homework
Overwork
Hormones
No gemstones

Even though,
all this I show.
I know I'll get through
wipe off the residue
and be anew.

Thank you.

Why do we dream of things
We cannot have?
For some it may be
The cute girl in the corner of the class
For others
The new Dodge Charger HEMI-V8
For more
It may be the bad boy that has never spoken to you
For less,
A new Xbox
But at some point or another
Everyone dreams of something
They cannot have

Do we dream
To keep hope
To remember why?

All I know is that dreaming is so pleasant
Yet so torturous
It being so close
But *so far away

In the state of the Lone Star,
the sun begins to pound on my pale skin
As summer begins

I'm out of school
I'm out of a social life
I'm flooded in books
Required and wanted alike

Sweltering heat makes the air thick
Like sweet Southern molasses
The mosquitoes are out full force
And the ants are too

Old ladies and men on porch swings
Speaking quietly to themselves
The young and active squabble in yards and pools
Whilst under parent's watchful eye
The young and geeky sit in front of screens
Fingers and thumbs moving away

Freedom
The boiling *** of summer freedom
Drips on the stove of the people
Calming them into summer's lazy drift...

Those are the realities of a Southern Summer.

There are so many aspects of a person to remember
Their face, eyes, weight, voice, their name...
The things I remember the most are
Their eyes, face, name, and...
Scent
If it was exotic, comforting, addicting, sweet, spicy...
How odd is that?

White letters in a blue box on a white screen
Tell me what you cannot speak
But wish to say

They speak of untold desires for me
They leave me as "astonished" as my beauty is according to you
They insist I am perfection
That you'll always come back for me

And in one of the blue boxes
You tell me something unreal.
You say you seek the light in everyone
And that I possess the brightest light of any you have seen
The light of good intentions, good in an evil world like a lighthouse to a ****** in a storm

Light Seeker, you flatter me
Kind words, respect, honesty, trustworthiness, depth, genius
I am sinking fast

To me, you are a ship's lamp
Hardy fire within
Dusty on the outside
But warm beneath thick glass

Light Seeker,
I might be falling again
Catch me, will you?

The Snake
Thieving
Heart of stone
Tears none
Venom kills

The Rose
Passionate
Heart of soft aluminum
Tears plenty
Perfume enchanting

What happens when these two collide?
Does the Snake win? The Rose maybe?

No one ever wins.
The Snake finds out that its heart isn't so bulletproof
And the Rose finds out that love isn't kind to the sweet

No one ever wins.

Times of trouble
Test us through the days
Hardship and worry
Rise in many ways

And with all this lightning
And all this rain
You either lose it all
Or have much to gain

Because this storm
It will pass
And this life
Won't always last
The storm will always pass

And when the skies turn black and gray
And all your hope is gone
Just think to yourself
Tomorrow's a new day!

Because this storm
It will pass
And this life
Won't always last

This storm will pass
Yes the storm
The unforgiving horrifying storm
It will surely pass!

Yes the storm will surely pass...

I know I don't post much anymore
But to this I keep score
How thankful I am of y'all :)

You listen to my jabbering rhymes
In the best and worst times
And support me always :)

33 of you there are
Enough to fill many many cars
National and international :)

Some write sad songs
Others really long
Some of y'all write both :)

And to the ones that have became friends to me
I thank you most of all
For sticking by me
No matter the fall :)

Thank you followers :)

Numb
Yet reactive to everything
That's how I feel today

Music doesn't touch my abnormally cold soul
Like it does most other days

People, however,
Anger
Sadden
Frustrate
Me to no end today

It's a weird day...

Blue
Innocence concentrated
Green
Foliage of the hills of forever
Golden
Precious, beautiful
Brown
Divine and thick chocolate
Hazel
All in one

I dare you, next time you go anywhere,
stare into someone's eyes
See what is behind their exterior
Whether it's love, fear, hatred, anxiety
You never know what you might find.

Small, red transporters to another world
One doesn't even work
But they work well enough
Earbuds in, world out
Forget it all for a while
A little piece of rhythmic heaven
Claimed to calm a restless soul

Sweet body of heaven's past
Has come calling for you
And although the paths seem straight
You know the wicked blue
You fire a bullet into the sun
Sending it over the moon

Tis the way, way, way
Of the ricochet

My lover once told me
To yourself always be true
And till now
I still believe in this
I promise you
But there are many days
That I have wasted yet
Because I'm afraid of the
What comes next
The endless ricochet

The sound shall bounce off the wall
Of a fair palace of old
Resounding throughout the land
Calling of ricochet

But one cannot forever
Forever live in the pain
Of not knowing the future
For thou hast come in vain
You have only so much
Time on the earth
So spend it to your best

So fire that bullet,
Cross your gun,
And prepare for ricochet!

No matter what reactions are
No matter what they say
Let your flag reign high
In the sky

Yes,
Aye, aye, aye, aye
Prepare for ricochet!
(Hey, hey!)

As you sing me a lullaby goodnight
I melt into your arms
I swear till I'm dead
That you were my godsent knight'
Oooh, oooh
Godsent knight

We don't need a castle
We just need some faith
And a little love
Love, love
My godsent knight
Oooh, oooh
Godsent knight

You heal my spirit
Better than any pill
Oooh, oooh
Turn my pale cheeks red
Yeah yeah yeah

My Godsent Knight

Long ago
How I loved you so
You tore me apart
When you let me go

I was broken
My heart
Oh, it was so broken

Eventually it healed
Although it took
A month
My scar twined together

Now I feel myself
Falling out of this galaxy
Out of common sense and into you

I can't help being endeared to you
Knowing your dreams of flight
Seeing you red nerd glasses
Adorable
Longish black hair
Amazing
Smart
Awesome
Creator of all that is holy, help me.

I need to stop
Because you are no good
You have moved on
I must as well

Lord, grant me the power to resist the strongest of emotions
Because I cannot
I will not
Give in.

This is a song for the lost
A song for the broken
A song for the lonely
And weak

I know how it feels to be that way
I've battled through hardship myself
And I know how it all makes you feel
Low in the spirits
Like you just can't get up
And it seems all lost
And everything's failing
But I'm here to tell you
It's not

The sun will come again
After the rain is done
So just keep going
Through this hell you're in now

All the bullying
All the shame
All the humiliation
It's hard to keep going
But in the end, it's worth all it

So hold your head up high
And show them you're better
And just keep pushing on
'Cause

The sun will come again
After the rain is done
So just keep going
Through this hell you're in now

And if you ever just feel like giving up
Moving on
Listen to my voice
And ask yourself
"Is this really what I want?"

This is a song
For the lost
And the lonely
And the ones who need more love
You're worth it
You're worth it
You're worth it, I say
So keep
So keep
Going on

"Just because you have a PhD doesn't mean you can't be stupid."

If you love someone
And they feel they must go
For sorting out their life or whatever they must do
Let them go
And then pray they'll come back to you.

Be patient
Be kind
In the hardest of times
Try to understand
And always be a friend.

If they don't come back
It wasn't meant to be, I guess
But always keep faith and hope
In your heart
That the best shall be.

Poetry has many facets
It has not a nature
But many

The lines can be whimsical
Like soap bubbles floating midair
Words as serious as a jagged piece of stone
Sentences of a beating heart
Full of love and joy
Calming like vanilla and sugar
Fresh cookies in the air
Yet so heartfelt
Bleeding out passion
Previously unknown

Although poetry has many sides
And angles
All poetry has one thing in common
It is a brilliant diamond of the mortal imagination
shining in the darkest times of humanity
bringing light where there was none before.

In the philosophy
Of modern day
We must figure out what is important
Substantial
In this flimsy world
When there are so many feelings
So many religions
So many products
Simplicity is no more
Complex now is our world
More so than our ancestors would believe
Technology is rapidly growing
At a rate no one expected
I hope man can keep up
And keep our philosophies in check

Heart racing
Mind pacing
Legs shaking
What is this?

I have heard of this disease
A most deadly one indeed
It is called love.

I wake the mornin
To the birds in the trees
Sunshine in my eyes
Another day"s delight
Oooh, oh, oh

There nothin
Like comin to school
Fresh like a summer breeze
Makes the day not so long
'Cause summer comin on
Faster than speed of light

This is sweet, sweet serenity
This is sweet, sweet serenity
Oh yeah
Sweet, sweet senenity

Don't need nothin fancy
No need some boy to complete me
I'm fine my own
But know
Cause I got people
I got friends and family
Who are faithful
What might I need
More than this sweet serenity?

Sweet, sweet serenity
Sweet, sweet
Sweet, sweet
Sweet, sweet serenity
I am happy with my life
I don't need any help
No, no, no
Doing just fine on my own
Even when times are tough
I bring myself back up
I am strong
I am strong

This
Is
Sweet,
Yes, sweet, sweet serenity